My dear friend posted a picture yesterday of a worn grayish sweatshirt displaying Charleston, South Carolina on the front.  I took one look at the faded and ripped shirt and the memories flooded my mind.  While we cannot pinpoint the exact year, we are speculating that it was around the year 2000 or 2001.  In other words, this shirt is well over 20+ years old.  With that, so, too, is our friendship!

Having met in the same online forum we wrote about previously during the “Write 28 Days” series, we took our friendship beyond the make-believe walls of the lounge and into the real world.  My friend traveled via rail from Arizona to South Carolina just to meet me!  While we only had a short weekend together, the time we shared was beyond measure.

It was an absolute honor and privilege to open my home to host her during her visit.  We shared so many great and wonderful things together that weekend, and quiet time at home was extra special having her with me.  She was my first house guest, and I could not believe she was really there!  Live and in person, there she stood in my doorway smiling at me.

We ventured out for a little sightseeing in one of the most beautiful cities – Charleston!  We walked the cobblestone streets during a ghost tour which was lead by a great storyteller dressed in period clothing carrying a lantern.  This was one of the highlights of her trip along with seeing the horse-drawn carriages at The Battery in downtown Charleston.  The evening grew colder as the tour went on, thus prompting the purchase of this sweatshirt at the downtown market area.  Alas, no evening in Charleston is complete without fine dining on fresh seafood!   As we exchanged stories of our own and sampled the best seafood Charleston had to offer, the bond between us grew stronger.   Memories were made that will last a lifetime, as I’m sure our friendship will as well.

Twenty-plus years of friendship, and in those 20+ years we have shared the good, the bad, and the ugly life threw at us both.  My friend is a great conqueror, though.  When mental illness thought it had a grip on her, she fought the stigma associated with it and made a great life for herself and her son.  She raised him as a single parent, which is no easy task!  She was both mother and father, and while she beats herself up over different periods with him growing up, I know she did the absolute best she could for him!  Just when things were looking up, my friend was facing gamma knife surgery due to a brain tumor.  Thankfully, it was NOT cancerous, but the procedure was frightening in and of itself.  The tumor was wrapped around her optic nerve, if memory serves me correctly.  This warrior woman came out of the surgery fighting like a mad woman to reclaim her life.

And she did!

I’ll fast forward through other things in her life she has conquered and focus on the gentleman who completely blindsided her and then swept her off of her feet!  When she first showed me his picture, I could not believe how much he resembled Willie Nelson!  It’s funny thinking back on this now, but my heart was completely thrilled and delighted for my friend to have found love again.  She has smiled more than I have EVER seen her smile, and her heart is truly happy now!  She and this gentleman moved from Arizona to Missouri!  They found a little piece of Heaven in each other and in a little home on the range!  Now my friend’s days are spent harvesting from her garden and canning!  She has chickens and seems giddy as a schoolgirl over Hummingbirds that visit her feeders during the spring, and she seems ecstatic over snow flurries during the winter months.  She seems to absolutely love her ranch life now, affectionately referring to their new home as Leaning Cedar Ranch.

Ah, my dear, sweet, beautiful, strong-willed friend, it has been so incredible for me to watch ALL of your dreams come true.  A lump forms in my throat and tears sting my eyes as I write these words.  I remember the struggles, and I’m so thankful to have been on the sidelines of your life ALL of these years cheering you on.  And now, oh sweet victory, how GOD has shown His love, grace, mercy, and favor in your life.  I’m so proud of you and proud to be by your side even still all these years later.

I believe God orchestrated the “chance meeting” of mere strangers in an online forum over 20 years ago.  He knows what we need right when we need it.  Something drew us all into that forum.  It was something other than our interest in the television network for women.  I believe we were seeking companionship.  We wanted to be a part of something and feel like we mattered (because we all do).

We formed friendships that spanned over two decades.  While we may not talk every day or share emails as often, we are all still connected.

When Facebook entered the scene, we went from hiding behind made-up screen names to using our full names.  Not only that but some listed where they were from and even their employers.  It seemed impossible!  How could we be this comfortable sharing information on the world wide web where anyone may be able to find us?  How did we become so trusting when once we were so fearful?

Ah, but we love Facebook.  Some have even become addicted to it and visit multiple times a day to see what’s new on their newsfeeds.  Facebook has made us familiar with others and what we share online. We see pictures of family gatherings, which I love!  We share “updates” and keep others in the loop via private messages from time to time.  We are still only a keystroke away.

Isn’t it funny how things have come full circle?  It began with an online forum all those years ago, and here we are after meeting in person and sharing quality time together, back checking on each other in another online forum.  Our lives have been changed.  We will never be the same again!

