Shirley is the proud mother of two beautiful young ladies. She enjoys spending time with them on their ranch in the deep South with their three paint horses. Always looking for an adventure, she looks forward to hikes in the mountains chasing waterfalls, or scouring the coast for beautiful lighthouses! Shirley writes to encourage others and often times shares things that motivate and inspire her. She believes in living life to the fullest because no one is promised the gift of another day. Join her as we honor our bodies, minds, hearts, souls, and our Almighty Creator, God above!
As the cold winds blow through here in the South, we reflect on all things Fall.
From haunted houses to little ghosts and goblins that were wandering around neighborhoods Friday night, to hayrides, pumpkin patches and pumpkin carvings, to corn mazes and even SNOW … yep, that’s right! We had SNOW Saturday morning on the very first day of November. We could hardly believe it, but a cold front moved in on Friday night and come Saturday morning there was a mixture of rain and snow. The temperatures weren’t such where it would stick, but it was enough to get the little kiddos excited, wide eyed, and bouncing around in amazement as the pretty white stuff floated effortlessly to the ground where it quickly disappeared at our house.
Halloween 2014 Zombies, Pirates, & Elvis … oh my!
Fall is such a beautiful time of year. People flock to the mountains in our area to catch the leaves changing to soak in the array of colors that decorate the mountains and forests. It is just breathtakingly beautiful. I especially enjoy the burgundy colors of the leaves. Those are my favorites. I was able to capture the first signs of Fall on the back of my horse as we rode through the forest on a trail recently.
Burgundy, my favorite of all!
It is a great feeling to just take a deep breath in and allow the coolness in the air to coat your lungs, revitalizing and energizing you, if you let it.
As the trees shed their leaves, what things in your life can you let go of? As the seasons change, do you need to make a change within your heart and your life? Now is as good of time as any.
Consider how you’ve been feeling this year. Have you felt broken and beat down like so many have? Do you feel weary and just plain physically and emotionally drained? Friend, I’m here to tell you, there’s more to life than misery! God wants you to be happy. Things happen in our lives that threaten to steal every bit of joy in our hearts and lives. I know this firsthand that if a person in your life is not happy, if they are absolutely miserable with themselves, they will try to bring you down right along with them. It is completely true that misery loves company. Hold on a little longer, a little tighter, and on your darkest days know that God is right there with you.
As the leaves begin to fall … have you thought about where the path you’re on is leading you? Will you continue doing the same things over and over again hoping for a different result? Or will you make a decision today to just stop the madness? You can make a change in your life. Ask God to come alongside of you. Better yet, ask God to take the lead.
I know at times you grow weary with all of the diaper changes, feedings, and sleepless nights. I truly do understand. I was there, too! But, I have good news! This, too, shall pass! Moms, your work is not going unnoticed at this point in time, although it may feel like it. You are working toward a greater goal. You will get there, and one day soon you will see a light at the end of the tunnel! It only gets better and better! I promise!
I absolutely love being a mother to two beautiful girls! My oldest daughter is 17 years old, while my youngest daughter is ten years old.
I’ve been through all of the late night feedings, blow out diaper changes, colic, and RSV (with my youngest being hospitalized with this at just two months old – very scary, I’ll have you know!).
I’ve been through teething, potty training, the biting stage my oldest daughter went through when she was in daycare (yikes!), to same day surgery when my oldest daughter when she had an accident on a slide at the playground. The same day surgery I mentioned with my oldest daughter on a slide at the playground.The child who went down before her hadn’t yet gotten up, but decided to do so right as my daughter approached the end of the slide! The top of the child’s head caught my daughter’s chin as she was sliding down to the end while the other child stood up! Believe me, ladies, this is NOT a phone call you want to receive! “There was an accident, and she’s bleeding …” That is ALL I heard before I threw the phone down and raced as fast as I could to the daycare to see my daughter’s tongue laying open. Off to the Ear, Nose, & Throat Specialist we went who said they could stitch it in their office without putting my daughter under, OR I could opt to do same day surgery which would be less traumatic. Um, the latter, PLEASE!! Even that was traumatic, though, as I went into the recovery room afterwards to see my precious little girl laying there with an IV in her little arm and tongue stitched up, still groggy from the surgery yet strong willed enough to insist the IV be taken out. It couldn’t be, of course, at that point in time, but she tried everything to get us to take it out. She cried, and we cried with her…finally realizing the biggest discomfort was the piece of tape they wrapped around her arm. Who would have thought something so simple would have been such a big source of pain? I was able to remove it, and she was finally able to rest.
