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Light, Love, Hope

Light in the Darkness Surrounded by Love with Hope for those in need.

Shirley

About Shirley

https://lightlovehope.com

Shirley is the proud mother of two beautiful young ladies. She enjoys spending time with them on their ranch in the deep South with their three paint horses. Always looking for an adventure, she looks forward to hikes in the mountains chasing waterfalls, or scouring the coast for beautiful lighthouses! Shirley writes to encourage others and often times shares things that motivate and inspire her. She believes in living life to the fullest because no one is promised the gift of another day. Join her as we honor our bodies, minds, hearts, souls, and our Almighty Creator, God above!

Posts by Shirley :

I Am Not Ashamed

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On April 7, 2016, we would like to see #IAmNotAshamed trending all over social media.  Why?  Because, we would like to raise awareness for mental illness and suicide prevention.  This is for any one that HAS a mental illness or has a friend or family member that they love with all of their heart that has a mental illness.  This is also for any survivors of suicide loss.  It is for anyone that has ever contemplated suicide, and it is to encourage others to reach out.  You do NOT have to be silent any longer.

There was once a time when people were so ashamed if they were diagnosed with a mental illness.  They felt as if society would shun them, and often times, they did due to not understanding mental illnesses.  People were uneducated about them and afraid of what they did not understand.  I have a friend right now who has been battling with her Bi-Polar diagnosis for YEARS.  I’m talking 30 plus years.  She knew early on that something wasn’t quite right, but she could not put her finger on it.  After years of being misdiagnosed, often times being told that it was “all in her head” as if she were making it all up, she felt so much shame over what she was going through.  When she was officially diagnosed and began treatment, she had a mixture of great relief tied in once more with a tremendous amount of shame.  Yet, no one asks to be mentally ill no more than anyone asks to be Diabetic. Why, then, is it more acceptable in the world to be Diabetic, yet people who are suffering from mental illness hang their head low and are eat up with guilt and shame?  No one ASKS for this.  It is a hand that has been dealt to them, and they are trying to cope the best way they know how.  It would help if society did not label them, shun them, or act as if they need to be locked away from the rest of the world forever.  In some cases, there are individuals that do need supervision thus the need for special inpatient care.  However, others are extremely high functioning individuals, just as my friend I was talking about earlier.  She holds herself together quite well in public to the point that you would never even imagine that she has a mental illness.  She is highly educated, having earned her Masters Degree, and she presents herself in a polite and dignified manner.  Yet, inside, it is a constant struggle each and every day to get out of bed and simply function.  WHY should she walk around full of shame over her diagnosis?  She sought HELP, and that is the most important thing right there.  Yes, she has a mental illness, but she sought help!  AND she is on medicine now that they finally got her diagnosis right AND have the right combination of medicines in her system to help.   She has to take medicine for the rest of her life, but she should not have to feel ashamed no more than a person taking medicine to maintain and help their diabetes.

A few years ago, a young lady that is very near and dear to my heart reached out for help!  She was struggling with depression, and it took a LOT for her to admit this.  I’ll never forget us driving down the road just randomly talking about anything and everything when she suddenly fell silent. I noticed her voice began to shake when she finally started to speak as she asked, “Does depression run in families?”  I knew exactly why she asked this as her grandmother and aunt suffered with depression.  I realized the seriousness of the situation and that she wouldn’t have just randomly asked this question.  I eased into this subject matter, and soon she revealed her struggles.  Little by little, she opened up.  As she shared, I knew she needed to be seen by a medical professional immediately.  I did not want to push her or scare her away, so I listened as she began opening up more and more.  We talked for a long time, and finally I asked if she would be open to speaking to a healthcare professional.  Thankfully, she was, and we made an appointment the very next day.  I told her I’d go with her to the appointment, and I did.  The doctor started her on anti depressants and referred her to a counselor.  I went with her to the counselor’s appointment as well for moral support.  She began taking the medicine daily and talking with the counselor on a weekly basis.  She was so brave for admitting that she was struggling!  She took such a courageous step in getting the help she needed!  Today she is thriving and enjoying life to the fullest, and I couldn’t be more proud of her!

