With this being my youngest daughter’s Senior year, I could not let her high school days end without her attending Prom. Her private Christian school did not have a Junior Prom last year for her class, although there was a discussion with her teacher about prom. The staff had ample time to plan such an event for the students; however, they did not. Not wishing for my daughter and her friends to miss out, my family and I sprung into action planning Prom 2023!
Four years ago, my husband and I purchased a home on approximately 33 acres. It was our desire to share it with others, and this was such an occasion to do just that. After planning and hosting my oldest daughter’s wedding in 2021, we certainly knew what it would take to provide a prom for my daughter and her Senior class. Once she was on board with the idea, I purchased items for the decor and backdrop.
Canva has a free section on its website of invitations. After searching, I found an elegant invitation in black and gold. It was fancy, which set the tone of the evening for it would be a formal event!
While there are an array of picturesque spots in our yard near the pond or flower gardens, we chose three locations for natural light pictures. Our oldest daughter has launched her photography business and graciously agreed to be the prom photographer!
It was all coming together nicely!
Everyone knows there is a “traditional” backdrop at prom for pictures. It wouldn’t be prom without it! I searched Pinterest for ideas before trying my hand at designing the backdrop. Let’s just say, I don’t think there were any in all the internet pictures I scanned quite like this one!
~smile~
I was proud of my design!
Why? Because my DAUGHTER seemed to appreciate it also!
The day of the Prom was approaching when, much to my surprise, she asked if her father and I would accompany them to dinner on the night of their prom. While the prom started out originally for her Senior Class, we opened it to the Junior class since there were only three in that class! One of the Junior’s was dating a Sophmore, and his parents would not allow him to attend the prom without chaperones for the entire evening. Since my husband never had the opportunity to attend his Junior/Senior Prom, we were excited to share in this moment with them in dressing for the occasion!
When the day arrived, we had as much decorated and displayed as possible before we dressed and then set out for dinner with the excited group of teenagers. Dinner out at a local Japanese restaurant was my daughter’s idea, followed by desserts, pictures, and dancing at our house! It worked perfectly so we didn’t feel a tremendous amount of stress with providing a meal for everyone.
The evening could not have been more perfect – except for if the wind wouldn’t have been ripping, threatening to toss all of our outdoor decorations into the nearby shrubbery and pond! Aside from that and moving some of the decorations indoors, everything was divine!
My daughter was dressed in an elegant floor-length emerald green gown! She was the prettiest one there, in my humble and unbiased opinion! We knew the dress was “the one” the moment she tried it on. Her eyes lit up, and a sweet smile formed on the corners of her lips, unlike with the other dresses she tried on. We must have tried on every style and every color in the store when I took her shopping. Her sister took her on another day, and she probably tried on just as many that day with her, too. Ah, but it all came back to that emerald green dress that made her eyes pop, sparkle, and shine!
Her friends all abided by the dress code, which thrilled our hearts! While they didn’t have to go “all out” with purchasing tuxedos, some did! Others rented tuxedos. Meanwhile, a few made do with some dress pants, a borrowed jacket, and a bow tie. Whatever works, right?! The men were quite snazzy, as well as they should have been with the ladies purchasing their ballgowns! In the end, they ALL looked so nice that evening!
Pictures were taken, desserts were brought by some of the students and sampled by all, and a few even danced as the day turned into night. Our yard is surrounded by solar lights, and it becomes a magical place when all of the lights along the pond start to come on at dusk. It was the perfect setting if I do say so myself!
Here’s to Prom 2023 and to making memories to reflect on in years to come!
My 17 year old daughter has longed to showcase her talent, as she has the voice of an angel especially when she sings. She took voice lessons before, but her range is so high and ability so vast that the instructor did not feel the need to “teach” her anything further. Instead, the teacher suggested she would be perfect to teach the younger students at their studio.
It’s hard to get a “big break” in such a small town. Feeling this, we sought an agency in the Charleston area and signed her up for an audition. She hides her anxiety so well, no one on the outside would ever imagine she is struggling inwardly with this demon. It has plagued us, and if we are honest with ourselves, we will admit feeling anxious from time to time with various roles we are in. One of the hardest is to face that which provokes anxiety within you. I know what you’re thinking. There is no way you would want to willingly subject yourself to that which you KNOW will cause your heart to race, palms to sweat, and hands to wring as you wait. It is exactly what you must do for the anxiety to subside and release the hold it has over you.
We arrived at the host hotel for this event, and immediately my daughter started voicing her concerns. The line for registration was long, as was the line for those auditioning that evening. She asked if she could back out, but I encouraged her to just try … that is all I wanted was for her to put her best foot forward that evening and try!
She originally signed up for singing and modeling. As we made our way through the registration process, she received her contestant number and stood in line for the audition. She asked if she could keep her cell phone with her, and I agreed although my husband wasn’t too fond of the idea. I only allowed it because I knew she would need coaching leading up to her time to shine. Even if she didn’t reach out via text to me, she would be able to reach out to a friend for comfort and encouragement. As she inched forward and her time to perform grew nearer, she texted almost pleading as her words leaped off the text message, “Do I REALLY have to do this? Can we leave? I don’t want to do this. Please …” I knew she was struggling, but I texted back with reassuring words, letting her know how proud I was of her and how much I love her! The easiest thing in the world in that moment would have been to run as fast as you could toward the door to leave, to get rid of this uncomfortable feeling, to free yourself from all eyes being on you and all attention focusing on what you might say, do, or how you even walk forward as you present yourself to the judges. Instead, I encouraged her to just see what would happen. Press on … press through it … and just give it your best shot.
One last plea came before they called her number, “I don’t want to sing. There are too many people. Can we just leave?”
“No, darling … you can do this! If you don’t want to sing, just walk forward and model. That is all you have to do … just walk …”
A voice interrupted the plea bargaining. “Contestant 150, please step forward and state your name and age.”
My internal voice began, “Oh nooooo … she has to speak!!” Prayers followed in those few seconds as I asked God to help her through this. I felt reassured instantly, and my internal voice continued, “She’s GOT this!”
