Today is my sister’s birthday. She should be here for us to gather around with birthday cake and balloons in hand as we burst into song singing, “Happy Birthday To You …”
But alas, she is celebrating with Jesus again this year, just as she has for the past 13 years.
This time of year is hard for so many, my family included, because while we should be happy and full of cheer, there is a very important member of our family that is missing.
Growing up, my sister and I were NOT the best of friends. We fought like all siblings do, and we were at odds with each other more times than I care to remember. It was even worse in the teenage years for some reason. But, something miraculous happened when we grew into adults. A friendship formed between us unlike any I’ve ever known before … or since.
We would have lunch together almost every work day. She would call me up and ask, “Little or big?” and instantly I knew she was referring to whether we wanted to have a little lunch which would consist of fast food or a big sit down type of a lunch.
When we weren’t having lunch during the work week, we were at each other’s houses on the weekends hanging out together. Or, we went shopping!
She teased me unmercifully in our childhood, and while we had become the best of friends as adults, the teasing continued. The only difference now is that this time it was playful kidding instead of children just being mean to each other as they tend to do. She often teased me about my “hooker red lipstick.” She wasn’t a makeup type person at all. She preferred to go all natural. Me, on the other hand, I have liked makeup from a very early age. And so, she teased me every time she would see me smear it on or show up for lunch with it freshly applied. Yep, me and my hooker red lipstick!
I miss her teasing me. I miss her calling me names and sticking her foot just inside my door to aggravate me in my childhood. I would yell, “Get out of my room!” and she would stick her toe just outside the door into the hallway with the biggest grin on her face as she announced, “I’m not IN your room.” Then she would proceed to take her toe and put it just inside my room and then quickly remove it while chanting, “I’m in … I’m out … I’m in … I’m out …” tormenting me to no end!
Yes. I miss that.
I miss her not letting me play with her favorite Barbie doll. I even miss her not letting me borrow her camera even though she was not using it, and it sat idle.
Why do I miss these things?
Because … they are childhood memories connected to my sister, and I don’t want to lose a single one of those memories.
I miss her and wish that I could have just one more day with her.
I’ll leave you with the words of a Diamond Rio song that is close to my heart. Once you read through or listen to it with the lyrics on Youtube, you’ll understand why.
Last night I had a crazy dream A wish was granted just for me, it could be for any thing I didn’t ask for money or a mansion in Malibu I simply wished for one more day with you
One more day, one more time One more sunset, maybe I’d be satisfied But then again, I know what it would do Leave me wishing still for one more day with you
First thing I’d do is pray for time to crawl I’d unplug the telephone and keep the TV off I’d hold you every second, say a million I love you’s That’s what I’d do with one more day with you
One more day, one more time One more sunset maybe I’d be satisfied But then again I know what it would do Leave me wishing still for one more day with you
One more day, one more time One more sunset maybe I’d be satisfied But then again I know what it would do Leave me wishing still for one more day With you.
Happy birthday in Heaven, Pamela. I love you. Always & Forever.
Our family has had a situation play out within the past few months that have been extremely painful for us all to process. There seemed to be an elephant in the room, although no one wanted to ever acknowledge it. We knew something wasn’t quite right, and yet every time we tried to address it, it was brushed aside once more. Nothing ever gets resolved when this happens.
The days of tiptoeing around this elephant in the room turned into weeks, then months, and ultimately years of denying there was an elephant at all. Yet, in the back of our minds, we knew. We saw, we felt, and we lived side by side with this elephant.
By now you may be wondering exactly where I am going with this and what, exactly, am I talking about here. You may even be scratching your head right now while asking, “What is the elephant in the room that she’s referring to?” It is my husband’s addiction to pornography. Before you gasp and shy away from this post, please hear me out and see how this has affected us all. It has been extremely painful, and yet, I feel the story needs to be told.
Click here to continue reading over on Jennifer Dukes Lee’s site, author of Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need For Approval And Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes, where Shirley is the PreApproved Writer of The Week. There you will find the rest of my story and how we are crushing the idol, once and for all, as well as a book at the end that Jennifer recommends to help those who have suffered through a spouse’s pornography addiction.
Things haven’t been right in a while. There have been struggles … lots of struggles … and happiness? That seems like something in the past that will never return again, or if it does, it will only be for a fleeting moment.
Don’t you think it’s time for a change?
Isn’t it time to return the heartache and pain in exchange for joy and love in our hearts once again?
TURN THE PAGE!
Only … allow it to be better this time than ever before. While the sins of the past have been repented of and forgiveness given by God’s grace, let’s put it all behind us. Cast the hurt and pain aside. Write it all down and burn the pages if you must, but rid yourself of all that has been tagging along stealing your joy, happiness, and intimate moments with your family. Anger has no place here, neither does destruction.
It’s time for new beginnings. For a fresh start.
The pages of the book are crisp and clean … white … just waiting for you to write the next chapter of our lives together.
Begin writing a new chapter, focusing on our happily ever after!
I know at times you grow weary with all of the diaper changes, feedings, and sleepless nights. I truly do understand. I was there, too! But, I have good news! This, too, shall pass! Moms, your work is not going unnoticed at this point in time, although it may feel like it. You are working toward a greater goal. You will get there, and one day soon you will see a light at the end of the tunnel! It only gets better and better! I promise!
I absolutely love being a mother to two beautiful girls! My oldest daughter is 17 years old, while my youngest daughter is ten years old.