Oh yes, ladies, I’ve seen a lot through the years with my girls.
When I was pregnant with my youngest, we received a phone call from the school that my oldest daughter was playing on the playground when another accident happened! Oh dear! My poor daughter was, once again, just trying to have fun when it went in the wrong direction. She was playing on the monkey bars. She was proudly making her way across when she lost her grip and crashed to the ground…but not before her little mouth hit the top of another child’s head, knocking her two front teeth out! I cringe every time I think of this day. I was very much nine months pregnant and received the phone call. We rushed to her side and found her now toothless smile greeting us as we entered the office. This little girl was THRILLED at her new look. Her parents, not so much!! Check out the picture of my darling daughter holding her new sister, both showing their little gums as they smiled for the camera a few months after. I didn’t think her permanent teeth would ever come in, but thank God it was only her baby teeth that were knocked out by the accident!
We’ve had multiple tea parties through the years with both of my girls, played dress up, and had “silly time” while dancing around to music from a ballerina pop up jewelry box (my husband included,even dancing around with a tutu…that’s just what daddies do). An all time favorite memory of mine is last August right before school started back. We intended on making the most of the last little bit of summer that we had left. My youngest daughter and I had a tea party where we dressed up in almost matching attire. Ah, but the outfit surely was not complete without our heels and crowns. We were the Queen and the Princess at the Royal Palace having tea with our pinky fingers fully extended, of course. Oh, we had a great time that day! Thankfully, my oldest daughter captured this “Kodak moment.”
Through the years with my oldest, we’ve gone through experimenting with makeup, the right age to start shaving your legs, and painting nails over and over again (I’m pretty sure we’re professionals now!). My youngest daughter has now reached the age to where she’s inquiring as to when she, too, can shave her legs. Oh, Heaven help us! She’s practicing applying makeup, too, putting on her mascara right alongside us. I don’t let her wear it out, usually, but it is funny watching her parade around after she’s “put on her face.”
My parents, who have always been such an active and important part of my daughters’ lives, have shared in these moments with them as well. They are so incredibly close to their grandparents, and it thrills my heart completely!
We’ve been through the whole right of passage of my oldest daughter getting her permit and driver’s license. THAT is a scary experience. Imagine your daughter (or son) years from now behind the wheel for the very first time while you sit beside her (or him). I promise your foot will go through the floorboard as you try to apply the brakes FOR them. Luckily we survived, and I have to say she is a very good driver now and is responsible behind the wheel. We have a while before we have to worry about that with my youngest daughter. Thank you, God!
And now…with my oldest daughter, we are looking at colleges and shopping for prom dresses! She’s a Senior and this is a very important year in her life. She graduates in May of 2015. Oh my! How can this be?! We just ordered her cap, gown, and graduation invitations as well as her Senior portraits! It’s happening … faster than I’d like it to!
My youngest daughter is in fourth grade. I am perfectly fine with that as I do NOT want my children to grow up so fast and am actually thankful that they ARE so far apart in age right now! Time is just moving way too quickly for my liking. I truly find myself asking, “Where did the time go?!”
I’ve vowed not to be too clingy with my youngest daughter as my oldest daughter seeks her independence and self-identity apart from me. That is hard, ladies. Let me just tell you … that is so very hard!
But I’m getting a second chance here to do all of these fun, and scary, things again with my youngest daughter. Yes, I get to experiment with hair and makeup with her, too! I get to watch her get all dolled up with sparkly earrings and lacy dresses, just for her to strip it all off and go straight to her jeans, cowgirl boots, tee-shirt, and hat as she goes outside to get her horse ready to ride.
I get to watch her in this in-between-stage right now. She still likes to use her imagination to play, and she loves to imitate what she sees in a movie. She had a bow and arrow like the character in Brave, and now she pretends she’s in The Hunger Games. I love how she puts her heart and soul into her play, too.
And then, there is her very serious side as she’s making ten her own. She’s growing, she’s learning, she’s exploring, and she is becoming her own person with her unique personality. She makes me smile so wide and melts my heart as I watch her in action. She is also very serious when it comes to her ponies, Petunia & Trigger! She is the best little cowgirl around, too!
