Light, Love, Hope

This whole 31 day challenge has been just that … a challenge for me.

I lost my umph … my will to write.  Depression crept in and left me at a loss for words.  Life circumstances stole a part of me for a little while.

But, I snapped back.

A few days into the challenge, I fought the will to just let it all go and actually caught up.  I had to write and schedule several posts a day, which might delight some of my readers while making others wish I was still on a hiatus.  Ha!

But I persevered.  I wrote.  I scheduled.  I begged Greg to write some as well to not only fill the gap but to let his voice be heard, and HE DID!!!!  (I love it when he writes!)

And finally I no longer had to scramble to get the words down or the posts written.  They flowed … and I didn’t have to sit and stare at my computer screen long before the words started coming after thinking briefly on each prompt word.

That’s the thing with life.  You never know what is going to be thrown at you that might zap your energy for a little while or steal your joy.  The thing is this; DON’T STAY THERE!

It’s okay to take a break; regroup.

But get back in there and fight the good fight!

Don’t let depression win.  OR any other joy stealer that is out there.

Rise above it …

Stretch … yawn … extend your arms in front of you with your fingers intertwined … press them palms outward … crack your knuckles … roll up your sleeves … and begin again.

As the self-proclaimed “Picture Queen,” you know I love taking pictures!  Anyone that is near me is subject to be in a picture no matter what they’re doing.  At work?  Picture time!  I love whipping out my phone/camera to capture moments when my coworkers are acting anything but professional.  Those pictures are for my viewing pleasure only; although some occasionally will make their way to Facebook.  Oops – sorry, not sorry!

With my family, though, I take a BUNCH of pictures because I want to capture the moment we’re in.  I want to live it, yes.  But I want to take the picture to reflect back on how I was feeling at the time it was taken.

Holidays when everyone is gathered around looking their best – we are snapping away.  We must have pictures by the tree, pictures on the lawn in front of the house with the colorful Fall leaves around, even pictures on hayrides enjoying the wonders of the season.

Vacations – everyone takes hundreds of pictures on vacation. No?  It’s just me?  Okay …

Babies!  Who doesn’t love taking pictures of their sweet babies to share with others?!  I said a long time ago that my babies might have flash burns on them (if there is such a thing) from all the pictures I have taken through the years.

But they are our treasures long after that moment has passed!

There are those who do NOT like being in the pictures because they’re afraid they don’t look good enough or take a good picture.  Girlfriend, please!  Get IN the picture.  So what if your makeup isn’t perfect, your hair is a mess, or you feel you gained too much weight from Halloween to New Year’s Day – GET IN THE PICTURE!  Your family will want to look back on the good times shared with you.  Let them see your beautiful face smiling back in all of those pictures that they will surely cherish.  Don’t take that away from them.  That’s their joy in looking back over them time and time again.  Let them see you IN them, not just know you were there behind the camera capturing the moments.

“I’ll be brief …” my mother-in-law used to say.

It left you wondering if she was short on time or just tired of talking to you.  Laugh if you will, but honestly, it made me wonder each time I heard her say it.

We didn’t always have the best relationship, and my heart is heavy because of that.  But, I don’t shoulder this alone.  She felt it, too, I believe.

The most amazing thing happened prior to her passing, though.  We had an opportunity to talk about past hurts.  Although we could not get lost time back, we could make amends over anything that may have been a wedge between us before.

And I sobbed deep, gut-wrenching sobs right in her hospital room, then released any bad vibe we ever had between us.  Right then and there, it was resolved.  Nothing mattered but the time we had left with her.

Brief.

That was the time we had with her after that.

It went extremely too fast.

We made the most of our time left with her, though.

This time of year always makes me think of that.  As we prepare for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I remember how she wanted us to gather at her house for the holidays.  Although she couldn’t prepare the feast as she once did, she had it prepared by a place in town that she loved.  She invited us to her house, and we all gathered around together to enjoy.

I’m so thankful for the time we spent with her in her last days.

My husband likes to hop on the “shoulda, coulda, woulda …” train and go on down the track.  But I focus on what we actually DID with her.  Those are the memories I choose to cling to and what I focus on.

Two people meet by chance but soon discover all the things they have in common.  As more similarities come forth, they are almost in disbelief.

How can two people that live hours apart be going through similar situations?

At first, it is as if you’re comparing notes.  This happened in my situation … yeah, well, this happened in my situation …

And you stare out into space.

There is someone out there going through what you are going through.  You are NOT alone after all.

Pretty soon, you begin to seek each other out.  When there’s a conflict, you know you can confide in each other.  You find comfort in sharing with someone that truly understands as they have been there or are there right this very minute.

