I have been so blessed as I engaged in community with Good Morning Girls and their Facebook group.
Today’s scripture really thrilled my heart. I have often said that my girls are my heart and soul. They are the reason that I’m here on this earth. I fully believe that. My children have inspired, encouraged, and uplifted me without even trying. It just comes naturally for them.
My children are my life!More
Tomorrow, January 8th, marks a very important day. It is my oldest daughter’s birthday. It is a day that is filled with great celebration but also silent tears. She has gone from a perfect little baby that I cradled in my arms to a vibrant and happy little girl who once ran free in a meadow filled with wild flowers without a single care in the world. She turned into a teenager inching her way to independence. I admire and adore the young lady who is now making her own way in this world.
As she turns 17 years old, my wish is for her to always know, without a shadow of a doubt, how much I truly love her and will do everything within my power for her.
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Today my oldest daughter and I “unplugged.” Yes, we did! We spent the day together and focused more on each other than on a screen of any kind! We were present for each other, and that is a gift that is so rarely given these days. Normally you see people with their heads down staring at their phones as they totally ignore the people sitting right there with them. We see this going on in stores, in restaurants, etc. The truth is, we seldom give others our undivided attention. Today, though, my daughter and I did just that. We tucked away the phones, ipods, and computers … and we were present for each other!
We started the day bright and early with going out for breakfast together, and then it was time for some shopping! We really focused on each other, taking the time to enjoy the conversation, the laughter, the inside jokes. We even went to look at prom dresses. The only time any electronic devices came out was when I begged for pictures of my daughter in those dresses. We are just starting out on our search for THE perfect dress, but in our search, we will begin by documenting today! Oh, she looked so lovely in the dresses she tried on today. She made those dresses look amazing! I am not being biased when I say that she was stunningly beautiful. I wish for just a little while that my darling daughter could see herself through my eyes. She is beautiful inside and out!
We made memories together today. Memories that will forever be a part of who we are – a part of the mother/daughter bond that we share. I am forever grateful for moments like these. My daughter will soon be 17, and oh how the time has flown by. It seems like just yesterday I was holding my newborn baby in my arms for the very first time, and now we’re shopping for prom dresses, getting ready for her high school ring ceremony, and ~gasps of horror~ looking at colleges! My baby has grown right up on me! She will soon be an adult. Oh how I hold on to these times with my baby as tight as I possibly can. I am not ready yet to let her spread her wings to fly. I know it’s coming, but this Mama is just not ready to let her go out into this cruel world. I want to shield and protect her from all harm … always! I know she has to grow up, and I am so incredibly proud of the young lady she has become. I just know I want more time! Our roles are shifting from caring for her every need, teaching her how to walk, fixing scraped knees and playing dolls with her to now her becoming so independent working a job just because she “wants” to but certainly not because she “has” to – just to know she has the desire to work lets me know that she is spreading her wings like the beautiful eagle as she begins to take flight. She is slowly venturing off on her own while still returning to the nest for a little while longer. And I choke back the tears and hold on a little tighter now.
I had the BEST day with my daughter today … focusing on each other, living in the moment, being present for each other … what a gift! One that I treasure …
Be present for someone in your life today. Push the computer aside after reading this, turn your phone off, and intentionally focus on the person that is IN FRONT of you. And thank God for them and for this moment in time, for this wonderful gift of being present and making memories with them! I know I am thankful – oh so thankful!
