Every weekday morning at 7:40 a.m. on our local radio station they share a message from a pastor. He ends his message the same way by saying, “Life matters … and so do you!”
Think of the impact that this phrase could have on people every where!
What if someone was really depressed and feeling as low as they could possibly go, and then they hear a message such as this?
They may be feeling as if they do not matter to anyone so what is the use anyway. Maybe they are consumed with lies from the devil, yet they hear the truth that they DO matter. That is life changing right there if they allow it to soak into their being and see the truth instead of listening to the lies from the enemy!
People do need to hear this and know deep down in their hearts that they do matter. They are important! What they have been through and are going through is important, too! It is a part of their story, and their story deserves to be told!
How can you impress upon someone today and let them know that they matter? In this cold, cruel world, how can you impact another person’s life with a positive message? Think on it and then put action behind it and actually do something about it.
Compliment someone. It might make a difference in their day and in how they view themselves, especially if inside they have a negative self image.
Treat people with respect. You would want that, so give to others that which you desire as well.
Listen with your ears but also your heart. We rush through our days often times not really hearing what people are trying to say to us. Listen intently and then allow your heart to show that care, concern, and empathy. Some times what means the most is when people are allowed to talk about what is bothering them when they know they have someone that is listening and cares! Give them your full attention especially at times when they are opening up and beginning to pour their hearts out to you.
YOU can make a difference. You know why? Because life matters … and SO DO YOU!
God continues to prove this more and more to our family. God takes care of His children!
Less than two weeks ago I posted about how my husband’s company of 17 years laid him off. It was sudden and completely unexpected after he served that company well for all of those years. Shortly thereafter, one of his friends in the business learned of his lay off and offered my husband a temporary position to help the family out. We greatly appreciated this offer and thanked God for blessing us with great people in this line of work that were willing to help out in our time of need. Today, God showed up and blessed us with an even greater offer as my husband has now been given a more permanent position with that company!
Oh, thank you, God!!
I was in tears at this point as my husband gave me all of the details and discussed the different options available to him.
God is SO good, and we give him all of the praise, glory, and honor!
I feel this all has been building for a long time now. You see, my husband’s focus was not what it should have been for years, nor were his priorities in the order that they should have been either. He was a great Project Manager and served that company well. I’m not saying that he wasn’t a model employee because he was. However, there was sin in my husband’s life which we have spoken openly about here on this blog in the category to the right: Men Struggling But Recovering. I feel there is a connection here, so please hear me out.
Since my husband turned away from his sinful ways last year, a lot has changed! First, it makes the enemy angry when we turn from our sin and walk toward God. The enemy will try everything within his power to trip us up and to destroy us, our families, our lives. I feel that when my husband finally broke free from the sin that held him in bondage for so long, it angered the devil even more so and he was determined to take my husband down. He almost destroyed our family. We almost did not make it. There was talk of divorce at one point, and it devastated us both. When it did not look good for us, we know that the devil was falling on the floor on his back laughing the most wicked laughter he possibly could. He thought he ruined our family and had torn us apart, but God reached His hand down in the mist of it all and restored our marriage. It is stronger today than it ever has been in the 12 years that we have been together. It did not happen over night, but God held us through the transformation. Through all of the heartache and pain, God was there holding us tight. We both struggled with sin but in different ways. God restored what we once thought was lost. He strengthened our marriage and gave us such love, devotion, and intimacy as we’ve never experienced before.
Feeling sure that the devil grew more angry at the thought, he attacked yet another area in our lives; my husband’s job. You see, my husband poured all he had into the position that he held at that company of 17 years. That became his identity, and he often placed that job in front of his own family. To him, that needed to be his top priority. That was who he was, and he was proud of it … until it was stripped away.
When he was called into the meeting at his previous place of employment where he would learn the news of his lay off, he grabbed a wooden cross and slipped it into his pocket. This wooden cross had just been given to us at the pre-screening of the movie Do You Believe? which will be in theaters on March 20, 2015. We all know that it isn’t a bed of roses when you are a Christian and are trying to do the right thing. You will be persecuted, and you will struggle. But, you turn to God even more so when it is happening because you know that He will be your strength and He will see you through! Various different things happen in the movie to test people’s faith, too, but they believed in God and held on tight to Him … just as my husband has started learning to do. He believes he was able to retain his composure in the meeting as well as he did due to that little cross in his pocket and having Jesus in his heart.
Deep down my husband is a good person. We’ve all heard how bad things happen to good people all the time. I believe that maybe God allowed this job loss to happen for a specific reason. Maybe God allowed my husband to be stripped from this job because in one way, his sin increased at this job. Not only that, but he idolized that job. He put that job before his own family at times and most certainly before God. That was wrong! I tried to talk to him about this on several occasions, but I could not reach him. Maybe it took God allowing him to be stripped of this position to dispose of ALL of the sin in his life. Maybe, just maybe, it took him hitting rock bottom to realize that God was the rock at the very bottom that he needed to cling to. And so … now he has. My husband felt so very low after what happened last year with our family and now this year when our family was further threatened due to the job loss. We didn’t want to face financial ruins, and yet the healthcare that the government has mandated now has the potential of doing just that as the premiums are so out of reach for the average person. Family coverage was close to $900 a month in premiums. Who can pay that in addition to the regular bills for necessities like food, clothing, a roof over our heads, electricity, etc.? I’m not talking fancy trips, eating out all the time, and enjoying things beyond our means. I’m talking now with the job loss, we feared we could not meet the basic bills to survive.
Were we tested? YOU BET! But, we held on to each other and to GOD! My faith never wavered because I knew that God was going to take care of us. I reminded my husband of what God had just done in restoring our family. God didn’t take us this far to leave us. He would carry us through this storm on to bigger and better things. We just had to wait on God.
And then it happened! God entered the picture riding in on a white horse dressed like a knight in shiny armor once more with the temporary position that he was offered less than two weeks ago … and now with the permanent position he was just offered. Maybe my husband had to be stripped of all of the things due to the sin in his past so that God could start a new work in him. I am a firm believer that God makes all things new – including me and you – so my thinking is that God allowed my husband to be taken down in the area of our marriage and in the area of his job to strip away the sin and make him a new man. God is now rebuilding greater things for our family – our marriage – and his career. All my husband had to do was let go of the sin forever. He had to turn from his sinful ways for God to pour out His blessings. Once my husband was stripped of these things, he changed his focus where it should have been – on God – and on me, his wife.
