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Light, Love, Hope

Light in the Darkness Surrounded by Love with Hope for those in need.

SelfTherapyPost

A little self-therapy

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I don’t write much on here but feeling the way I do I thought a bit of writing might be a way to do some self-therapy.

It was fourteen years ago today that my mom passed away. I spent the last several hours that she had at her bedside holding her hand. It was a very humbling experience. I had a feeling of complete helplessness. During that time, I prayed for her suffering to end. I feel guilty for doing that to this day. That may be why around this time every year I have times where I am right back there by her side holding her hand.

They say time heals all wounds. That may work for some things. Others it does not. This is one of those things. As time has gone on, it doesn’t bother me as much as right after she passed away. But back then I had a wonderful support system; a dear friend that I could call anytime and just talk to get my mind off these kinds of things. He passed away back in October, so this is the first year I have had no one to turn to just let my feelings out. So here I sit writing in hope that putting this in words will help a bit with the feelings inside.

The one things I want to pass on in all this is please always tell those that mean the most to you how your feel about them. Don’t assume they know. Tell them. Let them know that they are important to you and that you love them. We all need to hear that we matter to someone.

I wish anyone that reads this that your life is touched by love.

Tender Days

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Today is what is known in our family as one of those “tender days.”  A lot of people may not understand that term when they first hear it, but for us, it became a reality 17 years ago.   It was the day we lost my sister, Pamela.

I remember the details of that day so vividly in my mind.  From the phone calls trying to reach her that morning, to the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I raced out to her house only to find it surrounded by police cars and yellow “crime scene” tape.  That is an image forever engraved in my mind.

Fast forward 17 years, and the beautiful baby girl my sister left behind has graduated a year early from high school.  She’s grown into a beautiful young lady, so full of life, and a smile that will melt your heart.

And my heart hurts that my sister is not here to be an active part of her daughter’s life.

So many things have changed and so much has happened since my sister went away.

She was my very best friend in my adult life, and I felt like a fish out of water when she left this world.  Who would I turn to when childhood memories were at the forefront of my mind?  Who would I reminisce with?  Who would be my lunch buddy, as we went every single work day together.

Then there were no more.

No more memories to be made with her.  No more phone calls to chit chat or even to harass each other in our own sisterly playful way.  No more lunches to be had, unless I sat on the grass at her grave, which I have done on occasion.

All that I have to hold on to are the memories we made when she was here and the photographs that remind me of her smile, her auburn hair, and her mischievous smile.  From the childhood picture that sits on the corner hutch in my dining room, to her glamour shot pictures with her leather jacket with her all dolled up, I treasure every single one.  Even the picture from 1996 with my “still stuck in the 80s hair” picture my parents insisted upon.  Now I am forever grateful as I glance over at it on my makeup vanity every morning as I prepare to greet the day.   Right down to the 1994 polaroid picture I snapped at my house when my sister came over to visit … we were young and playful, having no idea of what the future would hold and how short our time together would truly be.

And my heart mourns the loss.

Knowing what this day means, and feeling months ago that it might be hard to handle, I prepared as best I could in advance.  I got tickets for my husband and I to go see Diamond Rio in concert last night.  They are a country band that was real popular in the 90s, and two songs stand out in my mind; One More Day and I Believe.  It was my way of honoring my sister in a positive way, just as I strive to do daily by living life to the fullest and enjoying every moment.

 

 

 

 

Summer Is In Full Swing

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Wow, I can’t believe I haven’t written since Memorial Day!  I have all of these thoughts floating around in my head during the day, but writing time seems scarce these days.  It’s a blessing, though.  Honestly, from working hard – at a place I absolutely love and enjoy – to playing hard – waterfall seeking at the lake, swimming in our pool, camping in the rv, and horseback riding – this is the life!

If you are a resident of South Carolina or ever consider visiting, Lake Jocassee is a “must-see.”   We found this beautiful gem last year when staying at a state park, and we fell in love!  It combines two things we absolutely love – waterfalls and the lake!   The waterfalls are only accessible by boat, but they are SOOO worth it! If you don’t own a boat, you can either rent a pontoon when you get there OR take a tour with a knowledgeable tour guide.  You will not be disappointed!

Last year, we rented a pontoon, and we bought a map that showed us all of the waterfalls on the lake.  We got to see a great many that day on our own, but we did encounter some rain on that trip.  It was cool also, so we were not able to get in the water.  We knew when we left that gorgeous, clear-water lake that we would be back!!