She stepped forward with those long legs and stood confidently in front of the judges. With perfect posture, her five feet seven inch petite frame did not give away the anxiety welling up inside of her. My mama’s heart prayed her through it, but she was a natural and appeared so at ease in this atmosphere. No one would have ever imagined the war going on inside of her at that moment in time.
Stating her name and age without so much as a tremble in her voice, she walked as if she was a model on the catwalk with one foot in front of the other. Pausing to profile to the left, then profile to the right, she turned on the ball of her foot and made her way to the awaiting chair to be seated with the rest of the contestants. This mama breathed a sigh of relief and a prayer of thanks, and I could finally stop wringing my hands together!
It didn’t take long for the judges to call out the numbers of those progressing to the next phase. “Contestant 150, you have made it to the next round.”
YEAH!! We wanted to jump from our seats and cheer, but we remained composed so as not to completely embarrass our daughter. I grabbed my cell phone and texted congratulations and words of praises to her. She pushed through her anxiety, and now she progressed to the next round.
That’s MY girl!
We went right away into a meeting where the judges stated how this all would work. There were only ten available slots. The judges assured us they would pour over all of the pictures submitted as well as review the audition tapes again before making their final selection. We would know in a few days if she was selected. We gathered our belongings, hugged our girl, and went to a celebratory dinner!
The next day the agent called her when she was in school, then rang my phone as well, and even followed up with an email. They wanted her!! She was one of the ten selected, and she was their favorite of the evening from what their message said!
MY GIRL!!! Oh, how my heart beamed with pride in that moment.
It isn’t at all what you’d think either. I’m not one of these mothers pushing her girls to do beauty pageants and putting all focus on looks and winning. It seems contrary to what I’ve written here, but hear me out. My daughter has struggled with her self esteem and self confidence. She was bullied at an early age, and the hurtful and hateful comments were not easy to shake. I’ve been there, along with every other person on the face of this earth if they are completely honest with themselves and others. We ALL struggle with one thing or another. We wonder if we are “enough.” We fear we aren’t “good enough” or “talented enough,” when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Having my daughter recognized by judges in the modeling industry was a huge boost for her. No matter how many times I tell her how beautiful she is or how gorgeous everything about her truly is, she struggles to believe it because I’m her mom. She feels I “have” to say those things. I say them because they are TRUE!! She is, without a doubt, a true beauty. Her beauty comes from the inside and shines out through her deep blue eyes and her sparkling smile. But knowing that others in the field recognize that she has “the look” and having judges reach out to encourage her to pursue modeling has to help.
And so we move forward slowly to see what the future holds. She is still interested in singing and wants to pursue that for certain. In the meantime, we will bask in the moment and enjoy the pictures from this weekend’s professional modeling photo shoot!
Once upon a time, there was a little girl twirling around in a white dress complete with her mama’s white heels. With this huge smile on her face, she danced and oozed with excitement as she clippety clopped down the hall. This little princess was my daughter at just two years old.
The years went by way too fast for my liking, and my little princess grew into a beautiful young lady. She met her Prince Charming while in college, and they dated for four years before he popped the question. He allowed me to be in on the surprise, so we planned a “family picture day.” When his side of the family and ours arrived, we did pose for family pictures. Then, we made our way over to the pond with everyone but her knowing what was getting ready to take place. It was a clear, perfect November day with the fall leaves changing along the pond when he got down on one knee and asked her to be his wife.
Ah … young love!
Wedding planning for this starry eyed couple began, and I was allowed the honor of preparing for their special day yet again. It thrilled my heart how they allowed me to be such an important part of these big events in their lives. They didn’t have to include me at all in the planning phase, and yet they did! At one point, our princess said she would be happy with a courthouse wedding, she just wanted to be his wife! While there isn’t anything wrong with a courthouse wedding, I knew deep down in my heart that was not going to be good enough for my princess.
We set out looking for THE perfect dress. While stopping at this one store, the nice ladies were trying to convince my princess that one of their dresses was “the one” for her. She certainly looked gorgeous in any gown, but the reaction she had when she saw herself in the mirror was not one that indicated to me that she was in love with the dress. I was in the doghouse when I made her leave that store in order to make the appointment at 3 p.m. at another bridal store. While there, though, I pulled every style of dress off of the rack, determined to find the perfect one for her! She was a bit overwhelmed and ready to call it quits, yet I asked her to try “just” one more. When she slipped on this one dress in particular, she almost squeal with delight when she turned around and saw herself in the mirror for the very first time! THAT was the reaction I was waiting for … and she, indeed, had found “the dress” at that point. It was perfect for her, with a high price tag, too, with NINE layers of lace but together we made her dreams come true with that particular dress, complete with long veil to match, and a princess tiara, too!
Our princess was not getting bogged down in the details of the wedding planning either, she was too in love with her prince to care about anything other than becoming his wife. She said she wasn’t much of a planner, meanwhile I live and breathe in planning mode! I can’t just throw something together last minute, oh no, months in advance I’m organizing, printing programs, thinking of flowers, tulle, and other decorations for the wedding spot she chose by our pond and for the tables at the reception.
Fast forward ten months to “the” day, and our princess got her fairytale wedding! She has always loved Sleeping Beauty and Beauty and The Beast. Those were her absolute favorite Disney movies as a little girl. I remember many days of watching these movies until I could almost recite the lines word for word. It was rather fitting that she chose music from both movies as well, and it did enhance the atmosphere. The little ring bearer even commented as we waited, “That sounds like the song from Beauty and The Beast!” And … it was. His mom recognized it also, and smiled and nodded. I expected his two sisters to recognize the song, since they were dressed like little princesses themselves as our flower girls. Yet, it was the little boy making mention of the song – priceless!