I’ve been through all of the late night feedings, blow out diaper changes, colic, and RSV (with my youngest being hospitalized with this at just two months old – very scary, I’ll have you know!).
I’ve been through teething, potty training, the biting stage my oldest daughter went through when she was in daycare (yikes!), to same day surgery when my oldest daughter when she had an accident on a slide at the playground. The same day surgery I mentioned with my oldest daughter on a slide at the playground.The child who went down before her hadn’t yet gotten up, but decided to do so right as my daughter approached the end of the slide! The top of the child’s head caught my daughter’s chin as she was sliding down to the end while the other child stood up! Believe me, ladies, this is NOT a phone call you want to receive! “There was an accident, and she’s bleeding …” That is ALL I heard before I threw the phone down and raced as fast as I could to the daycare to see my daughter’s tongue laying open. Off to the Ear, Nose, & Throat Specialist we went who said they could stitch it in their office without putting my daughter under, OR I could opt to do same day surgery which would be less traumatic. Um, the latter, PLEASE!! Even that was traumatic, though, as I went into the recovery room afterwards to see my precious little girl laying there with an IV in her little arm and tongue stitched up, still groggy from the surgery yet strong willed enough to insist the IV be taken out. It couldn’t be, of course, at that point in time, but she tried everything to get us to take it out. She cried, and we cried with her…finally realizing the biggest discomfort was the piece of tape they wrapped around her arm. Who would have thought something so simple would have been such a big source of pain? I was able to remove it, and she was finally able to rest.
Oh yes, ladies, I’ve seen a lot through the years with my girls.
When I was pregnant with my youngest, we received a phone call from the school that my oldest daughter was playing on the playground when another accident happened! Oh dear! My poor daughter was, once again, just trying to have fun when it went in the wrong direction. She was playing on the monkey bars. She was proudly making her way across when she lost her grip and crashed to the ground…but not before her little mouth hit the top of another child’s head, knocking her two front teeth out! I cringe every time I think of this day. I was very much nine months pregnant and received the phone call. We rushed to her side and found her now toothless smile greeting us as we entered the office. This little girl was THRILLED at her new look. Her parents, not so much!! Check out the picture of my darling daughter holding her new sister, both showing their little gums as they smiled for the camera a few months after. I didn’t think her permanent teeth would ever come in, but thank God it was only her baby teeth that were knocked out by the accident!
We’ve had multiple tea parties through the years with both of my girls, played dress up, and had “silly time” while dancing around to music from a ballerina pop up jewelry box (my husband included,even dancing around with a tutu…that’s just what daddies do). An all time favorite memory of mine is last August right before school started back. We intended on making the most of the last little bit of summer that we had left. My youngest daughter and I had a tea party where we dressed up in almost matching attire. Ah, but the outfit surely was not complete without our heels and crowns. We were the Queen and the Princess at the Royal Palace having tea with our pinky fingers fully extended, of course. Oh, we had a great time that day! Thankfully, my oldest daughter captured this “Kodak moment.”
Through the years with my oldest, we’ve gone through experimenting with makeup, the right age to start shaving your legs, and painting nails over and over again (I’m pretty sure we’re professionals now!). My youngest daughter has now reached the age to where she’s inquiring as to when she, too, can shave her legs. Oh, Heaven help us! She’s practicing applying makeup, too, putting on her mascara right alongside us. I don’t let her wear it out, usually, but it is funny watching her parade around after she’s “put on her face.”
My parents, who have always been such an active and important part of my daughters’ lives, have shared in these moments with them as well. They are so incredibly close to their grandparents, and it thrills my heart completely!
We’ve been through the whole right of passage of my oldest daughter getting her permit and driver’s license. THAT is a scary experience. Imagine your daughter (or son) years from now behind the wheel for the very first time while you sit beside her (or him). I promise your foot will go through the floorboard as you try to apply the brakes FOR them. Luckily we survived, and I have to say she is a very good driver now and is responsible behind the wheel. We have a while before we have to worry about that with my youngest daughter. Thank you, God!
And now…with my oldest daughter, we are looking at colleges and shopping for prom dresses! She’s a Senior and this is a very important year in her life. She graduates in May of 2015. Oh my! How can this be?! We just ordered her cap, gown, and graduation invitations as well as her Senior portraits! It’s happening … faster than I’d like it to!
My youngest daughter is in fourth grade. I am perfectly fine with that as I do NOT want my children to grow up so fast and am actually thankful that they ARE so far apart in age right now! Time is just moving way too quickly for my liking. I truly find myself asking, “Where did the time go?!”
I’ve vowed not to be too clingy with my youngest daughter as my oldest daughter seeks her independence and self-identity apart from me. That is hard, ladies. Let me just tell you … that is so very hard!
But I’m getting a second chance here to do all of these fun, and scary, things again with my youngest daughter. Yes, I get to experiment with hair and makeup with her, too! I get to watch her get all dolled up with sparkly earrings and lacy dresses, just for her to strip it all off and go straight to her jeans, cowgirl boots, tee-shirt, and hat as she goes outside to get her horse ready to ride.
I get to watch her in this in-between-stage right now. She still likes to use her imagination to play, and she loves to imitate what she sees in a movie. She had a bow and arrow like the character in Brave, and now she pretends she’s in The Hunger Games. I love how she puts her heart and soul into her play, too.
