Light, Love, Hope

I haven’t written in a while because honestly …  life is hard right now.

I have written in the past to bring awareness to mental health issues because I understand the importance of this and how the topic needs to be in the forefronts of everyone’s minds.  Having encountered people in my path throughout the years has really made me understand how mental illnesses impact people often in very negative ways.  It wreaks havoc on lives, if I am completely honest!  Whether I’ve come to know them through my work at the alcohol and drug commission or other various positions I’ve held through the years, or whether they’ve been friends or family members … it is apparent that more attention needs to be brought to this topic so that people can seek HELP!

Listen up.

There is NO SHAME in getting the help you need.

NO SHAME TO YOUR MENTAL HEALTH GAME!

Please understand that!

If your life is in a whirlwind the majority of the time, and you can’t quite put your finger on what is wrong – SEEK HELP.  There are counselors available to help you talk through your feelings and figure out what changes need to be made in your life so that you find peace within yourself.  I have found that if you are unhappy with yourself on the inside, it will all come spewing out around people.  Mainly, it is the ones you proclaim to “love” that get battered and bruised.  I’ve been on the receiving end more times than I care to recall, and I can tell you, IT IS NO FUN!!!

Life will have ups and downs.  There will be curve balls thrown in from time to time.  Every one experiences this.  All of us.  But, if this is a constant with you, and your life is in turmoil 95% of the time, chances are that it is NOT everyone else around you … but it is YOU, dear heart.  Please take a good long look at yourself in the mirror.  Stop blaming this person or that person, or this job or that job, or this situation or that situation.  Be honest with yourself and the person in the mirror.  Look into your own eyes and admit that you – like us all – have faults, yes.  But look deeper than that at what is causing the chaos you feel in your heart and soul.

Are you living right?

Do you have GOD guiding your path?  Or do you lean more toward a sinful nature?

KNOW THIS – if you are doing things in darkness, they will eventually come to light.  It will not stay hidden just because you think you’re so clever in how you can cover your tracks.

And ask yourself this.

IS IT REALLY WORTH IT for you to lead this kind of life?

Alcohol and drug abuse … impulsive ways of life, whether it be through spending money that you don’t have or with being sexual and taking risks that you normally would not take, realize that something is not right.  Whether you call it sex addiction, or just having “fun,” it is NO FUN when your life is in a constant hurricane state with storm winds ripping the roof off of your house!

Or, let’s talk about bullying.  Are you like the big bad wolf threatening to blow someone’s house down?  Do you beat your fists on things, throw objects, knock holes in walls or do other destructive type things when you get angry?  If that’s you – KNOW THIS – that is abuse, plain and simple!  Verbal … emotional … mental … whatever you want to call it.  It is ABUSIVE and in the state of South Carolina, it is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!  FYI – that is unlawful conduct toward those you “love.”  Keep that in mind!  If the police are called when you are behaving in this fashion, you could be hauled off to jail.  Consider that the next time you want to throw a fit.

But it’s bigger than all of that – if you are behaving in this fashion, I would be willing to bet that a hidden mental illness is fueling it.  There is something going on inside of you that you haven’t addressed yet, and you need professional help to do so.

Remember what I said earlier about NO SHAME – and I mean that.  It takes a big person to realize that something is not quite right and ADDRESS that with experts in the field.

I truly applaud all those that have taken that step.  Everyone that has come to this realization and stepped out, hands shaking as they called the number for a psychiatrist or counseling, I applaud you!  YOU are the hero every time you walk into that doctor’s office or sit on that counselor’s padded couch to begin your therapy.  It takes guts to do that!

So please, seek help!  Life will be better when you do.  Until then, you will be in a constant state of chaos and turmoil.

Your family deserves better!  Your family deserves PEACE!

Today is what is known in our family as one of those “tender days.”  A lot of people may not understand that term when they first hear it, but for us, it became a reality 17 years ago.   It was the day we lost my sister, Pamela.

I remember the details of that day so vividly in my mind.  From the phone calls trying to reach her that morning, to the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I raced out to her house only to find it surrounded by police cars and yellow “crime scene” tape.  That is an image forever engraved in my mind.