I also know someone that has a lot of anxiety.  I used to be JUST like that, eat up with it at times.  There was a time when I was ashamed of how out of control my anxiety would get, but then I realized that I had to get to the source of what was making me feel so anxious.  The root cause was that I was in an unhealthy, toxic environment at work that was not helping.  Actually, that is when the anxiety surfaced and grew worse.  When I wasn’t working, I did not have the anxiety or panic attacks.  But going into work each and every day to coworkers that took great pride in throwing things across my desk, placing things over what I was currently writing when I was on the phone with a client, and barging into my office unannounced making demands on me when I was working on payroll and confidential information … just to name a few of the things that I had to put up with on a daily basis … added to my anxiety to the point that I started to dread going into work because of what I knew I would face that day.  I understand that counselors say that I was causing my own anxiety within myself when I would think of these situations or would be put in these types of situations.  It was my thoughts about the situations that caused my anxiety, yet WHY did the people doing this NOT respect me enough to treat me BETTER?  That is what I could not understand.  I would never treat someone like this, and yet here I was subjected to it every … single … day!  Monday through Friday of EVERY week!  I thought I would give the people the benefit of the doubt as maybe, just maybe, they didn’t realize what they were doing or how they were coming across.  Maybe they were just stressed and it was coming out in this way without their knowledge.  However, when I spoke to them about it, they let me know that they were aware of how they were coming across yet did not care because their actions toward me were NOT going to change.  So I was expected to continue to put up with this behavior?  Ah, I think NOT!  I tried to deal with it the best way I knew how because I LOVED my job.  I did not enjoy being mistreated by my coworkers, but I enjoyed the work that I did.   I had a counselor that I worked with tell me that if I can’t change the situation, I needed to change the way I viewed the situation.  While it was true that I could not change my coworker’s actions and behavior toward me, I did have the power to change the situation.  When you’re in an unhealthy, toxic environment that isn’t going to change – even after attempting to talk to management over it – the only choice you have is to stay and put up with it or LEAVE … and can you guess which one I chose to do? I LEFT!  I took control of the situation when the individuals would not change, and I LEFT!  I removed myself from that toxic environment.  It took a lot for me to finally throw in the towel and say that I just would not subject myself to this treatment each and every day.  BUT it has been one of the best things I could have done!   It was only after watching Julie Robert’s movie, “Eat, Love, Pray,” that I came to realize that things needed to change in my life … and change they DID!!   Why continue to go into a job where they treat you this way?  The question of the century is:  WHY wouldn’t management do anything about it?  I have no idea, but that is why the bullies get worse!  They are allowed to continue with their mistreatment of others because the “higher ups” won’t do a darn thing about it.  I was once eat up with anxiety, taking anti-anxiety pills like they were candy to try to cope with the mistreatment from others.  However, when I left that job, I NO LONGER had to take those pills!  The anxiety seemed to fade away, and it was confirmation that what I did by quitting that job was the best thing for me and my family!  There was once a time when I was ashamed that I had issues with anxiety, and I was told I was “too sensitive.”  But, NO MORE!  I speak freely of the anxiety that filled my body so that others will know that they can speak freely themselves!  You do not have to remain a prisoner!   I encourage you to reach out for help if you feel that you have an overwhelming amount of anxiety in your life.  IF you need help coping, so be it!  ASK for it!   Even if you only have to take the medicine for a short amount of time, that is what it is there for!!  You don’t have to worry about becoming dependent upon it.  It can be used short term, and then you can taper off of it when it is no longer needed.  I just praise God that I left that toxic work environment four years ago, and PRAISE GOD I haven’t taken an anti-anxiety pill since!

I also want to speak to you from the standpoint of being a survivor of suicide loss.  My sister took her own life after suffering with Postpartum Depression.  I feel that if my sister had been in her right mind, this never would have happened.  She wouldn’t have intentionally inflicted this pain upon our family.  She would not have left her two week old daughter without a mother.  Had she been in her right mind, she would still be here.  I believe that to this very day!  My sister suffered – in silence – as most people do that have Postpartum Depression.  They are so consumed with guilt and shame as this is supposed to be the happiest time in their lives when they have a little baby!  Yet, they are truly struggling and are afraid to reach out for help.  Oh how I wish my sister had reached out.  I wish she had let us know before it had gotten to the point to where she felt helpless in her struggle.  I wish she had let us get her help before she took matters into her own hands.  If I could turn back the hands of time, she would still be here with us as I would have moved Heaven and Earth to get her help … if she had only reached out at that critical moment when she felt all hope was lost.  I imagine she felt ashamed that when she should have been so overcome with joy, she was consumed with grief.  Postpartum Depression is hard to understand, for the person going through it and the person watching their loved ones suffer.  But, please know that you don’t have to be ashamed … if Postpartum Depression has touched your life, you don’t have to sit in silence.  You don’t have to be a statistic.  You don’t have to take matters into your hands.  Help is available!  Please talk to someone and let them know how you are truly struggling so you can get the help you need.  IF you are a family member of someone that has just had a baby, please watch them carefully and be there … just be there with them and for them as much as possible.  IF you notice ANYTHING out of the ordinary, don’t wait – get them help immediately.  Be there for them and let them know that they do not need to be ashamed to ask for help.

That’s the point I want to make in this post today.  It takes a very strong and courageous person to admit that they need help!   There is NO shame … NONE whatsoever!  HELP IS AVAILABLE!  You do not have to suffer in silence.  Please, reach out and get the help you need.  Take that step!  I did with my anxiety, and my friend did with her mental illness.  Now, I encourage you to as well.

Will you join me and many others today?  Stand up and say, “I am not ashamed!”  In doing so, you just might be the encouragement that others need to prompt them to reach out for help!  Get to talking about mental illness.  Talk about anxiety and depression.  Let’s also talk about Postpartum Depression.  Let’s bring awareness to suicide prevention!

If you, yourself, are struggling, talk to a friend or loved one – ask for prayer from your pastor – and call your doctor to make an appointment.  HELP IS AVAILABLE!   Please, reach out!

#IAmNotAshamed

 

 

 

The Blues

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Today I had the case of the blues.  We had so much fun on Spring Break this past week that it was bound to happen, I suppose.

The house was too quiet with my husband returning to work, my oldest daughter returning to college and my youngest returning to school.  I was left with just my doggies, who really are tremendous companions during the day, and my thoughts.

Thoughts are funny little creatures.  I’d like to know what happens to send signals for the different thoughts that run through our heads on any given day.  Why can’t we funnel in only good thoughts while not allowing bad thoughts to creep into the crevices of our minds and linger there?

For some reason today, my thoughts lingered to my sister and the day we lost her.  She is never truly too far from my thoughts.  I have pictures of her displayed proudly in my bedroom as well as in other areas of the house, so she is constantly “with” me.

I have a portrait of the two of us together right by my vanity.  As I’m putting my makeup on in the mornings, I can glance over at the two of us pictured together in 1996.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined how the next five years would turn out.  While smiling and laughing on a day that my parents requested we go for family portraits since we were adults, to heart breaking, life shattering pain that would follow just a few short years later.

I know for me, my life seemed to be in a whirlwind during that time period.  I wonder some times if that is why I did not have a clue what was truly going on with my sister toward the end.  For a time, I seemed consumed by the troubles in my life not realizing that her life wasn’t as picture perfect as it appeared on the outside.