Our princess personalized the music, and her prince walked down the aisle to “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran. He walked down the grassy strip lined with white and mint green rose petals, then he took his place in front of the wooden arch. The bridal party started making their way down one by one. The groomsmen wore gray tuxes with mint green bow ties, and the bridesmaids, carrying a bouquet of lavender, ivory, and pink flowers, wore mint green formal gowns. The song transitioned into “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri, and the bridesmaids and groomsmen alternated until the maid of honor (Sister of the bride) and the best man walked down followed by the two flower girls and our “ring security” (ring bearer) complete with black sunglasses, briefcase, and a badge! How adorable!
And then …
The Bridal March (by The Violin Sisters) began to play, as our princess bride began to make her way down the aisle to her prince. We practiced this the night before at the rehearsal dinner, taking it ever so slow as we enjoyed the violin music on the way down. Yet, that day, her wedding day, she started out the gate like a racehorse, and we literally had to slow her down! It was quite funny, but thankfully she listened when I whispered for her to take it slow. Her granddaddy was on her right, and I was on her left. She had chosen to give us both the honor and privilege of walking her on her special day. We were extremely touched when she asked us! No, this was not the traditional way, but it was her wedding. She personalized that, too, and it was truly beautiful for her granddaddy and I to be a part of her special day. (She also picked out the dress I wore!)
When we reached her awaiting prince, my husband and my mother, the bride’s grandmother, joined us. The pastor asked, “Who gives the blessing on this marriage?” My father, her grandfather, replied, “We, as her family, do!” Then I hugged my little princess, joined hands with my father, and we made our way to our seats to watch their lives joining together as one!
It was an extremely moving ceremony. The couple chose the sand ceremony to symbolize their lives joining together, and just as you could no longer separate the grains of sand once combined in one single vase, this couple cannot be separated either now. While taking turns pouring the gray sand and the mint green sand into the vase, “I’ve Been Waiting For You” from the Mamma Mia movie played, and the lyrics moved us to tears. As if that wasn’t enough, shortly thereafter, the couple began to exchange vows they had written for each other. When the prince started speaking, his voice quivered and shook as he began to get emotional. I was doing okay up until that point, but there was no holding back any longer. The dam broke, and the flood of tears started. There is something so incredibly heart warming and special about a man not being afraid to show his emotions. He stood in front of his princess, speaking the most beautiful words from the depths of his soul and pouring out his heart as we all sat witnessing it unfold. Next, our princess shared her vows, and again, we could feel the emotions that were poured into writing these words to her prince.
As the pastor said, “You may kiss your bride,” the couple began their special handshake, which had us all smiling and laughing at that point. They sealed the deal with a beautiful kiss, though, and after being introduced as husband and wife, walked out hand in hand and heart to heart together to Sleeping Beauty’s “Once Upon A Dream.”
The festivities continued with a barbecue feast at the reception. At the prince’s request, we had the traditional Southern “pig picking” with hash and rice, barbecue meat with sauce, green beans, macaroni and cheese, fried chicken, wedding cake and brownies, too! We were extremely pleased with the caterer and with the wedding cake as well! Everything was so perfect, we almost had to pinch ourselves!
After the couple cut the cake and took a variety of fun pictures, we made our way to the patio area that served as their dance floor. The couple danced their “first dance” to “I Was Made For Loving You” by Tori Kelly followed by the father/daughter dance to “Cinderella” by Steven Curtis Chapman. They added a dance especially for the bride and her grandfather as well, and they danced to “Grandpa” by The Judds. Toasts and speeches were given in honor of the beautiful couple.
The “getaway” car was none other than her granddaddy’s fully restored 1957 Chevy Bel-Air two door, hard top, and he was the chauffeur! I don’t know who was smiling wider, the couple or my daddy, as the newlyweds made their way through the “jazz” hands that formed a bridge for them to walk under! At the end, the candy apple red beauty waited, and the couple was ushered inside by the bride’s granddaddy.
Our princess did, indeed, have her fairytale wedding after all.
My youngest daughter has started her Freshman year of high school. Lord, help me! She is growing up way too fast – which is something every mother in the world says repeatedly. The years truly have flown by, though.
She stands at five feet, two inches tall, with the longest legs! She is quite a beauty, and I’m not just saying that because she’s my daughter. Her beauty shines from the inside outward, in her ocean blue eyes that sparkle. When she smiles, she lights up the entire room. And her hair … the longest golden blonde and brown mixed … that goes all the way down her back. But her true beauty isn’t that of her looks or her long locks, it is that heart of gold that she has. She is such a tenderhearted person, with compassion and love that flows freely from her to family, friends, and animals, too. Ah yes, she is a lover of all animals, and if I would let her, she would take in every stray and make sure they had a loving, forever home.
Having just turned 15 years old this past Sunday, she’s looking forward to big things such as getting her driver’s permit! Oh Dear Lord, can this mother’s heart handle another teen driver? I still worry about my oldest daughter, and she’s 22 years old. I know they have to grow up, and this is a right of passage! But all I can see is my curly haired toddler giggling at me from behind the wheel she can barely see over. Ha! In reality, she sits up tall in her seat, buckled in safely, and takes extra precautions just to drive down our long, private driveway to the mailbox. Yes, she is ready … and so I’ll smile bravely, tell her how proud I am of her when she gets her permit, and pray for her each and every time she gets behind the wheel.
Floating past you seemingly unnoticed at first, then knocking you off your feet.
The tall, dark, and handsome man across the room glances at you and continues to sneak a peek hoping you won’t catch him, and yet you do. Frozen in time for a moment, his face flushes red as he turns away only to look back at you as you’re now watching him.
And so it begins.
A soft smile forms on your lips as you look down and to the side.
Fast forward and these once shy teenagers are now older doing this thing called “Life” together.
Hand in hand. Heart to heart.
Love has brought fourth two beautiful children. When you didn’t think it possible to have any greater love, you became a mother! Now, without a doubt, you know the meaning of unconditional love.
Soft cries in the night, those of your newborn baby girl. Rushing to her side, cradling her in your arms, you look down at the face of an angel. God’s angel. He sent her to this earth for you to nurture, love, shelter and protect. And she gave your life new meaning and purpose.