And then, there is her very serious side as she’s making ten her own. She’s growing, she’s learning, she’s exploring, and she is becoming her own person with her unique personality. She makes me smile so wide and melts my heart as I watch her in action. She is also very serious when it comes to her ponies, Petunia & Trigger! She is the best little cowgirl around, too!
Right now she still wants to cuddle with me. Pretty soon she will slip into the “don’t show affection in front of my friend’s, Mom” mode. Oh Lordy, help me when that happens. But, for now, I am enjoying every single moment when she wants to come sit next to me, cuddle with me, and share a blanket with me as we snuggle in to watch a movie. It is rare that I have these moments with my 17 year old, but when I do, I still treasure them! It means the world to me to be able to spend time with my girls and to know that they actually want to spend time with ME, too!!
I am very proud of both of my girls! I will share more with you about my journey with these two Girly Girls and Tom Boys in future posts.
For now, I’ll leave you with these words:
Brace yourself, ladies! The best is yet to come! Hold on tight and enjoy the ride!
Being that this is our anniversary weekend, we wanted to do things a little differently than in years past. Instead of fancy trips and expensive jewelry, we are keeping it simple by staying a little closer to home and reconnecting. We decided to do several day trips, with each one being a different adventure.
Thursday, we took the entire day to go horseback riding in Aiken, South Carolina at Hitchcock Woods. This is a beautiful 2100 acre forest that is open to the public 365 days a year free of charge. There is a lot of history within the woods, and it is breathtakingly beautiful as you and your horse make your way through the windy roads, up hills, and to refreshing creeks.
Friday, we set off in a different direction with Family Christian in mind. This store is tucked back in a little shopping center off of the always busy Harbison Boulevard in Columbia, South Carolina. I could spend hours in this store and have on many occasions! They have so much to offer that it is hard to narrow down a choice. From art, pictures, jewelry, bibles, inspirational books, to a variety of music, it is never just a quick trip in and out of this store. No matter who you are, you are bound to find a treasure in there that you are sure to love.
Yesterday’s treasure hunt for my husband and I resulted in a large bag of goodies that we took home with us, including the new CD by Rhett Walker Band entitled Here’s To The Ones.
We popped this baby in as soon as we got back into our car. We were not sure what to expect, as we had never heard this band before but thought we’d give it a try. If it came from Family Christian, it had to be good! And … it was! My husband enjoys Country music now that he’s a cowboy with his horse, so his ears perked up when the music began to play. It has a little bit of a Country sound to it, yet it also has a Southern Rock sound as well. As the music played, there were a variety of instruments that we especially loved. My husband enjoys a steel guitar, and I always enjoy piano music. They had the drums and guitar rocking, but there was just something about that steel guitar.
One particular song spoke to us as we listened to the words. It’s called Better Part of Me, and it started off talking about a couple having a difficult time. We can relate, as the past six months have been a little rocky for us. The next part of the song encourages the spouse to say what they need to say because no matter what, they are still committed to each other.
When I said I do, I wasn’t telling you just some lines from a song, from some ole Country tune.
When I took your hand and you took my name, all time stood still with God and family.
You were, you are, you know you’ll always be … the better part of me.
My husband was the first to comment on this song as it was playing. He said:
“It just shows you that when things are heated, when you’re having a disagreement, a couple still has to work it out. It is easy to forget how important your spouse is when you’re trying to get them to see things from your perspective. It’s easy to forget that you are in this together. They aren’t just words that you spoke, but they have meaning behind them. That is why you got married.”
One verse that really struck me is when they sang:
Through the fire and through the hopeless rain, no matter what may come, I said ALWAYS …
As I was thinking it, my husband said it:
“It just reinforces the fact that you committed yourself willingly to each other for all time.”
Wow!
We had no idea that this one little trip inside the store would have this much of an impact on us. If you have never heard of the Rhett Walker Band, we encourage you to try them as we did! Pick up a copy of their latest CD Here’s To The Ones at your local Family Christian store.
Allow the words of their songs to speak to you as well. Not only did this song speak to our hearts, but it also reinforced our commitment to each other. It couldn’t have happened at a better time as we don’t want to re-live the past six months or go through any of that again! It’s done and over with now, and we just want to go forward together and recommit our hearts and lives to each other.
And so we shall … beginning now on our anniversary weekend.
Yesterday I ran into someone from my past. It should have been a wonderful reunion, and yet, it was awkward. It saddened me greatly to think of what could have been, what should have been, and yet what currently … is.
What hurts is that this person has been kept from us the majority of her life. The individual that I speak of is my sister’s daughter. My niece. If you’ve visited with us before, you know that we lost my sister 13 years ago to suicide. She took her own life two weeks after having her daughter. We were devastated by my sister’s passing. Then we were further devastated when her only child was taken from us. We were not allowed access to her because my sister’s husband decided that his parents should be the caregivers of their daughter. We were only allowed a few short weekends with her, and she was taken from us again. This broke our hearts completely. Then after several more years passed, they wanted to allow us into this little girl’s life once more. We did everything we could to be there for this little girl, and yet again, she was taken from us. I don’t know if they felt threatened or what exactly went through their minds at that point for them to take her away from us again. That is exactly what they did, though. This time, however, I did not react the same way that I had in years past. I did not chase after them, nor did I beg for them to allow us to see my sister’s daughter. I prayed, I cried, I fell on my face before Jesus, and yet it still did not change the situation we were all in. I had to deal with not only losing my sister but her daughter as well. That is the sad reality of the situation. Although my niece is still here on this earth, we are not allowed access to her … so we have lost her, too.