We have all gotten older, and sadly, some of our dear friends have passed away.  We are forever thankful for how they enriched our lives and the imprint they left on our hearts.  Debbie’s story was told rather briefly, but the impact she had on our lives lingers on. Fogel, from earlier in this series, left us way too soon as well.  Another dear friend I haven’t mentioned yet is Rick, otherwise known as Heyou in our lounge days.  Rick lived in Corning, New York, and he was among the brave men in our group.  We connected on a deeper level and shared our lives through emails, posts, pictures, and phone calls.  I never got a chance to meet Rick in person, although that was in the works at one point.  He fell ill, and I respected his privacy.  I knew he had his share of health struggles through the years, and his visits to the hospital were “club med” as he would refer to it.  He shared the antics of his dogs with me, and we had many laughs over that through the years.  I came to know his mom, which was truly special.  As his days drew near to when he would leave this earth, his mom shared updates with me so I could pray.  While we hoped he would recover, cancer had taken a toll on his body starting in his foot, of all places.  He beat it before, and we were hopeful he would again.  He fought the lows and highs of the blood pressure meds, feeling weak when his blood pressure was too low.  He was a strong man even still and remained positive in every conversation we ever had, despite what he was going through.  He was a bright light that went dim and was snuffed out way too soon.  I will forever be grateful for the impact he had on my life and for the friendship we had through the years.

The stewardship of friendship is a reminder to use our God-given talents and gifts to give back and seek to leave the world a better place.  We are reminded to take care of the friendship that has been given to us by God.  Guiding us also for better interactions and connections in life, we value simplicity, peace, integrity, equality, and last, but not least, community.

Yes, community, where it all began.

Everyone has a favorite something. It may be a person, a food, a time of day, place, or situation. A favorite is something that makes us happy, that makes us feel good.

I have many such favorites. There are several places I consider favorites that I never get tired of visiting. There are certain times of the day such as sunrise and sunset because of how beautiful they can be. The smell of a light Spring rain. A walk in the Woods.

Many of us have chocolate as a favorite or Mac and Cheese. I always kid around with nurses when I go to doctor appointments and get the usual list of questions. Do you drink? No. Do you do smoke. No. Do you do drugs? No. I tell them my only vice is one of my favorite things… popcorn.

A favorite thing can turn a truly bad day around and make you feel good. That is where a favorite person can come into play. Just hearing their voice can help push away that cloud hanging over you.

So, when things are not going well for you, indulge in one of your favorites.

If recent years have taught us anything, it is the threat of losing someone we love in an instant is ever-present.  From school shootings to Covid-19, our safety is not guaranteed.

We send our children to school with a hug, kiss, and “Have a nice day, I love you …” not knowing if they will return home that evening with the way the world is today.

Fear struck upon learning of the Covid-19 virus, we scurry off to the nearest pharmacy for a vaccine, then another, and another.  We are seeking guaranteed protection from this virus.  Yet, many still fall ill.

Then there are those set against the vaccine altogether for fear of what it will do to the human race.  Others speak of population control via the vaccine, and those who took it pray this isn’t the end result.

Even meeting people on the internet carries a certain threat as we spoke about here a few days ago.  However, the greatest “takeaway” message here is NOT to live in fear.  Be aware, be informed, and take action, yes!  All of those!  But don’t live in fear.

Instead, make memories!

Share laughter, even heartache, and pain, with people you KNOW love you and have your best interest in their hearts.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there for fear of being turned away or pushed aside.  Sometimes, you have to take risks for the most beautiful things to occur in life!  Had I allowed myself to stay sheltered, I would not have met the wonderful people I have in my life right now!  Truly, I would have missed out on lifetime friendships and the most precious memories we made together!

Take the pictures, participate in the silliness, and throw your head back in the biggest belly laugh possible.

Live!

Enjoy life!

Find YOUR people!

Putting yourself out there carries some risks, yes, but ahhh, the beautiful memories we would have missed if we hadn’t.  I’m satisfied with the choices I made and the results in a billion memories and more to reflect back on, with more yet to be made!

It can be interesting how a person reacts to a problem. Some people will shy away and do anything to avoid it hoping it will go away. Others will hit it head on to resolve it and may just cause more issues. There seems to seldom be an in between reaction.

When I run into a problem in life, I am the kind of person that sits and listens before deciding on how to handle things. The Lounge developed into an interesting problem for me in regards to the relationships in my life.