Blessings to you and yours,
~Shirley
Light, Love, Hope
Last night as I was reaching into my youngest daughter’s closet for a jacket that was way in the back, I found our little memory box. It was resting on a hanger right above the jacket I was reaching for, almost as if it was strategically placed there. I had almost forgotten about this little box. It isn’t because I forgot what it symbolized. No, I could never forget that. But, I believe, I had pushed this so far into the back of my mind because of the pain involved in the entire situation. You see, ten years ago I was pregnant and due to deliver in October of 2003. When we first heard the wonderful news that we were expecting a precious little baby, we were filled with so much joy and happiness! We were smiling so widely and dancing around with glee. That feeling was short lived as was the pregnancy as I was rushed to the hospital in extreme pain with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. We were told at that time by the medical team that it wasn’t a “viable pregnancy” as it implanted in my tube instead, and as it tried to grow, it did so against the walls of the tiny tube thus causing it to rupture. I had emergency surgery, and due to the removal of the ruptured tube, my chances of becoming pregnant again were slim. We felt as if one moment we were happily swimming in the sea when a tidal wave appeared suddenly, slamming us into the rocks along the shore. We were crushed beyond comprehension. To say we were devastated by this news does not even begin to explain how we truly felt at that time.
This little memory box was hand painted by my friend, Jennifer. Inside the little box is a note still safely tucked inside that reads:
Memories Last Forever
I painted each stroke with love for your child
And said silent prayers for you
May you find inner strength to cope with your loss
Allowing others to help you through
Though you must feel alone please know that you are not
As I reach out to show you I care
You can place items of love in this memory box
To hold dear to your heart or to share.
This little box touched my heart tremendously when Jennifer sent it to me all the way from her home in California. She took the time to acknowledge the painful loss we had just endured and offered support in our time of need. She validated our child that should have been but just could not be. Whereas people like the medical staff and our relatives and friends moved right along after saying, “It wasn’t a viable pregnancy,” we could not do the same. Our lives were forever changed that day. We were so excited and filled with such love for this little one when we first heard the news that I was pregnant! We had such joy and happiness in our hearts and were looking forward to the day that we would see this precious little one’s face. The love we felt was indescribable. It was very much a viable pregnancy to us. We had such love, high hopes, and dreams that just would not come to be for this little one here on this earth. Jennifer will never know how much it meant to us then and still means to us to this very day that she took the time to hand paint this box for us. Every single stroke of her brush was done in pure love. At a time when she could not do any thing else to ease the pain we felt, she took out her painting supplies and got to work on this box just for us. Her loving kindness is displayed in her beautiful painting on this box with our little one listed. She didn’t just paint a generic box. She deliberately painted this box for us by placing our little one’s name on the box as well.
Although these last few posts have appeared full of sadness and sorrow, I shared them as it is a time of reflection around the holidays. I can relate to the pain that others feel. I am not some type of super woman that is immune to heartache and pain. I feel it, too. I allow the feelings for a little while. I think back on that time in my life and how it shaped me and molded me to this very day.
This entire message is not doom and gloom, but if you have stayed with me to this point, I want to let you hear me shout my praises to God above. Why would I when I lost a child? Because God picked me up out of my pit of despair, carried me in His loving arms through this storm in my life, and in HIS timing, He provided a miracle for our family. While I did not have this little one to love in this life, I still love … I always will love … and ONE day I believe that I will see my little baby in Heaven. I will finally get to cradle my baby in my arms, kiss the little forehead, feel the little tiny fingers wrapped around my own. I look forward to that day when I see my little one in Heaven. I believe my baby is there. I believe that my sister was there at the time the tube ruptured and the pregnancy was no more. I believe that God placed this baby into my sister’s arms for her to love, care for, and nurture this little one in Heaven. While I was here on this earth caring for my sister’s baby that she left behind at only two weeks old, my sister was now in Heaven caring for my own little baby.
The miracle that I spoke of … although my chances of conceiving were slim at this point, God still had the final say! We went through procedure after procedure, and after one disappointment after another God, after crying out to God, begging and pleading with Him, He reached down His great and mighty hand and performed a miracle for us. God gave me the gift of my miracle baby that was born in late 2004. God took a nearly hopeless situation and turned it into something so very beautiful. God’s light and love offered hope for our hurting hearts … that is the message I hope that you will receive today. In a situation where our hearts were shattered, God picked up the broken pieces, kissed every single one and wrapped them in His love. His light shined down over our lives and turned the darkness we felt into light. He offered hope. He provided a miracle.