A year or so ago, my daughter found my niece on Facebook. We all sent a friend request, and much to our surprise, it was accepted. However, if I would send her a message or write on her wall, it would be ignored so I finally stopped trying. She would only respond to my oldest daughter, then she stopped with that as well.
Yesterday we were in the store when she came over to my daughter and slapped her on her arm. My daughter turned around and was excited to see her … yet there was this awkwardness that lingered. My daughter quickly came down the aisle saying, “Look who I found …” and upon seeing her, my eyes lit up and a smile spread wide across my lips as I said, “Hey there, darling … ” only to be greeted with steel cold eyes and not a single expression on this little girl’s face. None. I stood cemented in my place as the reality slammed into me. I … don’t … know … her … anymore. We’re strangers.
My daughter tried to say a few words, and I tried once more asking if she was there alone or with someone. Her response was still cold as ice as she said, “I’m here with the old man.” She meant the grandfather that had instigated her isolation from our family. I just stood there again, only this time, feeling my heart almost leaving my chest the same as it did on occasions in the past when she was slipping from me. The reality is, she’s already gone. She is a stranger to me now … and although I have tried to be involved in her life all of those years – 13 years of trying – the harsh reality is that I’m NOT a part of her life … and probably never will be.
It’s sad thinking of how it COULD be … how it SHOULD be … how it WOULD be if only my sister had reached out to someone, anyone that hot July day and let us help her through what she was feeling. I imagine that our lives would be so much different … if only …
It breaks my heart … and yet all I can do is turn to God once more for comfort and for Him to restore peace.
Wow! That is all I can say about this past weekend. I finally got to meet and hug my best friends of 17 years in person!
The internet can be a very valuable tool. It contains a wealth of information to educate us. It can be used to bring people together as it did with these precious ladies that I had the pleasure of spending time with this weekend. If used wisely, beautiful things can come from the internet. Our friendship is one that I will forever be grateful for and will treasure for all time. It is hard to believe that with a bond as strong as ours that it came from the internet … having never met face-to-face before now. But, that is the beauty in it. We shared our inner most thoughts and feelings all of these years with each other, and I cherish that!
There will be more to this story, but for now, just know that we shared a LOT of laughter, and yes some tears as well. These ladies are precious to me!
This weekend was exactly what my heart and soul needed.
Today I am going to skip my usual participation in the Five Minute Friday linkup. What’s that, you might ask, if you’re just joining us? Well, a prompt word is provided to get the writer’s juices flowing, and everyone is encouraged to write for five whole minutes without worrying about getting it just right. However, today of all days, that is not necessary as I know EXACTLY what I would like to write about, and it will be perfect … because of the subject!
Friends For A Lifetime!
That’s right!
Seventeen years ago, I ventured onto a website that would change my life forever. I had seen the television network on my satellite and had started watching it. One day an advertisement was on for the Lifetime Lounge. I thought, “What in the world …” Curiosity got the best of me, and so it wasn’t long before I was going to my computer to enter that website to find out exactly what this place was all about. Little did I realize at the time that my entire life would be changed by going into that website that very day.
At first I was shy and just sat back to read the exchanges. When I felt brave enough, I jumped in with the conversation. Feeling as if I never quite fit in when I was in school, I was not even sure anyone would respond to my posts in there. I was easily ignored and looked over in real life, so I did not expect it to be any different in a “virtual world.” Much to my surprise, though, not only did people respond, but at one point I seemed to be one of the most popular people in there. I was surprised when later one of the ladies told me that she was feeling so good about herself because I ~the popular one in her eyes~ acknowledged her, too. Wow. We were both feeling this in our personal lives – ignored, overlooked, of little value and worth, unpopular, neglected, and unloved~ and here, in our virtual world, we mattered! A lot! We were accepted, we were loved, we were valued!
We started having deep conversations about some really important matters in our lives. Over time, we began to share more about our lives, our struggles, and before you know it, we took our conversations from a very public forum into private emails to share the depths of our hearts and minds with each other.
The day I ventured into that virtual world changed my life forever … in the absolute most positive way! Little did I know that by clicking on this website I would make friends for a lifetime IN the Lifetime Lounge, no less. 🙂 It’s true, though. It happened. We are forever cemented to each other after all that we shared!
Although the website was primarily for women, there were a few brave men that ventured into the site as well out of curiosity. They saw the craziness of these womenfolk and decided to stay.
Oh the conversations were serious, but there was also some very silly times in there as well. It was the MOST FUN, too!!!
We laughed … we cried … we bonded. We became sisters and brothers of the heart. Nothing is stronger than the bond you have with individuals that have come alongside of you through the good, bad, and ugly times in your lives. That is exactly what happened, too, and 17 years later, these wonderful people are still by my side.