Right now she still wants to cuddle with me. Pretty soon she will slip into the “don’t show affection in front of my friend’s, Mom” mode. Oh Lordy, help me when that happens. But, for now, I am enjoying every single moment when she wants to come sit next to me, cuddle with me, and share a blanket with me as we snuggle in to watch a movie. It is rare that I have these moments with my 17 year old, but when I do, I still treasure them! It means the world to me to be able to spend time with my girls and to know that they actually want to spend time with ME, too!!
I am very proud of both of my girls! I will share more with you about my journey with these two Girly Girls and Tom Boys in future posts.
For now, I’ll leave you with these words:
Brace yourself, ladies! The best is yet to come! Hold on tight and enjoy the ride!
When the path leads you home, after all of these years together and you have lived with your spouse “til death do us part …” what legacy will you leave behind?
This is a sad chapter for me to write on. It is sad because this is the last chapter and last day in this series, but it is so much more than that. It goes deeper in that this chapter talks of when you get to the end of your life and you go on home to be with the Lord. It is sad for me to think of leaving my children behind. It is sad to think of me leaving my spouse or having my spouse leave me to go on home. It is sad as I sit and write this thinking of my parents who have been together close to 50 years and how they have shared everything together all of this time. One day they will be forced to walk alone in life unless the Lord calls them both home at the same time.
I think of my grandmother who lost her husband and how lonely she was when she was forced to face life alone without him after he passed away. She lived on several years after his passing, 12 years to be exact, but she loved him and missed him so. She was so incredibly lonely. While their marriage was not perfect and while they had their share of strife, they found a way to work it out and stay together. They were best friends, and they did everything together. They enjoyed retirement years together, and then one day, he fell ill all of a sudden and was rushed to the hospital by ambulance where it was later discovered by the hospital staff that he had an aneurysm. They operated, but he developed more bleeds in the brain. There wasn’t anything more the staff could do, and pretty soon a decision had to be made as to whether to discontinue the life support. This was a decision that my grandma did not want to make, and so she called in her three children for them to make the decision together. My dad did not want any part in this, and so he allowed my grandma and his brother and sister to make this decision while he prayed for a miracle. Sadly, my granddaddy passed away a short time after they took him off of life support. Through all of this, though, my grandmother did not leave my grandfather’s side. She said she had been with him all of these years, she was not going to leave him now. And so she stayed as long as she possibly could … until she was forced to leave the cold hospital room … without her life companion.
When we are fighting and fussing with each other, do we stop to think that all of our days are numbered? None of us know if we will see tomorrow. We don’t know if we’ll be one of the lucky ones that live well into our 80s like my grandmother did, or if we’ll be called home at an early age. We hope we have a long life ahead of us and that God will allow us to be here to see our children grow up, graduate, go to college, get married, and start a family of their own. We pray that God will allow us more time to be with our families, our children, our grandchildren, and to one day hopefully see our great grandchildren. But, none of us are promised the gift of another day.
Lay your foundation early on in your marriage. Commit yourselves to each other and to making it work! Giving up is not an option. Staying together no matter what comes your way should be your top priority. Love like Jesus – for we love because He first loved us!
Leave a beautiful legacy behind for your children to talk about long after you’re gone. Give them something to boast about with their children as they talk of how they witnessed the love you two shared and how you two did special things for each other. Let them be a witness to you walking hand in hand and heart to heart into your golden years together as best friends, partners in life, and life long companions. Let them be a witness to your living happily ever after.
If you have been on the fence during this 31 day series and not sure what direction you should take with your marriage, we hope that this series has been an encouragement to you to keep fighting the good fight. Hold on a little longer, a little tighter, and pray for your spouse and your marriage. Pray together, and ask God to help you in your marriage. When things look bleak, remember … all things are possible with God!
What are some things that you have held inside of your heart all of this time and just haven’t spoken to your spouse? What are some things that you’ve had on your heart that you really need to say? Won’t you take the time today to let your spouse hear those words not only from your lips but from your heart? Share them today while you still have the chance. Write it all down if you are better with the written word than speaking them verbally, but it is important that you say what you need to say now while you still have the chance!
