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Light, Love, Hope

Light in the Darkness Surrounded by Love with Hope for those in need.

My Story

Finish Strong

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You know the feeling as you start out with pure excitement over something new.  It thrills you completely, and you walk around with this silly grin on your face.  You beam with joy and happiness that pours forth from within.

Whether you’re learning to ride a bike or learning to ride a horse … you anticipate that you’ll be triumphant.  You will soar high in the sky like an eagle as your spirits take you to new heights as you experience such freedom and adventure in the journey.

You’re well on your way, and then … it happens.  You fall off of your bike and skin your knee, or even worse … you get thrown off of a horse (one that you did not know was “green” as in NOT fully broken nor dependable for a beginner to be riding … and no, the owner was not honest about this little piece of information that could have saved me a whole lot of pain!).  There you lay on the ground as your horse bucks and runs some more … you … now with the concussion, fractured hip, and fractured hand.  Yes, the latter actually happened to me on March 31, 2014.

You hurt … not from the physical pain so much as the pain you feel in not having completed something you had your heart set on.  You ache … not from the pain shooting through your body as your nerves become like live wires under your skin from the impact of the hip meeting the hard ground.

Your joy and happiness has turned into tears and sorrow.  You mourn over the loss of being able to ride … of accomplishing something you had your heart set on.   You feel as if you’ll never be able to get back up on that horse now after this accident.   You’re stuck between wanting to fulfill your dream and the harsh reality of an injury that has not only set you back physically but has impaired you mentally as well.  The fear sets in, and pretty soon, you’re depressed and unsure of anything any more …

Except for what is your passion.  And that is riding a horse!

And so, you heal.  You allow some time to pass, and when you feel you’re ready, you get back into the saddle again.  It may take you more time than before, and you may be slower on your approach or even putting one foot in the stirrup as you tremble with fear of what happened just a few short months ago.  Now you’re putting your faith in another horse as you say a silent prayer … and then you lift yourself over your horse with all of your might as you take your place in the saddle again.   Feet in the stirrups, reins in your hands, and a determined look on your face.  You take a deep breath, exhale, and command the horse to “walk on” as you whisper silent prayers from your heart to God’s ears … feeling as if your horse tunes into those feelings and emotions on their way from you up to the clouds and into Heaven to reach the throne of Jesus.

You set out to ride this horse, to take lessons, to do this which your heart desired … and now you’re determined to have a strong finish!  You WILL ride that horse.  You WILL take those lessons.  You WILL be a confident rider!

And you live your dream …

Finish Strong

 

This post was inspired by the prompt word FINISH for the weekly Five Minute Friday party.    When once I sat looking at my screen trying to write something of worth with this word, then all of the above came pouring out.   Thank you, God, for allowing the words to flow and to release something that has been inside of me for months … for allowing me to release the fear and get back up on another horse to try again … to live my dream, to honor the passion I feel around your massive yet beautiful and gentle creatures … to finish strong!

 

Accepting A Compliment

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Do you have trouble accepting a compliment?  Do you say, “Thank you” as you blush and turn away?  Or, do you toss your hair over your shoulder as you strut your stuff as if to say, “Tell me something I don’t know!”?    OR … are you simply unable to accept a genuine compliment, and therefore, when you receive one, you respond with something like this exchange:  “You’re so pretty!”   “Aww, thank you, but I wish I could lose some weight” … or …”I wish my skin was clearer?” or any other response that would take away from the compliment that was given?

If you’re uncomfortable with compliments, ask yourself why this is.  Do a little soul searching, if you must, to dig deep down to uncover what the root cause is exactly.

For me, I was told for too many years growing up that I had “buck teeth.”  I was also picked on a great deal because I was the shortest person in the class.  I was always petite, too, and thus, I was more prone to bullying due to my size.