Alas, we returned to Lake Jocassee a few weeks ago, and this time we went on a guided tour.  There were more people on the boat than we liked, but they were all friendly, although quiet at the beginning of the tour.  The guide tried to break the ice within the first 20 minutes of the tour, and he took us to a place where you could jump off of the rocks into the water below.  My 13 year old daughter didn’t do it, nor did we, but it was fun watching the retirement aged tour guy fling his arms into the air as he launched himself off of the rocks and into the water.  It was a really cool cave looking cliff, too, so pictures were a must!

The tour was from around 10 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., and we covered a lot of ground in that time.  There was a mountainous area we had fun climbing on, too.

 

We made our way through the waterways, visiting a creek where you could climb up the mountain a little ways, then carefully meander down a steep path that lead to the water.  Once at the bottom, you had to be careful not to slip on the wet rocks.  Most of us brave ones took great care to lower ourselves onto our bottoms before sliding off into the water.  We much preferred this way instead of falling and conking our heads on the rocks below.  Others weren’t quite so brave, and they decided to stay back on the boat.  The ones who braved the poison ivy laced trail found themselves emerged in such breathtaking and inviting water below in a creek that circled around and lead to the lake.  Some swam, others floated back to the boat.  It was so perfect for the incredibly hot and humid 100 degree day!

Finally, the tour guide took us to another spot where we could swim under the waterfall!  The water was much colder than the creek and the regular lake water, as you can imagine.  I put on my life jacket and began to swim out to the waterfall.  I got as close as I could with the water beating down into the lake and splashing on me.  It was so heavenly, I did not want to leave.  I was actually surprised by the current and how hard it was to stay under that waterfall, though.  The tour guide was kind enough to allow me a moment longer where I kicked back allowing the life jacket to support me as I relaxed right where I was under the beautiful blue skies with the sound of the waterfall just over my shoulders.  My husband snapped a picture, and it is one I will treasure for a long time!

Ah, yes, summer is in full swing!  Get out and ENJOY it with your family!

Pause

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I love holidays, mainly because they allow us to pause from our hectic daily lives and surround ourselves with family!  There’s nothing like bonding and sharing some down time together.

We were so thankful for the weather on Saturday, which allowed for an end-of-the-school-year pool party. This is something we did every year when my oldest daughter was in school, and we are blessed to be able to do this for our youngest now, too.  My 13 year old worried over this party all week long, but in the end, a great day was had by all.  I had several giggling teenagers in my pool splashing around, then they headed to the hot tub with pizza in hand!  And I sat amongst them enjoying every single minute!  I found myself throughout the day just smiling and laughing, which is good for the soul!

Blessed.

That is what I kept thinking during the whole day.

Oh, how blessed we truly are to gather together with family and friends.

And how is this possible?  Because of the freedom we have in this great country.  Freedom that was not given to us without strong men and women fighting every step of the way.  There are a lot of things we take for granted.  This should not be one of them!

I hope you took time to remember all of the fallen Soldiers yesterday on Memorial Day, but not just that.  I hope you remembered their family and friends who are left without them.  There are no more memories to be made with them, as their time on earth has ended.  All they are left to cling to are the memories of days gone by.  So when you pray, lift them up.  And when you bow your head, do so with grateful appreciation in your heart for the freedom you have because of them.

 

 

Stuck

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I’m late to the game, but at least I’m here!

The Five Minute Friday word of the week is:  Stuck

Ah, Facebook!  I love the memories you bring forth daily of days gone by.   Most are happy memories, like my sweet mother’s birthday, which was yesterday!  I got to see all of the previous birthday wishes and pictures shared on Facebook from the years before.  At times, the memories are sad, like the passing of my mother-in-law a year ago on April 25th, and the days prior where I posted of her struggles and asked for prayer for her and the family.  There’s some funny ones in the mix, too, like the time my youngest daughter declared she wanted to be a werewolf when she grew up.  Or times like these that I was reminded of this morning from two years ago:

 

Dear rain and thunderstorms,

Don’t you know we want to ride today? While I think the distant sky lightning is pretty,

I’d prefer no streak lightning nor roar of thunder while on horseback.

But alas, the rain shall make my beautiful flowers grow in my garden.

And this is the perfect opportunity to snuggle with my loves.

So I’ll enjoy the fresh scent of rain with my favorite beverage on my front porch

while watching the birds play at my feeders. Riding will wait for another day.