We hope you have been encouraged through this 31 day series. It has helped me, personally, and I feel it has helped my marriage. This series came at just the right time when we were struggling. I can see God’s hand in this and how He is working miracles in my marriage. He can do this with yours as well, if you only allow Him to.
Thank you so much for joining us! May God be with you all and help strengthen your marriage and draw you closer to each other as you walk together with Him.
When troubles seem to be all around you, when the path looks impossible in your marriage … call on Jesus. All things are possible with Him!
Jesus replied, “What is impossible with men is possible with God.”
Luke 18:27
Nothing is sadder than when a couple decides to throw in the towel. When you have years invested in this marriage, yet the troubles seem to be too much … the “d” word is uttered, and there seems to be no turning back now. But, there can be! Divorce does not solve the problem. Instead, if there are children involved, it further complicates matters. Children are forced to live with continued chaos in their lives by being shuffled around from home to home for visitation. It is especially hard on children and parents that have such a deep bond together to be apart for any length of time, especially if the children are young at the time the parents call it quits.
It is so sad to me to hear of couples that are giving up the good fight. Yes, life is hard. Yes, marriage can be extremely difficult at times because you are two completely different human beings with different personalities, different unique qualities and you’re living under one roof trying to make this thing work. And it can … but it requires work on both parts! One simply cannot carry the weight of the marriage, it takes two people working together to be the best that they can be for each other. Marriage is worth it! Your children are worth it! You CAN live happily ever after!
Divorce does not solve anything. If there are issues that have come up in your marriage, if there are things from the past that are haunting you … divorce will not make all of these things go away. If you give up, nothing will be resolved. If you have pain from things in your past, running from them and divorcing your spouse will not solve it because you will not have dealt with those things that pain you greatly. Instead, you will carry these unresolved issues into your next relationship. It won’t be any better!
I have actually talked couples out of divorcing before. I have had several couples that have come to me with trouble in their marriage looking for someone to give them permission to let go of their spouse. What they get from me, instead, is to cling tighter to your spouse and to your marriage! It is worth saving! If there is any way possible, make it work! If there are children involved, especially … you and your children deserve the “happily ever after.” It doesn’t just have to be for fairy tales that you read or movies that you watch. You can have your very own happily ever after! My husband and I have seen some rough times in our marriage, but we are still holding on tighter than ever. Neither of us wants to lose the other. We do not want to give up on our family, and so we cling to each other and uphold our marriage vows. When things seem impossible for us, we know that all things are possible with God! He is our strength when we are weak. He fights for us.. He shields and protects, and He gives us the will to continue on.
With God ALL things are possible … ALL things … even the chance to live happily ever after with your spouse.
Join us tomorrow for the final day in this series … When The Path Leads You Home.
For all posts in this series thus far, click here.
The enemy would like nothing more than to destroy your marriage. Do you realize that he waits in the wings to steal, kill, and destroy? He would like nothing more than to throw his wicked head back and laugh with his forked tongue wagging as you and your spouse spiral downhill faster than the speed of light.
When troubles loom large, know that our God is bigger than any attack from the devil.
He IS! Our God is greater than any trouble the devil can throw your way. As mean, ugly, and scary as he is, our God is bigger, stronger, and has more power! When you and your spouse get into trouble in your marriage, ask God to step in and fight for you. You do not have to fight this battle alone. God is right there ready, willing, and able to step in – all you have to do is ask Him to do so.
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
Psalm 9:9
The LORD is my light and my salvation — whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life — of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1
There will be wolves in sheep’s clothing. There will be those slicked tongued individuals that will slide into your life and wreak havoc in your marriage. They will try everything to weasel in between you and your spouse. Do not allow this to happen.
Do you know why your marriage is under attack? Because nothing comes closer to God’s love for the church than the love spouses are to have for each other. Your marriage has been ordained by God above!
In times of trouble, put on the full armor of God. Ephesians 6:10-17 speaks volumes on how to do just that. As Cindi and Hugh put it in their book:
We are to put on the belt of truth, the breast plate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit — all that we might stand firm.