Later in life, I was in a relationship with someone that abused me every chance they got.  Abuse does not necessarily have to come in the form of physical abuse with strikes to your physical being for the strikes to you mentally and emotionally hurt some times greater and for an extended period of time.  Unlike physical abuse where the bruises fade and wounds heal, the scars of emotional abuse linger for years and years after those harsh words were spoken.

In my adult life, at the hands of an abuser, I was told that I was fat, ugly, a b____ from h___ and that no one would ever want me if they left me.   Now, when they first started saying these things to me, I could not understand why they were being so mean to me.  I would look in the mirror and say that although I knew I didn’t have the figure of a super model, I certainly wasn’t fat.   I knew that I wasn’t the most prettiest woman in the world, but I knew I wasn’t the ugliest either.   I knew that at certain times of the month we all can turn into the wicked witch (thank you PMS!), but I most certainly was NOT a b___ from h___.    The last thing that they would say to me repeatedly really left me wondering what was so wrong with me that this person would say all of these mean and hateful things, but then to say that no one would ever want me?  As if I was lucky that THEY wanted me … and that I should be thankful that they hadn’t yet kicked me to the curb.   It was as if they thought they were God’s gift to me, and I should worship the ground they walked on simply because they took me in when no one would or could possibly EVER want me.

Ummmmm … no!

For way too many years than I want to admit, I did buy into these lies.  When you hear something long enough, no matter how sure of yourself you can try to be, the abuser chips away at your self esteem and your self worth.  Slowly but surely more of your insecurities will start to creep in, and before you know it, you’re standing in front of the mirror analyzing every little thing about yourself and finding fault with yourself!

WHY do we DO this to ourselves?!

In a world where so many people are waiting to tear us down every single chance they get, the ONE person that should love us is OURSELVES!    Are we perfect? No, we all have flaws.  Do we deserve to be torn down?  Absolutely NOT!

For abusers, I can only imagine that they do not have a good or high opinion of themselves if they look to tear other people down.   Do they think it makes them bigger and badder or more appealing when they tear at another person’s self esteem?   Do they think it makes them “the man” or “the woman”  because they say such mean and hateful things to others?   They certainly are not in my book!

All of these things and more can lead a person to not graciously accept a compliment when one is offered.  I know I have friends that have recognized this with me through the years, and they know what I’ve been through.   They have tried everything to help build me up when the abuser took great pride in tearing me down.  As years have passed, I have come to realize that there wasn’t anything wrong with me all of those times that this person launched their assaults on me.  There was something deeply wrong going on inside of them that caused them to lash out as they did.   I can only pray for them and that they find peace within for the demons that torment them.

I have realized that the only person that I truly need acceptance from is God, and I already have His approval.   Does it feel good when someone acknowledges that I got my hair done or that my nails are freshly manicured and look nice with the color that I’ve chosen?   Yes, it does!   Does it feel good when someone compliments my blue eyes saying that they are beautiful and that they get swept up in these deep pools of blue?  Yes, I appreciate that they recognize the assets that God has given to me, and I do consider my eyes to be one of my greatest assets … but I recognize also that my beauty or any one’s true beauty does not come from the outside … it comes from inside.  That is where it truly matters.

These days I still remember what the abuser used to say to me, but those words no longer have the power over me that they did at one point.  Praise God for that!   I have been able to see the hurt that this person carried around inside of them, and I have been able to pray for them.  I have also been able to forgive them for what all they did to me.   It has taken time, but today I am free from the grip that these words once had on me.   Those words no longer rip my heart out when they are spoken because I know who I am.   I am a child of God, and I am not only greatly approved but deeply loved by Him.

When someone compliments me now, I do tend to blush, but I will say a gracious, “Thank you” as I smile.   And it is a thank you straight from my heart with much appreciation and grace.

Finding Freedom In Our Stories

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I love being a part of the (in)courage community.  At a time when I felt at my absolute lowest, these group of ladies stepped in and filled a large void in my life.  When I was hurting, they were there waiting to offer beautiful words of support to soothe my aching heart.   They were prayer warriors standing in the gap for me and my family.