I have seen changes in my husband. One striking thing that I’ve noticed is that last year he began kneeling down beside our bed every morning to pray. He has done this some times without my knowledge, even kneeling down beside me as I slept. On a few occasions, I woke up to find him kneeling in prayer right there beside me. At other times, he would put his hand on me or slip his hand in my own as he prayed. Then there are times he doesn’t wish to wake me, so he will resume his practice of kneeling to pray while I’m still sleeping. The difference is that he takes time to pray now before rushing into his day. He makes GOD a priority! He realizes that God has blessed us – and even though we struggled after the job loss – God had big plans for our future, something that I also reassured my husband of often when he would get depressed about the situation.
And look what God has done!
Oh thank you, dear God, for restoring our marriage, for giving us a love for each other like never before and for us being committed to making our marriage the best that it can be! AND Thank you, dear God, for blessing us with this new job opportunity at this company. Thank you that doors have swung wide open for my husband and that blessings are coming our way better than we could have ever imagined.
Last week my husband walked into his office a career man. Six hours later, he was overcome with emotion as he was told that his employer of 17 years was laying him off. Imagine the shock, disbelief, and feelings of betrayal that swept over him in waves as he tried to grasp what they were saying to him. He had been a huge part of the company, a key employee, for the better part of 17 years, and this is the thanks he gets? Laid off?
Oh sure, they reassured him that there wasn’t anything he’d done wrong. It came down to money issues at the company. Although my husband made the company a million dollars in the year 2014, another coworker and project manager lost the company a significant amount of money on another project. Yet, my husband was the one to take the fall for this. No, they didn’t blame it on him as they knew full well who was over that project. But, being as this guy was the vice-president, they certainly weren’t going to can him. Instead, they decided to lay my husband off.
Years ago I told my husband NOT to idolize his job. I remember times that he seemed to put his job before his family. That wasn’t right, and he has since corrected that way of thinking. But, he did love his job so much and enjoyed what he was doing. He served that company well for 17 years! However, one should never put their job so high up on the pedestal thinking that they are untouchable or that they have security in that position. One would think that after 17 years of hard work, loyalty, dedication, and devotion that it would matter a great deal to the company, but in this case, we can all see that, sadly, it did not. My husband was slammed with feelings of betrayal as he gave so much to this company, and yet now he’s being told that his employment has come to an end. He felt stripped of his position, as well as his company truck, and other perks that came along with his job.
I received a text prior to my husband’s meeting with the executives of that company. I could tell he was nervous as any one would be upon getting called into a meeting like this that wasn’t the norm for their line of work. Trying to reassure my husband, I wrote back these words:
God is already there. He knows the outcome of this meeting,
and He is in control. We just have to trust him.
When my husband called shortly thereafter and told me the news last week, I still had peace in my heart as I said:
Oh baby, I’m so sorry. But, I know that God is going to take care of us!
We just have to have faith, even faith as small as a mustard seed.
He responded that he had that, and I reassured him that everything was going to be okay.
Upon arriving home that evening, I hugged my husband and held him close to me. He was wracked with fear and worry. I just looked into his grief stricken eyes and told him again that God is going to take care of us.
We had to go in to his former employer last Friday to clean out his office. As you can imagine, he had a lot of things he accumulated in the past 17 years. His former boss came into his office not expecting to see me there with him, and when he did, the man became visibly nervous stuttering his speech and hands shaking right where he stood. He should have been nervous and shaking because he wasn’t only doing this to my husband, but he was doing this to our entire family. We have two children to provide for! He knew that, too. It didn’t seem to matter until he came face to face with me in that office. He needed to look into my eyes as well to see how this was affecting me, too, as my husband and I are a team. He wasn’t the only one going through this. We all were.
We drove away with the fear of the unknown riding right along with us weighing us down.
And so the job search began. Thankfully, my husband had contacts that he built a friendly working relationship with through the years. They started calling him as they heard the news of his lay off. As the calls started coming in, it was a mixture of disbelief and great sympathy for what our family was now facing. They had a great outpouring of support for my husband, and it touched our hearts and brought tears to our eyes on several occasions. One in particular spoke to me, and he truly felt for us in this situation. This individual gave my husband several job leads, which we greatly appreciated. Several others called him with job leads as well. My husband began contacting the people as suggested but wasn’t sure if there truly was a job need there at these places that were mentioned.
This week was especially difficult as we hadn’t heard anything from the leads from last week. I reminded my husband that it had only been a few days, and it would just take time. In the meantime, he signed up for unemployment benefits.
Along with losing his job, we were losing our health benefits. Sure, they offered COBRA, but no one can afford $1200 a month. Yes, that is per MONTH! How in the world do they expect us to pay that kind of money when he just lost his job? So, that was out of the question. We then had to go in search of affordable health insurance, which was no small task I’ll have you know!
To add to the stress we were all feeling, my oldest daughter went to take a placement test at a technical college, all that we will be able to afford now for sure, and failed that test. She had so much anxiety from everything going on that she got too nervous and just went blank. She felt just terrible afterwards, too, but there is an opportunity to take the test again in the future.
Also at that time, our youngest daughter came down with a 102 degree fever. To say we were stressed to the max is the understatement of the year! We took her to the doctor, and THANK GOD she did NOT have the flu! Whew!
After all of this, my husband finally just lost it. He went out into the yard and vented a little. No one can blame him, really, considering everything that has just happened. The man lost his job of 17 years. He’s entitled to let his feelings out.
He felt like he was hitting rock bottom, but you know what? God was right there at the bottom when he hit, and God lifted him right up. He scooped my husband up into His strong arms and allowed my husband to rest his weary head upon His shoulders.
Later, I told him that his former employer had already taken so much from us. We can’t let them do this to him … to us. We can’t let them dissolve our faith and leave us in a puddle of tears.
He got out his Joel Osteen daily devotional, and it talked of how doors were going to open for him. It was ironic that the message for that day said those words. The words he needed to hear right at that moment!
And what happened next floors us!