This morning I remembered my little one that is in Heaven. I walked into my youngest daughter’s room and paused to admire her sleeping soundly in her bed with her beautiful curls falling slightly over the snow white skin of her cheeks. Watching her as she slept, hoping she was having peaceful dreams. I thanked God for my miracle baby that is now nine years old. I did feel the sting and felt my heart sink as I remembered my other little baby that never had a chance in this world. This little one would be ten years old right now. I allowed those feelings for a moment, then I shifted my focus back to the beautiful little miracle laying right before my eyes all snuggled into her bed.
I thank God for the memory box. I don’t believe I found it by accident or that it had simply fallen off of the top shelf into this position where I would find it reaching for that jacket. It was truly as if it was placed there as a simple reminder that caring people still exist in this world. My friend, Jennifer, is living proof. There are no words to express my deepest and most sincere appreciation for what she did by remembering our little baby, by acknowledging and validating our feelings at a time when so many brushed it aside and went on with their lives. She took the time to reach out and touch our hearts with that of her own.
I believe that the memory box was discovered right when I needed to be reminded of God’s goodness, His love, His compassion, His comfort, and of the miracle He performed in our lives.
I also believe that at a time when we just attended a ceremony remembering my sister that this was also a sign to remember our little one along with my sister as our baby was a child lost too soon. Now I will look at the Angel of Hope a little differently when I approach her at the gardens the next time. I will stand before this angel remembering and honoring my sister as well as my baby that is being loved and cared for in Heaven by my sister and by the loving hands of our God.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. It is Christmas time. A time of reflection and remembrance.
I was reminded last night in words spoken at the end of a Christmas program that Christmas is not necessarily a time of happiness for a lot of people, but it can be a time of joy. Although I remember the sting, the sadness, and the pain, I remember God’s miracle and am once again filled with joy and happiness! It is my hope that although you have endured your own struggles, heartache, and pain in this life that you will still be able to find some joy this holiday season.
Dear sweet baby girl,
You are very near and dear to my heart, little one. Oh if you could only know the many times we cried out to God begging and pleading with Him to let us have another little baby. Our hearts ached for a little bundle of joy to make our family complete. We had little Brittney, and our hearts were filled with so much love that we were bursting at the seams and wanting to share this love with another little angel from above. Having lost a baby and half of my chances of becoming a mother again after having a ruptured ectopic pregnancy followed by emergency surgery, I knew I was lucky to be alive although I was told I may not be able to have another baby after losing a tube when it ruptured. I was beyond devastated, depressed and distraught at this point. I begged God to please allow a little miracle to happen, please dear God bless me with another little one for my heart longed to cradle you in my arms, to shower you with so much love, to care for you, nurture you … oh the heart break we felt when being told that we may not be able to have another baby. We held fast to God’s hand, shedding many tears along the way as I endured one painful procedure after another to increase my chances of conceiving. After failed attempts, there was one procedure left that we were going to try before we folded and said okay, God … and then would begin praying for peace and acceptance of our current situation if it just was not in the cards for us to have another little baby. Ah, but God was not finished yet, dear one. Praise God, He was NOT finished yet. God is still in the miracle making business, and He proved that to us, oh precious little angel from above, our gift from God Himself – you ARE our miracle! After picking myself up off of the bathroom floor one day after a very painful procedure and just crying and calling out to God – after crying like I have never cried before, begging, and pleading with every thing in me, I can honestly say that God answered our prayer! We were trying one more time to conceive after this procedure, and God came in riding on wings of love and answered our prayer – we were pregnant with you, sweet little miracle child! We heard the news we had been longing for – we were having another baby!!! Oh the joy that filled our hearts! Then along came moments of fear as we had to be strictly monitored, precious one. I was in and out of the doctor’s office so much being poked and prodded even more than before, but I welcomed it if it meant that I would hold my miracle baby in my arms – if it meant that you would be safe and sound, I would walk through fire, move Heaven and Earth, just to make sure that you were okay and protected. And you know what? You were … God wrapped His loving arms around you and shielded the pregnancy, shielded you in my womb, and I carried you nine glorious months living for the moment that I would finally hold you in my arms! Oh when that day arrived, I did not care what I had to endure to bring you into this world, I just wanted you here with me, to look at you, to hold you, to love you, to have you next to me …
You came into this world on a sweltering September day, at 2:44 p.m. weighing in at 6 lbs. 3 oz. I watched you in the mirror as you entered this world and was absolutely in awe of God knowing that He did this – He gave me my miracle baby!! They placed you in my arms, and I had tears of pure joy streaming down my face. The moment had finally arrived, and I was soaking in all of your beauty! My miracle baby was finally here!!! Your dad was so moved with emotion also as he watched you come into this world and take your very first breath.