Years later, after trouble, adversity, tragedy, and heartache struck, God blessed you with your miracle from above. Your heart’s desire now wrapped securely in a blanket, placed in your arms as you cry tears of pure joy at another angel God has trusted you with.
Your life feels complete. Your family unit now whole. And all is right in the world.
Years pass by, and your babies grow up. One now 19, the other knocking on the door of her 12th birthday. The pregnancy you lost never forgotten.
You reflect back, and it all seems like yesterday. You can recall every precious moment with your baby girls, all the beautiful firsts. And you look around and wonder where the time has gone? Why did your babies have to grow up so incredibly fast? It’s like you blinked, and they transformed into a grown up version of the little ones you once held hands with crossing the street. Yet you treasure every memory you’re blessed to have, and you take way too many pictures of moments to make them last a lifetime. Savoring every single moment in time, loving with all your might, pouring out all of yourself into your family. Grasping every fraction of a second you can with them before they’re grown enough to extend their wings to fly.
And you dread when that day comes knowing your heart will break. As you wave your hand high in the air at them going down the driveway while blinking back tears, the love you share with your children will remain forever.
Whether near or far, love is where you are … right there tucked inside your heart.
She came home from school one day filled with excitement and nervous energy all rolled into one.
“Mama, I’ve signed up for the Lip Sync Battle at school!” my 11 year old daughter exclaimed.
I congratulated her and made a point to really encourage her on this. I know she gets a little anxiety about putting herself out there like that, but I am so proud of her not letting this hold her back from something she really wants to participate in!
My daughter and two of her very best friends picked a song that they wanted to do; Hoedown Throw Down by Hannah Montana. My daughter asked for my help with the choreograph for the song even though the video had some movements that they could have just copied. I really liked how my daughter wanted to make her own movements, and I thought it added so much more to their performance.
She and her friends practiced at school as much as they could, and I caught glimpses of my daughter practicing at home, in the car, and even at the grocery store. She was so into this and wanted to do a good job. She would get embarrassed when she realized I was watching, and she would stop. I wondered how this would go on the actual day of the Lip Sync Battle. I told her that she was doing a great job and just needed to give it all she’s got. Dance like no one was watching. Just get into it because she had this! She practiced so much that she knew every word to the song and every movement flowed!
I asked her one evening what she and the other girls were going to wear for their performance. She just sat there as if in deep thought, so I suggested that they wear plaid shirts like we wear when we go horseback riding from time to time. Her eyes brightened and grew wider as she almost jumped from her chair as she said, “And we can get cowboy hats, too!” Oh yes, she was all into it now! Having just purchased a cheap cowboy hat for my husband from Party City for a New Year’s Eve party, we knew where to go to get two more for the other girls! Her friends were so excited when she told them the next day at school! The girls didn’t all have plaid shirts, though, so they worried over that until I told them that they could just use my shirts. I had plenty! They literally jumped up and down with excitement when my daughter told them that we had the costumes covered. All they had to do was supply the boots. They said they could handle that part, so their costumes were now complete! That was one less thing for them to worry over.
After much anticipation, the day of the Lip Sync Battle arrived. I walked into the school with my daughter that Monday morning with shirts and hats in hand. My daughter sat nervously at her desk in the classroom as she waited for her friends to arrive. The clock ticked slowly with the hands hardly moving it seemed. I told her it was going to be just fine. Her friends would be there! And sure enough, a few minutes before the bell sounded, her friends walked into the classroom. My daughter melted at her seat for a second before she jumped up and hugged her friends exclaiming, “Thank GOD you’re HERE!”
I began slipping the plaid shirts over what they were wearing, fixing their boots so they could be seen, and placed the black cowboy hats on their heads. They were all set!
Before they went on, I told the girls that no matter what happens KEEP GOING! If you mess up, don’t make it noticeable at all. Just keep the movements flowing and moving right along. Keep dancing!
AND … they did!
Little did we realize that, as they kicked off the Lip Sync Battle, the music would fail on the sound system! Oh no! The girls were absolutely amazing, though, as they did exactly what I said and THEY KEPT GOING! With barely any sound coming out of the speakers, they danced right along and sang the words enough to get them through the performance. The audience realized what happened with the sound, and although a few laughed at first, they were amazed when the girls just kept going and doing their thing! I was BEAMING with pride as I watched those girls on stage! They worked hard, and this moment in time was not going to be ruined by speakers that failed to work.
As they exited the stage at the end of their performance, everyone began cheering for them. Some even commented that they couldn’t believe they kept going! I was sitting in the very front watching it all unfold, and I believe I may have been one of the loudest when I cheered for them!
My pride and joy strutted her stuff on stage with her friends!
The show went on, and the sound was fixed for the next song. The girls were all worried that they embarrassed themselves, but I assured them that they actually did the opposite! They amazed the audience when they did not give up or stop midway through the performance due to the lack of sound!
After a few songs played and the other students got a chance to perform, one of the teachers came over to us. He apologized for the issue with the sound but said the girls would get a chance to do it again now that the sound was fixed. Woo Hoo!! The three girls held hands and were smiling all over themselves for this opportunity! And sure enough, an announcement was made for the judges to disregard the opening act with the sound issues as they were closing out the Lip Sync Battle with their performance once again!
These three little girls were amazing to watch on stage!
The crowd cheered, and there I was once again beaming with pride!
Decision time was among us, and the judges gathered to tally their votes. Then the elimination started on stage. It came down to my daughter’s team and another team. They huddled together, fingers crossed, and their lips mouthing, “Please … please … please” as they waited in great anticipation for the results. The winner was announced, and by ONE POINT the other team won! Ugh!! Disappointment washed over my daughter and her friends, but I immediately joined them when they returned to their seats. I made a special point to let them all know how hard they worked, how it showed, and how incredibly proud I was of all three of them! They were in second place! That’s not too shabby considering there were at least 10 to 12 acts performing that day!