As time marched on, I was given the opportunity to serve as an (in)courager!  I had a chance to give back to ladies around the globe.   This was huge for me to come full circle like this.   Now it was MY turn to love, support, encourage, and pray for precious ladies that became a part of the (in)courage community.

One thing this community has made clear from the very start is that everyone has a story, and everyone’s story matters!   It truly does.   I have found such freedom in being able to share my story, and just as we’ve tried to always do here at Light Love Hope, we want you to share your story as well!   We know that there are times that things just hurt, and to share your story would mean to touch that hurt once more.   We shy away from re-hashing the gory details because of the pain involved.  We have already experienced it one time, surely re-living it will only intensify the pain, we think.  However, there is an overwhelming amount of freedom that comes in sharing our stories.  It releases the hold that the pain of the past has on us.   Yes, we have to walk through the pain to get through the other side, but once you do this, guess what?  You are a survivor!   You have not only survived, but you’ve thrived!

When you once felt like all you had was a great, big mess, God has taken your mess and has made such a powerful message out of it.

Think of the impact that telling your story could have on others around you.  Maybe you have felt so alone in what you’ve had to endure on your journey, but you know what?  I’d be willing to bet that you’re NOT alone and that someone somewhere right this very minute needs to hear your story!   Telling your story, sharing all of the details, will release the hold it has on you, and it will also help someone that needs to hear that they’re not alone, you’ve felt this way, too, you’ve struggled, you’ve cried, you’ve  prayed, pleaded, begged, and have even gotten angry at times, but you’ve lived to tell about it … and they can, too!   If they only hold on a little longer, a little tighter.  If they only grab a hold of your hand, you’ll help them … even if all you can do is listen, pray with them, and pray for them.  That is something right there that is so very powerful!

I read a quote a few weeks ago that touched me because it rings true!   I even put it on my Facebook page as a status update because I love things that make you think but also that encourages and helps you along this path.

When you can tell your story and it no longer hurts, you know you have healed.  ~Anonymous

There is such power in these words.  Yes, it hurts to tell your story initially, but in doing so, it is helping you to heal.  It encourages others struggling with the very same thing, and your story gives others hope!

When once your story was almost completely emotionally crippling to tell, you have walked the path, and on your journey you have armed yourself with faith, love, hope, and your greatest weapon has been prayers to your Almighty God above!   Now you can tell your story without the gripping pain in and through your heart, and in doing so, you find such sweet freedom from what once held you hostage.

All of the writers here at Light Love Hope and everyone at (in)courage stands behind you supporting you and holding you up as you find your brave courage to speak up and speak out as you share your story and find such incredible freedom!

Together we are finding freedom in our stories!

Read my story by clicking here.

Finding Freedom In Our Stories

Hope Is Real

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Recently my daughter wrote a post about an organization called To Write Love On Her Arms.  We purchased some of their merchandise and have been proudly wearing their shirts.   The ones we like the best are the ones that say “You’re Not Alone” and “Hope Is Real.”    We have gotten a few double takes as people have seen us walking around with these messages.  We feel they are messages that people every where need to see, hear, and feel!

How many times have you felt alone in this cold, cruel world?   How many would admit feeling hopeless in various different situations?   I think, if we are honest with ourselves, we have all had these feelings at some point in our lives.   That is why I’m here to tell you today and every day, as long as you need a little encouragement and support along your journey, that you matter!  You are enough!   You mean the world to someone and may not even realize it.   You are not alone as God is right there beside you walking every step of the way, and when you feel at your lowest point or your absolute weakest, that is when God will carry you the rest of the way.

When I lost my sister almost 13 years ago, I did not see how I would ever be able to go on without her.   I felt like the entire world crashed down around my feet.   I could barely breathe and found myself asking how do I go on?   It was one of the hardest things to ever face for our family.   There were times that I felt so incredibly alone and so hopeless, but I had family and friends that came alongside of me to remind me that they were there, they loved me, and we would get through this together.   We all had questions that went unanswered around her death, and it pains us to this very day what happened and the circumstances leading up to her taking her own life.   I’m sure at that moment, she felt incredibly hopeless and was filled with such feelings of loneliness and despair.  Oh how I wish I could have helped her.  I wish I could have saved her.   I wish she would have turned to me in her darkest hours to let me help her through this.

