Light, Love, Hope

Imagine standing before two doors.

The first door is a dull gray.  Nothing too spectacular jumps out at you when you look at this door.  It’s a strong, sturdy door made of metal.  You know you will be secure when you walk through that door.  This one leads you back to your comfortable, albeit hectic, life.  The one you’ve grown accustomed to; the one where you do the same thing on a daily basis because it feels good to be in a secure environment.  You pretty much know how things will go and are okay without having a lot to upset the apple cart.

Then there’s door number two.

While it appears just as sturdy, you aren’t sure what to expect.  It’s more colorful with stained glass and beautiful designs.  It’s appealing to the eye, and it excites a part deep inside of you.  Therefore, you can’t help but wonder what awaits you, if you are brave enough to step through the threshold.  Yet, you’re frightened to take that one step out of your comfort zone into the unknown.

That is what is holding a lot of people back; the fear of the unknown.

It’s completely understandable to want what’s comfortable, what’s familiar.  But what if something grander waits on the other side of door number two?

There’s always a chance that door number two will disappoint, also.  That’s another part of the fear you’re dealing with.  What if you let go of door number one, never able to return to that door ever again, once you step through door number two?  And then you’re stuck behind locked door number two and have to find a way to accept what you’ve chosen that turned out not to be as grand as you had hoped?

That’s something we’re all facing with choices that we have to face and decisions we have to make.

When times get tough, you often ask yourself how you will get through it.  How will you survive when you feel tossed around by the seas, feeling threatened by the large swells around your boat, and fearing that at any moment your boat will take on water and sink?!

That is one thing about life; it will challenge you.

If you feel your life is dull, just wait a minute and something will happen to shake things up.  It’s almost as unpredictable as the weather at times!

How I dealt with it recently was with a long weekend getaway with my youngest daughter and my best friend in the entire world.   Greg, my friend of 20 years, offered an escape for us, and we took it!  Not only did this allow us to escape the storms in our lives, it allowed us to just … be.

He whisked us away on a plane from South Carolina to Illinois.  Our goal was to be stress free and enjoy spending time with Greg and his precious aunt.

Ah, the simple life.

And it felt SOOOO GOOD!

We arrived on a Thursday, to find Greg had provided us with a superb and spacious apartment style hotel room for our weekend getaway.  He stocked the refrigerator before our arrival, and even provided mints for our pillows (which gave us a chuckle).

Knowing me as well as he does, he had everything planned out on all of the adventures we would take while we were there.  And pampering was on the agenda that weekend, too – yes, Lord!

He wined us (okay, so it was actually Coke Zero, Mountain Dew, and water), dined us (I’m still stuffed and need to lose a few pounds from our trip!), and made us feel like a queen and a little princess (have I mentioned the deep tissue massage yet?)!

He provided entertainment in the car, with Sirius XM available for my listening pleasure, to full on carpool karaoke!

We laughed and had the best time!

And we had dinner with his sweet aunt and game night!  That is one of our favorites, when we gather around the table to play game, after game, after game.  We laughed … we harassed each other when we got the answers wrong, and even made a running joke (Ben Affleck, eh, Greg? – inside joke).

We had such good time with wonderful friends that are more like family.  We are forever indebted to Greg, and thank him for the hospitality he offered to us on this trip.

Oh, and we entertained his coworkers with our “Southern Accent,” which I still to this day do not even remotely think I even HAVE an accent at all!

So how will you get through hard times?  By surrounding yourself with friends who love you and help lighten your load!

This summer, my oldest daughter had the opportunity to attend a musical event where multiple concerts are held throughout the day.  She has always loved attending these events, but this year was something special.  Not only did she attend, but she was part of the “staff” with an organization she feels so strongly about; Hope For The Day.

My daughter has long desired to help those in need, often times putting her own wellbeing aside to help her friends.  She’s struggled with her own issues in the past, and she feels that allows her to help those in need as well since she’s been right where they are and felt some of those same feelings.  She’s come out on the other side not just surviving but THRIVING!

Her mission, like others with Hope For The Day, is to let people know that it is okay NOT to be okay!