He got a call to come in to just talk to see if something could be worked out with a competitor. This guy had a working relationship with my husband in years past, but when he became a competitor, they were then competing against each other in the same line of work. They kept things friendly, but they could no longer speak at length since they were bidding on the same projects!
This call couldn’t have come at a better time! My husband was starting to lose hope very early on in this situation even though I told him repeatedly to cling to Jeremiah 29:11. I even prayed:
Dear Father, we KNOW that you have plans to prosper him and not to harm him. We KNOW that you have plans to give him a hope and a future. We CLAIM this right now in Your Holy Name! Amen
My husband did set up a meeting that afternoon, and he went in to speak at length with them to see how he could help them. He waited on pins and needles for a call back. The very next day, the phone rang, and it was this company saying that although they did not presently have a position open, they would MAKE ONE for him!
Again, we were overcome with shock and disbelief, but in a GOOD way!!!
They offered my husband a position that they are creating to help get caught up on a few projects. If, after a few months, my husband really likes the job and they like him, they will renegotiate for a more permanent position.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this was our GOD at work!
There is no other explanation for things to have transpired the way they did! From my husband being distraught last Wednesday to a week later … A WEEK … receiving a call that they were going to create a temporary position for him. We’ll take it!!! Oh thank you GOD!!!
The guy said that he could imagine the feelings of getting laid off were similar to that of going through a divorce. He said he wanted to help my husband and our family out, and I told my husband that I would hug that man right that minute if I could! 🙂
Immediately upon hearing the news, tears filled my eyes and spilled out all over my face as I praised God and thanked him repeatedly for what he had done for my husband and for our family! My husband said he dropped to his knees to thank God also!
My God answered prayer in lightning speed! And we are SO grateful!
This is it! The last day of 2014. As people everywhere are preparing for New Year’s Eve parties and closing the chapter on 2014, we reflect back on what this year has held for us. Do you look back on it fondly? Or, are you like so many that are completely ready to close this chapter of their lives and begin a new one?
For me, personally, I am thankful that God gave me the gift of another year with my family. We have faced many challenges this past year, but God has seen us through them all just as He always has and always will. People may come and go, but our God will remain faithful and true – by our side, never ever leaving or forsaking us. Ever!
The year started out actually at a church on New Year’s Eve. Instead of “partying,” we chose to attend a midnight service at a church where we thought we were welcomed. Yet, that evening, it was made painfully clear to us that we weren’t. I am a slow learner. That, or I’m determined! I went back a few weeks into 2014 to this church trying to shake this feeling and just go to church not concerned with what the church members thought or how they acted – even if the mistreatment and unwelcome feeling came straight from the pastor’s wife! I wanted to stick with it because at that point the benefits of attending that church outweighed dropping out. I so wanted to stay as I longed to be a part of the congregation and a part of something for God’s Kingdom. Yet, it was made clear by the pastor’s wife snubbing me, refusing to speak to me while speaking to other members in the congregation, including my family – yet not speaking to me. Finally I had enough and did not return to that church. Frankly, I had enough of church people at that point. Some times the most critical and judgmental people are found within the walls of the church. A lot of times, feeling ostracized comes from cliches in the churches – where you aren’t welcome. So, I have dropped out of attending a traditional church now and prefer to be at one with God and nature.
Next up in March of this year, I was involved in an accident where I sustained injuries that took months to recover from. I did not lose my passion, though. Even though this accident happened from being thrown from a green horse, I did not turn my back on something that I love. For me, horseback riding is normally soothing and relaxing, if you have the right horse. I tend to be a bit too trusting, and in this instance, I was because I bought a horse at the woman’s word not realizing that I was getting a horse that was not suitable for a beginner. I trusted her, yet she put my daughters in danger as this horse was supposed to be for my daughters! As bad as this accident was, I just thank God that I was the one on the horse at the time she bolted and NOT my children! Although I held on as tight as I could for as long as possible, doing everything within my power to stop this horse, nothing worked! I was thrown off of this wild horse’s back where I landed hard on my left hip sustaining a fractured pelvis, a fractured left hand, and a concussion. Yet here I am today going trail riding as much as I possibly can when the weather cooperates. The horse I was thrown from was not the right horse for our family. Yet, the other horses that we purchased at the beginning of the year have been just perfect for us. We now have five horses that we love! The one that I feel I have bonded the most with is Sugar. She is a beautiful paint horse about 14 hands high with the sweetest personality. Sugar was there that day that I got thrown from the wild horse. I believe that Sugar is all the more gentle with me because of what she witnessed that day. You see, I got off the back of my horse, Sugar, to help my husband out of a bad situation with two other horses he was working with. Little did I know what the future would hold when I got on the back of the other horse that was supposed to be broke and suitable to ride. Sugar saw it all, and she takes good care of me now that I am back in the saddle again. While I have ridden our other horses since recovering from the accident, I have really bonded with Sugar so she is my girl. She is the one I always go to first, and she is the one that I take on trail rides or just take out to groom and love on. She’s my girl!
