We are well on our way into February, and as we prepare ourselves for Valentine’s Day on Friday, I wanted to talk to you about a different kind of love … the love you have for your teenager.

I am writing about the The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers New Edition: The Secret to Loving Teens Effectively in an (in)courage group that I am leading. In doing so, I provide information on what I’ve read in Dr. Gary Chapman’s book thus far so we can discuss it even if the ladies in the group have not read the book themselves. While what they have shared in the group will remain private and confidential, I would like to share what I have written in regards to the coverage I’ve provided thus far on the book. Please note that I am not getting paid for this review. I just believe strongly in the book, the information Dr. Chapman provides, and the knowledge he shares with the readers.

I hope you will join me on this journey as we discover the key five love languages of our teenagers! This will carry over long past Valentine’s Day, but this topic is of great importance in the hearts and lives of our precious teenagers. One day just will not do it! Let us strive to show love to every one daily and all year through, especially to our teenagers!

Dr. Gary Chapman begins his book The Five Love Languages of Teenagers by explaining the differences in the world we grew up in and the world our contemporary teens are living in. Sixty years ago, the word “teenager” did not even exist as a separate generational group. Before, the adolescent boy or girl was a child until they married, then the child became an adult. Until the early 1940s, independence was unthinkable until the adolescent was married. Even then, real independence was possible only if the parents were benevolent enough to help them financially. Since that time and now with the emerging teenage culture to its contemporary counterpart, the underlying themes have been the same which is independence and self-identity. With the coming of industrialization, one’s identity became more of a matter of choice – they are finding they have the right to choose! Of course, teenagers express their independence and identity through basic things such as music, dance, fashion, fads, language, and relationships. From my own experience with my teenager daughter, she expresses herself with the music she listens to and even the clothing (band tee-shirts, bracelets, etc.) she wears. At times, she will even want to dye her hair a radical color. It started out just wanting to do something different in support for Breast Cancer Awareness. She wanted to dye her hair pink for this cause. Then she liked the different hair colors, and when she saw her favorite band members with their hair dyed different colors, she wanted to try that as well. I allowed it only in the summer months when she was not in school, though. It was not permanent hair color, so I had no problem with it. We are not punk rockers, and I do not let my daughter get away with just any ole thing. I am, however, wise enough to know when to pick my battles. This was one, to me, that was so small on the scale in the grand scheme of things. So, I allowed her to experiment with hair color in order for her to express herself.

The teenagers of this generation are exposed to so much more than we were growing up. Back then, we did not have all of the information that is swirling around on the internet at our fingertips. Today’s teen has things such as an iphone, ipod, laptop, etc., so they are always “connected” in some way, shape, or form to the internet. There is a lot of good found on the internet, but there is also a lot of bad that can come from the internet as well. It is the latter that has me extremely worried for today’s generation. There is so much cyber bullying that goes on. People feel braver, obviously, behind a computer screen all the while not realizing that they can be identified and tracked based on their internet service provider. So much bullying occurs through social media that teens feel there is no other way to deal with that than harming themselves by cutting to release the emotional pain, while others end up taking their own lives. This has to stop! What a tragic loss of a precious life all at the hands of bullies. They aren’t just online, as I discussed in a previous post. They can be right there at your child’s school or you can even face them in the workplace at the hands of adults.

Teens today are constantly connected to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Kik, and such other social media sites. If there are encouraging messages being sent around, I am all for them. It is when negative and bad things are being said that it causes damage to the already vulnerable teenager. I know of a young lady right now that is struggling with self harm. She was programmed at an early age that it was not okay to express her feelings. The result now is that she will begin to shut down on the outside while allowing the hurt to fester inside. She feels the only way to release those feelings is by cutting her arms. What a sad day when we reach a point as a society where children and teenagers are carving on their arms as a way to release the emotional pain. It is becoming more and more common these days, too. That hurts my heart deeply for the pain that these teens are feeling that would lead them down the path to self harm. This young lady has been in counseling, and she has a loving, supportive team surrounding her. There are days, though, that she will still slip and want to resort back to the self harm. It takes a lot of love to see someone through something like this. Be the person that extends grace and love.

Back to the book, to further expound on the first chapter, Dr. Chapman mentions similarities with past teenage generations, which are:

*Facing Physical and Mental Changes
*Entering The Age of Reason
*Confronting Personal Morality and Values
*Thinking About Sexuality and Marriage
*Questioning The Future

Then he addresses the five fundamental differences which are:

*Technology
*Knowledge of and Exposure to Violence
*The Fragmented Family
*Knowledge of and Exposure To Sexuality
*Neutral Moral and Religious Values

The good news that came from the first chapter of Dr. Chapman’s book is that parents have the most influence on their teenagers. That is refreshing! While their peers may influence their immediate decisions in the course of their day, YOU, dear parents, are the ones that are influencing whether to attend college, whether to attend religious services, whether to do homework, and even whether to drink. Parents have an influence on the jobs the teen will choose and their career plans. IF asked who has the greatest influence, teens would reply, “My parents.” That is why your love has such a great impact on your teen and shaping their future.

Stay tuned as we will discuss more of Dr. Chapman’s book in the coming days. For now, go to your teenage son or daughter, look them in the eye, and tell them that you love them! We will be discussing other ways to speak their love language as we dive further into the book!