Fast forward 17 years, and the beautiful baby girl my sister left behind has graduated a year early from high school.  She’s grown into a beautiful young lady, so full of life, and a smile that will melt your heart.

And my heart hurts that my sister is not here to be an active part of her daughter’s life.

So many things have changed and so much has happened since my sister went away.

She was my very best friend in my adult life, and I felt like a fish out of water when she left this world.  Who would I turn to when childhood memories were at the forefront of my mind?  Who would I reminisce with?  Who would be my lunch buddy, as we went every single work day together.

Then there were no more.

No more memories to be made with her.  No more phone calls to chit chat or even to harass each other in our own sisterly playful way.  No more lunches to be had, unless I sat on the grass at her grave, which I have done on occasion.

All that I have to hold on to are the memories we made when she was here and the photographs that remind me of her smile, her auburn hair, and her mischievous smile.  From the childhood picture that sits on the corner hutch in my dining room, to her glamour shot pictures with her leather jacket with her all dolled up, I treasure every single one.  Even the picture from 1996 with my “still stuck in the 80s hair” picture my parents insisted upon.  Now I am forever grateful as I glance over at it on my makeup vanity every morning as I prepare to greet the day.   Right down to the 1994 polaroid picture I snapped at my house when my sister came over to visit … we were young and playful, having no idea of what the future would hold and how short our time together would truly be.

And my heart mourns the loss.

Knowing what this day means, and feeling months ago that it might be hard to handle, I prepared as best I could in advance.  I got tickets for my husband and I to go see Diamond Rio in concert last night.  They are a country band that was real popular in the 90s, and two songs stand out in my mind; One More Day and I Believe.  It was my way of honoring my sister in a positive way, just as I strive to do daily by living life to the fullest and enjoying every moment.

Wow, I can’t believe I haven’t written since Memorial Day!  I have all of these thoughts floating around in my head during the day, but writing time seems scarce these days.  It’s a blessing, though.  Honestly, from working hard – at a place I absolutely love and enjoy – to playing hard – waterfall seeking at the lake, swimming in our pool, camping in the rv, and horseback riding – this is the life!

If you are a resident of South Carolina or ever consider visiting, Lake Jocassee is a “must-see.”   We found this beautiful gem last year when staying at a state park, and we fell in love!  It combines two things we absolutely love – waterfalls and the lake!   The waterfalls are only accessible by boat, but they are SOOO worth it! If you don’t own a boat, you can either rent a pontoon when you get there OR take a tour with a knowledgeable tour guide.  You will not be disappointed!

Last year, we rented a pontoon, and we bought a map that showed us all of the waterfalls on the lake.  We got to see a great many that day on our own, but we did encounter some rain on that trip.  It was cool also, so we were not able to get in the water.  We knew when we left that gorgeous, clear-water lake that we would be back!!

Alas, we returned to Lake Jocassee a few weeks ago, and this time we went on a guided tour.  There were more people on the boat than we liked, but they were all friendly, although quiet at the beginning of the tour.  The guide tried to break the ice within the first 20 minutes of the tour, and he took us to a place where you could jump off of the rocks into the water below.  My 13 year old daughter didn’t do it, nor did we, but it was fun watching the retirement aged tour guy fling his arms into the air as he launched himself off of the rocks and into the water.  It was a really cool cave looking cliff, too, so pictures were a must!

The tour was from around 10 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., and we covered a lot of ground in that time.  There was a mountainous area we had fun climbing on, too.

We made our way through the waterways, visiting a creek where you could climb up the mountain a little ways, then carefully meander down a steep path that lead to the water.  Once at the bottom, you had to be careful not to slip on the wet rocks.  Most of us brave ones took great care to lower ourselves onto our bottoms before sliding off into the water.  We much preferred this way instead of falling and conking our heads on the rocks below.  Others weren’t quite so brave, and they decided to stay back on the boat.  The ones who braved the poison ivy laced trail found themselves emerged in such breathtaking and inviting water below in a creek that circled around and lead to the lake.  Some swam, others floated back to the boat.  It was so perfect for the incredibly hot and humid 100 degree day!