We all have problems in this life.  They seem all consuming at times, and it is hard to think rationally when our heads are spinning as things continue to be hurled at us.  What I wish I could have expressed to my sister is how much I love her, how valuable she was to her family, and how much she truly did matter.

Just recently our family encountered problems, and we struggled.   I felt almost the same identical feelings crash into me this time just as I had experienced almost 13 years ago.  The situation was somewhat different, yet the grief familiar.  To be honest, our family is still struggling through some very difficult issues.  It’s hard to face what has become your reality.   You always hear of things happening, but it’s always to other people.  Surely this can’t be happening to US!  But, it is.   In the face of great difficulty, it’s so easy to just throw your hands in the air and give up.  That would be the easy way out.  Yet, we refuse to do that!   Anything worth having is worth fighting for.   You just don’t quit when the going gets tough.  That is when you hold on tighter and with all of your might.  The best thing to hold on to in this life is each other!

I was told this past week by a friend that I just refuse to give up until I have exhausted every measure, every avenue … and you know what?   That is a very true statement.   I refuse to give up.   I will do whatever it takes because the person involved is worth it.  We are worth it.  Our family is worth it.  Our children are worth it.   Our lives are intertwined, and I believe that HOPE IS REAL for us … for you … for any one out there struggling, no matter the situation or circumstances!  Hope is real!  I believe it with my whole heart.  So, no, I won’t give up until I know that I have tried absolutely EVERYTHING, and then and only then will I throw in the towel.   It’s not over … it’s only just beginning.   Life is worth living, people are worth loving, and hope is worth hanging on to!

When all else fails and you don’t know what to do … pray!   Believe that God is working this situation out for His good, for His honor, and His glory … believe that God has plans for us … plans to give us a hope and a future.

HOPE IS REAL!   I believe it with my whole heart.

 

 

A Tribute To Dr. Maya Angelou

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This week the world lost a beautiful soul, Maya Angelou. As the world mourns, we celebrate her and some of the most beautiful words written and spoken.

I’d like to share a few of my favorite quotes, as well as my thoughts about them and how they pertain to my life.

And Still I Rise

This quote makes me think of times in my life where people have attempted to bring me down. Whether it’s at the hands of a bully, facing mental and emotional abuse bordering physical abuse even … no matter their attempts, I still rose from the ashes and vowed to go on with my life to bigger and brighter things.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

How true is the above statement? I’m sure you can recall times in your life where you just didn’t want to see what was right before your eyes. You wanted to see the good in people despite what they were slowly revealing to you. You turned a blind eye to that part of them, and yet it kept creeping out more and more until there was no denying it at that point. It is true … when people show you who they are, believe them. While I believe that people CAN change if they desire to do so, it has to come from within with lots of prayer and help from God above for it to be a truly lasting change in their life. Many will mouth the words, “I’m sorry.” Few mean it and will be determined to make that change so that they never have need to utter those words again.

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said; people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Truer words were never spoken! So many times people will forget the words that you just spoke to them. Maybe they aren’t truly listening as they’re distracted in the moment, or maybe they just simply “heard” but didn’t take those words you spoke to heart. People will sometimes forget even the kindest act that you could have ever done in this life for them. For some strange reason, they fail to retain this information although I’m sure it meant a lot to them at the time. However, people will never ever forget how you made them FEEL! Whether you have left a bad feeling with that person or the most amazing feeling in the world, people will hold on to this long after the words and deeds have been forgotten. Their hearts will forever remember how you made them feel.

Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.

