One of my fears going into this surgery was the fear of any complications developing during the surgery or afterwards.  Thankfully, the surgery went well.  However, two weeks after the first surgery, much to my horror, I started bleeding profusely!  My doctor tried one option to stop the bleeding Thursday, but it failed and overnight I started bleeding more than before.  It was frightening!  Thankfully, my doctor was on call that night when we reached out at 1:00 a.m. to let him know what was happening.  He instructed me to go to the emergency room if the bleeding grew worse, but if I could hold off until the morning, then he would meet me at his office before they even opened.   As you can imagine, I got very little sleep between worrying and praying for God to help me!

Bright and early, we were on the road to his office.  They took me back right away and immediately tested my hemoglobin, blood pressure and temperature.  My blood pressure was down from the day before, although it was because I took an Ativan overnight to calm me.  My temperature was still 99, which they considered a low-grade fever.  While I had a good hemoglobin count, the potential of bleeding out over the weekend was there if they could not get this under control.  That scared the daylights out of me!

He tried a second option, which usually works in places where he is unable to put sutures.  Thankfully, my doctor would not let me leave, (since we live over an hour away from his office), until he could see whether the second treatment option would work. After an hour and a half, it was clear what step needed to be taken when the bleeding returned.   After two failed in-office procedures, going back for surgery was the only surefire way to ensure the bleeding stopped.

Everything seemed to happen so fast after that when I heard, “Clear my schedule and get her into the operating room stat!”

I faded in and out after that.  I vaguely remember the doctor asking if he had permission to do whatever was necessary to save my life.  YES!  

I have memories of the nurse that took me back and started reading off my diagnosis and what I was having done.  When she got to “depression” as one of my diagnoses, I said, “Yes, and it is directly related to what is going on with me right this minute.”   As I was saying that, the second nurse appeared, and I believe God placed her in my path on purpose.  She shared with me that she, too, had this happen after her hysterectomy so she could completely understand how scary this was and how it affects you.  It meant so much for her to share her story and to also give me hope that although this did set me back on my recovery, all would be well in the end.  God knows exactly what you need right when you need it, doesn’t He?  Of all the people to be placed in my path that morning, God chose her to encourage me when I was feeling so afraid and alone.

My doctor came in and prayed with my husband and I.  Next, I remember wondering why they didn’t give me something to knock me out before wheeling me into the operating room.  I looked around, beginning to get more anxious as I saw the inside of the operating room.  I didn’t want to see that.  I didn’t want to remember them getting me into position.  Nothing.  I wanted to be out for ALL of that … and about that time, I faded out once more.

The next memory was waking up in the recovery room with a nice nurse greeting me with a smile and offering me a cup of water.  She took her time explaining in great detail what happened, what to expect, and what my discharge instructions were.  My doctor had already called in an antibiotic to help ensure I wouldn’t get an infection since they had to go back in.  I am to see him Friday for a follow-up to see how I’m healing.  I pray things progress well and there will not be any more setbacks.  I just want to feel like myself again!

I have had so many feelings throughout all of this.  People have surprised me.  The ones I thought would be there, haven’t been.  The ones I didn’t think would, have been the very ones to step up and support me throughout this entire ordeal.  I’ve had unexpected people checking up on me, while others have walked away.  Some read my struggles without commenting, and that is okay.  I didn’t post ANY of this here on my blog or on Facebook for any other reason than for people to pray for me.  That’s all I want.  We can never have too many people sending up prayers on our behalf, and I appreciate each and every person who took the time to pray for me!  God hears each person, and I know there is power in numbers, too.

My advice if you ever have a loved one, friend, or acquaintance going through something like this, let them know you’re praying for them.  It helps a whole bunch!  When someone is struggling after surgery, realize that it is truly a traumatic experience for them.  They need love, support, and encouragement.  Don’t leave them in the midst of all of this!  And don’t tell them to smile or downplay anything they are feeling either!  I’m here to tell you that depression is real and so is post traumatic stress!  I have experienced both and do not wish this on ANY one!

My husband and children have been wonderful throughout all of this.  We have shared our fears and shed many tears.  To say I’ve been emotional is definitely an understatement!  I could burst into tears at literally any moment.  They have encouraged me, surrounded me in my recliner, took my hands in theirs, and prayed for me several times.  A lot of times people will say, “I’m praying for you …” or “I will pray …” without actually doing it.  But they stopped right there and prayed out loud for me.  And my heart was filled with a new love and appreciation for them.

As I take time to heal, I am clinging to God, my family, and the words of that angel God put in my path.  “This is just a minor setback, and you will be good from here on out.  It is worth it, I promise!  You will see!”