Intentional Marriage

Date Nights

Shirley Happy Wives Club, Intentional Marriage, Love Languages 4

Remember what it was like when you were young and in love? How you looked forward to a phone call from that special someone and even more so to the upcoming weekend because you would be going on a date with them! Just because we are older now and married does not mean that we have to lose that feeling or that excitement.

Why do a lot of married couples feel that they no longer have to do all of the things that they once did when they were dating? Just because they’ve “caught” the one they were chasing after does not mean that the romance has to end. The days of whispering sweet nothings in your special someone’s ear does not have to cease, and neither do date nights!

I know that with demands from the job, a family, etc., some things fall by the wayside. Romance in your marriage should not be one of them! Make it a priority! If people would continue to do all of the things that they once did to win their mates over, their relationships wouldn’t be in ruins today. Be purposeful about time spent with your mate.

My husband and I have learned this the hard way. Things were great in the beginning of our marriage. We were happy and so much in love. Then other things started creeping in, and we stopped making our marriage a priority. We focused more on the children, our jobs, household chores, everything BUT taking time out for each other and our marriage. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, then, what happened next. We started drifting further and further apart. We felt disconnected from each other. The slightest little thing would irritate us or aggravate us. We couldn’t quite put our finger on what was going on!

Do not let this happen in your marriage!

We finally realized that something was missing, and we became intentional about the time we would spend together. We started making time for each other. All other things had to wait on days that we would plan an outing for just the two of us or a romantic evening together. We would make sure that the children were well taken care of, and then off we would go!

Whether we spent time on a dinner cruise, walking hand in hand on the beach, or grooming horses in our backyard, it was time spent together doing something that we enjoyed. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant, unless you want it to be. It’s just important to spend time together. One of my most favorite things to do is just talk. Hold hands across the table as we are dining out, and just talk to each other without a lot of interruptions, except from the waitress occasionally checking on us. Then take a walk by the water’s edge holding each other as we pause to look up at the moon and the stars sparkling for all the world to see but feeling in that moment that they’re dancing just for us.

This may seem small and like one of those “where have you been” moments! Just know that this happens more often than you may think in relationships and marriages. That is why it is so important to make time, be intentionally focused on your mate, and spend time together. Continue to keep the love, romance, and passion alive in your marriages. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married five years or fifty years. Show your spouse that they are important to you, that you love, cherish, and treasure them, and that nothing else matters in that moment but them.

My husband and I aren’t just planning a date night this time. No, today we are taking an entire day to go on an adventure together – just the two of us. I am looking so forward to our time together. As he was sitting near me drinking his coffee this morning, I asked him for his thoughts on this whole subject of date nights. Here is his response, in his own words:

I have really enjoyed our time together. It gives us time to reconnect and appreciate each other. My wife is a blessing to me. I feel much closer and the bond is greater than before. It’s like another level of intimacy has entered our marriage, and I look forward to our time together. It makes me appreciate my wife, care for her, and cherish her even more. My world feels complete when we’re together talking, snuggling together, holding hands, hugging … just showing affection. It’s huge! I have also realized that this is key in a relationship to maintain the connection, to show the other that you care and appreciate them. You reach out to them for no other reason than to hold them, to have that actual connection, to share your feelings.

I will leave you with that as we begin our adventure together today. Make time for those that you love. Carve out time for memory making moments together.

Date Nights Date Nights1

Hope Is Real

Shirley Intentional Marriage, My Story, To Write Love On Her Arms 0

Recently my daughter wrote a post about an organization called To Write Love On Her Arms. We purchased some of their merchandise and have been proudly wearing their shirts. The ones we like the best are the ones that say “You’re Not Alone” and “Hope Is Real.” We have gotten a few double takes as people have seen us walking around with these messages. We feel they are messages that people every where need to see, hear, and feel!

How many times have you felt alone in this cold, cruel world? How many would admit feeling hopeless in various different situations? I think, if we are honest with ourselves, we have all had these feelings at some point in our lives. That is why I’m here to tell you today and every day, as long as you need a little encouragement and support along your journey, that you matter! You are enough! You mean the world to someone and may not even realize it. You are not alone as God is right there beside you walking every step of the way, and when you feel at your lowest point or your absolute weakest, that is when God will carry you the rest of the way.

When I lost my sister almost 13 years ago, I did not see how I would ever be able to go on without her. I felt like the entire world crashed down around my feet. I could barely breathe and found myself asking how do I go on? It was one of the hardest things to ever face for our family. There were times that I felt so incredibly alone and so hopeless, but I had family and friends that came alongside of me to remind me that they were there, they loved me, and we would get through this together. We all had questions that went unanswered around her death, and it pains us to this very day what happened and the circumstances leading up to her taking her own life. I’m sure at that moment, she felt incredibly hopeless and was filled with such feelings of loneliness and despair. Oh how I wish I could have helped her. I wish I could have saved her. I wish she would have turned to me in her darkest hours to let me help her through this.

We all have problems in this life. They seem all consuming at times, and it is hard to think rationally when our heads are spinning as things continue to be hurled at us. What I wish I could have expressed to my sister is how much I love her, how valuable she was to her family, and how much she truly did matter.

Just recently our family encountered problems, and we struggled. I felt almost the same identical feelings crash into me this time just as I had experienced almost 13 years ago. The situation was somewhat different, yet the grief familiar. To be honest, our family is still struggling through some very difficult issues. It’s hard to face what has become your reality. You always hear of things happening, but it’s always to other people. Surely this can’t be happening to US! But, it is. In the face of great difficulty, it’s so easy to just throw your hands in the air and give up. That would be the easy way out. Yet, we refuse to do that! Anything worth having is worth fighting for. You just don’t quit when the going gets tough. That is when you hold on tighter and with all of your might. The best thing to hold on to in this life is each other!

I was told this past week by a friend that I just refuse to give up until I have exhausted every measure, every avenue … and you know what? That is a very true statement. I refuse to give up. I will do whatever it takes because the person involved is worth it. We are worth it. Our family is worth it. Our children are worth it. Our lives are intertwined, and I believe that HOPE IS REAL for us … for you … for any one out there struggling, no matter the situation or circumstances! Hope is real! I believe it with my whole heart. So, no, I won’t give up until I know that I have tried absolutely EVERYTHING, and then and only then will I throw in the towel. It’s not over … it’s only just beginning. Life is worth living, people are worth loving, and hope is worth hanging on to!

When all else fails and you don’t know what to do … pray! Believe that God is working this situation out for His good, for His honor, and His glory … believe that God has plans for us … plans to give us a hope and a future.

HOPE IS REAL! I believe it with my whole heart.