Last night I received an unexpected surprise message from someone I probably have not spoken to in more than ten years or longer.  Life is strange in that things happen and you drift apart from those you were once so close to, and unfortunately, this happened with us.  However, she reached out letting me know she was thinking of me, and of course, I have thought of her many, many times through the years, too.  My immediate response was to let her know that no matter what, I love her.  Why?  Because life is too short and you never know if you will get the opportunity to tell people this very important message.  You never know if you will be able to share this piece of your heart again, so I took the opportunity that was presented to me.

We picked back up like ten-plus years hadn’t gone by at all since we last spoke.  It was refreshing, although our “catching up” on the things we had missed in each other’s lives had their highs and lows.  I was thankful for that moment in time when she reached out.

As we were sharing our condensed life updates with each other, feelings came out about another situation I hadn’t dealt with.  There was another conversation that needed to be held but will forever remain an unfinished conversation.

In 2021 another friend and I reconnected after a long stretch without talking.  She was diagnosed with leukemia.  Hearing this news devastated me, and I reached out to her.  She was cold and distant at first, then started calling all the time like in years past.  We talked for hours, and I felt comfortable again with her so much so that I offered her a weekend getaway as a gift.  She spoke of regrets and things she always wanted to do but never had.  I went to planning, and it was my mission to give her a weekend where all of her dreams would come true.

We met halfway in Kentucky and the weekend was off to a great start!  She always wanted to ride a horse, so I scheduled a horseback riding adventure for us.  She spoke of her desire to kayak and see waterfalls, too, so I made sure we did both on our weekend.  We also were able to visit and explore a natural bridge!

Things were going well on our weekend until she brought up an ex-boyfriend of mine in front of my husband.  No one likes to think of their spouse with someone else, so as you can imagine, this struck a nerve!  She kept on with her inquiries about my ex until finally my husband could not take it any longer and asked her to change the subject.  She wouldn’t.  He asked her again to change the subject as she dug further into the demise of my relationship with my ex. I asked her to please change the subject also, but she would not have it!  Instead, she kept on about it until my husband walked off to avoid saying something harsh that would have hurt her feelings.

This changed the entire weekend.

My husband and I bit our tongues so as not to offend her or hurt her feelings, especially with what she was going through.  However, that did NOT give her the right to keep on stirring things up like she was doing.  It was as if her goal was to put a huge wedge between my husband and me that weekend.  Thankfully, that did not happen.  Instead of causing division, what actually happened is my husband and I were united so much that her attempts to cause waves did not rock our boat.  She did not create the storm in our marriage she was hoping for.  Yet, then she grew bitter because I stood up for my husband.  I became the bad guy in the story she told others.  I was okay with that because my marriage was strong and unharmed.  That is what mattered most to me!

She started a bunch of drama that weekend, but even still I didn’t want any ill feelings between us, especially with her diagnosis. I told her I still loved her and tried so hard to make things right even though she painted me as the bad guy in her story. Then we stopped talking because she pulled away. Upon our return back to our states and our own lives, she pulled away and would not speak to me.  I paid for her and her husband’s entire weekend and all of the activities we did during that trip to make her wishes come true, and this was the result of my kindness and generosity.

My heart was sad, but I let her go again. I knew my hands and heart were clean in this situation, and she chose this path just as she had chosen to behave the way she did in dishonoring and disrespecting my husband.  These were her choices when things could have been so different!

I have thought of her in the year and a half since this happened, but I did not have any ill feelings surrounding these events at that point.  I wished her well and honestly hoped she had improved and beat the odds, although I knew the stem cell transplant she was once hoping for wouldn’t come.  Her doctors asked her to stop smoking to remain on the transplant list, but she refused.  She made a choice there as well.

And then a message came in from a mutual friend two weeks ago that she passed away.

I remember standing in the middle of my bathroom preparing to greet the day.  Nothing prepared me for that message, and my heart sank and a numb feeling came over me.  An unfinished conversation remains, and there will be no closure here.

It’s all just so sad because, in her last year and a half of life, this is what she chose!   When she could have chosen love in her last year and a half, she chose bitterness!  It is incredibly heartbreaking.

As I told my friend last night, I’m still just so – I don’t even know how to describe the feeling – more than sadness that this is what happened.  My friend spoke earlier in our conversation of a situation where she felt she had an unfinished conversation, so I used her words as they seem to fit exactly what I was feeling. When you try, and this happens it just blindsides you and certainly knocked the wind right out of my sails.

I’m not choosing to focus on the negativity, although this long and drawn-out post makes it seem otherwise.  I said all of that to say THAT is why we should embrace every single moment God allows us to have with such joy and happiness and why we should be so thankful to Him for another day with our families. Life is so precious. It saddens me that although I tried to make things better when she was the offender – she chose this. And my hands were tied. I could only accept it. But my heart is so sad that she passed without having the love and support she could have had – not just from me but from others! She told me her own daughter wouldn’t speak to her before we stopped talking due to hurtful things from the past. I wonder if they ever made amends before it was too late.

Life is too short for all of this!

That is why when my friend reached out last night, I seized the moment and made sure to tell her that I love her.

I pray I will live to be a 95 to 100-year-old woman sitting on my front porch rocking my great-great grandbabies.  Yet, I realize no one is promised the gift of another day.  I want to live and love.  I want to explore and go on adventures, and I want to share precious moments with people that I love completely and who love me just as fiercely!  I want to ooze love, joy, and happiness and spread kindness while being compassionate and oh-so-caring to those around me.  I don’t want to leave unfinished conversations, and I certainly don’t want anyone to ever wonder how I feel about them.  I want them to KNOW … love is such a magnificent thing, and I want to wrap everyone I encounter in that love.

Join me … we don’t know how much or how little time we all have left on this earth.  Let’s make it count!  Let’s make God proud of us for sharing agape love!