Your sister was there to greet you moments after your birth. Oh little Brittney was so proud, standing there with this huge smile on her face, just as precious as you, with her “I’m The Big Sister” shirt on. What you should know is that Brittney also prayed for you, dear one. Brittney actually asked me if I would give her a little sister. I told her that we’d pray about it and ask God for this, and I believe God heard little Brittney’s prayer and answered them also! He gave Brittney the little sister that her heart longed for. You were an answer to many, many prayers, dear heart.
Both sets of your grandparents were there moments after your birth as well to soak in these happy times with us, to share in the miracle of your birth!
So much time has passed now, with lots of memories that we hold very near and dear to our hearts. From all of your precious moments, being there to share all of the “firsts” with you – enjoying all of the sweet baby sounds that you’d make, taking your first step, saying “Mama” for the very first time … playing in your curly blonde hair and putting beautiful bows in your hair … oh my God wrapped you in His love and delivered you to us – there are no words to express how thankful we are for you and your sister – both miracle babies … both precious gifts from God above … both loved more than either of you can ever imagine in this lifetime or the next! For all eternity!
Time has gone by so very fast as you’re nine years old now. Nine … it’s going way too fast! I find myself holding on as tight as I can as you are slowly slipping from a toddler to a little blonde hair, blue eyed Princess bouncing around with those curls, oh those beautiful curls that you used to have before you made me brush them out as you tried to look more grown up … please, dear heart … precious miracle from God above, please stay little for just a little while longer … let me hold you in my arms, shower you with my love … both you and your sister are growing so fast, time has slipped away and whereas once it may have seemed like time was crawling by … now it seems like the hands of time are speeding around the clock as hours turn into days and days turn into years … and my babies are growing up …
As I’ve said to your sister many times before, and I know this won’t be the first time you’ve heard it, and you’ll probably hear it a million times more … but no matter how old you get, you will always – ALWAYS – be my baby!
I love you to the moon and stars!
Forever & Always,
~Mama~
My beautiful, beautiful girl … where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was praying asking God to bless me with a sweet little bundle of joy. I prayed so hard for you. I asked God to please let me have a healthy little baby, my heart’s desire. Nothing else mattered in the world when I became a mother – only you, sweet baby girl. My heart soared with excitement when I found out I was pregnant, and I loved you from that moment on! I talked to you, read to you, sang to you – all before you were ever born. I was so proud to walk around holding my belly knowing that my precious little one was kicking and turning inside of me. I felt every ripple, every elbow, every foot under the rib, and I loved every single minute of it. I had this precious tiny little life growing inside of me – a precious gift that God above entrusted me with. My only purpose in life was to be the best mother I could possibly be for you.
The day of your arrival could not get here fast enough. I wanted so badly to hold you in my arms, to cradle you with my love. You came into this world so quietly, not a single peep out of you – my heart fell out of my chest with worry at that moment. It took a few minutes before you squeaked and grunted, but you did not cry. I begged to hold you, to have you near me. Tears streaming down my face as they finally laid you in my arms. I held you so close to me, and you looked up at me with your beautiful, perfect features. Your beautiful blue eyes sparkling back at me. You were absolutely perfect. Ten sweet little finger and ten sweet little toes … you had my heart before you were ever born, but that moment when I held you in my arms, I knew I would do anything and everything for you – I would die for you, I would lay down my life for you, dear one.