You become each other’s therapists in a way.  Although not licensed by any means, you have the credentials because you have lived it.

When we question why things happen in this life and find no answers, we have come to realize that God allows them so we can be a support system to someone else going through something similar.  That has to be it.  God doesn’t want us walking through life alone, so he puts people in our path so we can help each other through the hard things in life.

Ecclesiastes 4:10

If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

Psalm 121: 1,2

1  I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
2  My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.

A chapel on the side of the mountains can be found near the South Carolina and North Carolina border.  It is actually the Greenville YMCA Camp; however, most everyone around knows it as Pretty Place.

We stumbled upon this unique chapel a few years ago in our search for waterfalls.  Intrigued by the name, we ventured up the windy mountain road through the fog to have our breath taken away when we saw it.

Pretty Place 

Lining the alter area, that looks out into the valley below, are plagues with various bible verses and sayings.  Above the beautiful wooden cross is the bible verse, “I will lift up my eyes to the hills …” 

I’ll never forget taking my parents to this chapel.  I talked about it several times, but I finally had the opportunity a few years ago when we took my parents on a mini-vacation.  This was one of our final stops, and I’m sure they didn’t know what to expect.

My dad walked into the entrance of the open-air chapel and stopped right in his tracks.  The beauty and reverence of the place struck him, and he had trouble keeping his composure.  After having battled quite a few things in his life and getting ready to face yet another battle, he was overwhelmed with emotion as he took a seat.  Staring out into the wonder of God’s creation with the mountains and valleys in sight, he sat with God.  Although no words were said out loud, none needed to pass his lips as it went straight from his heart to God.

There was no doubt – for we knew my dad met God right there in that fog filled chapel right as the sun was setting.

Today is a great day to make a brand new start.

You can begin again.  Right where you are.

If you don’t like where you’ve been dwelling, change the scenery.

If you don’t like the thoughts that consume you, choose to focus on something more positive.

If you don’t like the choices you’ve made in the past, make better choices from this point forward.

It’s all up to YOU!    No one else can do it for you!

Choose to begin again.  Put your best foot forward, whether it’s in a relationship, on your job, with your family … make the change and be the best person you can be – for yourself and for your loved ones.  They are depending on you and need you in their lives.

It breaks their hearts when they see you struggling with things you’ve done to yourself.  No one got you where you are today except for YOURSELF.   It’s not your mama’s fault, your friend’s fault, your coworker’s fault … it’s not the person that did you wrong when you were 13 or the man down the street that looked at you wrong.  It’s all on YOU.

Remember:  Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% on how you react to it.

There is so much truth in that.

An audience of One.

That is all you need to concern yourself with.

The only person’s opinion that truly matters is that of God above.

Concern yourself not with other people; the naysayers of the world.  As long as you are doing the absolute best that you can, hold your head up high despite what they say.

If you’ve sinned, repent to God and He will wipe the slate clean.  You’re harder on yourself, I believe, than God ever would be on you.  He loves you.  He does not like the things that you do that are of a sinful nature, but He loves YOU.

And think on this.

There isn’t a single person you will encounter that God doesn’t love.

That’s deep, isn’t it?

Those that trespass against you, He loves them.

The ones that say hateful and hurtful things to you and about you?  Yep, He loves them, too.

Even the ones that have stabbed you in the back repeated, He loves them.

I am sure it pains Him greatly when we all sin, for He has such high hopes for us and plans for our future.  And I’m sure it breaks His heart when we make bad choices.  He hates the sin but LOVES the sinner.

He’s longing for us to turn from our sins and come running back into His awaiting arms.

And He will not hold any of those past things against any of us, once we repent with our whole hearts.  Just come clean with Him, strive to do better, and God will walk alongside you to guide your steps if you only LET HIM.

An audience of one is all you truly need to concern yourself with in this life.

In the quiet moments, it is hard to escape your thoughts.  They tend to take over, no matter if they are good or bad.  You speak to yourself more than you do anyone else, it seems.  Are you kind and gentle?  Or do you beat yourself up over past things that cannot be changed?

It’s over.  Let it go.

Words so easily spoken but so hard to live by.

Old wounds still hurt deeply.

You said and did things that you’ve never done before, and it has left you wondering if you even know who you are any more.

Go easy on yourself.  You are your own worst enemy.  Just learn from the mistakes of the past and move on to become a better person.