After they returned to their classroom, I went to get them a little something for their hard work. Coming back into the school with gift bags, their faces lit up once more. They were disappointed for a moment but quickly got over that when they focused on how good they did! It helped when others complimented them as well.
Once upon a time, my fairy tale marriage ended. Yes, that’s right. There was to be no “happily ever after” for me. Not with my first husband.
At just 21 years old, my first husband and I vowed to love each other and be together “forever.” Little did I realize that his “forever” meant until I had our daughter four years later.
She entered this world a tiny 5 lb 15 1/2 oz bundle of absolute love and joy! I had a rough time in the delivery room, but after 17 hours, this precious little blue eyed baby girl entered this world ever so quietly. She never cried. She just grunted. I’ll admit that I was beyond frightened at this point that something was wrong with my beautiful baby girl. As the doctor and nurse worked on her to clear her airway, I grew weak after having my blood pressure drop, and I started to cry. All I could do was beg the staff to let me hold my baby. Please … I just want to hold my baby. And, instantly my blood pressure started to rise the moment they placed her in my arms.
Love at first sight. Actually, I was already in love with her the moment I found out I was pregnant, but I fell deeper in love with her when I saw her for the very first time. Ten perfect little fingers and toes, and a slightly misshapen cone head from the birth canal, she was all I ever wanted in this life!
A few days after delivery, we were able to go home where she more than made up for her lack of vocal skills at birth. My darling had a set of lungs on her, let me tell you! And … she hated bath time! There was no soothing her with the water. Instead, she screamed, and she cried … every … single … time. Sponge baths … full baths … it didn’t make a difference. But … I still loved her with all of my heart and would do anything in the world for her.
Shortly after her first birthday, my husband announced that he did not want to be a husband or a father any more. He wanted his freedom.
Shocked and filled with disbelief, I knew I had no time to sit and wallow in self pity. I had a precious little baby girl to take care of. She depended on me, and I would NOT let her down! No matter what happened in my marriage regarding his lack of commitment to us, I was committed to HER … and I still am to this very day. I would move Heaven and Earth for this blonde haired, blue eyed girl.
I prayed, and I begged God to help me care for this little darling as I was forced into the role of a single parent. I never thought I would be in this position, after all … we were “in love” and “promised forever” to each other.
There would be no happily ever after. Not with him.
My daughter and I started a new chapter of our lives together with her just a little one year old who had just learned how to walk. She took her first steps as a toddler … and I took my first steps into single parenthood. Her first steps were certainly more cause for celebration than mine, and that is what I focused on; her!
I became Mama and Daddy all rolled into one. I was her shelter, her protector, her everything … just like Jesus was for me. I knew that I could not go down that road alone, and I did not have to. Sure, there was times that I felt completely alone, but I remembered that Jesus was never going to leave me, unlike a man that vowed his love for me had. I knew that my strength came from God, and He would not fail. All things are possible with HIM … and I put the past in the past and forged ahead to our future together.
My goal in life was to make sure that my little darling did not want for anything. Although he left, I did not want our standard of living to go down any. I wanted to remain in the house she had always known from birth, and thank God that was possible when I was able to borrow money from the bank to keep the house! After paying him his equity in the house and refinancing the home into my name, we were set. No one could EVER try to take this home from us again. It was ours; my daughters and mine.
While I’ll admit that money was tight, we survived. God saw to it that we would. I praise Him for how He kept us during that time. While we did not always have our “wants” fulfill, He saw to it that our “needs” were more than met! I thank Him for that!
I realize that no one ever grows up and thinks, “Hmmm, I’ll just be a single parent.” Some times, though, life happens, and no matter what our hopes and dreams were … reality slaps us in the face, and we are just forced to deal with it. While it may not have been the hand we had hoped for, it was the one we were dealt. And God provided for us.
If you are a single mom or dad, I applaud you for ALL that you are doing! Your child/ren depend on you, and I have faith in YOU not to let them down. You are their everything, and they cling to you for reassurance in uncertain times. Be there, encouraging them every step of the way. Don’t burden them with adult issues, just let them know that God will provide. That is all they need to know, and rest in the assurance that HE WILL!
Fast forward several years, and my blue eyed baby girl is now 19 years old! She has a firm foundation, and I love her more than she will ever know! We made it! She is technically no longer my “baby” as she’s an adult now at this age, but she will ALWAYS be my baby no matter how old she gets.
IF you’re new to this single parent life, take heart and know that you will be okay. It will all work out. You may question “How” at this stage of the game. But just don’t stop to think about what has happened or how big of a step you think this is going to be doing it all on your on. Have faith in your ability to be the provider for your child/ren. I survived, and you will, too! God will help you, if you just ask. I promise you. It will all be worth it in the end when your child/ren grow up and turn out to be responsible adults. You will realize that every ounce of your struggles were worth it and then some because of the person they have become. You will grow in all of this, too. You will no longer be the scared 25 year old that doesn’t know how they will make ends meet. You will grow and change because you HAVE made ends meet, and you HAVE provided for your child/ren. You will have more strength inside of you than you ever thought possible, all because your child/ren are watching … and one day, they will look back and realize that you truly were their everything and appreciate the sacrifices you made so that they did not do without.
For all of the single parents, keep up the good work. You have a lot on your shoulders as Mom and Dad, but YOU can do this! I am living proof, and I thank God for His hand on mine and my daughter’s lives these past 19 years.
Happy National Single Parent Day. I celebrate you and all that you do behind the scenes to ensure your child/ren have a good life.
Much love to you and yours! From one once single parent to another.
