Light, Love, Hope

As we close this chapter on the final Write 31 Day Challenge … I have mixed emotions almost like I did when this challenge began at the beginning of October.  I am thankful for it, though, as it pulled me out of my writing hibernation and made me really focus on something besides the storms in my life that were raging when it first began.

It has been a sweet relief, in a way.  An avenue to get my thoughts out of my head and do something constructive to encourage someone else along the way, perhaps.

Writing allows you to release what you hold bottled up inside.  Some things you just don’t want to speak .. and so you write it down, and it takes the burden off of your shoulders.  You feel a sense of relief having gotten the words OUT.

Other topics have been so fun to speak of – and my heart dances at the good news that has come into all of our lives.

The storms may rage in your life, too, but please be encouraged knowing that they aren’t here to stay.  Things change and improve on a daily basis at times … other times there seems to be days without any end in sight.  But know this.  God will be right there beside you.  When you feel you can’t go on, He will lift you up into His strong arms and CARRY you!  This I promise to you!  You will not EVER walk alone.  EVER

Close the chapter on the bad and usher in the good.

It’s like I told someone close to me recently – life will go on. Whether we stay together or we part ways, my life is improving and good things are happening.  There is a little baby I can see on the horizon.  And that gives me the joy deep within my heart, right along with my two daughters who are my life, heart, and soul.

Live life to the fullest … despite the trials.  You will persevere, too, my darlings … and you will be stronger for everything you have gone through.

Take God’s hand, put your faith and trust in Him … and you will not go wrong in this life!

While we were away in Tennessee, my precious niece called in a puddle of tears.  My heart broke when I heard her crying, and I feared the worst.  Thankfully, she hadn’t lost the baby – which was one of our greatest fears and one of the reasons she was waiting until exactly three months along to announce her pregnancy to the world.  Her little heart was hurting, and I wanted to reach through the phone and hug her.  Living two hours away is hard enough as it is on a good day, but factor in her heart wrenching tears while we were away on our trip with no way to hurry back to her … it was all I could do to sit there holding the phone that night when what I really wanted to do was hold HER!

I heard her voice cracking as she tried to speak through her sobs.  I mustered up all the will I had inside of my body to talk her through this when what I really wanted to do was cry right along with her.  Knowing that would make the situation worse for her, I head it together and encouraged her the absolute best I could from all those miles away.

We talked for hours right there in the rental car in the parking garage in Nashville, Tennessee.  Nothing mattered at that moment in time except for her and soothing her little heart.

She is full of fears, as you can imagine being so young and with this being her first baby.  But it’s even more than that because she’s so afraid she is going to have postpartum depression like her mother (my sister) had.  She cried, and my heart longed to hold her in my arms and cradle her head against my chest as I rock her back and forth like I used to do when she was a little girl.  But I was handicapped being apart like we were.  My voice is the only way I had to reach her and the only tool I could utilize at that moment, so I spoke softly words of love, encouragement, and support into her ear … and she soaked up and hung on every single word.

I told her we’d talk to the doctor again, like we had on the first appointment I accompanied her to, about preventative medicine so she won’t have postpartum depression.  I told her we’d monitor her and be right there with her every step of the way, if she’d allow it.

She cried over my sister not being here … “Why did she have to go?  Why did she have to leave me?  She should be here NOW …” as her tears trailed off … my heart was in a million pieces on the floor board of the white Kia we were in.  My words were caught in my throat for a moment as I choked back the tears again.

I felt this 17 years ago, and that night, I felt it as strongly as ever to hear her very own daughter speak the words I’ve said many times since my sister has been gone.

We needed her so much … if only she could have seen that back then.

My niece told me that she would not be able to make it through this without me.  “I need you, Aunt Shirley … you’ve always been so encouraging and supportive, I cannot make it through this without you … I can’t …” 

Those words gathered up all of the shattered pieces of my heart that were scattered on the floor.  Magically, those pieces were mended back together and my heart was in one piece once again as I reassured her, “I am right here, darling, and I will help you through this.  I love you.  I’m not going any where … I will be there for you every step of the way, as much as you allow me to be. I promise you!”