Then this all began in April of this year with my family and I suffering tremendous heartbreak over an addiction that was finally revealed and dealt with after years of knowing that something wasn’t right, yet being unable to put our finger on it. Finally my husband came clean with his addiction and sought help for it. Dealing with the stronghold of a pornography addiction and a secret life he was living brought up a lot of feelings within both of us. With him having an intimacy disorder due to this addition, he was unable to express his feelings and emotions, often clinging to the belief that real men don’t cry. That is a lie and society has done a great disservice by making little boys believe this and having these little boys grow into men that are programmed not to show any emotion whatsoever. In digging deeper into the reasons behind the pornography addiction revealed a lot more than what one would think. It revealed things from his past that have troubled him. Things that he stuffed deep inside never wanting to deal with them. Yet, now all of these years later, he was forced to come face to face with things that tormented him. In order to get to the other side as a survivor, in order to heal, he had to go through the pain of dealing with the causes of the addiction. It isn’t just a simple thing that he wanted to lust after women. It was deeper than that because he felt neglected as a child. Although both parents were in the home, they were preoccupied with other things and were not there emotionally for my husband. He hurt deep inside as a child with no one to console him. He craved the affection from his parents, and he wanted to be loved. Yet, they withheld their love and affection. He soon discovered his dad’s stash of dirty magazines and video tapes. Then, in secret, he would view these items and ended up self soothing when he was upset or felt neglected, abandoned, or hurt. This was his “go to” when he was hurting emotionally. What this does, though, is steal the very thing that you want – and that is to be loved and to freely express your emotions and affections. This childhood secret turned into a secret life as an adult, and although he had a wife that adored him and longed to lavish love and affection upon him, he could not shake something that he had been clinging to since his childhood. It began to rob us of intimacy within our marriage, and he became a cold fish to me much like his parents were to him. He was not available emotionally, mentally, physically, and certainly not spiritually due to the sin in his life. It took lots of tears and lots of heartache this year for him to own up to his addiction and get help for it. Quite frankly, it was destroying our marriage of 12 years. We were going down a path where I could not save us alone. We needed an intervention. It took tough love for him to finally see that things needed to change. NOW. He hit rock bottom when I refused to accept this in our marriage any longer. We reached a crossroads, and it was up to him to decide which way he wanted to go from that point. Did he want to turn from his ways and from the sin in his life, or did he want to cling to it while letting go of me, his wife, and us, his family? Our future was uncertain for a few months – from April to June, when he left the first time – from July to September, when his temper got the best of him, and he had to leave again – to October when he returned yet threatened to leave once more due to his emotions running so high and being so quick tempered as he dealt with not only his addition to pornography now but to tobacco and alcohol which he also picked up while trying to overcome the first addiction. Things finally evened out when I told him I would not allow him to ruin our holidays. My children and I were determined to have a good Thanksgiving and Christmas – with him or without him. We preferred it with him, of course, but it was all up to him. While I wanted to be supportive as he worked through these issues, he could not keep doing this to me and my children. Our hearts and our home did not have revolving doors for him to come and go as he pleased any longer. He had a choice to make once and for all. Thankfully, he chose me, his wife. He chose us, his family. He chose to turn from the secret life and kick the addictions once and for all. He could not do this alone, so he has been clinging to God’s word. I pray over him daily, although he probably has no idea. I pray that he will not be tempted and will not give into lust. I pray that God will protect his heart, mind, and soul in order to keep him from temptation and so that he will remain a man of integrity with Godly morals and values. I pray that he will have eyes for only me and that I will remain tucked within the chambers of his heart where my love will finally be enough for him. I pray for him to be devoted and dedicated to me as never before. I pray over our children so that they are not harmed and will not suffer long term due to what they have witnessed as we have worked through these hard issues in our marriage. I pray that they will never have to endure that which I have as I want so much more for them. I pray that the love my husband and I have for each other will see us through this storm in our marriage with God right in the center of it all. I pray that this new found intimacy with my husband and the bond that we now share will last through all eternity. I pray that together we can overcome that which threatens to destroy us and come out on the other side stronger than ever before as we walk hand in hand the rest of our lives together as a family.
So you see, the year 2014 has not been a good one for our family in a lot of ways. Therefore, I am ready to close this chapter of our lives. I’m ready to shut the door on all of the hurt and pain from this past year – from all of the years in the past. I’m ready for more for my family. I’m ready for good things to come our way. I’m ready for happiness and a life full of love. I’m hopeful for the year 2015 to bring healing for our family as we bid farewell to the problems, heartache, and pains of 2014.
Even still, God has been good to us. He has given us the gift of another year. Some did not make it to the end of 2014 as their lives were cut short. We are still here – praise God – and we cling to Jeremiah 29:11 as He has great plans for us. He has plans to give us a hope and a future!
The last page has been written, I am turning the page, and closing the final chapter of 2014.
I came to know you and despise you all at the same time 13 years ago. You slammed into me and my family on a hot July day stripping away every ounce of happiness and hope that we had for the future. When we should have been happy celebrating the birth of a new baby, you came like a thief in the night and stole our joy while leaving huge holes in our hearts. You snatched our hearts from our chests the day my sister died, leaving behind her two week old baby, and on many “special” occasions since that time as my sister is not here with us to “celebrate.” Instead, we feel you body slam us to the ground at these special times of the year.
Like now.
It’s Christmastime.
In just a few short days, Christmas will be here bringing all the laughter, joy, and cheer, and yet here we sit reminded of you and all you have taken from us.
A few short days ago, we mourned, cried, whaled, and held our heads in our hands on what should have been a happy occasion; my sister’s 46th birthday. Yet, there was no big celebration at all and none of us felt happy. We were consumed with you as you wreaked havoc on us all once more.
Oh how we wish to be free from you. How we wish we would have never come to know you.
And yet, you’re here. Sitting among us at the dinner table with our heads bowed, silence filling the room, as no one dare speaks my sister’s name as surely a flood of tears would flow down our faces like a torrential downpour if we did.
You assault us at this time of year especially.
My poor mother was so overcome with emotion yesterday, yet she can’t speak of my sister to my father who holds tight to you. He hurts and deals with you alone as you have rendered him speechless when you come around. My dear mother cried due to you yesterday to my daughter. My teenage daughter felt trapped in the room with her grandmother and YOU.
How dare you! How DARE you do this to my mother, to my father, to ME, to my children … how dare you!
What are we to do when you’ve stolen so much from our lives?
How are we supposed to go on when you keep coming around threatening to cripple us emotionally once more?
When will we ever be free of you?
Dear Grief. I hate you with a passion. I hate what you’ve done to our family. What you’ve taken from us – our hopes and dreams of the future. How you’ve torn this family apart from the inside out. I hate how we bleed internally as our hearts are shredded, and there is no help or hope for us to be free of you.
And so I pray.
I pray for peace that will not come for long. I pray for comfort for my parents and their hearts that have been ripped from their chests. I pray … that is all I know to do … as I hug them tightly and whisper, “I love you.”
Me, the surviving daughter.
The one without my sister.
The one that forces a smile when I feel as if I’m dying inside.
You will not steal my joy forever. For when I feel as if I cannot go on, I don’t have to do this alone … for God is with me. He swoops in when you threaten to take us all the way down into the pit of depression and despair, and He wraps His loving arms around us. He draws us near to Him and comforts the brokenhearted. He provides the light in the darkness for HE is the light.
Oh, The Light of The World has come to save us once more.