We have seen each other through some of the hardest things to have to endure in life. From my divorce, to life as a now-single-mom and all the struggles that went with it, to my sister’s suicide and the horrible aftermath that survivors face, to my parent’s both being diagnosed with different types of cancers, to their treatment and recovery, to my remarrying, to my ruptured ectopic pregnancy that almost claimed my life, to the infertility issues and treatments I endured to conceive after losing one of my tubes, to the absolute best celebration this side of Heaven when my miracle baby was finally placed into my arms for the first time, to watching my babies grow up in pictures on the screen, to the struggles of having a teenage driver in the house, to being bullied on the job, to my grandmother’s two year struggle to stay alive and ultimately to her taking her final breath, to getting thrown from a horse and recovering from fractures, and from yet another broken heart … these precious people have been by my side the ENTIRE time encouraging me, supporting me, loving me, inspiring me, holding me up on many occasions when I felt as if I could not go on … they lifted me up and carried me right along with God. Picture God cradling me in His arms as He is carrying me with many extra hands holding me right alongside of Him as these angels here on earth helped me through each and every hardship I have had to face in the past 17 years.
We have shared some good times in there. Please know it was not all bad. Not at all. And I supported them as well, although I do not feel it right to share the struggles they have faced. It is not my place, but I will speak freely about those of my own.
Today … ah, today, I will be traveling to meet these precious ladies that have been my lifeline through the years. Yes, we are meeting for the very first time in 17 years of friendship. These friends for a lifetime have no idea what they are in for today when we see each other face-to-face for the very first time. Lots of hugs, lots of tears, and lots of laughter … that is what is in store this weekend.
No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.
~Robin Williams in the movie Dead Poet’s Society
This week the world lost a very valuable actor, Robin Williams. He was known for some serious roles that he played such as in the movie Dead Poet’s Society, but he was more known to my family for his role in Mrs. Doubtfire and for all of the laughter he supplied to us through the years. My daughters both grew up watching this movie repeatedly. We have watched it so many times that we can all recite lines from the movie. He provided humor right when it was needed in the way that only Robin Williams could, yet he touched on some very serious subject matters in this movie as well.
Robin Williams seemed to be America’s funny man. He was usually all smiles for the camera and had a joke or two readily available to give you a big ole belly laugh. The vast majority of us did not realize that Mr. Williams suffered for years with depression. I have heard a lot within the past week of how not only did Mr. Williams suffer from depression, but he was also Bi-Polar which of course has manic and mania tendencies. All I know is that no one truly knows what goes on behind someone’s smile. This is proof right here!
Many fans around the world are shocked and are in disbelief over Mr. Williams taking his own life. Looking in the windows of his life, it would appear that Mr. Williams had it all: Fortune, Family, & Fame. However, there were things going on inside of Mr. Williams that tormented him. He had his own personal demons that no one can ever fully understand unless they’ve been right where Mr. Williams was the day he took his own life. No one could have ever imagined that Mr. Williams had depression and suicidal thoughts going on behind that smile of his and all of his jokes.
In high school we lost two of our classmates to suicide. I remember hearing the news that my friend had hung himself and how he was clinging to life with the aid of the ventilator. I was unable to visit him in the hospital, and to be honest, I don’t know how I would have handled seeing him in that shape. I just prayed for him and cried my eyes out the next morning when it was announced on the school intercom that he had passed away. I remember attending his funeral with tears falling like rain. I remember my grandmother also grabbing me at the funeral telling me to pull myself together. This shocked me to be told at a moment like this to pull myself together … at a funeral … under the circumstances with the way he died. It felt like I was not allowed to grieve for my friend and then immediately guilt set in for not being able to control my emotions.
We lost another classmate a year or so later the same exact way. It left us all asking why something like this had to happen and how someone could take their own life.
Then depression and suicide touched my family and brought us all to our knees. This was something that always happened to other people. We always “heard” of this but it was always “over there” in someone else’s family … surely not ours! But, there it was, dropped right in our laps when the world crumbled around us that hot July day back in 2001. It doesn’t seem that long ago, really, and there are times when it seems like just yesterday when all of the feelings and emotions come rushing in. The day my sister took her own life. She died by her own hands. She committed an act that we never would have ever thought she would have done. She drew her last breath on this side of Heaven, and we knew that we would never be the same again. When she died, she took a part of us with her. She was my only sibling, my older sister that I looked up to. And now, I’m all alone in this world without my sister, my best friend.
It is so hard to understand how a person could do this, and yet it happens far more than we can even begin to imagine. People get so down in life with different things troubling them. They are in so much emotional pain with things coming at them from every angle. When their problems pile up, they begin to feel as if the only way to end the pain that they feel is to end their life. It’s tragic when it gets to this point. A lot of people say, “If only they would have reached out for help …” and question why such a strong person would succumb to weakness to this extent … you and I will never understand unless or until we’ve been right where they were the moment they made the decision to end their lives. I pray you and I never know how it feels. I pray that we never go through our own personal hell to this extent to where we feel the only way out, the only way to make this better for us and our loved ones is to take matters into our own hands.
Please … hear me now, whatever you may be feeling reading this or whatever you may be going through in life, please … I beg you, as a survivor of the aftermath of suicide, please know that help is available. If you could share how you’re feeling with a trusted friend or family member, they will get you the help that you need. Help is also available through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) where you will be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area. This service is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
We talk a lot on this site about choosing joy and staying positive. We try to change our negative way of thinking to find more positives and things to be thankful for. We ask that you focus on things that bring you joy and happiness instead of things that threaten to pull you down. We ask that you give thanks and recognize how blessed you are in this life. We do this for a reason. It isn’t so that we can all live in a bubble of make-believe and pretend, ignoring problems in our lives. No. It is because there ARE so many problems and things that trouble us in this world that we ask you to shift your focus if you are able to do so. We realize that if you are in the pit of depression, this is something that you simply cannot do very easily, if at all. In times like these, we hope that you will speak with a trusted friend or family member and that you will also seek professional help. Please know that there is NO SHAME in reaching out for help. I only wish more people would do so. Oh how I wish my sister had reached out that day instead of taking matters into her own hands.