And my words to her appeared to be like a soothing balm, as she began to grow more calmer.  Her tears that were falling like rain began to dry and soon a more perkiness returned in her voice as she began to talk about all the cute baby outfits she has seen.   By the end of our conversation, she was noticeably better and you could tell her smile had returned.

My niece needs me.  And I will be there!

All I have been able to think about is this little miracle baby growing inside of my niece as I type this.  I literally live, breathe, and obsess over this BABY!!!!

My niece came over to my house when my oldest daughter was home, which seems to be a rare occurrence in and of itself lately since she works in Charleston now.  We have talked of wanting to do maternity pictures of my niece, but now it’s more of a documentation of the entire nine months between the blog here and the MANY pictures we’re taking of her!

Obsession … I am NOT kidding you!

The eyes of my niece lit up when she saw my daughter bringing out all of her professional photography equipment.  As we set up the background and the lights, her eyes widened and she started giggling with excitement.  My daughter positioned her, and she began with the photography session.  I sat there with the biggest smile on my face with each shot taken.  Then, my daughter told me to get in the picture with my niece.  Not wanting to take away any attention from her at all, I bowed out of the pictures initially.  When my daughter insisted again, my niece insisted this time also, so I gladly stood beside her where I did not have to contain my excitement any longer!

I felt like a giddy school girl at that moment, and I had to do something a little silly in the picture so I pointed to her baby bump.

Then my daughter insisted I touch my niece’s stomach.

Well, you normally don’t walk right up to someone on the street, or even your own family members for that matter, and just randomly start touching their stomach.  That is just frowned upon, but with a pregnant woman, people cannot keep their well-meaning hands off of their stomachs!  I didn’t want to be “that” person, so I refrained UNTIL my niece said, “Go ahead, Aunt Shirley … you KNOW you want to …”  SO I DID!!!!

I “held” the baby for the first time as we took pictures together!!!

And I skipped off down the hall afterwards with the biggest, goofiest grin on my face that stayed there the rest of the night and into the next morning!

*Since I was out of town this past weekend in Tennessee, I am going back to snag the prompt word from Friday.*

Moment

My pregnant niece invited me to accompany her to her OB/GYN appointment Wednesday afternoon.  Imagine my excitement when thinking of the ultrasound they were going to do that day!!

We shared a moment together.  Not just ANY moment.  The most special moment EVER when we saw the silhouette of her precious baby appear on the screen!!

~SQUEAL~

My niece was trying to contain her excitement, but when I started saying “Oh my gosh …” it was almost as if she found freedom to release what she was feeling also.  She followed with a much louder, “OH MY GOSH …” and lots of giggles … and at that moment, tears escaped from the outside corners of my eyes.

We saw and heard the baby’s heart beating, and we were wrapped in a blanket of joy beyond measure.

Three months pregnant … with already a perfect little nose that appeared on the screen … with what looks to be hair already!

Our thoughts ran wild about what the baby will look like … obviously it’ll have darker skin and black hair because we imagine the Mexican genes of her boyfriend will be strong.  That is okay, as long as the baby looks just like our side of the family.  ~grin~  No matter what, this baby is going to be beautiful and absolutely spoiled beyond belief!

A little baby!!

And a priceless moment shared with my niece!

This song struck a part deep within me, and I’m certain will resonate with so many, far and wide.

Tell Me You Love Me, by Demi Lovato, with the choir joining her in the video, stirs the soul.  We have a longing within us to be accepted, to be told we’re loved, especially on days when we’re struggling.

Tell me you love me …

Words so hard to speak as it leaves us so vulnerable when we’re standing there in front of someone wanting, needing to hear those words.  Will they say them back?  Better yet, will they make you FEEL it?

I shared this song with someone near and dear to my heart months ago.  They were visiting their mother’s grave on either the anniversary of her passing or her birthday, I can’t remember which, but those are what I refer to as “tender days.”  You NEED to feel love even more so on those days.

And the song played … and the tears fell like rain …

Tell someone you love them TODAY!  

This whole 31 day challenge has been just that … a challenge for me.