He dries our tears and allows us to rest our weary heads upon His shoulders. He holds us for a little while until we are able to stand without the need of being carried, but He does not go too far away. He is there ready and willing to catch us before we fall again when you threaten us once more.
You will not win, Grief.
For you see, we will be reunited with my sister once more and all of the loved ones that have gone on before us. While you try to cripple us on this earth, there will be NO tears in Heaven. None.
You will not exist in Heaven, Grief. You will finally die, but no one will mourn for you.
We will walk the streets of gold with my sister, together at last. We will be filled with so much joy as we walk hand in hand with Jesus.
Back in April of this year I went on a mad search on a country website looking for farm animals. I developed an obsession, okay?! At least I’m honest! I just had an accident on a green horse (meaning one that was not suitable for a rider, yet the owner was not honest with us about this fact until after the accident!), and I was unable to ride for a while. I would still go outside and love on the horses we have, but I was watching my family live my dream of owning and riding horses! They were getting to enjoy the way it felt to get on the back of a horse and let all of your cares fly away as you were free under the vast sky on one of God’s greatest creations: a horse! Until I was able to ride again, I set my sights upon a little dwarf goat.
Oh, he was the prettiest little thing having just been born. Instantly when I saw his picture, I knew I had to have him!
He was three hours from us, but the miles between us meant nothing to me. He had to be mine, and so we drove those three hours, my family and I, to meet the little goat. Considering that I was taking both of my children with me, I knew that I would not leave there with ONE goat but more than likely two.
And … we did!
While the little gray goat wrapped my oldest daughter all the way around his little hoof, my youngest daughter begged and pleaded for a little black and white goat that was tugging at her heart strings that day!
Tony and Angel were a sweet little pair of pygmy goats. These baby goats filled my daughters’ arms as each picked up their chosen and immediately began loving on them. It didn’t take long before these little goats filled their hearts with such joy, happiness, and love.
The drive home (remember … three whole hours) was filled initially with lots of volume from the goats as they were being separated from their mother. We forgot the earplugs, too! But alas, we suffered through it and thankfully they settled down about halfway home. ~Whew~
When we arrived at home, we got them all settled in and poured the love over them even more so. The girls would have stayed out there forever if we would have let them, but they needed to sleep some time!
These little baby goats required milk at first, and nothing is sweeter than bottle feeding a baby goat! They were absolutely adorable! But, it didn’t take long before they no longer needed bottle feeding and were able to eat … everything … in … sight!
If you’ve never been around the little pygmy goats, you don’t know what you’re missing. If you start early with handling them, they will sit in your lap just like a dog or cat. They will follow you around, affectionately calling out “Ma … Ma …” after you. So many times my daughters sat outside holding and cuddling with their little baby goats.
At others times, they would run through the yard with the goats closely behind them kicking their heels and bucking ever so often as they ran. They were frolicking and playing just like my daughters!
Tony was the cuddle bug out of the two. He would let you hold him like a baby, although on occasions he would yell a very loud, “MA!” which would send my girls into a fit of laughter. My oldest daughter loved doing this to Tony. It was hilarious! He wasn’t hurt, and trust me when I say that he was loving every minute of being cradled in our arms. He would tuck his little head under our chins and snuggle as closely as he could to our necks.
I cannot ever call an animal by their given names. I always have to make my own version of their name, which my daughters think is cute in a weird and crazy sort of way, but they’ve grown to love that about me, too! Tony became known as Tone Loc around our house, thanks to me. At other times, he would be referred to as Tony The Tiger, although he is clearly not a tiger. Don’t ask. lol The only thing I can think of is the cereal commercial where the actual tiger says that Frosted Flakes are “Grrrrrrrrr-eat!” Yea, I know you’re still shaking your head on that one.
Anyway …
Out of all of our animals (all 15 of them … five horses, four dogs, two goats, two rabbits, and two cats … I TOLD you it was a farm! lol), Tony was my oldest daughter’s favorite furry family member. They truly aren’t just animals, they aren’t just our pets either. They are family! We take each one in to our homes and into our hearts, where they stay. There simply is no other way to do it. If you’re going to have any kind of animal, make sure you’re dedicated and devoted to giving it the best life you possibly can as a member of your family.
My daughter would take “selfies” with Tony and post them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Members of the bands that she loves knew Tony by name as she shared his picture with them as well. Tony became famous that way!
Sadly, this past weekend Tony became ill. We noticed that Angel was still roaming around getting into everything and making us laugh as she tried to come inside the house. However, Tony was laying in the sun. We thought, at first, that Tony was just soaking up the sun as it had been so cold here with rain as well, but last weekend it warmed up and was really nice outside. Then we realized that it might be a bit more than that as Tony wasn’t himself at all.
My youngest daughter went out to lay beside Tony and cuddle with him where they both ended up falling asleep. I still tried to explain it away by saying he’s just enjoying the warmth of the sun and the love she’s giving him. In my heart, I wanted to believe that was true.
The next day we were calling the vet to see if there was anything we could do to help Tony. We desperately wanted to help the little guy. The vet was booked that day but gave us several things to do at home to help him. We did just like the vet instructed, and for a brief while it seemed as if Tony might be on the mend. We left to go to a concert only to return to find Tony laying there shivering. We touched Angel to see if she, too, was cold, but she wasn’t. We quickly ran into the house and got a baby blanket to wrap Tony in, and my oldest daughter carried Tony to the house. She sat out there with Tony cradled in her arms, and Tony’s little head tucked under her chin as he always did. Suddenly it was as if he lost control of his little neck and could no longer support it at times.
And she began to cry.
She rocked this little guy, holding him as close as she possibly could with the love between them so apparent to all that witnessed it.
And then my youngest daughter began to cry as well.
We sat out there with Tony until well after midnight. My girls had school the next day, so I told them that they needed to give all of their love to Tony and then get ready for bed as it was well past their bedtime. We couldn’t deny them this time with their beloved Tony, though, as we did not know how things would progress through the night/morning.
I checked on Tony around 1 a.m. before turning in myself, whispering a little prayer as I stroked his little face and looked into his eyes telling Tone Loc that he had to pull through.
We awoke the next morning to the news from my husband that Tony did not make it through the night. Our hearts were broken as tears streamed down our faces.
It was hard to get ready for school and work after news like that.