One of the absolute happiest days of my life was the day I had my first child.  Oh, 1997 was so amazingly beautiful as I welcomed my blonde haired, blue eyed darling into this world.  The year of “firsts” was magical, and I enjoyed all things having to do with mother and child.  I was basking in the happiness of motherhood as I rocked my little darling in my arms, singing to her as I smiled so proudly and thanked God for her.

The year 1998 brought about a divorce that I did not see coming, and the next two years seemed to drag on forever as we went through a long, drawn out court case.  It was really supposed to be a “simple” divorce, but bitterness grew from my ex and it was anything but simple at that point.  After swearing off men forever during this two year period, my divorce was finalized in 2000.  Slowly, I allowed love to persuade me to give it another chance, and I soon began dating my now husband.

I felt like I was emerging after a horrible nightmare.  The monsters chased me and tried to take me down over those two years, but in the end, evil did not win.  I actually remember praying before going into the courtroom for the final hearing, “God, please do not let evil win.”  And … He did not allow evilness to prevail.  God saw me through that ordeal, and I knew that He would walk beside me no matter what I had to face in this life.  Little did I know of what was on the horizon …

After feeling like a prisoner that had been held captive all of that time against her will, I was finally free …

Free at last, free at last … thank God, Almighty, I’m free at last!  Yes, I did actually quote those words that went down in history from the late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

One of my fondest memories is of the day my sister pulled into the parking lot at my workplace in her black Firebird.  As I went out to greet her, she stood by her car like the cat that ate the canary.  She handed me an item wrapped ever so nicely that I felt a tad bit guilty as I ripped open the paper.  In her special way, she let me know she was pregnant by the silver baby picture frame I now held in my hands.  Excitement came over me as I squealed loudly and then hugged her around her neck, holding her there for a few minutes as I smiled from ear to ear as we celebrated together.

She allowed me to be there for this very special moment in her life.  The entire time she was pregnant, I got to be there as she told of the doctor appointments, the ultrasounds, and right up until she delivered my beautiful niece on a hot summer day in June of 2001.

And then … our world shattered two weeks later in July as my sister took her own life.  Postpartum depression took it’s toll all too quickly and claimed another life.  She had more than just a case of the blues, but no one truly knew how bad it was … until that day … when it was too late to do anything to save her.

I often wonder if I was too consumed in my own “stuff.”  Guilt tries to creep in, and shame tries to take me down.  Was I that self absorbed that I didn’t even notice?  Or, did she truly just hide it that well.  Honestly, not to let myself off the hook too easily (believe me, it has taken a LOT to get me to this place today as I did blame myself so much in the beginning), but when someone is planning, they are good at keeping that part hidden well.  We never had a clue that she would ever do anything like this.  Not in our worse nightmares would we ever have thought this of her.  She was too brilliant, too full of love, and she had so much to live for!

I’m reminded that there is no condemnation in Christ.  NONE. So when the devil tries to whisper in my ear all of these “shoulda – coulda – woulda’s” as my husband calls them … I have to squash every single one of those thoughts.  I have to take each one and slay them as they try to enter in.  I … can’t … I just can’t.  After almost 15 years, I have managed to handle those thoughts as they assault me.   There is no greater blaming than what a “survivor” does after they lose someone to suicide.  I’m what is known as a survivor of suicide, one of the loved ones that was left behind.  I “survived” while she did not.  And there is a question as to why there, too.  Why am I still here while she’s not?  Then I am reminded that God has a purpose for my life.

There is purpose in the pain also.

It may be hard to understand why anyone has to go through losing a member of their family this way.  But, if you can tell your story without it crippling you and bringing you to your knees, you know you have healed. This is me, telling my story.

Almost 15 years later, it hasn’t completely gone away, and it never will.  I am not the same person I was back in 1998-2000 when I went through my horrible divorce, nor when I lost my sister to suicide in 2001.  I have changed, I have grown, and I have had to learn to cope the best way I know how.  God has carried me through each and every difficult, heart breaking, life shattering moment, too.  This I know for certain.

Why did these thoughts all but consume me today?  Coming off of a week of wonderful highs with my family, enjoying myself tremendously with my youngest daughter … the only thing I can think of is that my sister isn’t here to enjoy Spring Break with her daughter.  She can’t do all of the fun things with her daughter that I have the pleasure of doing with mine, and that saddens me greatly.

I know that my niece wasn’t raised in the manner my sister would have wanted her raised in, and she has turned out differently than we envisioned.  We love her, and we treasure the time that we do get to spend with her now.  She’s quickly approaching 15 years of age, and she will have new freedom, too.  She will be getting her driver’s permit, and she has plans to visit us when she does.  Perhaps we will see her more often, and that will be a welcomed change!

All of these thoughts … and now I put them all to rest for the night.  Tomorrow will be a new day, and I will focus on the good memories and let everything else go.

Bye bye, Blues.Angel of Hope Pamela

 

 

 

 

 

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Resurrection Day

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They crucified Jesus on a Friday.  I imagine the world grew dark and cold as His mother mourned the loss of her Precious Son.  Oh the tears she shed as this mother’s heart was shattered.

But a new day was dawning …

On that third day, the stone rolled away from the tomb as God whispered, “Arise, My Love,” and Jesus arose from the dead!

Praise God Almighty, it’s resurrection day!

Our Jesus is alive!

HE’S ALIVE!

The grave could not hold the KING!

Mark 16:5-6

5 As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe
sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.
6 “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified.
He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him
~*~*~*~*~*~

It is my hope that today, Easter Sunday, you gather with your family and friends to celebrate the TRUE meaning of Easter.  It isn’t about bunny rabbits or hiding pastel colored Easter eggs filled with candy.  It is all about how Jesus laid down His life willingly for you and for me.