He hasn’t been around for the past few years. Since she turned 16, they “allowed” her to choose if she wanted to come visit. After how she was treated and forced to endure the harassment from her step mom in her tender years as a child, she chose NOT to visit. Others in divorce situations were not forced to go visit if they did not want to do so. They could decide as early as their parents would let them, but in most cases when they reached 13 years old, they could refuse to go. Not in my daughter’s case, though. Her step mom demanded that she visit and then said that by law she HAD to come until she was 18 years old. Yet every time she went, her step mom would say ugly things to her, often harping on her clothes and telling her how they were not good enough. Then the step mom would start in on my daughter’s makeup, and it became the norm for her to be called a “slut” or “whore” due to how my daughter wore her makeup. She preferred eyeliner, while, obviously, the step mom did not. The comments were uncalled for and extremely hurtful. Makeup, nor clothes, make one a “slut” or “whore.” The step mom would often shame my daughter as well. She picked at my daughter about having a tummy, to the point that my daughter would not eat. I did not want her to become anorexic, and I tried to talk to my daughter to undo the damage that her step mom continually did to her by the comments that she made. My daughter has NEVER been fat, not one single day in her life.
We celebrated with my daughter the day she was no longer being forced to endure this torture from her step mom. We danced around the house and were so thankful that it was all over. She had freedom every other weekend now and several weeks during the summer and at Christmas. She did not have to go to their house where she would stay in her room the entire time to try to avoid the harsh remarks and ill treatment from her step mom. Then they labeled her anti social. That simply was not ever the case. She just chose not to be around, out in the open, for her to become a target yet again.
This whole thing has been so heartbreaking to sit back and watch all of these years knowing that I could not do anything about it. By court order, she was to go visit her father. Under normal circumstances, I would never ever have a problem with her going to visit her father. But knowing what she faced each and every time she went at the hands of her step mom … we all dreaded when the time would come for her to go. She would cry the entire time to his house (one hour), begging us not to “make” her go. It wasn’t us, though. Our hands were tied. I tried to talk to her father before about the treatment she was receiving at the hands of the step mom when he was not around, but of course, he defended his wife. The majority of the time when she was there, he was working so he was not around to see or hear the remarks made.
When they finally realized she hated it there, they gave her an out. Thank GOD! If only it had come a few years earlier, though, so she would not have had to endure all that she did …
She had mixed emotions at first. Thankful that she finally had a say, yet disappointed that he’d rather turn her room into his office instead of have her there. It’s hard to deal with emotions like this. She feels torn as she loved when she could visit with him – just him and her brother – yet her step mom did everything to keep them apart when he wasn’t working and everything in her power to make my daughter’s visit miserable. Each … and … every … time! She was not allowed time alone with her dad to bond either. That is what her little girl heart wanted and needed most, though. She would even get up super early in the mornings to go with her dad to the construction sites JUST to spend time with him. Then her step mom would make remarks about that or just flat our refuse to let her go with her dad.
I am a “Daddy’s Girl.” I always have been. It is heartbreaking for me to sit back and see that my daughter craves the attention from her dad, yet he gives none. I have tried to encourage their relationship all of these years. I tried to get him to call her, but he wouldn’t. Then I tried to ensure that my daughter called him. He was the adult, though, so he should have put forth more effort. I, the ex wife, should not have had the responsibility to ensure that they talked during the week between visits. Finally, I stopped. And no phone calls were made by either party. I even called him before to ask if he’d take her out for ice cream, my treat, just so they could have some bonding time together. That never happened to my knowledge. My attempts to make him spend time alone with her doing father-daughter bonding failed. So I stopped that, too.
He came to her graduation in May, but she stood in the hallway moments before the ceremony was to begin with tears in her eyes because she did not think he would show up. I stood out there with her, encouraging her the entire time. “Yes, honey, he will be here,” all while silently praying to God for Him to make sure that man walked through the door! Finally, he did. He had his wife with him, though, and other family members that appeared standoffish. After the graduation, we invited him to the graduation party we were throwing for her. He declined. When we returned home after her party and she went to open his graduation present, she found cheap items from Dollar Tree along with a few framed pictures. She was deeply hurt and saddened that they thought so little of her to give her … THAT … for her graduation.
A week later, we would discover that he rushed down to the Clerk of Court’s office to have the child support terminated. Her graduation was May 22, and the court papers were signed May 26, 2015. He wasted NO time in going to terminate it, yet he was ordered to pay the arrearages due to him not paying several times over the years to where a huge balance accumulated. To date, he still has not paid the arrearages. So, back to court we shall go.
In the mist of all of these months that have passed since her graduation, he has only tried to contact her once. He left a “guilt” message on her voicemail saying something to the affect, “This is your daddy, I thought maybe you needed a reminder of who I was since I haven’t heard from you.” She did not return his call.
She is angry and hurt all rolled into one. The absent father is still causing her pain to this very day.
She found an article online and shared it on her Facebook page about how her father should have been the first man to love her, cherish her and treat her right. It went on to say that he should have tried to have a relationship with her all of these years and how he should have made HER a priority in his life. Her hurt and pain was apparent that evening through her Facebook post. I wrote under it:
I love you more than you will ever know in this lifetime. And I promise to always do everything in my power to make sure you know how truly special you are. I know you miss your dad. I can’t be him, but I can cradle you in my love always. I can’t make up for when he should have been there. But I am here. I am your biggest fan, and I am so proud of the young lady you are. He is truly the one missing out. ((Hugs))
The next night when she was laying on her bed as I passed in the hallway to tell her good night … she stopped me in my tracks as she asked, “What is so wrong with me that my own father doesn’t want anything to do with me?” I sat on the edge of the bed as I looked her in the eyes and said, “Honey, there is not a single thing wrong with YOU. YOU, my dear, are NOT the problem! You are smart, beautiful, and my pride and joy! Your dad is the one with the problem, and he truly is the one missing out.”