I lost my umph … my will to write.  Depression crept in and left me at a loss for words.  Life circumstances stole a part of me for a little while.

But, I snapped back.

A few days into the challenge, I fought the will to just let it all go and actually caught up.  I had to write and schedule several posts a day, which might delight some of my readers while making others wish I was still on a hiatus.  Ha!

But I persevered.  I wrote.  I scheduled.  I begged Greg to write some as well to not only fill the gap but to let his voice be heard, and HE DID!!!!  (I love it when he writes!)

And finally I no longer had to scramble to get the words down or the posts written.  They flowed … and I didn’t have to sit and stare at my computer screen long before the words started coming after thinking briefly on each prompt word.

That’s the thing with life.  You never know what is going to be thrown at you that might zap your energy for a little while or steal your joy.  The thing is this; DON’T STAY THERE!

It’s okay to take a break; regroup.

But get back in there and fight the good fight!

Don’t let depression win.  OR any other joy stealer that is out there.

Rise above it …

Stretch … yawn … extend your arms in front of you with your fingers intertwined … press them palms outward … crack your knuckles … roll up your sleeves … and begin again.

As the self-proclaimed “Picture Queen,” you know I love taking pictures!  Anyone that is near me is subject to be in a picture no matter what they’re doing.  At work?  Picture time!  I love whipping out my phone/camera to capture moments when my coworkers are acting anything but professional.  Those pictures are for my viewing pleasure only; although some occasionally will make their way to Facebook.  Oops – sorry, not sorry!

With my family, though, I take a BUNCH of pictures because I want to capture the moment we’re in.  I want to live it, yes.  But I want to take the picture to reflect back on how I was feeling at the time it was taken.

Holidays when everyone is gathered around looking their best – we are snapping away.  We must have pictures by the tree, pictures on the lawn in front of the house with the colorful Fall leaves around, even pictures on hayrides enjoying the wonders of the season.

Vacations – everyone takes hundreds of pictures on vacation. No?  It’s just me?  Okay …

Babies!  Who doesn’t love taking pictures of their sweet babies to share with others?!  I said a long time ago that my babies might have flash burns on them (if there is such a thing) from all the pictures I have taken through the years.

But they are our treasures long after that moment has passed!

There are those who do NOT like being in the pictures because they’re afraid they don’t look good enough or take a good picture.  Girlfriend, please!  Get IN the picture.  So what if your makeup isn’t perfect, your hair is a mess, or you feel you gained too much weight from Halloween to New Year’s Day – GET IN THE PICTURE!  Your family will want to look back on the good times shared with you.  Let them see your beautiful face smiling back in all of those pictures that they will surely cherish.  Don’t take that away from them.  That’s their joy in looking back over them time and time again.  Let them see you IN them, not just know you were there behind the camera capturing the moments.

“I’ll be brief …” my mother-in-law used to say.

It left you wondering if she was short on time or just tired of talking to you.  Laugh if you will, but honestly, it made me wonder each time I heard her say it.

We didn’t always have the best relationship, and my heart is heavy because of that.  But, I don’t shoulder this alone.  She felt it, too, I believe.

The most amazing thing happened prior to her passing, though.  We had an opportunity to talk about past hurts.  Although we could not get lost time back, we could make amends over anything that may have been a wedge between us before.

And I sobbed deep, gut-wrenching sobs right in her hospital room, then released any bad vibe we ever had between us.  Right then and there, it was resolved.  Nothing mattered but the time we had left with her.

Brief.

That was the time we had with her after that.

It went extremely too fast.

We made the most of our time left with her, though.

This time of year always makes me think of that.  As we prepare for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I remember how she wanted us to gather at her house for the holidays.  Although she couldn’t prepare the feast as she once did, she had it prepared by a place in town that she loved.  She invited us to her house, and we all gathered around together to enjoy.

I’m so thankful for the time we spent with her in her last days.

My husband likes to hop on the “shoulda, coulda, woulda …” train and go on down the track.  But I focus on what we actually DID with her.  Those are the memories I choose to cling to and what I focus on.