Everyone has an opinion. As time passed in the Lounge and relationships formed, I was being given opinions by people inside and outside of the situation. As I think back, if I would have taken the advise of certain people, I would have walked away from the Lounge and my life would have been completely different. They saw what was going on in the Lounge in some aspects as a problem for me that I needed to walk away from.

My way of handling these conflicting opinions was to divide my life into sections. In each section were certain people and I never let the sections meet. You could say I lived multiple lives. It probably wasn’t the best choice, but it seemed to work. Keeping the opinions of people I cared about in separate buckets kept me from feeling awkward and kept me from being quizzed and having to explain my actions.

Now that those people are gone, I don’t have that separation to deal with anymore. Whether or not what I did was the correct way to handle it, I still don’t know. That only thing I know if that it kept me from hearing, “You need to get away from that situation”, comment over and over again.

Quite often, I have been referred to as the “picture queen” by my friends and family.  It’s a long, known fact that any time I am around, a TON of picture-taking will ensue.  My family will sometimes groan loudly when they see the camera come out, and then silliness will follow.  I end up taking several pictures trying to get “the” best shot because of their shenanigans.

Then the questions start, “WHY do you take soooooo many pictures?!”

Because I am a memory saver.  That’s what I do!

I take so many pictures because I want to look back fondly on those memories in years to come.  I want to relive those moments, and in flipping through old pictures, I am allowed to take a step back in time to reminisce.

This has been so important to me through the years because of the family and friends we have lost along the way.  I don’t want to ever “wish” I could see their face again.  I want to surround myself with pictures of them so I can forever look back at the times we were happy together.

Long after a person has passed away, I want their memory alive in the stories we share about them. I want them to live on through us and the pictures we took.

Memories are so special to me, and I want to safeguard them!  That’s why I write on this blog as well.  I pray there is never a time when my memory fails me.  I don’t want dementia or Alzheimers to take me away from my family.  I want my memory to be as clear and vivid as the day we shared special events and happenings together.  I want to preserve as much here as I can for my daughters, should they wish to read my words one day.

I often sit thinking whether or not it is common for other people to feel the way I do. Most of the time I feel alone and lost. I don’t feel like I am part of anything or that I fit in anywhere. I am by myself so I don’t have any one around that I can talk to when I need to talk. Then again there is my issue with not being very trusting of letting out how I feel about things because of the way I have been burned in the past.

That makes me wonder a lot about how other people feel about things and why they do the things they do. Is it common for people to act a certain way because they have some hidden want to need that they feel needs to be fulfilled and it doesn’t matter what they need to do or say for them to get it?

With all I’ve posted thus far about meeting someone online and then meeting them in person, we do still need to consider the danger that exists in our world today.  Just this weekend, I read about a woman meeting a man online and taking it further by meeting in person.  In this instance, as the article read, there was alcohol and drugs involved, and an argument soon enraged the couple.  This story had a tragic ending as the man violently took the woman’s life!

In another article I read, a 76-year-old man posted an ad for a puppy he was selling.  Someone reached out to him, and an agreement was made between the two parties to meet at a restaurant.  There, they would exchange the money for the puppy.  Sadly, the individual shot the man, leaving him for dead, and fled with the puppy!

When we decided to take our friendship outside of the “box” (our computers) and meet “in the real world,” we did so after MANY years of friendship.  We knew each other because we shared intimate details of our lives.  We shared our deepest, darkest secrets and fears.  Every trial we faced was shared, and our friends rallied around us to offer support and encouragement.  Happiness and good times were shared also through the years.  But my point is the YEARS of our friendship ensured our safety when we finally met in person.

Be wary of those you meet online, yes!  You can never be too careful here.  But also know that not everyone on the internet is out to get you or cause you harm.  There are good, honest people out there, just like my friends and I.

It was inevitable that that it would happen. The first look I knew. I don’t know how I knew, I just knew. There was something so special in those eyes. You could just feel it. To be honest, I adored her.

It wasn’t her beauty that captured me. It was her style, her grace. I didn’t know what hit me, but it hit me hard. It wasn’t just the purr of her soft voice or that way she sauntered in and out of the rooms. It was the entire package all rolled up into this wonderful, adorable persona that I couldn’t get enough of.

I would wait with anticipation for her to show up to where I was. It was like a craving for chocolate. I couldn’t get enough of her presence. Yes. I adored her.

I was Cyrano and she was my Roxanne.

She was my…

neighbors cat.

Debbie’s family kept us updated.  Honestly, with the herbal and oil treatments, her prognosis didn’t look good.  Even still, we vowed to support her and her choices in how she wanted to tackle this dreaded disease.  We often wonder if things would have been different had changes occurred to her treatment early on.  Traditional methods to treat breast cancer may have saved her life.