We talked for a little while longer. I can still see that she is hurting over not having her father in her life. I want to make this all better and take it all away from her. Yet, I know realistically that I cannot. As hard as I tried for 18 years, I have come to the realization that I cannot make him be the father that she needs, wants, and deserves to have had all of these years. I have stopped wasting my time and energy trying to encourage a relationship with a man that does not have his priorities right in his life. Yes, you can work all your life, but on your death bed, are you going to say, “The one thing I regret is not working more …” ??? NO! You will not! The biggest regret he will have is not making his family a priority, not spending more time with his daughter and not telling her how much he loves her. In my heart, I know he loves her. I am not sure why he will not SHOW it and be there for her … but I realize that people are different in the ways that they love and in how they express their love. I tried to tell him before his father’s passing in 1997 to SAY what he needed or wanted to say to his father so he would not have any regrets later. Their family was not ones to say “I love you” or hug. I tried to encourage him to TELL his father that he loved him. To my knowledge, he did not. He, instead, tried to remain as distant emotionally as possible, and now, years later, he does regret not telling his father what was in his heart. I believe one day, he will have the same regret with not having the relationship he should have had with his daughter and not telling her and SHOWING her the love he has in his heart for her.
While her biological father has been absent the past several years, my husband stepped up years ago when we married and became the father that my daughter needed in her life. While he was her “step” father, he has been more of a father to her than her biological father ever has. We have never tried to replace her real father, but I am thankful that my daughter has had a father figure in her life for the past 17 years. Together, we have tried to give my daughter all the love we can so she will know how truly special she is to us!
If you are a father reading this, MAKE TIME for your child! You do not have to be the absent father any longer. Go to your child if it is where you can, and TELL them how much they mean to you. Start now with mending the relationship between you two, and vow to BE THERE from this point forward. The children need you – regardless if they are infants or 60 years old. They need their fathers in the picture and in their lives!
“Mama … “ a weak voice trailed off followed by deep sobs.
“Somebody hit me.”
Instantly fear and panic filled my body. My baby!! MY BABY!!!!
“Oh my GOD … YOU or the vehicle? Are you okay? Where are you?” I questioned as the blood seemed to drain from my body.
“My car … I can’t … I can’t get out of the driver’s door. I’m trapped.”
I grabbed my purse and out the door I went alerting my coworkers that my daughter was in a car accident.
Racing to the scene of the accident, a million thoughts assaulting my brain! I can’t think. I can’t do anything but get to my daughter, and I can’t even do THAT fast enough!
And there it was. On top of the hill, pushed to the other side of the intersection, was my daughter’s Jeep … with her still inside. Unable to get out.
Police were in the intersection, I put my emergency flashers on and attempted to get my noodle legs out of the vehicle to go to her. A hand in the air from across the intersection insisted that I stay where I was. “But, that’s my BABY …” I pleaded! He shot me a stern look and demanded that I stay where I was. That was one of the hardest things in my LIFE to ever have to do was stay where I was knowing my daughter was still inside the vehicle!
The ambulance was on the scene at this point as well, and I said into the universe, “Oh my God … oh my God … it’s worse than I thought!” as it felt as if my heart dropped completely out of my body.
They were able to help my daughter to safety, and the stern faced officer motioned for me to get inside my vehicle and follow them across the street.
Getting into my vehicle as fast as I could, feeling my hands trembling and my thoughts still being assaulted, I drove slowly through the intersection and what remained of my daughter’s car in pieces on the asphalt.
Reaching the grassy shoulder of the road, I bailed out of my vehicle so fast when I saw her standing there.
My daughter.
Alive.
Breathing.
And I embraced her like I have never embraced her before. She was still crying, in shock, and my heart was eternally grateful that she was still with us.
Oh, Thank you GOD!!!
At the emergency room, it was determined that she had a mild concussion and contusions to her left shoulder and left hip. The driver of the dark green colored Mustang failed to stop for the red light. My daughter, who left the bank mere moments before to go to lunch, proceeded through the intersection once her light turned green … and the rest is what you read above. The Mustang’s driver hit my daughter’s Jeep Grand Cherokee with such force to sling it like a rag doll across the intersection. He hit square on the driver’s door, caving it in.
This event could have been a truly life altering event even more than it has been. I thank GOD for sparing my daughter’s life!!!
This just goes to show you that you can be going about your day doing everything right and due to no fault of your own, your life could change forever.
My daughter is still having headaches and pains in her neck as a result from the accident.
Her Jeep … is a total loss. We’re in negotiations with the Mustang driver’s insurance company to get reimbursed for our Jeep. Although the driver’s door took the brunt of the force from the Mustang, the frame is bent, as is the pole inside the vehicle between the driver’s door and the back door. The driver door would not open, and the back door is warped. In the mist of this, though, is the good news that the steel bar inside the driver’s door prevented the Mustang from coming into the vehicle on my daughter. That steel bar saved her life!
In a single moment, in the time it takes to blink, simply BLINK … our lives could have been altered forever.
I thank God for my daughter, for her safety, for His hand of protection over her.
It is disheartening, though, that friends … those that considered themselves family … have not even called to check up on her after learning of her accident. Alas, God will heal our hearts from that as well.
Appreciate those that you have in your life. Hold them close to your heart, and never EVER take them for granted.
No one is guaranteed another day on this earth, another minute, another second … only God knows the amount of time we have.
I have asked both of my daughters if their hearts are right with God. I have stressed the importance because we just never know when our time is up here on earth. They have assured me that they are saved. I pray that they are.
She bounces across the yard, wide smile on her lips with long blonde hair flowing behind her. Throwing her head back, the sweetest laughter fills the air as she runs after her goats. They scurry, buck, and hop to get away from her grasp, and she laughs even harder and deeper than before. A full belly laugh experience for my husband and I as we are nearby watching this scene unfold.
This is what ten looks like.
Out on the trail, sitting deep in the saddle with her back straight, heels down, and arms extended forward she clicks her horse into a trot. Almost immediately, she clicks again, occasionally giving a soft kick in the ribs, and off they go into a gallop … my daughter and her beautiful horse.
Ten.
Without a care in the world, enjoying life, finding peace in nature, and loving all of her animals.
Sitting quietly in the corner of the barn with “Little Buddy” in her arms as she strokes the kitten’s soft fur. Putting it down now, she takes a string and begins to bounce it up and down in the air until the end dances wildly. Within a split second, the kitten lunges toward it, determined to grasp that string between her paws but falling forward with each attempt while my daughter giggles …
This morning we got up super early for a Sunday. We loaded the boat with our rod and reels and headed off to fish for our supper. It’s a good thing we had a back up plan as no fish were biting today in this heat despite the variety of crickets and worms we offered them.