Mental Health Day was October 10, 2018.  It was announced on the radio as I was getting dressed for work that morning.  I paused for a moment to appreciate that mental health is in the news and that help is available for those who suffer.  I have family and friends that have gone through hell and back while dealing with a mental illness.  Back when we first started going through this in the late 70s and early 80s (yes, I’m that old), no one really knew much about it because it wasn’t talked about.  It was as if it was something to be shameful of if one did present with a mental illness.  But shame is not something that needs to be felt or shouldered as a burden when it is discovered that someone has a mental illness.

You wouldn’t shun someone if they were diabetic, so why shun someone with a mental illness?  You shouldn’t!

I do realize that people with an untreated mental illness will wreak havoc on everyone around them.  This happened in my very own family until my mother was officially diagnosed and put on the right medicine when I was a child.  It’s happened, sadly, all these years later now that my very own husband has been diagnosed as Bi-polar.  He’s on medicine now and receiving counseling weekly, so we’re hopeful, whereas before we were not exactly sure if we’d make it when things were spiraling out of control with him.  Having endured all that I did as a child watching my mother go through this and having many friends go through it, still nothing prepared me for having a spouse with it!  But, here we are, trying to make it through and stay together, if possible.  I’m not going to lie to you.  It has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with.  There is no escaping it when you’re a child born into it or a spouse of someone with it.  If it’s a friend, you can put distance between you once you see that nothing you say will make a difference anyway.  Try as you may, you simply cannot convince your friend to stay on the medicine the doctor has prescribed.  Been there, done that with about FOUR different friends.  I’ve actually asked myself, and my father, WHY must I endure this with family and friends, AND NOW MY HUSBAND?!  No answers are to be found, of course, but it doesn’t stop me from asking the question!

Here’s the thing.  There’s treatment for this condition – you don’t have to suffer alone.  You don’t have to put your family through hell, either.  What you do have to do is SEEK HELP!    Make the appointment!   Go see a doctor that specializes in the field.  They will diagnose you and treat you for this condition so that you can lead a normal life.  Your family will THANK you for it when you do!  When the medicine is in your system and you’re on an even keel … life will be wonderful once again!  It’s when you spiral up and down that it causes problems, so you just need something to even out the chemical imbalance in the brain.

And there’s no shame in it!!  NONE!

What you’re going through might inspire someone else when you finally seek help and receive treatment.  Others might be on the outside looking in and see themselves in what you’ve gone through.  And, when they see you living your life and no longer feeling helpless and hopeless, they will want to seek treatment, too!   You will inspire others to seek help and pursue treatment so they can live their best lives, too!

It’s okay NOT to be okay.  

What’s NOT okay is to continue to live in this and wreak havoc on your loved ones.

Please … get help.  And embrace life once you’re on the right path with counseling and medicines to treat the condition!

In our line of work, we can’t take the pain away from people when they lose a loved one.  What we can do is offer some form of comfort for them.  We try so hard to assist them with their funeral planning, providing videos of their loved ones as a lasting memorial, and printing programs for the service.  A lot of times people save those as little keepsakes.  Frankly, it is our job to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible on the actual day of the service.  Leading up to it, though, we offer a listening ear and shoulder to cry on.  We think of the little details so the families don’t have to.

Some families have everything already lined up in a pre-need, so the wishes of their loved one was made known prior to their passing.  It does make things flow a little better when this happens, as hard decisions do not have to be made.  The person already made those for their family.  It is easy when pre-planning is involved.  However, a lot of times, other people can’t fathom the thought of planning their own funeral.  That was ME prior to my employment here!

I’ll never forget my very own grandmother even going so far as to have her bronze foot marker ordered and installed at the cemetery!

I was just a little girl, having just lost her great-grandmother, strolling through the cemetery when I saw it.  My grandmother’s name … what?  How could this be?  She was alive and well … WHY was this stone there?!  Tears began to fill my eyes, and my grandmother realized what was happening.  She walked over and put her arms around me in an effort to comfort my little heart that broke when I saw her name in the cemetery.  She smiled and said I would understand “one day …” and although I didn’t believe her at that time, I do now!