I guess you’re not half bad after all.

It just depends on our outlook.

 

We tend to do that, don’t we?  All of us get stuck in our negative mindset from time to time.  I honestly don’t think it’s something we set out to do.  Like, we don’t get up in the morning when our feet hit the floor and proclaim, “Today is the day I’ll be negative.”  It just happens.

It’s when we change our outlook that things start to improve.

 

 

 

 

Turn

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Five Minute Friday Word of The Day:  Turn

We aren’t sure how things will turn out in life, are we?

The past couple of days, I’ve been out of sorts.  It was something we couldn’t quite put our finger on.  Until today.

Today is my grandmother’s birthday.  She passed several years ago after struggling for two years, in and out of hospitals and just going through so very much toward the end.

And these were the last days of my mother-in-law’s life this exact time last year.  It haunts me to this very day.

Just when you think you’re doing great and nothing can bring you down, you’re hit right square in the face with memories.  I’d love it to always be happy, joyous memories.  However, that is not always the case.  You have to endure days of pain to appreciate the joy that comes in the morning.  Or, you go through the storms to appreciate the beautiful rainbow that appears after the gray skies clear and the sun begins to emerge yet again.

I’m not choosing to focus on all of the negative that this time of year holds.  In the middle of all of this, there have been great moments of pure joy.  We celebrated my daughter’s boyfriend turning 20 years old, and one of my nearest and dearest friends turned 51 on the same exact day.  I’ve laughed, smiled, and shed some tears this week.  I’ve been a big ball of emotion, so hard to handle being in my own skin at times.  I cannot imagine what people think that have had to endure all of this right alongside me this week.  But I thank them for not giving up on me or turning away when I needed them to pull me out of my funk.

I didn’t want to tell my husband what was wrong because I didn’t want him thinking of his mother’s last days, if he wasn’t already there mentally and emotionally.  So I held it in, often shrugging my shoulders when asked what was wrong.  I was not withholding to be mean.  I was thinking of preserving his feelings.

But there are brighter days ahead … another friend’s birthday is approaching … and my dear mother’s birthday is the very last day of the month.

SO I feel the feelings … and I turn the page.

Watching God In Action

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Last night I sat in awe watching God in action.

After work, school, and working out at the local YMCA, my family and I decided to go to a little town known for their Amish restaurant.

I noticed the lady’s hair right away when I walked through the doors of that old restaurant.  Her hair had several pretty shades of blonde, ash, and brown mixed into a very becoming style.  When she got ready to fix our plates, I commented immediately on how pretty her hair was.  She thanked me and added that she just did her own hair the night before.  This lead to a brief conversation about how she was a cosmetologist and had just moved from Indiana.  She started talking about how she had to take her State Boards again.  The thought of this had made her physically ill especially since she was older and hadn’t done any of those things in years.  Apparently, this was required to transfer her license to the state of South Carolina.  Her anxiety was extremely obvious, so I mentioned that my daughter had just graduated from Cosmetology school and passed her State Boards with flying colors.

The lady’s face lit up with excitement!

She forgot all about the white plate she was holding in her hand waiting to be filled with our supper.  At this point, though, I didn’t mind at all because I was witnessing God in action!  You see, my daughter originally groaned when I asked her to go to this restaurant last night.  She was tired after working out and really wanted something a little closer to home.  However, I finally convinced her to go with us.

After they talked briefly, she asked my daughter to please see her before we left so she could get additional information.  She didn’t want to hold us up from enjoying our supper any more than she already had.  So, after we finished eating our delicious meal, my daughter went back over to talk to the lady.  My daughter was very thorough and provided the contact information for her instructor at the college just in case she had any additional questions my daughter couldn’t address.  The lady thanked her and even hugged her like they were old friends!  She had this look of relief on her face and looked as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of her shoulders!

My daughter exited the restaurant with her face literally beaming!  She was able to calm this lady’s nerves and help her not feel so anxious over the State Boards!  My daughter provided the reassurance this lady needed!

Once seated in the vehicle, my daughter said, “Mama, I believe God placed me here tonight just for this reason.  I was able to help this lady, so I was meant to come here tonight!  It was part of God’s plan.”  

Yes, Lord!  Yes!!

You Don’t Get To Decide

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A misunderstanding occurred over the weekend via text, of all things.  Two friends were talking back and forth when one took something the wrong way.  You’re at a true disadvantage when you can’t hear the person’s tone of voice or see their facial expressions.  It makes it much harder to communicate effectively at times.