We did the best we could, but we were all late for work as we had to bury our beloved family member. In the morning fog, my husband made his way out to dig a grave for Tony, complete with a cross as the headstone.
We forced ourselves to focus but ended up giving in to random tears here and there throughout the day. My youngest daughter told her class what happened, and the teacher immediately made a sympathy card complete with a picture my daughter had submitted a few months earlier of her and Tony in the pet contest at school. That was so incredibly sweet of them!
My oldest daughter tried to be so strong and act like her heart really wasn’t broken, only for me to find her later curled up sobbing over the loss of little Tony. She asked me why this had to happen. She said Tony was so young at only ten months old. She said he hadn’t gotten to live really in that short amount of time, and she did not understand why something like this had to happen. There are no words that will soothe and comfort a broken heart; none. I curled up with her and hugged her while doing the only thing I knew to do; pray. I prayed for comfort from God above; for Him to wrap His love around her and comfort as only HE could at a time like this.
What a little goat taught us in the short amount of time he was here on this earth was that it’s all about love. Because it is …
There is no greater gift than the gift of love. It doesn’t matter if it’s love from two legged family members or friends, or whether it’s love from four legged family members. Love speaks to all. I firmly believe that.
Just as my daughter displayed her love for and to Tony throughout the entire time she had him in her life, Tony gave that love back to her as well with every cute little sound he would make and every time he yelled “Ma …” From every nibble as she fed him out of the palm of her hand, to every tug she felt on her heartstrings from the very first day she saw him … He taught us that it’s always been about love.
Hold tightly to the ones that you have in your life. You never know when their time on this earth will be no more. As much as we would like to have our family and friends with us throughout our entire lives, some times that just is not possible. God calls them home – and we never know when our time will come either.
LOVE … all. It’s really that simple.
There’s no time for holding grudges. There’s no time for hatred. Make having peace and love in your heart a priority in your life. Nothing else matters. Not what this person did or what that person said. It is all irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Don’t waste a single minute more holding on to things that you need to let go of.
The only thing that truly matters is time spent with those you love. Don’t cut people out of your life or spend more time focusing on things that should not hold more value for you than your family and friends.
Take time to show those that you have in your life the love you have in your heart for them. Take time to snuggle, to bond, to be close, and just be together.
Take time to show love!
Just as we all did with Tony.
Forever in our hearts … and forever grateful for the time we did have with you, Tone Loc.
As we enter into the holiday season with snow beginning to fall and temperatures dropping even in the South, we prepare for our Thanksgiving feast and then Christmas festivities shortly thereafter. When we’re supposed to be filled with holiday cheer, the truth is that a lot of people are dreading the holidays. Either they are fighting depression, are in the mist of a crisis, or they do not have any family to gather with during the holiday season. There are a whole list of reasons why people are not in the holiday spirit and actually end up dreading this time of year!
Will you take time to remember them? The ones that feel like they have lost hope? The ones with no cheer left within their hearts and souls right now? The ones that are struggling to put their feet on the floor in the mornings and pull themselves out of bed to greet the day?
Some hide it so well that you’d never truly know that they dislike the holiday season. They will force a smile, hum a Christmas song, all the while they feel like they are dying inside.
Maybe they are like so many that have lost loved ones this year. Maybe they will have one vacant seat at the dinner table this year, or maybe, like in our case, there will be several vacant seats when our family gathers around after having lost my sister, granddaddy, and grandma in years past. Along with the empty chairs are hearts that feel as if they have holes in them as they miss their loved ones so much that memories of holidays past leave trails of tears streaming down their cheeks.
The truth is that not everyone feels like celebrating. Some would even like to hibernate, if that were even an option, until after the first of the year.
Will you take time to remember those individuals in prayer? Will you silently speak to God on their behalf asking Him to wrap His loving arms around them?
God, provide them comfort as only You can, Father. They need you …
This post was inspired by the prompt word of Truth for this edition of Tuesday at Ten.
We visited with our dear friend, Debbie, this weekend. We have returned home with heavy hearts now more than ever after seeing her in the condition that she is in. It is truly heart breaking.
Debbie was so full of life in September as she showed us around her town. And now, she lays in that hospital bed with her head drooping somewhat to her right side as the cancer has taken away her ability to walk and to control her neck now. Her right arm is paralyzed according to her husband, while she tries with all of her might to use her left arm and hand.
An adjustable hospital bed was delivered to Debbie’s home Friday, and she tried Friday night to get it into a comfortable position. There’s no such thing, according to her, now, though. Nevertheless, she would send that bed all the way up as high as the setting would allow toward the ceiling just to move it back down again. She would press those buttons with all of her might, and she would find temporary relief for her legs. She’d move it to another position within minutes. At other times, she would adjust the head of the bed to provide some support for her neck. We bought a travel pillow to place around her neck to help offer some support. She didn’t like it at first, but she accepted it back after a few minutes. Later, she had it removed again and used rolled up towels to steady her neck. Then she’d go back to adjusting the bed – the only thing she probably feels like she can control at this point.
My heart hurts for this lady. She is only 60 years old. While that may sound old to some, it is so young in my eyes. She is supposed to have so many more years here on this earth, and yet, she is slowly slipping away.
Her husband, Ray, has been caring for her, and his love and devotion shines through. They married just after Debbie turned 18, according to Ray, and they have been married now for 42 years. That is just amazing! But to see him in action, how he dotes on Debbie and would do anything in the world to take her pain away … it grabs you right there in the heart. That is love! Ray took his marriage vows very seriously as he’s doing all he can with the strength that he has to care for his wife. The roles were reversed a few short years ago as Ray was having health issues, and Debbie was right there by his side throughout the entire ordeal. She took care of her man, and now he is taking care of her. It warmed my soul to see him in action this weekend and to see the love in his eyes as he spoke of being married to her. He began to tear up as she told us that she had declined rapidly in the 12 hours before we arrived on Friday.
There truly are no words to describe what is happening to our dear friend, and yet here I sit as I want others to know about this precious lady and to uplift her in their prayers. She needs it now more than ever.