Jesus wasn’t held on that old rugged cross by those nails that pierced His skin.  Jesus could have come down at any moment if He so chose, but His love for us all is what kept Him on that cross.

Jesus loved us so much that he laid down His life for us.  Think about that for a minute.

He died so that we may LIVE eternally.

All we have to do is confess our sins, ask forgiveness, turn from our sinful ways, and ask Jesus to come into our hearts.

I pray that you’ve had that conversation with Jesus.  If you haven’t, would you please right where you sit reading this … have a little talk with Jesus and invite Him into your heart.

NO matter what you’ve done in the past, He will forgive you if you only ask.  Nothing you could have ever done in your past would prevent Jesus from loving you.  There is NO condemnation in Christ.  NONE.

So what are you waiting for?  Say a simple, yet life changing prayer, asking Jesus to come into your heart and into your life as we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

LightLoveHopeCover

 

 

They Buried My Jesus

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It’s Friday.  The day Jesus was beaten and tortured as He walked through the streets.  People gathered around to watch the show as others insulted Him.  They lashed out at Him verbally and physically as well.  He was beaten and bruised.  His body was pierced, and His skin was torn.  He stumbled and fell to His knees on several occasions, I imagine, as He continued to carry His own cross on His journey.

They took our precious Jesus, and they nailed Him to the cross.  They drove heavy nails into His hands and feet.  They mocked Him as they called Him “King” and placed a crown of thorns upon His head.  He moaned in pain.  He cried out.

They lifted Him up on the old rugged cross and placed Him between two thieves.

Our Jesus, our King, our Messiah.  The Son of God!

He hung on the cross where He called out to God as He bled, “Lord, forgive them.  They know not what they do.”

There my Jesus said, “It is finished,” as He took His last breath.  The earth shook, thunder roared, and lightning flashed across the sky.

They crucified Jesus as His mother watched in horror, her body consumed with grief.  She cried at the foot of the cross as He hung there, lifeless.

They took His body and placed it in a tomb.  They rolled a stone in front and had guards patrolling.

They buried my Jesus on a Friday.

Ah, but Sunday’s coming.

 

Pretty Place

You Matter

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I’m sure you’ve all seen the picture on Facebook that asks what you would say to your younger self in only two words.   My response has been: “You matter!” and “You’re enough!”

I chose those words because in life there are so many people just waiting to bring you down a notch or two.  They can’t wait to intimidate you and try to make you feel like you don’t matter.  There are others that take pride in trying to make others feel small and as if they aren’t enough.

What I’d like you to realize is that the very people that are striving to pull you down and chip away at your self esteem, self confidence, and self worth are the very ones that are struggling themselves!  Otherwise, why would they attack another human being?  They wouldn’t!  If they were happy in their lives, they would be basking in the sunlight, smiling at their beautiful lives instead of plotting evilness and spewing hatefulness.  They are miserable people that do not like to see others succeed.  They want to grab a hold of you and bring you down into the pit of despair that they are living in.

Honestly.  Think about it.  Why else would these people do it?

From social media shaming, bullying, to “indirecting” someone in a way that others that are familiar with the situation will know who you’re talking about.  It’s petty and makes the person doing it look extremely small.  Sadly, this happened at the beginning of the year to my daughter.  All she wanted was to be left alone, but the more she tried to get away from the offenders, the harder they tried.

I like to believe that there is good in every one.  As humans, and yes as sinners, we have the bad that wants to come out at times.  But that is when we truly need God.  We don’t have to let the “little man” get up on our shoulder; ie:  the devil.  We don’t have to fall victim to his schemes and do evil things to others around us.  We can resist, and we should.  Often times, though, certain people choose not to and that is where trouble comes in.

People want a sense of community and a sense of belonging.  They need companionship.  We actually crave it.  However, in light of how we’ve been treated in the past, we resort to just keeping with our family unit and not allowing very many people in.

Just when we “think” we can find happiness by being involved in a group, we soon learn that not all in the group are welcoming.  This happened to me yet again with a group in my town.  We were bound together due to our love of horses and trail riding.  We were to go on trail rides together, and I did attempt this with them twice.  It resulted in me being left behind.  One time it was clearly because I was on an extremely lazy horse that didn’t want to speed up.  She was perfectly content to take a slow and steady pace along the trails.  I can understand where this might be frustrating to others on faster horses.  That being the case on this first trail ride I went on with them, I did not get offended by them going ahead.  The only thing that concerned me was that I was not in a familiar area at all.  I did not know my way around, and I was afraid of getting lost.  The second time I attempted a ride with the group, I was on my much faster horse.  The result was that while my horse kept up pretty good with theirs, at one point they wanted to run their horses.  I did not want to run mine, so I stayed back.  I assumed (which was wrong of me) that they would run for a bit, then wait for me to catch up.  That did not happen.  Instead, they rode on without me.  I decided at that point in time that I would not ride with them again.  This was twice now that I “thought” I was included only to find out that I really and truly wasn’t.  I’m sure there will be those that will say that it was my fault because I didn’t join them in running my horse.  I have a hip injury that prevents me from doing much that involves being jolted around whether it’s trotting or loping/cantering a horse.  I have done it since my accident two years ago, but I prefer a nice, safe walk.  We have ridden with a man and his wife that actually waited up on me before despite what the rest of the group was doing.  It did strike me that he was the ONLY one to wait around on us, too.  But he said out of common courtesy, that is what you do!  Obviously, the rest of the group didn’t get the memo on that!

Still … trying to give people the benefit of the doubt … these same people saw my posts on Facebook about the different places we would ride, and they said, “Hey, let us know where you’re riding next, and we’ll join you.”  I did just what they said, and I let them know where we were riding.  I even created an “event” on Facebook for it … and guess what?  No one showed up.  Not a single person.   So, I won’t be inviting them on any future rides.  It’s not like they would come any way!