Something light-hearted and teasing was sent, but it was not received as such.  The person took offense, spouted off, and in that instance, feelings were hurt.  A sting was felt inside one’s heart.  Tears began to sting their eyes, but they blinked them back so as not to allow it to get the best of them.

When they finally were able to express themselves, they admitted they were a little bit hurt.  The response almost written back immediately was, “I did nothing to hurt you …”

And they froze.

Here’s the thing.  You don’t get to decide whether you did something or not to hurt someone’s feelings.  If THEY felt hurt by something you said or did, that is their perception.  Like it or not, their perception becomes their reality!

And silence fell between them.

I learned a long time ago that feelings aren’t right or wrong, they just ARE.

I’ve been told I’m a highly sensitive person, as if that was a flaw in my personality.  It’s a good thing I don’t view it that way, though.  I’m anything but flawed!  Just because I might feel deeper than most or might be struck by something that wouldn’t bother another person, that does not make me weak or flawed in any stretch of the imagination.

I am me, and I will not apologize for that.  You shouldn’t either!

Feeling as deep as I do at times allows for me to show compassion to others. Compassion is something that is lacking in this world today, so I’m proud of my feelings and ability to make sure people know that they matter in this world.

That you do get to decide.  You choose how you want to be with the world.  You have a say in how you want to interact with people.  But you do not get to decide whether someone is offended or hurt by something you said or did.  It doesn’t work that way … at … all.

You might be trying to get the responsibility off of your shoulders so you won’t feel bad.  That’s great – but I’m woman enough to own my feelings and emotions.  I recognize them, allow them to be for the moment, but I will not be controlled by them.  I am able to be rational about things and push my feelings aside to work.  But deny my feelings so that someone else feels better?  I will not!  And neither should you!

 

 

Transformation

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My father worked for the same company for 41 years.  When he retired in 2012, we worried that he would feel as if he lost his identity.  The company had become a part of who he was for all of those years.  And then, he retired.

Prior to his retirement, however, my husband and I sought to make one of his dreams come true.  You see, tucked away in one of his sheds for 30 years was a 1957 Chevy Bel-air two door hard top.  It didn’t seem to have much life in it when looking at the rust that started showing through along with the chipped black paint, but we knew it had great potential.   My dad struggled with whether to sell it several times through the years, but each time he held on to the dream of “one day” fixing it up.  As the years rolled by, he resolved himself to just look out at what once was and what might not ever be again as he didn’t feel he had the money necessary to restore it.  That’s where my husband and I came in.  We set out on a mission to bring this classic back to life.

My dad was extremely humbled by our offer, and we could tell it touched a place deep within his soul at the mere thought that his dream was about to become a reality.  I’ll never forget the day we watched as the rollback scooped my dad’s car up and started down the driveway. We were excited of what was to be!

Fast forward two years, and this once black, often used as a drag car on dirt roads around our house, “rust bucket” was transformed into a candy apple red beauty with sparkling chrome!  My dad’s face lit up like a kid in a candy store when he first saw his “old hunk of junk,” as my mom used to call it.  He was so nervous to get behind the wheel because he didn’t want anything to happen to his baby!  I was there snapping pictures and proud to be a part of that day!  When he drove away, he goosed it and snatched second gear so the tires would squeal, just like a little boy playing with his new toy!  I laughed and carried that giddy schoolgirl feeling with me all day!

Shortly thereafter, my dad and I learned of a classic car club in town.  We were invited to a few meetings, and then our family joined the club.   He’s entered several car shows and received trophies and plaques!  After several years of being active in the club, my dad was voted in as the president of the Edisto Cruisers!  Now not only did his dream become a reality, but it far exceeded his expectations!  He’s living his dream and then some!

AND … he drove this beauty on his last day of work when he retired!  It was also at his retirement party that we threw for him, as well.

My dad has really come out of his shell since joining and putting himself out there with this car club.  When once he would shy away from others and sit in a corner to himself, (and we’d join him so he wouldn’t be alone), he has since become more outgoing.  In his current role as President, it has forced him out of his comfort zone, which is not always a bad thing at all.   While he’s not really a people person, he is more social than he has ever been before.  Public speaking might not be his heart’s desire, but he does a good job of leading the monthly meetings.  It seems my dad has had a transformation in all of this, too!