There have been many times I’ve comforted people right in my very own office at work, too.  When they come to me, they think they are ready to take the final step in the process; ordering a grave headstone or foot stone.  I’ve sat there offering not just tissues to these families but hugs when they are falling apart in front of me.  I will be honest and admit that I’m so tender hearted that I’ve teared up with these families at times.  It would take an incredibly cold hearted person to remain unaffected in this line of work.  I’m not that person.  In fact, I think I’m better suited for this position since I do have compassion for people and want to help ease their pain in some way.

It is rare that you get the opportunity to comfort people while you work.  But that is what we’re here for more than anything else; providing comfort in the most difficult of times.

My boss walked over to my desk the other day to find my website open.  We weren’t particularly busy that day, so he didn’t mind me writing at all.  He was simply inquiring as to what the page was that I was on.  I hesitated a moment, then I admitted that it was my website.  Well … mine and Greg’s.  I corrected the words just as they escaped my lips, as Greg writes occasionally, too.  This sparked curiosity in my boss, and he probed a little bit more.  He wanted to know what our website was about and how I got started with it.

I could feel myself tense up a little as I prepared to answer him.

I felt like I was opening myself up and becoming so vulnerable at that very moment in time.

But I sighed to release the anxiety I was creating in myself for fear of his judgement … and I started to explain.

Our website came about several years ago due to Greg encouraging me to write again.  You see, I enjoyed writing poetry and words of love so many years ago that I’ve lost count.  I would pour myself into what I was writing, concerning myself not with whether I was actually any good or not but with simply getting the words out.

Then tragedy struck.

My sister was snatched away from my life in the worst possible way.  My world shattered and crashed around my feet on July 9, 2001.  I lost my best friend.  My lunch companion.  My link to childhood memories.  The one person I felt I could count on in this life.

And I lost a huge piece of myself the day she died.

My desire to write became nonexistent.  No words could be found.  I could barely breathe or go from one minute to the next; writing fell by the wayside.

Until …

Greg offered his assistance in providing this outlet for me.  A form of therapy, if you will, was presented with the ability for me to write out my thoughts and feelings as they came.

All of those thoughts swirled in my head, but instead, I gave the short version answer to my boss …

Light Love Hope was born out of such a heartbreaking situation, in an effort to help … even if it’s just one person.  It’s an outlet for my struggles and my triumphs, but it’s so much more than that.  It’s letting people know that they are not alone.   I write to provide hope to people that are struggling, and I try to encourage.

My boss was surprised, but he was so supportive.  It’s a form of a ministry, in a sense.  And I take great pride in “my baby.”  He actually encouraged me to keep writing!

So … here I am, trying desperately to catch up on the prompt words provided for the Write 31 Day Challenge!   🙂

Every single one of us has a longing in our hearts to belong.  Whether you claim to be a “loner” or feel you’re an outgoing person that is the life of the party, deep down within all of us is a desire to be accepted for who we are.

Walking into a room full of people that you don’t know is quite intimidating.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a party, or if you’re going into a restaurant.  You feel you will be judged, because sadly, you have been on the receiving end of this far too many times.  Yet, what if the people on the other side of those doors welcomed you with open arms?  They are certainly supposed to when you enter a church, but that hasn’t always been the case for me and my family.  Feeling welcomed and as if you belong should never be in question when you walk through the doors of a church, but often times, those very people in those pews will look at you with judgement in their eyes.  They won’t include you into their little groups no matter what, but then you know that isn’t the church for you.  And you move on.

My daughter – 14 years old and full of beauty, from her long hair to her smile that could light up a room – was afraid to walk into a room yesterday and asked me to go with her.  She’s some where between a woman and a child.  And at that moment, this child needed her mother to walk in with her and show her that the people weren’t scary after all.  Now, they weren’t over excited that we were there, and they didn’t greet us with a smile.  They really just looked at us as we glanced around at the baked goods on the table that they had for sale.  We were picking up food from a fundraiser and thought we’d sneak a peek at the goodies.  While it was just a small room with three little old ladies inside, it was intimidating to my daughter.  She didn’t know what to expect, and neither did I really.  But we went in anyway hoping for the best.  It wasn’t anything spectacular, but we picked out our goodies and left the building.  The people weren’t mean.  They weren’t overfriendly either.  But, I think she discovered that her fear was not justified.  The little old ladies weren’t a threat to her after all.