Just a few short months ago, we were laughing and having the absolute best time with our friends. Now we fight back tears as we update each other or receive updates from the family. We did get Debbie to smile this weekend, and her husband said that she hasn’t done that in a very long time. We started cracking jokes about how Debbie tried to keep us all straight, and that was a job in itself! She smiled, and it warmed our hearts. I tried harder then to find something else to crack a joke about to help lift her spirits, and there it was again. That sweet smile that formed across Debbie’s lips. Although she’s weak, she is still very “with it” and keeps up on the conversation. It may take her a bit to respond now as she forms her thoughts and concentrates to get them out, but she is still very much aware even so much as to offer a phone number when her daughter needed to contact her aunt! We were very impressed with that one!
Oh Debbie. Sweet Debbie.
I took the opportunity every chance that I could this weekend to tell her that I love her. I repeated myself, but THAT, my friends, NEEDS to be repeated! I don’t know if I’ll get the chance again to hold her hand, look into her eyes, and say, “I love you, lady!” I hope. I pray. But it is all in God’s hands.
Debbie was surrounded by her daughter and granddaughters, as well as her husband and her aunt, as we went to leave to travel back to our house. That house was packed to the rim with love, pure love!
Please, if you can right where you are, stop reading for a moment and offer up prayers for our dear friend, Debbie. Please also pray for all of the cancer patients that are struggling right now. We don’t have to call them all by name, as it would be impossible as there are people all over the world inflicted with this. God knows their names and their situations as we cover them all with prayer.
Cancer has touched my family in the last seven years – in my mom and in my dad. We pray over them all the time that they will continue to be cancer free after their surgeries. We are so thankful for the treatment that they sought and want to encourage you – all of the readers – please don’t neglect your health. IF you notice anything out of the ordinary, get in to see a doctor as soon as you can. I only wish Debbie had done so sooner.
Prayer warriors … unite!
We know that God could perform a miracle for Debbie right now if that was His will and His plan. In the event that it is not, though, we pray that Debbie will not have to struggle and be in pain. We don’t want to lose Debbie, but we know that she is suffering at this time. They were giving her morphine, and even that was not touching the nerve pain, according to her husband.
She needs us to go before the throne of Jesus offering our prayers, and I thank you from the very bottom of my heart for praying for our precious friend, Debbie.
Update: We were just advised that our dear friend, Debbie, has passed away. Please keep her family in your thoughts and prayers as this most difficult time. Debbie will forever be in our hearts, and I am thankful for 17 years of the most beautiful and precious friendship. I love you, Debbie. Always & Forever!
For previous posts regarding Debbie, please see the below:
This is my dear friend, Debbie. This precious lady is really more like a second mother to me. No matter what was going on in my life, she has always been there. We’ve known each other for the past 17 years and have shared much laughter as well as tears.
If you’ve been following along for a while, you’ll remember a post from September when our little crew rallied around Debbie after learning that she had breast cancer. Our friend, Betty, and her daughter, Haylie, came all the way from Oklahoma to put their arms around Debbie. Our other friend, Sylvia, traveled from Alabama with her son, Andrew, for the very same reason. We just wanted to love on Debbie for a little while. We wanted her to truly know the love we have in our hearts for her.
Back in September, we were able to forget for a little while what brought us together for that weekend. We threw our heads back laughing and enjoying each other’s company and the unique personalities that gathered around Debbie. We had a good time that weekend, my daughters and I. We took our friendship of 17 years with these precious individuals beyond the computer screen and the Lifetime Lounge and took it into real life. Why not? We had shared our lives with each other through the years any way, the good as well as the bad and the ugly! It was time – past time, honestly, to meet in person and give real hugs versus cyber hugs.
Now, the reality of the situation is forced in our faces once more. Debbie is really sick and is struggling due to the affects the cancer has had on her body. It has taken its toll, going from her right breast and in to her lymph nodes. The last report that I received was that the cancer had spread to her liver as well as fluid around her lung and into her spine. It wasn’t in her brain at that time, though. As you can imagine, this was devastating news for all of us. We can’t begin to imagine what her family must be going through and what she, herself, is having to endure.
This is where it gets really tough!
This is where we ask … Why?
Why did it have to be this way? Debbie is a good person! Why must she go through this and suffer so? Why couldn’t it have been caught sooner or prevented altogether? Why is this happening? No one has these answers here on this side of Heaven.
And at a time like this, all we can do is gather together and offer prayers to our Heavenly Father on Debbie’s behalf. We did just that the evening before we all had to part ways in September. We gathered around Debbie in a hotel room after hours spent together that day with our dear friends that traveled from states away, and we placed our hands on Debbie as we all bowed our heads and prayed for her and over her. Debbie cried. Real tears rolled down her cheeks, and after the prayer, she said that she has never felt more loved in all of her life. Mission accomplished. We came that weekend for her to feel our love, and she did, as strong as ever!
None of us could haven known what the future would hold. No one knew but our Father in Heaven. He knows the plans He has for Debbie. He knows why she had to walk this path.
We don’t understand, and yet there are things we aren’t supposed to understand. All we know is that our friend is hurting and needs us …
And so … we are returning to Georgia this weekend.
We have heard from Debbie’s daughter that she is having a really hard time and unable to get out of bed without assistance. They made the decision to call Hospice in. And … we, her friends, made the decision to call the prayer warriors together … now more than ever before … to surround our dear friend, Debbie, to uplift her when she’s feeling so down, for God to give her strength when she is so weak, for Him to provide comfort when she’s hurting:
For where two or three are gathered together in my name,
there am I in the midst of them.
Matthew 18:20
God was there that evening in September when we gathered around Debbie to pray for her. I know that without a shadow of a doubt. I believe Debbie not only felt the love we all have for her, but she received a touch from God Almighty that evening as well. I believe He enabled her to hold on a little longer as she has two grown children, lots of grandchildren, and one great-grand on the way. She’s been so strong for so long, and the last message we received from her personally spoke of how she wanted to give up. Of course, we told her that was NOT an option. Keep fighting the good fight … and she has.
We are rushing to her side tomorrow even if all we can do is sit with Debbie, hold her hand, and pray with her, for her, and over her. God will be there. He has never left her side. In fact, He’s carrying her in His loving arms when she’s unable to get around on her own. God has her in the palm of His great and mighty hand. He’s not letting her go. Debbie will be healed, whether it is on this side of Heaven or when she gets to Heaven. As painful as that was to write, I know that Debbie will not suffer much longer. Whether Jesus reaches down and heals her completely on Earth, or whether that just is not in the plans … she will suffer no more when Jesus calls her home to be with Him. There won’t be any more pain, no more suffering, and there won’t be any need for Debbie to shed any more tears. No, there won’t be any tears in Heaven. Debbie will be made whole once again.