And posting in a “group” with them?  Yea, the majority of the time what I wrote would be ignored.

I know that you can’t take everything so personal.  I get that, and for the most part, I don’t.  But when you want so badly to be a part of something and this happens … again, and again, and again … it is disheartening.

For me, I’d love to be included and to feel like I’m a part of something.

This is where everything shifts for me because I AM a part of God’s kingdom!  He loves me and wants a relationship with me.  He welcomes me with open arms and forgives me of my sins.  He wants to hear from me, to hear my prayers and He waits for me to engage Him each and every day.  He won’t ignore me.  He won’t turn me away or leave me.  He will always be with me and for me.

This is where you have to turn the focus off of the approval you wish you could get from your fellow man … and focus on GOD!  You are HIS child, and HE loves you more than you will ever know.

If you’ve been feeling like you don’t matter … aren’t enough … aren’t included … or are often times ignored … know that the devil wants you to feel these things and have a low opinion of yourself.  He wants you to be down in the dumps, to be consumed by depression, and he uses others to get to you in this way.

Will you shift your focus on to GOD, instead?  Will you focus on the truth in the Bible and stand on God’s promises?

It matters not whether people include you here on Earth, as long as you are included in the Lamb’s Book of Life in Heaven!  I know it hurts your feelings.  Believe me, I know all about it.  But rise above it like I have.  Those people that try to make you feel small DO … NOT … MATTER.   In the grand scheme of things, they don’t.  Not to your self worth.  Not to your self esteem.  Not to your self confidence.  Whether they acknowledge you or not.  YOU MATTER … YOU ARE ENOUGH!

YOU

ARE

A

CHILD

OF

GOD!

And at the end of your life, that is all that will truly matter as God ushers you into the gates of Heaven and welcomes you home.

Love Yourself God's Creation

National Single Parent Day

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Once upon a time, my fairy tale marriage ended.  Yes, that’s right.  There was to be no “happily ever after” for me.  Not with my first husband.

At just 21 years old, my first husband and I vowed to love each other and be together “forever.”  Little did I realize that his “forever” meant until I had our daughter four years later.

She entered this world a tiny 5 lb 15 1/2 oz bundle of absolute love and joy!  I had a rough time in the delivery room, but after 17 hours, this precious little blue eyed baby girl entered this world ever so quietly.  She never cried.  She just grunted.  I’ll admit that I was beyond frightened at this point that something was wrong with my beautiful baby girl.  As the doctor and nurse worked on her to clear her airway, I grew weak after having my blood pressure drop, and I started to cry.  All I could do was beg the staff to let me hold my baby.  Please … I just want to hold my baby.  And, instantly my blood pressure started to rise the moment they placed her in my arms.

Love at first sight.  Actually, I was already in love with her the moment I found out I was pregnant, but I fell deeper in love with her when I saw her for the very first time.  Ten perfect little fingers and toes, and a slightly misshapen cone head from the birth canal, she was all I ever wanted in this life!

A few days after delivery, we were able to go home where she more than made up for her lack of vocal skills at birth.  My darling had a set of lungs on her, let me tell you!  And … she hated bath time!  There was no soothing her with the water.  Instead, she screamed, and she cried … every … single … time.  Sponge baths … full baths … it didn’t make a difference.  But … I still loved her with all of my heart and would do anything in the world for her.

Shortly after her first birthday, my husband announced that he did not want to be a husband or a father any more.  He wanted his freedom.

Shocked and filled with disbelief, I knew I had no time to sit and wallow in self pity.  I had a precious little baby girl to take care of.  She depended on me, and I would NOT let her down!  No matter what happened in my marriage regarding his lack of commitment to us, I was committed to HER … and I still am to this very day.  I would move Heaven and Earth for this blonde haired, blue eyed girl.

I prayed, and I begged God to help me care for this little darling as I was forced into the role of a single parent.  I never thought I would be in this position, after all … we were “in love” and “promised forever” to each other.

There would be no happily ever after.  Not with him.

My daughter and I started a new chapter of our lives together with her just a little one year old who had just learned how to walk.  She took her first steps as a toddler … and I took my first steps into single parenthood.  Her first steps were certainly more cause for celebration than mine, and that is what I focused on; her!

I became Mama and Daddy all rolled into one.  I was her shelter, her protector, her everything … just like Jesus was for me.  I knew that I could not go down that road alone, and I did not have to.  Sure, there was times that I felt completely alone, but I remembered that Jesus was never going to leave me, unlike a man that vowed his love for me had.  I knew that my strength came from God, and He would not fail.  All things are possible with HIM … and I put the past in the past and forged ahead to our future together.

My goal in life was to make sure that my little darling did not want for anything.  Although he left, I did not want our standard of living to go down any.  I wanted to remain in the house she had always known from birth, and thank God that was possible when I was able to borrow money from the bank to keep the house!  After paying him his equity in the house and refinancing the home into my name, we were set.  No one could EVER try to take this home from us again.  It was ours; my daughters and mine.

While I’ll admit that money was tight, we survived.  God saw to it that we would.  I praise Him for how He kept us during that time.  While we did not always have our “wants” fulfill, He saw to it that our “needs” were more than met!  I thank Him for that!

I realize that no one ever grows up and thinks, “Hmmm, I’ll just be a single parent.”  Some times, though, life happens, and no matter what our hopes and dreams were … reality slaps us in the face, and we are just forced to deal with it.  While it may not have been the hand we had hoped for, it was the one we were dealt.  And God provided for us.

If you are a single mom or dad, I applaud you for ALL that you are doing!  Your child/ren depend on you, and I have faith in YOU not to let them down.  You are their everything, and they cling to you for reassurance in uncertain times.  Be there, encouraging them every step of the way.  Don’t burden them with adult issues, just let them know that God will provide.  That is all they need to know, and rest in the assurance that HE WILL!

