My Voice
Thank you, God, for my voice. Thank you for the ability to lift my voice to praise you in song.
I first fell in love with music in Chorus during my middle school years. There wasn’t much I enjoyed in those days, as my world was in turmoil. However, I could get lost in music. Turning it up, soaking in all of the words of the songs, and matching my pitch to that of the artist singing it …
Mr. Brown, God rest his soul, was my music teacher. He encouraged me and never made me feel like I wasn’t good enough or should stifle my voice for anyone. I remember standing with the rest of my classmates and him choosing me to sing a solo piece. I have never been an outgoing person, so it took a lot for this shy little girl to open her mouth and express herself through song. Mr. Brown was pleased with my abilities so much so that he gave me a solo piece which was televised from the school. How exciting to be on television at that age! I’ll never forget Mr. Brown and will forever appreciate how he molded me and trained me in Chorus.
While I never learned to read music where I could play an instrument with ease, I enjoyed lifting my voice in song. Soprano is the range I’m most comfortable with, specifically First Soprano. While I can sing Second Soprano and maybe even a little Alto, I tend to always go higher. It’s a blessing and a curse all in one. What I mean by that is it’s such a blessing that God has allowed this range for my voice. The curse comes in when it isn’t always appreciated. Whether I’m told I’m “too high” or “sharp” or “need to come down some,” First Soprano is the range I’m most comfortable with and will go to every time. For some, this is extremely hard to reach. However, I reach it with great ease. My daughter does as well, and I love to hear her sing! We sang together in a rock and roll band before, and that was an extremely proud moment for me to be able to sing with my daughter!
I’ve come a long way since the shy little girl in Chorus years ago. I’m now the lead singer in two rock and roll bands hitting high notes as those made famous by Journey and even some Led Zeppelin, if you can believe it. Even if I can’t follow by someone playing a note on the piano or guitar like I used to be able to do, if I can “hear” the song being sung, I can follow and then lead.
Just recently, we started attending a new church. In doing so, they have classes to get to know more about the church, what they believe in, etc. Also, there’s an assessment you can take in order to find out what your spiritual gifts are and where you would excel “serving” at the church. As you can imagine, music was where I was the strongest, so they put me in touch with the music leader to audition. I felt so old at this point because the performance track CDs I had sung with years ago at another church were no longer used. Instead, you could get “tracks” from Apple Music or other platforms to use via Bluetooth through the system. I could not find that particular track as we used to sing it, though. The ones I found were slower in tempo, and I wanted to sing it just as I remembered it from back in 2009. The song I chose was “Holy Ground,” although the music leader at the church corrected me saying the reason I could not find it is because it’s called “We Are Standing On Holy Ground.” Maybe so, but the particular version of the song I sang in 2009 was entitled “Holy Ground” and was in the songbook as such. Nevertheless, the day of my audition, I took my CD in with the performance track for “Holy Ground;’ however, the music leader did not use it. Instead, he chose to have me start singing while he joined in playing on the piano. That was beautiful to have someone actually play it for me, and I felt really good about it with giving God all of the glory and honor. Fast forward a few months, and I have completed all but one requirement to be on the worship team at church. The last will be fulfilled when they have a large group together to attend a service at another church nearby to have them model what they are hoping to accomplish at our church. In the meantime, though, I have been allowed to stand on the platform and sing during the worship portion of the service. It’s been interesting to see how things are “behind the scenes.” I have now experienced using in-ear monitors, whereas with the rock and roll bands I’m in, we just turn up the music and adjust that way as needed. Both work! While I’m the lead singer in the rock and roll bands, I don’t lead in the worship songs. Instead, I sing harmony, and it is beautiful when all of our voices blend together. I was asked recently by another member of the worship team why I haven’t lead a song, but it hasn’t been assigned to me and that is okay. I have just been happy lifting my voice in song to worship God and usher others into His presence. I’ve seen how things change from practice on Wednesday nights to Sunday morning when we arrive for rehearsal before the first service also. While you “thought” you had it right during the Wednesday rehearsal and practice with your recording from that night, it changes for one reason or another on Sunday morning. I have just had to roll with it two Sundays in a row now. It’s a little disheartening when you really thought you had it right just to have it change up right before you are to perform. Then you are expected to smile and try to be comfortable on the platform as you implement the change you just learned was deemed necessary from that which you rehearsed Wednesday through 7 a.m. Sunday morning. Alas, you do the best you can, and I always make sure to pause for personal prayer before I step out onto that platform. I am not sure how long I will be a member of this worship team, but for now, I am giving it all I have for God’s glory.