Stand and fight for your marriages, ladies and gentlemen. Do NOT let the enemy win here. Guard your hearts, your minds, your body and soul against the devil and the attacks that he launches at you. He will try to make you doubt that your spouse loves you. He will try to make you unsure of where you stand with them. He will put all kinds of thoughts into your head of things that are NOT true, yet he will be so convincing and before you know it, you will be in a fit of rage believing all of the lies that he has told you. Do not give into temptation. Just when you are trying to be strong, he will put a person before you that will tempt you and try you. Do not allow your lustful nature to take over. Do not sin against yourself, your God, or your spouse! Do what is right and do not give in to temptation or sin. Do not give into lust. Uphold your marriage vows!
Knock that little man with the pitchfork off of your shoulder. You know the one … he whispers destruction in your ear. He is the father of lies, deceit and betrayal. Do NOT fall for any of this. Do not allow yourself to be lured into believing the lies and focusing on the negatives that he forces into your mind all hours of the day and night. Do not give into temptation! Instead, do as the scriptures tell us and focus on those things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.
Protect your marriages. Honor your spouse and uphold your marriage vows. When times get tough, God can and will fight for you. Welcome Him into your marriages, allow Him to protect and shelter as only He can. Your marriage is worth fighting for, and God is just the one to do it. He can and will defeat the enemy.
Join us tomorrow for … When The Path Looks Impossible.
Have you considered having a mission in your marriage? What do people think of when you and your spouse come to mind? How is your marriage impacting the lives of others around you?
We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10
It is true that you may be the only Jesus that some people see in their lives. There may be lost souls that do not know Jesus and have never been told how they can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You and your spouse can tell them. Your actions can speak volumes in motivating others to want what you have and ask how to obtain it … and it’s simple really. They can see how Jesus is working in your lives, your hearts, and your marriage and want that same thing for themselves!
There are those around you that are watching you and your spouse. From friends, family members, your very own children, and people in public … your actions are being watched even if you don’t think so at that moment in time. People pick up on how you and your spouse are toward each other. They watch how you interact together, and even when you aren’t speaking with words, your body language speaks volumes.
Maybe your mission is to model how a marriage should be. Maybe you will be a role model for a young couple that sees the love between you and your spouse and wonder how you keep the fires burning after all of these years together. You just might be their inspiration to hold on a little tighter and to try a little harder in their own marriages. You truly never know the impact you can have on someone else’s life, but I can guarantee you that God brought you and your spouse together for a very special reason with having a mission in mind.
Perhaps you and your spouse are on a mission to feed the homeless or to adopt the orphaned. Maybe you and your spouse are on a mission to help women who have been abused or who are struggling to find their sense of self worth after years of being beat down. Or perhaps you are supposed to open your home to teenagers so they will have an alternative place to go besides partying, drinking, and experimenting with drugs and sexual activity. I know for us, we welcome my daughter’s teenage friends and purposely have an open door policy for them to feel free to come over to hang out so they’ll have a home away from home. We want them to know that they are always welcome here. This can be their safe haven and a place to come when everyone else is “partying.” If they don’t want to give in to peer pressure, they have other options and can remove themselves from that situation and come to our house instead.
One of the bible verses that I cling to is:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
Believe this because it is true! God had a very special mission in mind when He brought you and your spouse together.
You probably knew this one was coming, didn’t you? With getting our relationships in shape and our spiritual walk with God, have you given any thought to remodeling the “temple?” Your body is the temple of God. We have to take care of it!
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
When you asked your spouse out on your very first date, how did you look? Did you labor over your appearance before picking her up? I bet you did! I can imagine you showering, shaving, and possibly getting your hair cut, or at the very least brushing it so that not a single hair was out of place. I imagine that you picked out your finest attire, polished your shoes, and sprayed your best smelling cologne on. You wanted to do everything within your power so that she would notice you. The same goes for your mate. I know that I made sure I looked irresistible prior to him arriving at my door.
As time goes by in relationships and marriages, we don’t take as good of care of ourselves as we once did. As we age, we find unwanted pounds gather around our waistlines. We have to work harder at resisting the temptation of sweets. We have to discipline ourselves in what we eat and drink. A basket of fries is not our friend, ladies. Can I get an Amen on that one? We have to lay off of the fast food and eat healthier foods. Likewise, men can’t guzzle the beer either or else they’ll have a nice beer gut!
We truly do have to take care of ourselves.