Fast forward several years, and my blue eyed baby girl is now 19 years old!  She has a firm foundation, and  I love her more than she will ever know!  We made it!  She is technically no longer my “baby” as she’s an adult now at this age, but she will ALWAYS be my baby no matter how old she gets.

IF you’re new to this single parent life, take heart and know that you will be okay.  It will all work out.  You may question “How” at this stage of the game.  But just don’t stop to think about what has happened or how big of a step you think this is going to be doing it all on your on.  Have faith in your ability to be the provider for your child/ren.  I survived, and you will, too!   God will help you, if you just ask.  I promise you.  It will all be worth it in the end when your child/ren grow up and turn out to be responsible adults.  You will realize that every ounce of your struggles were worth it and then some because of the person they have become.  You will grow in all of this, too.  You will no longer be the scared 25 year old that doesn’t know how they will make ends meet.  You will grow and change because you HAVE made ends meet, and you HAVE provided for your child/ren.  You will have more strength inside of you than you ever thought possible, all because your child/ren are watching … and one day, they will look back and realize that you truly were their everything and appreciate the sacrifices you made so that they did not do without.

For all of the single parents, keep up the good work.  You have a lot on your shoulders as Mom and Dad, but YOU can do this!  I am living proof, and I thank God for His hand on mine and my daughter’s lives these past 19 years.

Happy National Single Parent Day.  I celebrate you and all that you do behind the scenes to ensure your child/ren have a good life.

Much love to you and yours!  From one once single parent to another.

Spring In The South

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With warmer temperatures in the 80’s this week, we can safely say that it is Spring in the South now!

Hallelujah!

Praise God!

I can hear the choir of angels singing now!

Can you tell that we are extremely overjoyed now that the harsh winds of Winter have blown out of here?

Oh, I know!  All of you up North are laughing hysterically over the Southerners down here complaining about “harsh winds of Winter.”  We aren’t used to it, and frankly, I don’t see how you guys LIVE where you have to shovel all of that snow!  And let’s not even talk about when temperatures are way below freezing there.  We cringe when the weatherman talks of just snow flurries here and the possibility of ice on bridges!

Ah, but Spring has sprung!

Every outdoor surface is covered in a blanket of … green pollen.  Not as romantic as sitting by the fire up North with a blanket of freshly fallen white snow on the ground.

But, let’s not talk about Winter.

Spring is HERE!!!

I know … there is still a chance of a “cold snap” before Easter, as always.  Just when the trees start flowering – like my Bradford Pear Trees I’ve been waiting FOREVER to see bloom … and now they ARE … with the dogwoods beginning to come to life as well.  Imagine my excitement yesterday when I realized they are getting ready to burst forth in a few weeks, too!

This weekend we rode our horses through God’s beautiful country in the Charleston area!  Does it get any better than that?!  With trees lined with gray moss hanging overhead, we felt as if we were truly in the enchanted forest.  Ah, but this was no fairy tale. This was real life on the grounds of Middleton Place! 

Middleton Place is a National Historic Landmark, and we had the pleasure of riding our horses here!  No, we couldn’t actually ride up close or around the house or the gardens, but we were still on their land with beauty surrounding us nonetheless!

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While we could only see a small portion of the house, which was built in 1755, from the trails, we were excited when we were able to capture this picture from across the road at Bailey’s Field.

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We rode our horses around ponds where we saw Canadian Geese, ducks, and about three alligators right there in a row.  I contemplated on what to do because I knew that we were bound to see an alligator with all of the ponds around.  We were riding close to the water’s edge, too, so I was trying to decide whether to tell my daughter  when I spotted one sunning on the bank or to just go on by as if I didn’t notice.  I finally decided to tell her as I was afraid the alligator’s swift movement off the bank and into the water would cause a splash which would startle or spook our horses.  I tried to break it to her as gently as possible, but she was consumed with fear as soon as the first alligator scurried off the bank and into the water faster than anything we’ve ever seen before!  She began to cry, and no amount of reassurance from either my husband nor I would help at that point.  We came upon another one within minutes from the first, and it entered the water with lightening speed.  The third alligator, however, was soaking up the sun and did not even notice (or care) that we were any where around.  My daughter’s tears quickly dried as we lead our horses away from the pond and on to higher ground.  I tried to tell her that the alligators are probably just as afraid of us (with the exception of the one that didn’t acknowledge our existence) as we are of them!  As long as we don’t provoke them, we should be fine.  That helped, as the very next day we rode around some of the ponds on the right hand side of the trails.  She was fine then as we only spotted one or two in the middle of the ponds and not on the banks as we passed by.

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I lost track of the number of times I threw my head back and said, “Oh my gosh … I LOVE this place!  It is soooo beautiful!”

From vast ponds to wildlife and on to fields full of Yellow Carolina Jasmine, we were in awe of ALL of God’s creations!

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As we got further into the woods, we stumbled upon a little bridge, completely safe for horse travels, across a little creek.  As soon as you crossed over the bridge, you immediately had to climb uphill.  We had the best time at this spot with our horses trotting up the hill, so much that we went back to this spot a second time just for the thrill of going back up again.  It is hard for me to contain my excitement, and I cannot hold my laughter in at this point.  I laugh because I’m happy, and I feel FREE on the back of my horse!  It is truly one of the best feelings in this world!

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If you’ve experienced your share of Winter Blues, we encourage you to get out in nature at the first opportunity you have with warmer weather in your area.  Let yourself stand in awe of God and the beauty He has provided for us all.  I am constantly amazed at Our Creator.  He thought of every single detail, didn’t He?  Of course, He did!

And we bow our head and thank Him for ALL of His many blessings in our lives.