We returned home soaked in sweat, but we weren’t bitter about “wasting” the morning. It wasn’t wasted at all because we were together, my husband and I. The children wanted to sleep in, so we went together to share one of the many things we love and have in common.
My parents arrived not too terribly long after we returned from our fishing trip as we were having a cook out for Father’s Day. The meal was delicious as we feasted on hamburgers and hot dogs, which is my dad’s favorite. We laughed, we swapped stories, and we enjoyed our time together.
After my parents left this evening, my daughter turned to me and said, “Happy Father’s Day, Mom.” She said these words to me and then elaborated on why she chose to celebrate me today, also. Yes, I was both Mother and Father to her for all of these years after her father left when she was just a year old. I had to be there for her in every way, and I stepped up when he stepped out. I never hesitated. She was my responsibility, and I wrapped my arms tightly around her and vowed to do everything within my power to help this precious little girl succeed and embrace life. I taught her about God, how to be polite and use your manners, the facts of life, as well as all of the things in between. And she has grown into a beautiful young woman. My heart is so completely proud of her.
A few years after my divorce, I started dating a man that is now her step-dad. He knew when we started talking that I had a daughter, but I would not allow him to meet her until I knew for a fact that he would be around for a long time to be a part of her life. I did not want her to get attached to any man again just to have them leave. Our hearts could not take it. When I was sure, though, I introduced them. Later we married when she was four years old, and he has helped to fill the role of the father figure.
I realize that Father’s Day is hard on a lot of people for various reasons. Either they are bitter because their father wasn’t that good to them growing up and they never had the father figure they had always longed for, or maybe their father passed when they were little and they’ve had to live their lives without their father. It’s just a hard day for so many. Then, there are Mothers who had dual roles in their children’s lives just as I have. Maybe they divorced when the child was real young as I did, or maybe the father wasn’t in the picture at all from the moment they found out they were pregnant. Whatever the case, the mother had to do and be both to their child – Mother and Father. I applaud all ladies who have been there in this capacity and thank you for not caving under the tremendous pressure, but, instead, embracing it and excelling for your children’s sake. Moms, you ROCK!
Here’s to Father’s every where. Whether you’re the father that has been there every step of the way giving all you’ve got for your family (like my father), or whether you’re a step father that truly stepped into the picture and loved these children with your whole heart and made them your very own (like my husband) … or single or divorced mothers that never skipped a beat as they lived, loved, and saw it as their sole purpose in life to nurture and care for their babies in every possible way (like I have).
With my daughter’s high school graduation, and our trip to Toronto kicking off our busy Summer, I seem to be short on words of wisdom lately! Even still, I am thankful that this site is available when I am ready to share my rambling thoughts and hopefully have a few readers join me.
This site is so much more than just a “blog.” It helps me leave behind a legacy for my children.
I have handwritten journals I started when they were babies. One in particular – for my oldest daughter – was started when I found out I was pregnant! I was so excited and started writing words of love to her before she ever came into this world. These are actually in a fire proof safe for them when they are older and will appreciate what they will one day hold in their hands.
This site also allows for my words to remain out here in cyber space for them to reflect back on. These days they seem not to care too much about Mommy’s blog. Maybe at some point later, they will.
A few years back, poems that I used to write were taken and put into a book format by my friend, Greg. What a sweet keepsake my girls will have to hopefully also treasure and hold dear to their heart.
In the grand scheme of things, these are just little things they will possess long after I’m gone that will speak to their hearts when I’m not here on this earth any longer to do so. The thought of what I just wrote brings tears that sting my eyes, and I blink back the tears, fighting them the entire way.
Oh, how I wish we could all live forever.
It breaks my heart completely to think that one day my children will be forced to go on without me by their side. I have raised them and instilled morals and values into them the best way I know how. I have shared God and my faith with them, and they have asked Jesus into their hearts. We have the reassurance that one day if we are forced to be apart for a little while, we will be reunited in Heaven. Even still, I pray God allows me to have so many more years with my children laughing, loving, holding, and making memories with them.
I have been blessed to live as long as I have as some do not get this opportunity and aren’t as fortunate. Yet, I’m selfish and want more time. I pray God allows it. My grandmother lived well into her 80s. She was in good health until the last two years of her life when she had surgery and things went downhill with her health. I pray that I will be healthy and active well into my 80s also!
Have you put aside little keepsakes for your family? If you haven’t, you could start today with your own version of a sweet memory that you will leave them with, something tangible to hold in their hands.
With those words, I am reminded of what my grandmother did prior to her death. She knew death was near at one point, so she left a card behind. This card was discovered a few days after her funeral when her daughter began going through her things. Can you imagine the impact of this simple little sympathy card? To find a sympathy card that your MOTHER wrote to you … oh, there are no words to express the flood of emotions that came over my father when his sister shared the card with him. He closed his eyes, shook his head, and sat there motionless for a long time with tears escaping under his closed eyelids. My grandmother expressed her deepest sympathy to her children for their broken hearts after losing her, and in closing, she expressed as much as she possibly could in words the love that she carried for her family all of her 80+ years. Tears are now finding their way out of my eyes and onto my cheeks despite tilting my head back and blinking to avoid them spilling out.
If you take anything away from this post today, just remember that the love of family is so very important. Make those memories. Spend time with the ones that mean the world to you. There may come a day when you will not have them with you any longer. It will hurt your heart, and you will long for them … just one more phone conversation, one more visit … one more hug, one more chance to say, “I love you.”
The people in your lives matter, and you matter to them. Take no one for granted. Treasure and cherish, love and hold dear to your heart while you still can. And then when your time on Earth is through, they will have beautiful moments to reflect back on as they reminisce about time spent with you.
Leave an incredible and inspirational legacy of love for your family.
