Are You Barricading Your Own Heart?
I have felt this topic pulling at my heart over the last week. It is a message that we all need to hear, and yet it is a sensitive subject, too.
Today I would like to talk about forgiveness!
Now, please hear me out. Don’t cross your arms and stick your nose in the air refusing to allow anything else that I say speak to your heart.
I know there have been people in this life that have wronged you. They have hurt you deeply. Some have mistreated you and disrespected you. I do understand as I have been on the receiving end of this treatment as well. It hurts, and we vow that we will stand up for ourselves. We say that we will never allow this sort of thing to happen again, and we proceed with building huge concrete walls around our hearts so that no one can get to us again. Because of the damage they’ve done to your heart, you’ve hardened it now and refuse to let anyone in.
Consider this:
All bitterness, anger, and wrath, insult and slander must be removed from you, along with all wickedness. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. Ephesians 4:31-32 HCSB
That is a tall order, but it is something that we are required to do. I did not say it would be easy, but it is possible.
Oh I know … believe me, I hear you loud and clear. Someone has wronged you, hurt you or your family members even. They have done the unspeakable, perhaps. You sit there asking yourself and staring at the screen right now asking, “How can I possibly forgive them for THIS?”! Or you’re saying, “Shirley, you just don’t KNOW what they’ve done to me!” No, I don’t know all of the details, but I do know this. God will help you forgive if you ask Him to.
No where in here am I saying that the offense done to you is okay. No where am I saying that what they did was right by any means. I’m not excusing or condoning their behavior or mistreatment in any way, shape, or form.
When I speak of forgiveness, it’s from my own experience. Having an unforgiving heart and an unforgiving spirit does nothing to the person that you’re holding the grudge against. They are going on with their lives not giving your hurt feelings or wounded heart a second thought. You, on the other hand, are torn up inside by all of this. You have trouble sleeping because those thoughts are there when you lay down at night. They are with you throughout the day whether you’re at work or at play. It torments you, and it sours your heart and outlook on life. You fixate on the injustice. You play it over and over again in your mind.
What good is any of this doing? Dear one, you are only hurting yourself!
I am not asking you to forget what has happened. I am not even suggesting that you become the best of friends with this person. All I am saying is that having an unforgiving heart will imprison YOU!
Forgiveness is never an easy task. It is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do if your heart has been injured!
By not forgiving, by not letting wrongs go, we aren’t getting back at anyone. We are merely punishing ourselves by barricading our own hearts. ~Jim Cymbala
How can you forgive when the offense is so great? With the help of God above!
That is the only way that you will ever overcome these feelings of bitterness, resentment, and hatred. Ask God to remove all of this, including the animosity you are feeling toward this person. If you allow Him to, God will help you overcome and ultimately forgive so that this does not continue to consume you.
There are friendships right now on the rocks. Something happened, someone did this or that, someone misunderstood, someone felt pushed to “talk it out” when the other had nothing further to say, etc. There are also families torn apart by refusing to forgive their brother or sister, even mothers and daughters refusing to offer forgiveness, as well as fathers and sons. There are relationships being ripped to shreds all because people will not forgive one another.
Who suffers more? The person that harbors unforgiveness in their heart? Or the person that has gone on with their lives and has let go of ill feelings? It’s painfully obvious here who is imprisoned. You don’t have to live like this any more. Ask God to help you. I promise you that He will.
Hear me loud and clear on this one. You do not have to continue to associate with people that have wronged you. It is okay to have boundaries in your life. I am not suggesting that you forgive and forget, carrying on with this person in the same fashion, allowing them the opportunity to do this again to you. No, I am suggesting that YOU are the one that barricaded your own heart due to their offense. You are suffering greatly and would benefit from letting God work a miracle in your heart by releasing the bitterness, resentment, and hatred that you have been carrying around for way too long. Release it and you release yourself as the prisoner that you’ve held hostage for so long.
Tear down those walls that you’ve built up. Remove the barricades around your heart. By forgiving, you release yourself!
Will you prayerfully consider making a list of people that you are harboring ill feelings toward? Will you ask God to help you in this area? If you need someone to pray with you, I will be glad to pray with you. Just please don’t carry this around with you another day.
March 22, 2014 @ 11:20 am
Barricading your heart–what a powerful way to put it. You’re literally putting up walls of anger and resentment that will prevent other people from coming in. What wise words you share, this is something I need to keep handy, when I’m feeling all huffy and wronged.
March 22, 2014 @ 11:49 am
Thank you for your kind words, Christina.
March 22, 2014 @ 12:18 pm
We sure do need God to help us with forgiveness. This is such a hard thing to do but it needs to be done. Most of the time we are suffering more than the other person
March 23, 2014 @ 9:17 pm
Thank you, Tara! That is exactly my point. It hurts us more than anyone else if we refuse to forgive.
March 22, 2014 @ 3:16 pm
forgiving and not forgetting are pretty much the same thing.. do you think? I can forgive but then when I think about ‘that’ person or ‘that’ situation.. all the emotions get stirred back up.. Maybe deep down I’ve not forgiven or maybe I still hold deep frustrations for that person….
March 23, 2014 @ 9:16 pm
In my case, I have been able to forgive them. I remember what they have done, but in a different way. What I meant by that is that I have been able to forgive someone when they have wronged me. I remember what they have done so I don’t go blindly back into the same toxic situation as before. The blinders have been removed due to their offense. I have forgiven, but I no longer am as affected by the memories of what took place due to my forgiving heart and actually my forgiving nature. I am not suggesting to forgive yet continue to bring up the offense to them repeatedly. That isn’t truly forgiving someone if that happens.
March 24, 2014 @ 12:37 pm
I understand completely where you are coming from but it is difficult. And I may not be deep in faith but I believe in God and I believe that he has forgiven the world for what they did to his son.. My sister and I havent spoken in years and many times I tried reaching out to her and understanding what is wrong but there comes a time when you just need to step back and let them breathe and stop trying to make everything right when that makes it worse. We can forgive but not forget is my motto because we shall not continue to be victims of the same crime.
March 24, 2014 @ 11:24 pm
I understand where you are coming from, Desiree. I just explained something in a similar way regarding forgiveness. We need to do it for ourselves because carrying around bitterness inside of us is only hurting us. We have to release that, and we will feel better. We can forgive for our own sake, but that does not mean that we forget the offense and welcome them back to do it all over again. I give people more chances than they probably deserve, but once I’m done, I’m pretty much done. What I mean by that is that I will try with them, and I will try some more. I will forgive, but if they continue to repeat the offense, it is up to ME to take care of myself by putting boundaries in place. It is a very healthy thing to do where toxic relationships are concerned. Forgive them, pray for them, but keep loving them at a distance if need be. With the same token, you can’t force someone else to have a forgiving heart if we’re the ones that have offended them – whether we actually did or they “feel” as if we did. We can apologize and ask for forgiveness, but it is ultimately up to them as to if they will grant forgiveness. We’ve done our part by apologizing and trying to make things right. Then it is up to them, so I agree with what you said about needing to step back and let them breathe. Very wise words! Thank you for visiting with us today!