 

 

 

 

Horse Community Uniting

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Recently, you may have encountered more horse pictures on your Facebook timeline than you normally see.   That is due to the horse community uniting after several tragic losses.

Seventeen year old Olivia Inglis from Australia was killed when her horse fell on her at a jumping event.  Shortly thereafter, her horse had to be put down due to the injuries sustained in the accident.  The loss of this great team has the horse community in mourning.  (Read more here on why you’re seeing #RideForOlivia.)

Right before that, Lara Deweese, a well known professional barrel racer, was killed while participating in the sport she loved with all of her heart.  (Read more here on Lara’s success in barrel racing and her tragic death.)  This really frightened me as I have friends that compete in barrel racing events.  The horses are, of course, traveling at an extremely high rate of speed to make the best time for the event.

My youngest daughter has expressed an interest in both jumping, like Olivia, and barrel racing, like Lara, but I have not been able to push my fears aside to get her involved in these events. Instead, our time on the back of our horses is spent strictly for pleasure as we enjoy each other’s company under the vast sky riding through God’s beautiful countryside.

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I do realize that horses are spooky by nature and typically have a flight response when startled so there is a risk even in trail riding.  That is why I’m posting this today.  The English riders typically are the only ones that wear helmets, yet I encourage everyone to wear protective helmets no matter if they are taking a leisurely stroll through a familiar forest or if they’re participating in events.

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Western riders typically do not wear helmets, and we have gotten teased by some of our friends when they’ve seen us out riding with our helmets on.  I’ll admit that I do not always wear my helmet, and I often times slip my helmet off for pictures because it is hard to tell who is under the helmet and sunglasses if I don’t.

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Plus, I like having pictures to look back on, and who doesn’t want to look good on the back of a horse?!  But, safety is paramount!   For us, even if the adults in our party elect not to wear their helmet on an outing, any one under the age of 18 is required to wear one when they’re with us.  We will not make any exceptions to this rule.

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I realize that the issue with Olivia’s accident wasn’t whether she was wearing a helmet or not.  I imagine in the event she was participating in, it was a requirement.  She lost her life when the horse landed on her, from what I’ve read.  It is so very tragic!

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In the case of Lara, though, from what I have seen and have been told about the sport, barrel racers do not wear helmets.  Lara’s horse slipped around a barrel, recovered, and then bolted with her on the back unable to regain control of the horse after the reins went over the horse’s head.

I can only imagine the horror both of these young ladies, their families, friends, and spectators felt witnessing or learning of these accidents.

With horses, we go into the sport understanding that there is always a chance there of something happening.  We pray that it won’t, but … we aren’t always as fortunate when we climb up on the back of these beautiful creatures.  I know firsthand, as I had a horse bolt on me. In my case, I was lucky that my head did not strike the ground, although I still sustained a concussion from the impact of being shaken around when the horse bolted as well as when my left hip struck the ground.  As much as everyone says that you can stop a horse with the one rein stop (pulling the horse’s head around to the side with one hand), nothing was stopping the pony I was on that day from bolting and bucking. I, too, lost the reins at one point, and I was holding on for dear life until I got thrown off.  I was lucky to literally be able to walk away from this accident as later it was discovered at the emergency room that I had a fractured hip and fractured hand.  Even still, I knew that if I didn’t get back on a horse when I did, I never would.  So, two months after my accident, filled with anxiety, complete with sweaty palms and racing heart, I got up the confidence to climb back on one of our well trained and calm horses.  That’s all I wanted to do was sit there in the saddle to prove that I could overcome my fear … and I did!  The feeling, love, and passion for the horses and the sport, the desire to still be an equestrian after the accident was there so strong.

And here I am.

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We are approaching the two year anniversary of when I was thrown off the back of a pony that we had no idea was not suitable for anyone to ride at that point.  The pony was what they considered “green” (as in: inexperienced, had not been worked with extensively or trained.  The horse was not broke to ride, yet the person that sold this horse to me for my daughters was not honest.  I am reminded of the result of my trusting this person’s word as I still have aches in the hip that was fractured, but I’m thankful that the accident wasn’t any worse.  I thank God today that I was the one on that pony when it bolted and not my precious daughters!)

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I am proud to be a part of the horse community, and I am uniting with equestrians around the world to share my pictures and story in honor of Olivia, Lara, and all other equestrians who have lost their lives or have been injured pursuing their dreams on the back of a horse.

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Please pray for the families and friends left behind, for all that are looking to get into the sport, and for all who enjoy the thrill of the ride and getting back in the saddle as often as possible.

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May God be with us all.

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Loved + Blessed

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When I arrived home, I found a little brown box waiting on me by the gate.  I smiled, as it was a package I had been expecting.  With great anticipation, I carried it into the house, carefully opened it, and immediately a smile formed on my lips.  My daughters saw my expression and hurried to my side to see what goodies this little box contained.

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The box was from Loved + Blessed, and that is exactly what I felt upon receiving this precious gift.

My youngest daughter loved the pink mirror and held it in her hand as if she had found one of the greatest treasures on earth.  Then, she opened it to find a message that said, “You are beautiful.”  She smiled all over herself at that point!  She also slipped the pink bracelet on her little wrist.

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My oldest daughter fell in love with the inspirational decal, poster, and wallet card, which she took to her room to proudly put on display.

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We agreed that I would keep the prayer journal, and boy do I ever love it!!

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What a wonderful concept to remind someone that they are loved and blessed, and what is so great about this is that you can subscribe to either receive a package once a month yourself OR bless someone else with a gift!  Each gift is packaged differently with inspirational messages and various items to encourage and uplift.  It is sure to bring a smile to someone’s face, including your own!

Just when you think it can’t possibly get any better, it does!!  Loved + Blessed is holding a giveaway right now for a chance for one lucky person to receive a loved + blessed gift once a month for a whole year!  Please click HERE to enter their GIVEAWAY!  