Our friend was so young.  If memory serves me correctly, she was only 59 years old.  It’s sad thinking of something invading our sweet Debbie’s body and her not seeking life-saving treatment.

As her days grew short, her family informed us of the likelihood of Debbie slipping away.  Sylvia and I were closest, so we decided to visit again.

I can still see Debbie laying in the hospital bed in her living room. She was still somewhat aware of what was taking place around her.  We took her flowers, and although she couldn’t say much that was audible, she showed expression in her eyes.

We held her hand knowing that would be the very last time.  We walked toward the door, glanced back over our shoulder at Debbie, and tried to hold back the tears as we walked to our vehicles.

Debbie passed away the next day.

Our friend, Vaughn, who we also met in the “lounge,” tried to get to the United States from New Zealand before Debbie passed away.  He was distraught when he learned of her passing.  He promised he would visit her, and he held on to that promise.  Choking back tears, he was heartbroken at not making it before the inevitable happened.

In the days following, he did, indeed, keep his word.  He flew to the United States where Sylvia and I met him in Georgia.  We took Vaughn to meet Debbie’s husband, Ray, and then on to her final resting place.  Vaughn placed flowers at her grave site and spent some time there.  Although this is not the way he wanted to “visit,” he was an honorable man.  A man of his word.

So once the “Simpleton” episode was over, I decided to never let that happen to me again. It was like I was playing the “Love Lottery” and I never would have a winning ticket. Of course, with the Lottery you have to play to win and I decided to not play again.

As with the Lottery, many things in life result from chance. A simple decision can lead to wonderous things. You may just meet that special person that make you feel comfortable being your actual self. Someone that in your heart you know that you can trust with anything. They make you feel that you are where you belong. Just being with them makes you happy.

When you come to a point that you feel that you are faced with a situation that is uncomfortable to you. Think about it for a moment. I might be worth taking a chance and playing Life’s Lottery. You have a good chance to come out a winner.

One particular evening, one of our online friends posed a hypothetical question to us asking our opinion.

“What would you say if someone was diagnosed with breast cancer, yet did not choose traditional medicine to treat it?”

Those tiny black words displayed on a white computer screen leaped out at me.  (While these may not have been the exact words used, they were very similar.)

Something didn’t feel right about the question when it was asked.  Immediately, we started consulting with each other in our group trying to decipher why this was asked.  Later, we learned the question was because of what our friend was facing.  We knew she believed in herbal treatments and using essential oils.  The thought of this scared us when she announced her plans to treat breast cancer this way.

We all “met” online in that same lounge.  While we talked about meeting in person through the years, we all had families and different responsibilities that prevented it.  Until now.  Sensing the urgency and knowing our friend needed us to rally around her, our beautiful friend, Betty, started putting the plan into action.  She and her daughter were going to make the long trek from Oklahoma to Georgia to meet our friend, Debbie.  Meanwhile, my daughter and I planned to travel from South Carolina to Georgia.  Our other friend, Sylvia, and her son were driving from Alabama to Georgia.  We found a weekend that would work for us all, booked the hotel rooms, and then surprised Debbie with our plans.  This gave us all something to look forward to, and it brought some happiness into Debbie’s life.

Finally, the weekend of our trip arrived, and we shared pictures along the way of us in our cars with the biggest smiles on our faces.  It was happening!  We were finally meeting after ALL of these years!

Betty made it to Debbie’s house first, and I was second to arrive.  I will forever treasure the memory of seeing Debbie step out of her house with the widest smile.  I remember scrambling to get out of the car and running with my arms in the air straight to her squealing like a schoolgirl the entire way!  My daughter took pictures of this exchange as we hugged each other tight!  Then we stepped inside where I’m sure I did the same thing when I went to hug Betty!  Sylvia arrived later, and the same hugs were exchanged then, too.  The joy that flowed from us all was beyond measure.  This was the moment we had ALL been waiting for!

It was really happening!!

I was there with some of my best friends in the entire world meeting them for the very first time!!  It was incredibly sad it was under these circumstances, but we tried to push that out of our minds that weekend and just enough each other’s company.  We laughed so much our sides hurt as we soaked up every minute we could with our sweet Debbie.  It was truly a wonderful weekend spent together.  We shared some precious memories!  Memories I will treasure for all time.

This group of ladies left such an impression on me!  With the many years we had remained friends since our “lounge” days, I knew they had hearts as big as the universe.  Meeting them in person cemented this in my mind.  I have forever been changed by the love this group of ladies has shown to me and the love I witnessed that weekend in how they cared for and loved on our friend, Debbie.