There is such a stigma attached to mental illness and depression. A lot of times, people do not want to share what they are going through for fear of being judged or looked down upon. Please know that it takes a lot of courage to speak up and to tell someone. It takes a lot to reach out for help, but please … I beg of you, if you ever get to this place, please reach out to someone!
Over the years I have had several friends that did reach out to me, and I am thankful that they did because I was able to take them to the emergency room at a local hospital for them to get the help that they needed. I have personally taken two people in my vehicle to the emergency room when they have called me for help. It was not easy dealing with this type of a situation, but these people reached out to me in their time of need, and I immediately rushed to their side. I spoke with them at length, and then we made the decision together to go to the emergency room. Thankfully these friends were willing and did not put up a fight at all. They recognized the need for help and were literally crying out for it. And so, they were taken to the emergency room where they were admitted into a program to receive the help that they needed in the form of counseling and medication. They are doing well today, thankfully.
I have had two others friends that dealt with suicidal thoughts as well. One was determined no matter what we said to end it all, but thankfully her attempts failed. She ended up in the psychiatric ward on lock down against her will the last time, and I think that was what it took for her outlook to change. She has not attempted since, to my knowledge.
The other friend that I spoke of worked in the medical field. He dealt with cases where children were involved, and the cases did not always have the desired outcome. After losing a precious little girl that he had gotten close to with her and her family, he went into a deep depression and attempted suicide himself. He survived and lived to tell about it. He sought treatment and is in a better place today as well.
Each of the individuals mentioned above were struggling with things inside of themselves that could not be remedied by a simple attitude adjustment. No amount of positive thinking was going to change their view on life at that moment in time. No amount of anyone saying to “pull yourself up by your boot straps” would help either, instead, often times it would add insult to injury with someone saying such things. We realize that depression, mental illness, and suicidal thoughts is a very serious matter, and that is why we beg of you … please reach out, please talk to a trusted friend or loved one.
Here on this site we want you to know that you’re not alone in your struggles. We want to encourage you in every possible way, and we want you to know that you are a precious child of God. We want to offer support to you and give you our love. We want you to cling to hope and put your faith in God to see you through. Every one of us will go through hard times in this life. We are not sure why that is, but perhaps it is so that we can show compassion for our fellow man. Perhaps going through our own struggles allows us the ability to empathize with others. Perhaps it enables us to show more love and kindness.
Today we are calling you to take action on this Tuesday! Yesterday we pointed out various different ways that we are so very blessed in this life. Today I would like you to participate in a little activity. I hope you will join me as we are going to be focusing on our blessings!
Whether you do so in the comment section, in your email to another family member or friend, or if you write it on Facebook, I would like to challenge you to list several things that you are thankful for. You don’t necessarily have to write them down, but for me, it helps to do so instead of leaving those thoughts in my head. If I write them down and see them in black and white in front of me, it seems to possess more power.
For the next week, I would like you to focus on these and other things on your list that bring you joy, love, and happiness. I am asking you to give thanks and to be grateful for the gifts you have been given in this life. Count your blessings not your troubles or sorrows. Focus intentionally on things that you truly need to praise God for, and then start doing it!! That is the key!
Are you ready to accept this challenge?
I am thankful for:
My beautiful children that God has given to me. They are my miracles from above, and I just thank God from the very bottom of my heart for trusting me to care for these precious little ones. He gave them to me, and my soul danced with delight the day I found out I was pregnant. I was so in love with you, and my heart leaped with joy and excitement every time I would feel you move and kick inside of me. There are no words to adequately describe how I felt when my baby girls were placed in my arms for the first time. Tears of joy filled my eyes and spilled out down my cheek as I looked into your angelic faces. I counted ten perfect little fingers and ten perfect little toes. I thank God for my babies. They are now 17 years old and nine years old at the time of this writing, and my heart cherishes and treasures each and every moment that I have been given with them. They are the reason I am on this earth. They are my purpose, and they are my life! I thank God for my two miracles from above!
My parents who gave me the best that they possibly could growing up. We were not rich by any stretch of the imagination. What we lacked in money and in material things, we were overflowing with in love, compassion, and care for one another. My parents raised me with good morals and values. They taught me to be a responsible and respectable young lady, to be a woman of great character and integrity. I am thankful for my parents loving me in the good times as well as the bad and for being my rock through the troubled times in my life. Things haven’t always been easy, but we had each other through it all. My heart is eternally grateful, and I thank God above for my parents.
My husband who I met when we were teenagers. Although too shy to really connect back then, we thought of each other through the years and destiny brought us back together many years later. We reconnected and rekindled the spark inside of our hearts for each other. Although we have struggled through the years as most marriages do, we have realized that the love that we have is something worth fighting for. We share what most people search their whole lives for and rarely ever find. It has not always been easy, but it has always been worth it. It is a love that I will fight for and do everything within my power to ensure lasts. As God as my witness, I will not rest until I have exhausted every measure to ensure that this man knows how much I love him. I thank God for putting us back together.