Although people may launch assaults at you and attack you with their words, while others may try to chip away at your self esteem, self worth, and confidence … nothing and no one can EVER dim the light that shines from within you, dear one. It’s there … reflected in your eyes, the windows to your soul. Don’t allow people or troubles in your life to even attempt to extinguish the flame that burns inside of your heart and soul. Whatever your passion is in life, live and breathe that passion no matter what any one else may say, do, or even think about what you feel so passionately about in this life. Like the lighthouse on the sandy shores standing tall, confidently leading the ships ashore, as the bright light illuminates the sky … so does your light from within as it shines in the hearts and lives of those you love and hold dear to you in this life.

It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.

When we refuse to forgive, who is the prisoner? The one that wronged us? Surely not. We are, dear ones. When we refuse to allow our hearts to forgive and we carry around such a grudge or chip on our shoulders, this has the potential to entrap us and chain us to the bitterness that is sure to form. Pray for the ability to forgive. Pray for the people that have offended us and hurt us greatly. We may pray through gritted teeth at first, but it will become easier to pray for them as time passes. Then, forgiveness will come. Forgive yourself for any regrets of the past. All of them. Every single one that torments you to this very day. It’s time to forgive yourself, too!

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

This one spoke volumes to me. There are times when we even laugh through the tears or laugh when what we’d really like to do is cry. Then, there are times when all we want is to love someone and have them return that love to us. It does take great courage to accept their love in return because in doing so it opens us up to being hurt … again. That is when we are at our most vulnerable. Yes, it does take great courage to accept their love in return.

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.

When all else fails and I can find no comfort elsewhere, all I have to do is turn to my music. It will see me through anything. If I’m unable to express it with my words, there is a song that I can identify with that says it perfectly. And so … I turn to music. It is my refuge. My safe place. It makes everything better.

Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.

Love is so beautiful, so powerful … and nothing can ever stop love. No distance, no miles, no circumstances or situations … Love just IS! And it’s amazing!

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

Your story matters … it really does! Please don’t keep it locked away inside the private chambers of your heart. Share it. Tell it. There is healing power in telling your story!

I know that when I pray, something wonderful happens. Not just to the person or persons for whom I’m praying, but also something wonderful happens to me. I’m grateful that I’m heard.

There is never, ever a time when we pray that our words fall upon deaf ears. God knows all … He sees it and hears it. He knows before you ever bring them to Him in prayer exactly what is troubling you. He wants to hear from you, though, and He is there … waiting. It is a truly wonderful thing to know that you’re heard … truly heard … and loved with such an amazing, unconditional love.

What is a fear of living? It’s being preeminently afraid of dying. It is not doing what you came here to do, out of timidity and spinelessness. The antidote is to take full responsibility for yourself – for the time you take up and the space you occupy. If you don’t know what you’re here to do, then just do some good.

If you’ve ever felt at times like you’re floundering around like a fish out of water wondering where your place is in this great big world … this one is for you! If you’ve ever questioned what purpose you serve, rest assured that as long as there is a heart beating inside of your chest, you have a purpose on this earth! Trust it. Believe it. It’s TRUE!

To Dr. Maya Angelou, thank you for your contribution to the world. The impact that you have had on many lives far and wide will never be forgotten. You have touched so many lives while here on this earth, and you’re touching lives still even as we mourn the loss of a legend.

(For more quotes, please click here.)

Let Go … And Let God.

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We have all heard this saying before:

Let Go and Let God.

It’s a simple concept to just let go of all that is troubling us and let God handle it. It’s so simple, yet it’s … so … hard …. to … do!

Another saying you’re probably familiar with is:

Good morning. I will be handling all of your problems today, and I do not need your help. love, God

There isn’t a single one of us on the face of this earth that haven’t gone through something huge in our lives or maybe some are actually going through this life changing event right this very minute. It’s hard to simply let go of what is troubling us and push through.