My husband and I have exercised together in the past. My children like to get in on this as well, especially when I throw in a Gilad workout video. Gilad will kick your butt with his moves! He used to be on Fit TV on satellite, and I recorded so many of his shows to have to work out to later. Then we went to working out with Leslie Sansone doing Walk Away The Pounds in our living room. This is something low impact that we can do together as a family. My husband and children join in, and we laugh and do the moves together. Now, though, we get exercise by walking our horses around the yard. That sounds odd, I know, but now that we are losing daylight as the days are shorter here in the mist of Fall, my daughters will still want to ride their horses. If they aren’t comfortable riding alone, we will put a lead rope on them and walk in front of the horses while our daughters are on the horse. They get to enjoy the ride and feel of the horse while we enjoy getting a little bit of exercise as we walk together around our property leading the horses. It makes a difference just doing this little bit of exercise together in the evening.
What are ways that you can incorporate exercise or eating better into your lives? Ask your spouse to join you on this part of the journey, whether you’re trying to eat healthier or if you’re looking to begin an exercise routine, why not do it together? It will make a difference, and you’re more likely to stick with it if you do it together! You have an accountability partner right their in your spouse! It can work. Give it some thought and then put it into action!
It’s important to grow together spiritually, but one simply cannot rush their spouse or try to make them into something that they aren’t. Each person has to be pursuing personal growth themselves at their own pace. My walk will not look like my husband’s walk, and that is okay. If we are both seeking to grow spiritually as individuals, we will end up meeting and coming alongside each other on our journey toward personal growth and a spiritual relationship with God.
We have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may … please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.
Colossians 1:9-10 NASB
My husband has just recently told me that he feels he needs to read the bible more. He feels this very strongly and is beginning to go deeper with his relationship with God. Up to this point, we have read, studied, and even prayed separately, with the exception of blessing the meal before we eat as a family. Not wishing to intrude, I have just presented that if he would like, we can start reading the bible together as well as praying together. He hesitated initially, but then he seemed to like the idea. So, we are going to begin tonight in doing just that.
In the past, we have each been involved in small groups at church. He was in a men’s small group while I was in a women’s small group. We met once a week, and it seemed to be what we needed at that season in our lives. At another point, though, when we first started going to this one church in particular, we went together to a couple’s small group. We have enjoyed both aspects involved in these small groups that we were a part of.
We have also gone out with other couples to enjoy each other’s company, but you have to be careful here. The reason I say that is because if you and this other couple are not on the same page spiritually, one could cause the other to stumble along the way. It is true in that it matters who you associate with because while you could help bring someone up, they have the potential to bring you down, too. That is something that you do not need individually or as a couple. Guard your hearts, minds, and your marriages!
Another way that we have grown together as well as individually is by reading books. My husband and I are big into “self help” type books. We enjoy reading relationship books, thus the reason we chose this particular book to write as our #write31days series for the month of October. But, we also enjoy reading books to help each of us on our personal journey toward greatness! We strive to improve and continue growing.
What are some ways that you can grow together and as individuals?
It’s wonderful when a married couple are similar in their ways. However, it can be quite difficult when your differences come out. Yet, respecting each other’s uniqueness is what is required for a happy marriage.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14
My husband and I are a lot alike in a lot of ways. We do have some very different qualities that make us who we are as unique individuals as well. Together, we feel that we complement each other nicely.
I am the accountant of the family, and I believe in saving! My husband, on the other hand, cannot be let loose with the debit card! He jokingly says that if there is money to be spent, he’s going to spend it! That is why I guard that debit card and keep it in my possession! I am not being controlling by doing that. Instead, I am being realistic. I know that he isn’t going to be as good with money as I am, and so the card stays with me. In this way, though, we realize his weakness with spending money and my strong point in saving it! We balance each other out nicely. I’d hate to think of what it would look like if we both were burning up that debit card, so it’s a good thing that we’re different in this unique way.
There are other ways that we are different that doesn’t cause us problems but instead enhances our relationship. But, when both of us are in the same “take charge” mode, we can have problems. If we are both Type A personalities, we will lock horns at some point or another. Thankfully, we aren’t always like this. We do have our moments, though, where we are both extremely strong willed individuals that want what we want right when we want it. That can spell … conflict … if we aren’t careful. It is at times like these that one has to give a little more than the other to make it work, or one has to be a little bit more patient and forgiving than the other for us not to rub each other the wrong way. It can be a balancing act at times. You truly have to work together with the big goal in mind, and that is of living happily ever after and making the marriage work!