Celebrate … US!

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The month of February was filled with celebrations of love.  Oh, I’m sure people celebrated on Valentine’s Day, and there were some that may have known about National Marriage Week to go on a “date night” one night that week.  For my husband and I, though, we decided to take advantage of the entire month of February to celebrate … US!

Date nights used to be so rare for us.  With rushing children from daycare, school, and their extra curricular activities, to all of the commitments we had and committees we were on at church, it was rare for us to have a single moment to ourselves.  When we did, we were TIRED!  Now that our children are older, we do have a bit more freedom.  We also realized a few years ago that we were really getting burnt out going and doing everything!  We decided to perfect saying, “No.”  While that did not go over well with some, it was what we needed to do for us and our sanity.  I even had a friend tell me once a few years ago that she was tired just from hearing about our hectic schedule.  The thing is, at the time, we did not realize that we HAD such a hectic schedule.  We just thought we were a normal family affording our children with the best opportunities by having them involved in different activities that interested them.  Growing up, I never had these opportunities, so I gladly offered them to my children.  From ballet, clogging, and soft ball, we were quite busy, but they loved it!  At first.  After several years, though, they lost interest in the pointe shoes they were working hard to earn, and the tapping and clicking of their clogging shoes no longer held their interest.  Likewise, the ball heading straight for them no longer thrilled them when they dove forward to give it a good wack to send it sailing over the net.  It was at this point that we said, “Okay … we’ll rest.”  AND, we all breathed a big sigh of relief!

In came more family time together … and more time for each other!

While the children and I were technically “together” in the car as I carted them here and there, we were not sharing in an activity together as a family.  My husband and I also did not have very much “alone time.”  Now, though, we make date nights a priority, and we LOVE trail riding together as a family!!

Family time really and truly is important.  Couple time is just as important, too!

We have always made sure to have family meals together at the table.  That has been an important part of our evenings is gathering together for a nice meal.  Here, we reconnected after a long, hard day.  We could each talk about how our days were or what we had on our minds at that particular point in time.  It really makes a difference when you carve out time for those that mean the world to you!  There are so many people pulling on us during the course of the day making demands of us that it is quite refreshing when we’re gathered together as a family.  No demands.  Nothing required of us.  Just our little family enjoying each other’s company!

When was the last time you and your special someone carved out time just for the two of you?  If it’s been a while, I encourage you to make time!!!  You cannot go wrong by investing in your relationship together.  Whether you enjoy dinner and a movie, or strolling by the water’s edge with the sand between your toes, do something that shuts the entire world out and only has room for two as you celebrate each other.

For us, we enjoy camping with our horses.  We went a month or so ago in 25 degree weather camping overnight just to have some time together; us and nature.  It was perfect!

Since then, we’ve made special reservations at a few pricey restaurants that we’ve been wanting to try out, and took the time to celebrate … us!  Why wait for a special occasion?  Take any opportunity you can to make an ordinary day special for your loved one.  We’ve learned to do just that and encourage you to as well!

If dining out isn’t your thing, make a nice meal at home and have it by candlelight with soft music playing in the background.

You just can’t go wrong when you put your mate first and make spending time together a priority!

 

 

 

Dirty Socks

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I read something this week where women were complaining about their husbands leaving their dirty socks – or laundry in general – on the floor.  One woman said that the devil was right there to whisper, “Your husband does not love you when he leaves his dirty socks for you to pick up.”

Have you felt this way before?

While I haven’t exactly felt unloved by dirty socks on the floor, it has been a little annoying when it happens occasionally.  What we have to realize is that, despite what the devil tries to whisper in our ears, our husbands really aren’t doing it intentionally to cause us any harm.  They certainly aren’t doing it to say, “Hey, I don’t value you or appreciate that you keep the house clean … and by the way, I don’t love you and here’s a dirty sock to prove it!”  In all honesty, they aren’t thinking of anything other than getting those socks off of their feet at the end of the evening.  Should they pick them up when they leave the living room after watching a movie and put them in the hamper in the bathroom?  Yes, it would be much appreciated.  But, chances are, unless they’ve tripped over them, they didn’t give those socks another thought once they took them off and tossed them on the floor beside them.

My point in all of this is that while we would appreciate that he didn’t leave those dirty socks laying around, what harm does it do to pick them up if it happens every now and then?   If it is something that happens every day, then yes, bring it to their attention and ask that they put the dirty socks in the hamper.  But, if it is only occasionally that this happens, extend grace.

After all, don’t you also need grace?  I know I do!

When I leave my pants draped over the shoe tree in my closet because I just didn’t take the time to hang them up, I appreciate that my husband doesn’t make a big deal about it.  And, if you want to know what’s better than him not saying anything about it … is the fact that he will do a favor for me and put them on hangers himself at times without my asking.  Now that is SWEET that not only does he extend grace to me instead of making a big deal about my clothes hanging on the shoe tree, he’ll hang them up for me occasionally as well.  If he does that for me, surely I can extend grace over the times when he will occasionally leave his dirty socks around, and I can pick them up without making a big deal about it.

My point with the whole dirty socks thing is … extend grace.  Just as you’d want your spouse to extend grace to you.

Pick your battles.  Are those dirty socks REALLY worth going to battle over with your spouse?

Just when the devil is there to whisper, “See … he doesn’t love you.  There are those dirty socks again.”  Shut him down, humble yourself to pick those socks up off the floor and put them away yourself.  Choose to LOVE your spouse and believe that your spouse loves you, too, despite those dirty socks and lies from the devil!

Remember, the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  Don’t allow him to plant untruths in your head about your marriage.  Don’t let him steal your joy or the love you feel for your spouse, and don’t let him destroy the marriage that God has blessed you with!

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