Make that vow to yourself.  You are the only one that can make the change deep inside that is necessary.  Do it …

We all search for things in our life. It might be a new home, a new car, a new job or something that is not really a physical item such as kindness, comfort or love. There is a lot of time and energy that can go into your search. What I wonder is if people are really searching for what really matters to them. So I ask you, what do you really want? I am not talking about the superficial things like a car, a house, a job. I am talking about what is truly deep in your heart. What do you REALLY want? It is a hard question that many people overshadow with things they think they want. For me there is only one thing I really want. I know what that is. But after all these years of searching, it still continues to elude me. I may never get what I really want and I am okay with that. But I can always hold it in my heart as a dream for the future.

Pause. This is something that we all should do at various times in our lives. We are all so busy that we get wrapped up in everything going on that we can miss out on a lot. Think about this. If we would just pause for a minute. If we would take a breath for a minute. We might just discover something we would normally have let pass right by. You see we all have things that we want in our lives. They might be right there in front of us but we are wrapped up so much in being busy with everything we just can’t see that a thing that we have always wanted is right there in front of us. So we should pause for a moment or two and take a good look around us and really see what is there. We might be surprised at what we find. We might just find that one thing that we have always wanted. So pause, take a deep breath, look out at the sky at the wonder and beauty of this earth that God gave us. You never know what you may find.

It’s no secret that I am over-the-moon happy after learning that our family will be blessed with another baby in the year 2019.

I am a firm believer in praying over your family and even your future family members.  I think I’ve written in the past about how I prayed for my oldest daughter to find a man that would treat her like a queen.  Long before she ever met him in college, I was praying for their love and future together.  Now, I pray for their union when they do decide to take that step and for the future babies they will have together, if it is God’s plan for their lives.  I pray for their love to stand the test of time; for them to keep their love alive and as a priority when things of this world pull at them.  I pray that no one nor nothing will ever take them away from each other; that they will be like the tall unbending oak tree with deep roots in the ground where nothing shakes them nor uproots their love for each other.

And I pray for their unborn babies.

While I would never push my wishes upon them or anyone else, if they ever should decide to have children in the future, I will be there to spoil them completely rotten!  If they choose not to have children and prefer to only have the four-legged kind, I will spoil them, too!  (And I have … Fancy, their “rescue” pup is a prime example right this very minute!).

I’m even praying for my youngest daughter’s life so that she will find a lasting love as well.  It is my desire for my children to come to know the kind of love I never really had in this life.  If I had it, it was short lived or fleeting; never a constant.  One time I even told my oldest daughter how happy I was that she found the love of her life.  I’ve watched how he treats her so respectfully and noticed the sparkle he gets in his eye when he looks at her.  My heart grows more fond of him with each passing moment.  My husband got a little offended when he heard me say this, but the truth is the truth.  It’s no secret that we’ve had our share of problems in the past, and if everyone is honest, NO ONE out there has the “perfect” marriage.  Problems crop up in every relationship and marriage from time to time.  It’s how you handle it that matters and keeps you together.

Back to the subject at hand.

I’ve prayed for my niece all of these years, and now I take great pleasure in praying for her “bun” she has in the “oven.”

And in all my prayers, I make sure to give thanks and praises to God above for all of the blessings He has given to us!

“When are you due?” I asked with great anticipation of the date.

“May 12,” my niece replied.

My oldest daughter sat across from me at lunch as I told her of what I had just learned.  I watched her eyes light up as she leaned forward with delight while a huge smile formed across her lips!

Ten weeks and two days. That is how far along my niece is at this point.

I can’t help myself as I am already shopping for this baby!

Neutral colors are a must at this point … but I am drawn to baby blue …

Oh the cute little boy suits … the baseball hats … I could snatch them all off the rack and buy every single one of those cutie patootie outfits!  She really believes she is having a boy, but with us not knowing for certain at this point, I resist the urge  …  to  … buy!

Will it be a boy?

OR

Will it be a girl that we can dress in lace and frills?

I have two girls … and my niece, of course.  So it stands to reason that girls could run in the family.

But what if that doesn’t ring true this time?  We just don’t know … other than what she feels in her heart … and what a psychic medium told me last year.

This is where I will lose a lot of my reading audience, I’m almost sure.  However, I feel the need to risk that and put it out there.

A year ago I went to a psychic medium that my friend in Illinois knows.  She predicted that my niece would come back into my life at some point when she was no longer under the control of her paternal influences.  I was not sure if any of this “reading” was real or would come to pass, but I held on to each word that she spoke with great anticipation.  Hoping.  Wanting.  Almost willing it to be …

Fast forward a little over a year and a half later, and it has come to pass!  My niece is back in my life after moving to be with her boyfriend.

Part of that has come true.  So we wait to see if the other half comes true as well.  What that other half is will remain a secret at this time.