I still thank Mr. Brown for encouraging a little shy Seventh grader to share her voice with the world. It matters how you speak to people. It could make their little lights shine or it could make their light go out completely. Don’t be the reason someone no longer desires to share their gifts with the world. Instead, be an encouragement just like Mr. Brown was, and then you will watch as the little bud opens up into a beautiful flower on a warm spring day.
Ephesians 5:19 (NIV):
“Speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit.
Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord”.
Grace
We’ve been attending a new church for several months now, and this past Sunday, the pastor spoke again on GRACE. That one word holds so much power.
When We Get It All Wrong
I believe we all try to be good people. We extend kindness and grace to others freely. We try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Some times, though, when there seems to be distance and silence in return, we are left to our own devices. With this, we don’t know what’s “really” going on. We are just left with our thoughts to piece it all together in our minds. What happens when we thought we knew something about a situation or a person, and later it is revealed that we got it all wrong?
If this has ever happened to you, I’m sure tears welled up inside of you and your throat tightened as the dam burst giving way to the floodwaters. We grasp at making sense of the incomprehensible. Why didn’t they talk to me? Why wasn’t I viewed as a safe person for them to come to in their time of need? Why did they put distance and let silence speak louder than any words at that point?
Pride?
Embarrassment?
I’m not quite sure, but it hurts when it is revealed that you were not the safe place to land for this individual. It floors you when the truth is revealed, and you question why you didn’t see it before. Because they kept it hidden and didn’t want it revealed at that time to you.
It’s like an onion. When you start peeling back the layers, there’s more tears as you discover more that was once hidden.
The harsh truth is you missed the mark. You were so wrong. In your mind, you thought you “knew.” Then you are devastated to learn the truth behind the distance. You realize they smiled through the pain they were experiencing when life took a turn they didn’t expect.
Everyone wants to succeed in life, and we don’t like when anything threatens our success. Whether it’s unexpected expenses that drain your bank account or realizing your paycheck doesn’t stretch quite as far as you once thought. You end up living paycheck to paycheck only to realize you run out of money before you run out of month.
It’s hard struggling like this. Once upon a time, I was a single mother in this situation. I was determined to make it, and I knew with God by my side, I WOULD. Fast forward a few years, and here I am. I made it! What the enemy tried to steal from me, God gave me back MORE, just as His word says He would. He did, indeed.
If we put our trust in Him, He will NOT leave you nor forsake you. Even when we get it all wrong. Even when we didn’t mean to, but we caused more harm with our “false narratives” we were left to interpret the situation with when there was no conversation. Silence does a number on you when you’re left inside of your own thoughts and mind. Often times in situations like this, our thoughts turn dark and negative. We can’t understand what’s happening, and in our mind, we end up thinking the worst. When you look in the mirror and take a good long look only to reveal the person in the mirror looking back at you may have been the problem. Ouch! That’s a tough one.
No one is obligated to reveal what they are going through in life. Some people, like myself, have learned to be careful who you vent to because some people love to see you miserable. They will take your heart to heart talk and run away to tell the first available listening ear all of your business. You guard your heart and tongue. You won’t let anyone in, and you build a wall ensuring you keep others out. Sometimes, though, you NEED to let people know what’s going on so they can help you. This is hard for us all. When you’re sitting in your dining room writing out your income and your bills realizing you will be eating grits for the next two weeks, you don’t want to speak those words to anyone. Yet, if people had known, they would have stepped up to ensure you had more to nourish your body to keep working for your little family. When you don’t let people know there’s a need – due to pride or embarrassment or just determination that “this is my little family and I’m responsible for making it work” – there’s no way to have that need met!
Deep breath.
Forgive yourself. You did NOT know. Had you known, you wouldn’t have thought those negative thoughts nor said the things you did.
What you can do now is extend grace to the person looking back at you in the mirror. The one that cries in the shower due to the struggles that went on that you are just learning about.
Go easy on yourself. Pray for God to meet the other needs that are unspoken that you know nothing about. Because if this was hidden, you know there’s more to the layer of onion that just hasn’t been peeled back yet.
And you extend LOVE and KINDNESS to yourself for you did not know.
Now dry your eyes, turn it – and them – over to God. He can do what YOU cannot.
Trust in Him to meet every need in His time.
I’m living proof – He will give you back more than the enemy tried to steal from you. In His Time.