I did not want to let you out of my sight. They had to take you to the nursery to weigh you and clean you, but they could not bring you back quick enough for me. I was chomping at the bit waiting for my baby to return to my room. When they brought you back to me, I held you for hours, looking at your beautiful skin, my very own little miracle baby sent from Heaven above. God truly did give me my heart’s desire.
You were born on an extremely cold Winter’s night in January, at 10:26 p.m., weighing in at 5 lbs. 15 ½ ounces. We brought you home from the hospital where you were quiet for a few nights, and I did not sleep for I was up watching over you to make sure you were safe all through the night. On the third day, you decided to exercise your lungs good fashion, and as colic set in, you let us hear you quite a bit after that. My heart went out to you as your little tummy was hurting, and we tried going from breast milk to the best formula money could buy. We finally found the right combination, and you settled down after a few weeks and all was right in the world again.
I treasure each and every moment as your mother – I cherish the time I have had to witness your growth, from the miracle of feeling life inside of my tummy, to the tantrums, to the laughter, through the tears, the growing pains – life as your mother has been a perfect journey because I have been allowed the ultimate gift of being YOUR mother.
I enjoy reflecting back on the times we have had together – from the times you screamed at the top of your lungs, to the times you laughed until your little face turned red as you threw your head back and laughed so hard you almost didn’t have any more air in your lungs to make a sound, and yet more laughter would come from my beautiful blonde hair, blue eyed Princess. I remember having “silly time” and running down the hall with a tutu on our heads pretending we were all getting married – even Dusty participating in this event with his very own tu-tu with matching lipstick. You were there the day he proposed to me at the Battery in Charleston along the harbor. Your eyes lit up when you realized what he held in his hand, a sparkling ring, as he kneeled down in front of us to ask for my hand in marriage, and your approval, asking you to become his daughter as well. You were included in the wedding ceremony as my Maid of Honor. You wore a flowing white dress with matching shoes, and a bouquet of flowers that were beautiful in and of itself but could not compare to the beauty of the one holding it – that person being you, my dear Brittney. That day we became a family. You were not only with me on that very special day, but you were very much a part of the wedding ceremony and have been an important part of my life – you are the very reason that I have life in me to this day. You are and always have been my reason to live. My sole purpose in life is not to be a worker, an employee, a manager … not one of those things matter at all. My sole purpose in this life is to be your mother. You are my reason to live. You are the air I breathe.
You have grown so much through the years. From toddler giggles and playing dress up in my shoes and make up, to a gorgeous 16 year old beauty queen that is preparing for her high school ring ceremony, Junior/Senior prom; from discovering lipstick for the first time to your first date, from pronouncing words such as “slip-lie” and “frid-er-frader” to studying for your SAT and preparing for college! Where, oh where has the time gone? It has gone way too fast, this I know for sure.
As much as I wish I could still fit you in my lap, holding you tightly as I rock you and sing “Jesus Loves Me” and “You Are My Sunshine,” I know that you have to grow, to flourish, to become your own independent person. This process has not been easy on your ole mom over here, but I am trying to let you be your own person … I am trying to give you some freedom, but please, dear God, I beg, please don’t let these next few years go by so fast. I want to savor every moment. My little girl is growing up way too fast, and all I can do is watch her go … love her, allow her to be her own person … help her along the way, but watch her spread her wings and fly … please don’t fly too far away, dear Brittney …
I love you more than words could ever say, more than you’ll ever know in this lifetime … and no matter how old you get, you will always … ALWAYS … be my “little girl.”
I am so proud of you. I love you to the moon and stars.
Always & Forever,
~Mama~