Two are better than one … just as it says in the bible:
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
How can you start appreciating, respecting, and celebrating your uniqueness in your marriage?
Being that this is our anniversary weekend, we wanted to do things a little differently than in years past. Instead of fancy trips and expensive jewelry, we are keeping it simple by staying a little closer to home and reconnecting. We decided to do several day trips, with each one being a different adventure.
Thursday, we took the entire day to go horseback riding in Aiken, South Carolina at Hitchcock Woods. This is a beautiful 2100 acre forest that is open to the public 365 days a year free of charge. There is a lot of history within the woods, and it is breathtakingly beautiful as you and your horse make your way through the windy roads, up hills, and to refreshing creeks.
Friday, we set off in a different direction with Family Christian in mind. This store is tucked back in a little shopping center off of the always busy Harbison Boulevard in Columbia, South Carolina. I could spend hours in this store and have on many occasions! They have so much to offer that it is hard to narrow down a choice. From art, pictures, jewelry, bibles, inspirational books, to a variety of music, it is never just a quick trip in and out of this store. No matter who you are, you are bound to find a treasure in there that you are sure to love.
Yesterday’s treasure hunt for my husband and I resulted in a large bag of goodies that we took home with us, including the new CD by Rhett Walker Band entitled Here’s To The Ones.
We popped this baby in as soon as we got back into our car. We were not sure what to expect, as we had never heard this band before but thought we’d give it a try. If it came from Family Christian, it had to be good! And … it was! My husband enjoys Country music now that he’s a cowboy with his horse, so his ears perked up when the music began to play. It has a little bit of a Country sound to it, yet it also has a Southern Rock sound as well. As the music played, there were a variety of instruments that we especially loved. My husband enjoys a steel guitar, and I always enjoy piano music. They had the drums and guitar rocking, but there was just something about that steel guitar.
One particular song spoke to us as we listened to the words. It’s called Better Part of Me, and it started off talking about a couple having a difficult time. We can relate, as the past six months have been a little rocky for us. The next part of the song encourages the spouse to say what they need to say because no matter what, they are still committed to each other.
When I said I do, I wasn’t telling you just some lines from a song, from some ole Country tune.
When I took your hand and you took my name, all time stood still with God and family.
You were, you are, you know you’ll always be … the better part of me.
My husband was the first to comment on this song as it was playing. He said:
“It just shows you that when things are heated, when you’re having a disagreement, a couple still has to work it out. It is easy to forget how important your spouse is when you’re trying to get them to see things from your perspective. It’s easy to forget that you are in this together. They aren’t just words that you spoke, but they have meaning behind them. That is why you got married.”
One verse that really struck me is when they sang:
Through the fire and through the hopeless rain, no matter what may come, I said ALWAYS …
As I was thinking it, my husband said it:
“It just reinforces the fact that you committed yourself willingly to each other for all time.”
Wow!
We had no idea that this one little trip inside the store would have this much of an impact on us. If you have never heard of the Rhett Walker Band, we encourage you to try them as we did! Pick up a copy of their latest CD Here’s To The Ones at your local Family Christian store.
Allow the words of their songs to speak to you as well. Not only did this song speak to our hearts, but it also reinforced our commitment to each other. It couldn’t have happened at a better time as we don’t want to re-live the past six months or go through any of that again! It’s done and over with now, and we just want to go forward together and recommit our hearts and lives to each other.
And so we shall … beginning now on our anniversary weekend.
Two are better than one because they have a good return for their work. Ecclesiastes 4:9
Can you remember the last time you and your spouse worked on a project together? A lot of times people think that because of our differences it can be really stressful sharing a project with our spouses. However, it has the potential to bring you closer together if you share the process with one another.