My friends. Oh, the Lord has richly blessed me with friends who are more like family. They truly are the family that I have chosen for myself. You are born with family, and then you meet people in this life that you connect with on such a deep level. They, then, become your family of choice. I love each and every one of them with a love so deep and so powerful, and I thank God for placing these beautiful souls in my life. Some friends I have had for 20 years, and I know that they will be by my side no matter what. We may not always see eye to eye, and there may be things that threaten to pull us apart from time to time. However, we always come back together. That is what true friendship is all about. I thank God that I have a hand full of people in this life that I know are my true friends and love me completely just as I love them. They are my brothers and sisters of the heart.
This list is just something that came to me right off the top of my head as my fingers floated over the keyboard and words flowed from me onto the post that you’re now reading. I have many, many blessings in this life. I am so very thankful to God for all that He has done for me and my family and friends. He is so good, ladies and gentlemen! He is so good to us. He blesses us and continues to pour out His blessings in our lives. He is worthy to be praised.
Look around you as you start to write your list. You don’t have to capture everything today. Just think of a few things that easily come to your mind. Be sure to thank God for these gifts in your life.
May God continue to pour out His blessings on your life.
Things are tough in the world today. People are dealing with far more stress and anxiety than ever before. When once we would occasionally feel overwhelmed, that feeling has become the norm in a lot of lives. There never seems to be enough hours in the day to get it all done. There’s work, there’s family responsibilities, children that are growing up way too fast that need our love, time, and attention, and then there are chores around the house that need to be done as well. You may feel stretched to the limit at times. When could you possibly fit in any time to just … be? When would it be possible to just take a day off from life and be still?
When you throw in the fact that a lot of families are struggling financially these days, with gas prices soaring through the roof and the increase cost of groceries, the stress level shoots through the roof. There are some families that have just faced lay offs at their jobs, while others have been unemployed for months.
With all of this whirling around you, is it even possible to have a grateful spirit? In my opinion, yes, it is. You see, I’ve been a struggling single mother before with very little money to pay the bills and feed my daughter. I was going through a really bad divorce, and all of the responsibilities of work and home fell solely on my shoulders along with the care of my one year old daughter. It was a difficult season in my life, but I did not allow myself to dwell on my situation. Instead, I prayed to God to help me and had faith that He would. And you know what? He did! It was not always easy, but with God, all things are possible. Even when I was struggling financially, I had joy in my heart. Why is that? Because I had my daughter, and she was my entire world! When everyone expected me to be sad and depressed, I was all smiles and cheerful for my baby girl. Was I always this way in the mist of all that I was going through? No. I tried really hard, but I had my moments. I tried to keep them to a minimum, though, because if I continued to dwell on those hard times, I would remain a ball of fear wrapped in anxiety and worry. My daughter needed me to be strong and be there … and present … for her. There is a difference in being in the same room with someone and actually being present with them. She needed my full attention, care, and love … and I gave my all to her. If I had spent one more second dwelling on my situation or the circumstances, it would have pulled me under. The depression would have surely taken over, and there would have been no way that I could carry on. Instead, I had to keep on going and remain strong for her. I prayed and just knew that God would provide, and He did.
In the mist of all of that, I had to be intentional and purposeful with my attitude. Sure, I could whine and complain about the situation, but would it do any good? Would it “fix” the situation or solve any problems that would crop up? No. The only thing a complaining attitude would do is allow me to remain in misery. I didn’t want that, not for myself and certainly not for my daughter, so I had to be aware of my thoughts and the words coming out of my mouth to ensure that I had a grateful spirit about me when around my daughter and others. Some times you have to fake it til you make it, and that is okay. However, when troubles threatened to steal my joy, all I had to do was look into the beautiful blue eyes of my baby girl … and my grateful spirit returned.
The next time you want to allow your complaining spirit to take over, stop yourself for a moment and begin to focus on all of the things that you have to be thankful for. Allow yourself to shift your focus from the negatives to all of the positives in your life. You have a roof over your head, food on the table, and clothes on your back. You had a family that surrounds you with love, and that is all you truly need right there … love. You have your health, even if there are some health issues that you’ve struggled with in the past. You’re still here on this earth, and that means you have a purpose, your life has meaning, and you have a lot more living to do.
Will you work this week toward being more thankful and maintaining a grateful spirit? It may not be easy in all of the circumstances that you will have to face this week, but I’m simply asking if you’ll join me in putting your best foot forward in this regard. Any time that you find yourself wanting to focus on the bad things that are happening or wanting to wallow in self pity regarding things of the past, will you, instead, begin to turn your attention to all of the good things that you have in this life? Will you turn your eyes upon Jesus and thank Him for the gift of another day? Will you honor Him by using your words to praise and lift up others, instead of fault finding and tearing yourself and others down? Will you forgive yourself of the mistakes you’ve made in the past that may be holding you back or pulling your spirit down? Will you use your words – whether it’s your internal dialogue that you speak to yourself or words spoken out loud around others – to build up and to focus on the good and the positive? It will take being intentional and purposeful, but you CAN do this!
For every negative that you wish to speak this week, will you, instead, replace it with a positive? For any thing that you’d like to complain about, will you find something in your life that you are thankful for and focus on that instead? Your words have power – and it is up to you as to if you will allow a spirit of complaining to take over or whether you’ll maintain a grateful spirit.
Choose wisely, my friend. Your joy and happiness in life depends on it.
