There is a certain criteria that must be met in order to have surgery.  Even though you’re suffering with severe pain and bleeding profusely, you still have to jump through the different hoops as set forth by the insurance company.  It’s so hard to have a positive attitude – despite everyone telling me to look on the bright side – when three doctors have told you that a hysterectomy is needed, yet the insurance “powers that be” keep denying.

It’s frustrating and down right depressing!

I’m required to follow their rules and get a D&C first.  Then Lord only knows what else they will “require” of me before I can get the surgery that will improve my quality of life.

If the pain wasn’t so bad … but no, you are doubled over in pain, with a heating pad on your stomach as your best friend on most days.

If the bleeding would just stop … but there is no relief in sight even on birth control pills.  Heavy bleeding causes me to wake every 30 to 45 minutes, some times every hour, if I’m lucky.

But follow along I shall … Mr. Insurance Company.

It has to be a man in charge that is “requiring” all of this … yet another thing to torture me because I’m a woman.

Yep, I have a VERY bad attitude, and I don’t see that changing any time soon with what I am forced to endure.

With a husband that had a pornography addiction three short years ago, which caused an adversion toward me in the intimacy department … I’m not feeling too good about the current situation.  He wants what I am not able to provide at this point, and when I do, I suffer  and endure tremendous pain.   I have done this just to make him happy.  But, I have little confidence in his faithfulness now when I’m going through ALL of this … I was healthy before, and he was “addicted” to pornography and lusting after women.  Yea, the odds are NOT in my favor at this point.

Sucks to be me right now.

This is me, being as real as I possibly can.

The light inside of me is EXTREMELY dim right now, and I’m asking “Where is GOD?” 

I’m broken and pretty much hit bottom.

God, I NEED YOU!  Show UP and HELP me!