I was once the director of an interpretive movement/sign art group at our church. I loved this creative ministry and poured myself into it. My oldest daughter was interested in it at that time and would soak up every move I showed her. I would blast the music and allow God to speak to my heart as I praised in my own way with sign language and different movements to the words of the songs. One day I got down the gospel collection by Elvis Presley. On that CD was How Great Thou Art. I sat there feeling as if the presence of God was right there in my living room as the powerful voice of Elvis sang about how great our God truly is. Then, my husband came inside and smiled as he heard Elvis, his all time favorite. He began to watch the movements and showed an interest in what I was doing. I intended on teaching this in class so our group could minister in song one Sunday morning. There aren’t enough words in the human language to describe how it felt when my husband came alongside of me to learn the movements of this song. I was so passionate about this group, and now he was a part of it. My heart was completely touched, and as we worked on this song together, I felt closer to him. We were sharing something that meant a lot to me. When the Sunday morning came that we were to present this song, my husband was right there on stage with me, as was my oldest daughter and the rest of the group, doing every movement with ease as God was glorified. We had a lot of people compliment us on how we presented this song and on the choice of song as well. It felt wonderful working on this project together.
We have also just recently purchased an older RV. We knew going into this that it was a “fixer-upper.” We aren’t going to use it to travel the world. We are simply going to use it to travel to plantations where we can camp overnight and go trail riding with our horses. That was the main reason this RV was purchased. A lot of horse people have the horse trailers with a small sleeping quarters, but it is too cramped and much too small for my claustrophobic self. I knew that the only way I would be able to camp comfortably would be to have a RV with all of the comforts from home, including a larger bed and not feeling as if I was literally sleeping on a shelf in the horse trailer! Being that this RV is an older model, it does require some work, but we are slowing chipping away at it. My husband is discovering that when once he complained about it, he is now finding it a challenge and feels a sense of accomplishment when he narrows down a problem and is then able to fix it! Success! And we all cheer for him. He has his little cheerleading squad over here with myself and our two daughters. It hasn’t always been fun working on this RV together, though. He’s gotten upset and has lost his cool a time or two with me sitting right there, but then when he walks away from it and goes back to it later, he’s able to find and fix the problem. We’re getting this thing ready for our first trip together as this is perfect weather for trail riding! The next item of business will be replacing the brake line, and then I’ll be inside pumping the brakes. It may be only a small part of the process, but it is a project that we can work on together, and we will feel such a sense of accomplishment when we are enjoying our steaks on the grill sitting under the awning of our RV at the camp site with our horses right there with us. It will all be worth it … and more!
Think of projects that you can work on with your spouse that can deepen the bond between you. Even if it’s just working on a jig saw puzzle together, take the time.
Join us tomorrow for … Respecting Each Other’s Uniqueness.
When was the last time you took a day to play together with your spouse?
We know how it is – there are so many demands in life that you feel you just have to get this done or get that done! There’s just no time to play … and then … you feel burnt out, aggravated, and annoyed most of the time. Who catches it? Nine times out of ten, your spouse and your children will.
If you’re tired of living like this and want to enjoy life more without the guilt, then listen up and realize what the bible says on this very subject:
I know the best thing we can do is always enjoy life, because God’s gift to us is the happiness we get from our food and drink and from the work we do. Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 CEV
Be happy and enjoy eating and drinking! God decided long ago that this is what we should do. Ecclesiastes 9:7 CEV
If you were feeling guilty before about taking time away from all that needs to be done or taking time away from your work, we hope you feel better about this now after seeing right there in scriptures that God has given us permission! He WANTS us to enjoy the life He has given us. He wants us to play –as long as it is right and pure living that you’re doing, no partying hard and doing things that do not glorify God.
What does your “day to play” look like? It could be simply going to a movie together and having dinner out. Or, maybe taking a hike in the mountains or a stroll on the beach together hand in hand. For us, we enjoy horseback riding together, and so today we have set aside this day (after I finish writing this blog post) to go do just that. We will spend the day in the middle of the forest on the back of our horses — loving every minute of it!
We courage you to lose the guilt and get out there and enjoy life while you can. While you still have energy, while you’re still healthy enough to go and do … there are some people that just can’t do that now, and I am sure they are filled with regrets. Don’t be one of them. As you grow older, be able to look back on wonderful memories that you hold dear to your heart – memories of getting out there and playing with your spouse, your children, your family!
One day your life will pass before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching and re-living all over again. Make those memories. Be intentional about time spent with those that you love.
One day God will call us home. We never know the day nor the hour that this will happen. We would not want to leave our loved ones behind with awful memories of harsh words spoken or hateful actions toward each other. No, instead, be intentional about keeping the peace, showing and sharing love always – in your words and in your actions – and making precious memories together with the ones you love.
Join us tomorrow for … Sharing A Project.
For all posts in this series thus far, click here.