This is a follow up to a post that I wrote yesterday entitled Finish Strong. I spoke briefly about the accident I had involving a green horse, although we did not know at the time that this horse was green. I have been warned about “horse people” and how, unfortunately for us, not all are honest. However, I try to see the good in people and take them at their word. I learned a very valuable lesson here after the accident. As much as I want to see the good in people and believe that what they say is true, not every one is going to be honest. It’s sad, really, that any one would feel the need to be deceitful and to betray you … this could have cost me my life. Thank God it didn’t! And, within a few months of the accident, I’m back in the saddle again.
Today was a victorious day for me! Why is that, you may be wondering? Because I conquered my fear! Allow me to explain.
As soon as I was able to get around pretty good again, I wanted to get back up on a horse. I did not want to let much time pass at all before I got back on because I knew that the longer I waited, the more fear would set in. The likelihood of me getting back on a horse again would be slimmer and slimmer with each passing day as the post traumatic stress set in of holding on for dear life as the horse took me for the ride of my life (read: NOT an enjoyable moment!), then threw me off! I’m blessed to have only had the injuries that I sustained (a concussion, a fractured hand, and a fractured hip). It could have been much worse, but God was definitely protecting me!
The first time I tried to get back on a horse, I had overwhelming anxiety that slammed into me. I tried to calm myself because I know that the horse can sense my anxiety and become anxious themselves. Finally, I was able to just sit on the horse, and I was happy! I didn’t need to do anything more, just sit there. My husband became a little anxious himself when I leaned forward on my horse, Sugar. He wasn’t sure if I was falling off or what was going on, but I simply leaned forward to hug her with every fiber of my being. I love this little horse (no she was not the one that threw me – we no longer have that horse!) I just allowed myself to lay against this massive horse, to allow the love to flow from me directly into her beautiful reddish-brown and white patches on her muscular body. I just took a moment with my horse to show her nothing but pure love. I didn’t expect a single thing from her at that point. I just wanted to show her some love and appreciation!
The next time, I went a step further … until it brought me to the present day.
Today we went to our new friend’s house. They have a ranch where they break and train horses. We met them through a group specifically for animal lovers. They posted a horse, and we fell in love with this beauty. Within a few weeks, we were bringing this baby home! We purchased another horse from them after that as well.
My girls have really bonded with their twin 16 year old daughters. They are precious little red-heads that love horses – they live and breathe horses! My 17 year old daughter looks up to them while my nine year old daughter wants to be JUST like them. These young ladies have so much knowledge and skill for their age. It is quite impressive! They rope and barrel race, and they have a grand time doing it, too!
Today my family and I went to their ranch with two of our horses. We all saddled up and rode together in an arena until everyone felt comfortable enough on their horse to go on a trail ride. While we were in the arena, these young ladies really encouraged me to try to trot. Now, since I had been in the accident, anything with speed scares me. I was not sure if I could actually trot without fear of being taken on a wild ride like the one I had just recently recovered from. These young ladies offered me such encouragement, as did my family, and so I decided to at least try! And you know what? Not only did I trot, but I then got enough confidence to lope the horse – which means … speed! Was I nervous? Yes! Did I find courage within to just do it any way? ABSOLUTELY!
I rode their horse, Reno. This horse was not one that I was familiar with, so it took a lot for me to get on that horse not really “knowing” him or his behaviors. I did initially try to get my horse, Sugar, to trot, but she was just too lazy. She prefers to walk, which has been my preference up to this point as well! However, today, I had to try it. I had to conquer my fear. I had to put those flashbacks to bed and put them behind me so they no longer held any power over me. These flashbacks and this post traumatic stress was holding me back. It was preventing me from doing something that I had such passion about; riding horses! So, with my little group of cheerleaders gathered around, I hopped on Reno, took a deep breath and kicked the horse into a trot … and then into a lope! I did have a moment while in the lope that I felt some anxiety come over me, but I quickly dismissed it and carried on.
And you know what? IT FELT WONDERFUL!
These young ladies will never know how much their encouragement meant to me. They believed in me and my abilities when I did not believe in myself because of this fear that I was now carrying around with me. They stood on the sidelines cheering me on with smiles on their faces as I trotted … loped … and stopped with the biggest, widest smile spreading across my face!
One of these young ladies took a short video of me trotting. While it may seem like something small to a lot of people when they view this video, it is HUGE for me, especially considering the accident that I had! I made progress today. I found the courage deep within me with the help of God above, and I kicked this fear to the curb. I found such joy and happiness today, and the encouragement that I received touched my heart far more than they will ever know.
I left that ranch today with a new appreciation … and a sense of accomplishment! This one small step is opening the door for me to be a more confident rider and to live my dream again! Yes, Lord … YES!
My point in this is never ever judge another. I posted that video on Facebook, of all places, where I am sure to get raised eyebrows and maybe people are rolling their eyes as they watch it thinking it’s no big deal. Well, to them, it’s not. To me, it’s huge! So never judge another person as we truly do not know their story unless they open up and tell us. Unless they allow us in and share the details with you, you’ll never know what a person has gone through or is going through, so honestly, who are we to judge? Instead, stand on the sidelines of their life and cheer them on. Encourage them … and you never know what might happen. They just might be able to live their dream … you might be the one person that they needed that encouragement and support from to have them conquer their fears … and you might just get to witness one of the greatest moments in their life!
Yes, one small step … but perhaps, also, a huge turning point in one’s life!
My proud moment trotting Reno is here. Next time, we’ll get a video of loping, too!
I feel the need … the need for speed! ~Top Gun Quote~