Honestly … in life, that is all you can do is hope for the best in every situation we’re faced with.  Face it.  Don’t fear it!

But if you want to have a sense of belonging, you should also work harder on including people into your circle.  It isn’t one sided, you know.   What I do when I go into a room like that now is make eye contact with the people and smile.  Hopefully they will smile back as we say hello and we both have a pleasant experience.  But if you walk into the room unwilling to make eye contact or speak … that doesn’t give the people in the room a nice warm feeling of you either.  It truly goes both ways.

When was the last time you included someone in your plans that you normally wouldn’t?  Have you invited people to attend a function with you or just come into the quiet of your home and enjoy a cup of coffee and good conversation?

I’m trying to teach my daughter to not fear the people she encounters, like in the room with the baked goods.  I’m also trying to teach her to include others and be welcoming, herself.  It feels good to be accepted, and it also feels good to invite others in.  Be that person.   In inviting, you also open yourself to rejection.  I know.  But that isn’t on you – all you can do is invite.  It is up to others if they actually take you up on it.

We’ve talked about how everyone has a story and how important it is to share it.  But, why?  Why share?  Because someone out there stands to benefit from your story.  Someone out there is struggling and needs to know that you struggled, too, but you made it to the other side and are a survivor.  There are people going through very similar things that you’ve just gone through, so why not share in an effort to provide hope?

It’s no secret with the “female issues” I struggled with.  I was reminded of them when I was re-reading some entries from last year’s 31 Day Challenge.  My emotions were so strong back then, and rightly so.  I was really going through a lot with not only what was happening with my body but with fighting the insurance company as well.  Fast forward a year, and a lady came to me in tears asking for my help.   She started having some “female issues” of her own and was desperate to speak to me to learn what all I went through, how it helped, what doctor I used for the surgery and procedures, etc.   Thankfully, my employer is very understanding, and we were allowed to sit in the kitchen at my workplace and talk for about an hour and a half.   Her face showed her worry and concern, and at different points in our conversation she began to cry.  I comforted and reassured her as best I could.  She seemed a bit better after I shared my experience and gave her hope that her situation wasn’t as grim as she once thought.

Whatever happened with this lady?

Well, she’s facing surgery tomorrow.  Yet, she isn’t as wracked with fear at this point. She’s nervous, yes, but she’s better in knowing what I went through and how her situation isn’t quite as bad in some respects.  But she’s reassured that I’m walking around almost as good as new now, and she has hope that she will be, too!

And that, my friends, is why you should share your story … someone out there NEEDS you to do so!

Since I cheated with my first post on the Write For 31 Days, Greg came in – like a masked hero or knight in shining armor – and wrote on the prompt word for days one and two.  He has given me the inspiration to do likewise.  Being programmed as I am, it is hard for me not to give each individual prompt word the attention it rightly deserves.  In doing so, I want to give each word a separate page and devote my time to really focusing on just that word.  Alas, I’m now nine days behind, so I’ve tried to take Greg’s lead on this.  But, my strong-willed personality has taken over, and already I’ve written a long post solely on the word Believe …

And here we go …

BELIEVE

Back in 2007, I met a beautiful soul through the internet.  It was not a direct connection, though.  Our meeting came about due to a song entitled “I Believe.”  

Having been chosen to sing a solo at church, I was looking for an unique song to sing.  I didn’t want the traditional hymns they’d been singing for years, nor did I want a contemporary worship song we were used to singing in the 11 a.m. service.  Instead, I sought out a song that had a powerful message but was not the “norm.”  I wanted the words of the song and the melody to flow right across the congregation and sink right into their hearts and minds.

I found such a song in “I Believe.”

I contacted the songwriter to gain permission to sing her beautiful song about our Lord and Savior.  Not only did she grant permission, she was thrilled to have received a message from me regarding her song.  We exchanged several emails, and in doing so, she inquired as to where I lived.  When I responded, she advised me that one of her friends lived in my area.  She suggested that I get in touch with her fellow songwriter and friend.  When I did, this older lady was delighted with the thought of me singing this in church and then suggested that we should meet at some point.  Realizing she was just 15 minutes down the road from me absolutely thrilled me!