Finally, the tour guide took us to another spot where we could swim under the waterfall!  The water was much colder than the creek and the regular lake water, as you can imagine.  I put on my life jacket and began to swim out to the waterfall.  I got as close as I could with the water beating down into the lake and splashing on me.  It was so heavenly, I did not want to leave.  I was actually surprised by the current and how hard it was to stay under that waterfall, though.  The tour guide was kind enough to allow me a moment longer where I kicked back allowing the life jacket to support me as I relaxed right where I was under the beautiful blue skies with the sound of the waterfall just over my shoulders.  My husband snapped a picture, and it is one I will treasure for a long time!

Ah, yes, summer is in full swing!  Get out and ENJOY it with your family!

I’m late to the game, but at least I’m here!

The Five Minute Friday word of the week is:  Stuck

Ah, Facebook!  I love the memories you bring forth daily of days gone by.   Most are happy memories, like my sweet mother’s birthday, which was yesterday!  I got to see all of the previous birthday wishes and pictures shared on Facebook from the years before.  At times, the memories are sad, like the passing of my mother-in-law a year ago on April 25th, and the days prior where I posted of her struggles and asked for prayer for her and the family.  There’s some funny ones in the mix, too, like the time my youngest daughter declared she wanted to be a werewolf when she grew up.  Or times like these that I was reminded of this morning from two years ago:

Dear rain and thunderstorms,

Don’t you know we want to ride today? While I think the distant sky lightning is pretty,

I’d prefer no streak lightning nor roar of thunder while on horseback.

But alas, the rain shall make my beautiful flowers grow in my garden.

And this is the perfect opportunity to snuggle with my loves.

So I’ll enjoy the fresh scent of rain with my favorite beverage on my front porch

while watching the birds play at my feeders. Riding will wait for another day.

I guess you’re not half bad after all.

It just depends on our outlook.

We tend to do that, don’t we?  All of us get stuck in our negative mindset from time to time.  I honestly don’t think it’s something we set out to do.  Like, we don’t get up in the morning when our feet hit the floor and proclaim, “Today is the day I’ll be negative.”  It just happens.

It’s when we change our outlook that things start to improve.

A misunderstanding occurred over the weekend via text, of all things.  Two friends were talking back and forth when one took something the wrong way.  You’re at a true disadvantage when you can’t hear the person’s tone of voice or see their facial expressions.  It makes it much harder to communicate effectively at times.

Something light-hearted and teasing was sent, but it was not received as such.  The person took offense, spouted off, and in that instance, feelings were hurt.  A sting was felt inside one’s heart.  Tears began to sting their eyes, but they blinked them back so as not to allow it to get the best of them.

When they finally were able to express themselves, they admitted they were a little bit hurt.  The response almost written back immediately was, “I did nothing to hurt you …”

And they froze.

Here’s the thing.  You don’t get to decide whether you did something or not to hurt someone’s feelings.  If THEY felt hurt by something you said or did, that is their perception.  Like it or not, their perception becomes their reality!

And silence fell between them.

I learned a long time ago that feelings aren’t right or wrong, they just ARE.

I’ve been told I’m a highly sensitive person, as if that was a flaw in my personality.  It’s a good thing I don’t view it that way, though.  I’m anything but flawed!  Just because I might feel deeper than most or might be struck by something that wouldn’t bother another person, that does not make me weak or flawed in any stretch of the imagination.

I am me, and I will not apologize for that.  You shouldn’t either!

Feeling as deep as I do at times allows for me to show compassion to others. Compassion is something that is lacking in this world today, so I’m proud of my feelings and ability to make sure people know that they matter in this world.

That you do get to decide.  You choose how you want to be with the world.  You have a say in how you want to interact with people.  But you do not get to decide whether someone is offended or hurt by something you said or did.  It doesn’t work that way … at … all.

You might be trying to get the responsibility off of your shoulders so you won’t feel bad.  That’s great – but I’m woman enough to own my feelings and emotions.  I recognize them, allow them to be for the moment, but I will not be controlled by them.  I am able to be rational about things and push my feelings aside to work.  But deny my feelings so that someone else feels better?  I will not!  And neither should you!