It’s hard to wear those masks and force those smiles. We do it on a daily basis, even with our automated responses when people ask, “How are you?” We simply reply with, “Fine.” No one has to know that we’re dying inside. But, God knows. He sees, hears, and knows it all. I think that just as things are breaking our hearts here on this earth, they are breaking HIS heart as well. Just as we’re shedding tears, so is God in Heaven over us and our situations. He doesn’t want us to hurt, dear ones.

I may lose a few of you here, but I certainly hope not. There are some people that believe that no matter what situation you’re going through, God has placed this in your life to challenge you or to test you. What about bad things that just … happen … to good people? Some believe that God did those bad things. Others say He allows it to happen. Why? Because we all have free will in this life. It doesn’t make sense to us as to why He would use something so devastating and heart breaking, something that shatters us and cripples us … simply to “test” us. I don’t want to believe that my loving God, my God of mercy, peace, and grace caused all of the bad things in this life that devastate so many lives.

Something that I haven’t talked freely about, until now, is my sister’s suicide. Yet, I feel compelled to share it now more than ever. It’s not that I’m seeking sympathy in the least. No, my family and I do not want that. It’s not that I’m trying to say that my pain is greater than yours either. It may be different, but I’m certainly not measuring who has the greater or greatest heartache in life. I’m just saying that we ALL face things that bring us to our knees. We all face demons in different ways in our lives. For some, their demons can be their alcohol or drug addictions. For others, their demons may come in the form of uncontrollable anger and lashing out at others. And then, other demons present themselves with feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and feeling completely alone in this life. Sadly, my sister felt the latter after having her precious baby. With all of the hormones going wild in her body as it was, she was feeling completely overwhelmed as a new mother, and then the sleepless nights left her questioning her own worth as a mother. Things spiraled out of control, even though we did try to seek help.

In situations like I’ve just shared with you, people are either going to be drawn to God or pull away from Him. They may feel as if their only hope at this point is to cling to God and beg Him to help pick up the shattered pieces of our hearts when we, ourselves, question how we’ll be able to go on without our precious loved ones. When our hearts are breaking to the point that it hurts even to breathe, we cry out to God. OR, the opposite is true, and people get angry with God for allowing the absolute worst to happen. They turn their backs on God and stay cemented in their position that He had the ability to turn this situation around and yet He didn’t. Instead, The All Knowing, All Seeing, All Powerful … allowed … this to happen? Then there’s feelings of WHY? We cry out, we scream with our fists raised high in the air. Why God? WHY!? Why did you have to allow THIS? Why didn’t you stop her? You had the ability and the power, and yet … you did nothing. Again, we’re reminded of the free will aspect. And so we crumble and we sob deeply from our souls as we curl up into a ball in the fetal position for a little while.

Yes, letting go and letting God is so incredibly hard in moments like this. Let go … and let God?

Then I’m reminded of a bible verse that I’ve actually repeated a whole lot recently:

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

It’s similar, in a way, to the whole “letting go” thing … but it’s a conscious choice to just … be still. When you don’t know what to do, why things happened as they did, and you don’t know how you’ll ever find the strength to draw in another breath or put another foot forward to force yourself out of bed in the mornings … just be still and know that He is God.

It’s not for us to question, although we do it plenty! We won’t ever have the answers that we seek in this lifetime. Only He knows why. Yet, I’m also reminded of another bible verse, one that this site is founded on:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Some can and will even argue with this verse with what happened to my sister in 2001, though. What, exactly, were the plans God had for my sister? How about those great plans to prosper her and not to harm her? Where was her hope and her future? And even putting those words in black and white on this screen causes my heart to sink. We are taught we shouldn’t question … and yet, I’ve just typed out some questions that have tormented my entire family all of this time. It doesn’t mean I’ve forsaken my God. Not at all. It just means that I’m crying out in my pain for answers … that will not come this side of Heaven.

Could He have stopped my sister that hot July day? Yes …

Why didn’t He? We’ll never know.