Not only did I meet this lady shortly thereafter, we helped me perfect the song right there in her home.  She had a room set up like a studio with a microphone and recording equipment.  She assisted and encouraged me, and we became good friends.  This lady that was old enough to be my grandmother became one of my dearest friends.

When her husband was ill, she would ask me to come to her house and sing for her.  Each time she would record me to play back at a later time when she needed to feel uplifted and encouraged.  Later, when I got involved with the interpretive movement team at church, she asked my family and I to come perform at her house for her.  She recorded us as we worshipped this way in song, although her passion really was through listening to me sing.

I had the pleasure of taking my friend, Greg, to her house in 2017.  Her husband had passed the year before, and she, herself, was falling ill.   We were lucky enough to visit with her and have her play while we sang for her.   Those memories are engraved in my mind.  I treasure them because it was precious time we spent together.

Sadly, my dear friend passed away shortly thereafter.  This world lost such a precious jewel the day she died.

Day One – Story

Everyone creates a story with each day. It’s our story. Sometimes it’s sad, sometimes its happy. With each choice, with each word, with each action we are crafting our story. It is our choice what we write with our lives as all our memories become our history. How do you want your story to turn out? It is your choice. You make the decisions on how your life story is being written out. Are you happy with your story? Does your story make you sad? You have the power to change your story and make it what you want. Have faith in yourself and turn yourself into the great American novel. It’s your story.

Day Two – Afraid

I have a very personal relationship with this word; afraid. You see I have been afraid all my life of various things. Not everything, mind you, but many important things. By being afraid I have lost a great love. By being afraid, I have lost a great career opportunity. And I still fight the feeling of being afraid. It can cripple me as I am sure it does that to other people as well. You see being afraid causes me to not have faith in myself or believe that I am worthy of many things in life. I causes me to pause and not take actions where I should. It is something that I fight with every day. But I know deep in my heart that I can’t let it win. I must be strong. I must have faith. I must know that God will take care of me and lead me in the right direction. I cannot let myself be afraid anymore.

For the past couple of years, writers from around the world gathered with great excitement and anticipation.  Everyone looked forward to the Write For 31 Days that happens every October, until it was announced that the “host” was discontinuing this event for writers.

This was something that us writers looked forward to because they provide a list of prompt words to get our creative juices flowing.  As women, it is hard for any man to ever believe we could ever be at a loss for words.  But, as writers, you do get a form of “writer’s block” from time to time.  Whether something is going on in your life and you’re just incredibly busy, or you’re overwhelmed with life and depression steals your words … writer’s block happens to the best of us.

I think that is what I have been going through, yet the writing prompts were something to bring us OUT of all of that.  We’re encouraged to share our story with the world, and honestly, I think there is a story inside of ALL of us that needs to be told.  There are things the younger generation stands to gain from the wisdom we can impart upon them.  Likewise, there is lots to be learned from my elders, and so I write … yes, but I read and support my fellow writers.

Lots of times, I think we’re afraid to share our stories.  We believe in stripping that layer away that protects us will then leave us vulnerable and such easy targets.  Surely if you bare your soul, someone will come along and use what you’ve shared against you.  Right?  Sometimes that does happen.  It saddens my heart when I hear of such  You trust a person with your whole heart when you confide in them, and for what?  Just to have them stab you right in the middle of it when they use what you’ve shared against you.  What betrayal!  WHY would anyone do such a thing, and what in the world do they stand to gain from that?  And so you retreat, afraid of ever sharing that part of yourself or ANYTHING with them again …

The wall goes back up.

And then you’re called cold hearted or unfeeling …

OR other hateful things.

But there are those that you can trust and confide in.  There are a few people out there that only want the best for you and want to help you.  Whatever is hurting your heart, they want to be there to take it all away.  Whatever is burdening you, they want to lift it from your shoulders.  They want to give you a sense of belonging, provide hope for your weary soul and offer comfort you can only find with them.

Allow it.

Those are the people you want in your corner.

Invite them in.

And walk through life together sharing each other’s burden; laughter, tears, headaches, heartaches, each and every joy filled moments.

Accept the blessing their heart provides.