We don’t want to lose her, please know that. Selfishly, we want Debbie here with us. We would take this all away from her in a minute if we possessed the power to do so. Yet, we do not. We do have the power to pray, and that is the weapon that we will arm ourselves with tomorrow as we go to battle with this thing that has taken over her body. We will pray, we will fight when she is unable to do so on her own. We will lift up our voices to God in Heaven on her behalf, and we ask you to do the same. Oh, I know you don’t know Debbie personally, but please … say a prayer for her. Pray with all your might, or just whisper a silent prayer … GOD HEARS THEM ALL!
And …
He’s in our mist.
With heavy hearts, we will travel to Georgia on this Friday morning to see our sweet friend’s face. We will gather around her bed, if need be, and pray.
This trip won’t be like the last one. It won’t be fun and laughter like before. I have prepared my daughters who have insisted that they have to go as well. And so, they shall. I believe that God hears the prayers of little children, and they will be offering up their prayers on Debbie’s behalf as well.
When times are hard in your life and there seems to be trouble all around, please do not lose hope. It is so easy to feel as if all hope is gone and to allow that hopeless feeling to rush in, but please … hold on, my dear friend. Help is on the way. God has given us faith, hope, and love. He said it in His word. Cling to it! Use your faith in God above to pull you through each and every situation that attempts to steal your joy and peace. Hold on to hope in those trying times and know that God is not going to leave you nor forsake you. He is right there with you although He may seem silent at times. Just keep holding on. His love will see you through!
He did not promise that you would not have heartaches in this life. Oh, how we all wish it could be smooth sailing ALL of the time, but that just cannot be. There is sin in the world, and due to this, there is a tremendous amount of suffering. Bad things happen to good people. It’s a heartbreaking reality.
I know of a sweet lady that would do anything for anybody that is suffering with cancer at this moment in time. It is literally eating away at her, and yet, she is full of hope … and she has faith … why? Because of God’s love! She is suffering and yet puts on this strong face for us all. She speaks so matter-of-factly about what is taking place, and she puts plans in place for beating this thing! She has faith, and she’s full of hope! WE are full of hope WITH her. We know that, if it is God’s will, a miracle can happen to turn this thing completely around. It CAN happen! We are clinging to hope at this time especially and ask God to comfort this sweet lady as only He can.
If this woman can hold on to her faith and still have hope as she’s relying on God’s love as she’s fighting cancer … what, exactly, is our problem? If she’s staring this in the face and still continuing to march full speed ahead, what is our excuse?
We have SO much to be thankful for and yet we take so much for granted. Stop right now and thank God for ALL of the many blessings in your life. They are there, dear ones. Recognize them, even in the face of trouble. Thank Him and praise Him for how He is working in each one of our lives.
In times of trouble, think of this woman that is suffering and yet remains hopeful. Then realize that your situation is not hopeless either. Keep fighting the good fight. You CAN do this.
Please … don’t ever lose hope. No matter what comes your way, remain hopeful, lean on God’s great love, and keep the faith!
This post was inspired by the prompt word of Hope for Tuesday At Ten. Link up your post here.
Yesterday I ran into someone from my past. It should have been a wonderful reunion, and yet, it was awkward. It saddened me greatly to think of what could have been, what should have been, and yet what currently … is.
What hurts is that this person has been kept from us the majority of her life. The individual that I speak of is my sister’s daughter. My niece. If you’ve visited with us before, you know that we lost my sister 13 years ago to suicide. She took her own life two weeks after having her daughter. We were devastated by my sister’s passing. Then we were further devastated when her only child was taken from us. We were not allowed access to her because my sister’s husband decided that his parents should be the caregivers of their daughter. We were only allowed a few short weekends with her, and she was taken from us again. This broke our hearts completely. Then after several more years passed, they wanted to allow us into this little girl’s life once more. We did everything we could to be there for this little girl, and yet again, she was taken from us. I don’t know if they felt threatened or what exactly went through their minds at that point for them to take her away from us again. That is exactly what they did, though. This time, however, I did not react the same way that I had in years past. I did not chase after them, nor did I beg for them to allow us to see my sister’s daughter. I prayed, I cried, I fell on my face before Jesus, and yet it still did not change the situation we were all in. I had to deal with not only losing my sister but her daughter as well. That is the sad reality of the situation. Although my niece is still here on this earth, we are not allowed access to her … so we have lost her, too.
A year or so ago, my daughter found my niece on Facebook. We all sent a friend request, and much to our surprise, it was accepted. However, if I would send her a message or write on her wall, it would be ignored so I finally stopped trying. She would only respond to my oldest daughter, then she stopped with that as well.
Yesterday we were in the store when she came over to my daughter and slapped her on her arm. My daughter turned around and was excited to see her … yet there was this awkwardness that lingered. My daughter quickly came down the aisle saying, “Look who I found …” and upon seeing her, my eyes lit up and a smile spread wide across my lips as I said, “Hey there, darling … ” only to be greeted with steel cold eyes and not a single expression on this little girl’s face. None. I stood cemented in my place as the reality slammed into me. I … don’t … know … her … anymore. We’re strangers.
My daughter tried to say a few words, and I tried once more asking if she was there alone or with someone. Her response was still cold as ice as she said, “I’m here with the old man.” She meant the grandfather that had instigated her isolation from our family. I just stood there again, only this time, feeling my heart almost leaving my chest the same as it did on occasions in the past when she was slipping from me. The reality is, she’s already gone. She is a stranger to me now … and although I have tried to be involved in her life all of those years – 13 years of trying – the harsh reality is that I’m NOT a part of her life … and probably never will be.
It’s sad thinking of how it COULD be … how it SHOULD be … how it WOULD be if only my sister had reached out to someone, anyone that hot July day and let us help her through what she was feeling. I imagine that our lives would be so much different … if only …
It breaks my heart … and yet all I can do is turn to God once more for comfort and for Him to restore peace.