Maybe God saw something around the curve in her life that He protected her from by allowing her the free will to take her own life at that moment in time. I’m not sure what to make of this, and I never will know why … or how this could happen … or why it was allowed … or what He could have possibly been protecting her from. All I know is that He is a God of mercy, and if she was in her right mind at the time, this never would have happened. Some of the most well meaning people have added insult to injury over these past years with the thought of suicide being the “unforgivable sin.” No, it’s not. God had mercy on her the moment she took her last breath. I have faith, and this I do believe. She’s in the arms of angels with God right now. I … believe. No, suicide isn’t the unforgivable sin. Denying that God exists, from what I’ve learned, is the unforgivable sin. Atheists fight to tell us how God isn’t real, and they argue their side just as strongly as Christians. They’ve denied Him, though, and we can only hope that at some point in their lives, before it is too late, they will come to discover that there IS a God and they will start believing in Him. Then, we can ultimately hope that they accept Jesus into their hearts before they take their last breath regardless of the cause of their deaths … natural causes, car accident, or even by their own hands (no, my sister was NOT an Atheist … I am arguing the point of what truly is an unforgivable sin … It’s not taking your own life as many have tried to tell me. What comfort did they think they were offering me to suggest that my sister was now in hell? Oh, I believe she lived her hell right here on this earth. Now, though, she’s in Heaven. I believe this with my whole heart. What, in my opinion, is the unforgivable sin? It is denying there is a God).

This post started out as something lighthearted and inspirational with a simple message of “letting go and letting God …” and yet it has gone way beyond that to the private corners of my heart that I’ve kept hidden for so long. At the time of this writing, it has been 12 years. Twelve very hard, gut wrenching years to endure this type of heartache. Not just me losing my only sister, my only sibling. My parents lost their oldest daughter, and they are now only left … with me. MY oldest daughter was only four at the time of my sister’s death, and although she has vague memories, she doesn’t “really” remember her Aunt Pam. My youngest daughter never knew her in this life as she came along many years after my sister’s death, yet she lives on in both of my daughter’s lives through funny stories that I tell them of how we were together growing up, the silly things we did, and the pictures that I have displayed of Pamela in my home.

I’d like to say that we’ve been able to maintain a wonderful, loving relationship with my sister’s only child … but alas, that has not been the case either as forces beyond our control have kept her from us pretty much the majority of this time. She knows us, and we know her … but we aren’t close as I had once envisioned, hoped, and dreamed …

This is me … being real about how I’m feeling.

Yet, despite the heartache, the pain, the devastation, and the shattered lives … I’m here on this site offering all of my love and heartfelt prayers to you all … because I care.

At times when you don’t know what else to do … when your pain is too great, let me suggest that the “letting go” that you do at this point is to just let it all go, honey. Let the tears flow … freely! FEEL the feelings … let the emotions take over one good time if you need to and LET IT GO! God is right there wrapping His loving arms around you comforting you as only He can … feel His presence so strongly in moments like this. Allow His love to soothe your soul. Let go of all of the hurt and pain, all of the questions, all of the shattered pieces of your heart that you’ve scooped up in your hands from off of the floor … and hand them to God. Extend your arms with your hands cupped toward Heaven and allow God to wipe away every single tear that you’ve cried as He takes the broken pieces of your heart and handles them with such care as He puts your lives back together. He can … and He will. It may not look like the life you once knew. It may be completely different now, but He CAN take something so devastating and make something good out of it. At that time in my life, I could not imagine what good could possibly EVER … EVER … come out of something like this … and then, Light Love Hope was born out of a desire to help others. That’s what this site is all about, and it’s been brought forth and presented to the world to offer love, support, and encouragement. When you feel as if no one loves you – we do. Allow us to show you. When you feel all alone, allow us to rally around you and come alongside you to offer that shoulder to cry on or that hand to hold. When you feel as if you are surrounded by darkness, take our hands as we walk together into the light … HIS light.

Oh dear friends … let go of all of the hurt and pain … lay it all down at His feet … and let God love on you a while.

Be still and know that He is God.

Be still and feel His love.

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