As my dad has gotten older, and after losing several loved ones, he’s become more spiritual as well.  I’ve purposely chosen not to say “religious,” as what he has is deeper than that.  He reads his bible and prays genuine heartfelt prayers to our Heavenly Father.  He prays with passion and conviction, whether on his knees beside his bed at night or before the meal at the monthly car club meetings.  I’m proud of him finding his voice and not being bashful with his prayers, especially.  He’s often called on to pray at our house before the meals as well.  I love that man!  And yes, I’ve always been a daddy’s girl.  I love my mama, don’t get me wrong.  But there’s just a special connection between my father and I.

When once we worried about my dad upon his retirement, we’ve seen him flourish in his new role.  We are so proud of him and thankful that he has a passion for classic cars, but most of all, he’s enjoying sporting around in ‘Ole Red after all these years.

Ice Dragon: Legend of The Blue Daises

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Doesn’t that have a nice ring to it?  Ice Dragon:  Legend of The Blue Daises

I’m so excited to introduce you to this inspirational animated feature that will *ONLY* be in theaters for TWO nights:   March 24, 2018 & March 26, 2018.

Canadian director and producer, Bruce Stacey, has put together a short story of his faith-based adventure.  This film includes voice talents by Rheal Rees, Justin Debe, and Bill Bray.

Not only will you be seeing this feature, but you will also enjoy an original live-action short film with an exclusive music video.

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I’m excited to take my daughter to see this movie.  We love spending time together shopping, eating out, going to the mall, and watching movies!  This will be perfect for a “Girl’s Day!”  (Sorry Dad!)

Visit FathomEvents.com to find a theater near you and to purchase tickets!

Who knows, maybe we’ll see you at the movies!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are You Brave Enough To Love?

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This question struck me when I saw it come across my phone screen:

Are You Brave Enough To Love?

Think about it for a minute.  Love is a million different things.  It feels SO good to be loved, completely and truly!  You know what I’m talking about; the jolt that goes right through your body when someone you love touches you!  Isn’t that just the best feeling in the entire world?  OR, being wrapped in their loving arms … there’s nothing better than a big hug where you lay your head against their chest and hear their heart beating.  Gentle touches, fingers entwined together, brushing the hair from your face as their way of showing you affection.  It is all worth it.  And hearing it, honestly, are there any sweeter words to pass through your loved ones lips straight to your heart?

With love, sometimes heartache and pain follows.  You can’t choose who your heart will love.  That’s a fact.  You can try to steer it in the right direction, but it happens.  You find yourself falling head over heels before you know it.

~WHAM~ You crash into it like a Maserati going 100 MPH into a brick wall.   And you’re left dumbstruck.

Sound familiar?

And you bask in the warmth of love that spills over you like the rays of the sun on a beautiful Spring day.

Sadly, there’s love that is one-sided.  There’s love that you want to be returned to you, yet they can’t freely express it.  There’s love that will remain in secret, never spoken of and never acted upon.

And silent tears will fall.  Pillows will be soaked from sleepless nights spent pining for the one your heart desires most.

That’s love; all balled into one big wonderful maddening mess of heart-strings that feel like electrical current at times.

In the end, it is always worth it, though.  No regrets!

To have felt love with a mere glance across the room that sends your heart fluttering like a million butterflies were let loose inside your soul.  And to have loved, passionately, like the color red.  If there could ever be a color assigned to signify love, deep, blood-red would be the one I’d choose.  Love.

That’s the greatest feeling in the universe when you’re caught up in a whirlwind of emotions, like storm force winds in a hurricane.  Love.

When love isn’t returned the way you want it to be, or if someone doesn’t love you like you think they should, it isn’t wrong.  Maybe they are loving you with all they have.  Perhaps they’ve experienced too many heartaches themselves to freely love with abandon.  They might choose not to make themselves vulnerable for fear of having their hearts broken all over again.  Who knows other than God and that person?  It’s tucked deep inside, and they are the only ones that can open their hardened heart to allow you inside.

We are commanded to love.  In the bible, there’s so many scriptures about love.  Passionate love, or even loving thy neighbor.  Even stating that the greatest gift is love.  And it is!!

It is!

 

 

 

 

The Choice Is Yours

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If you had a choice to be grouchy, irritated, or annoying with nagging on someone vs. being sweet, upbeat, and a joy to be around, which would you choose?

Let’s be honest here.  No one enjoys someone who walks around mad at the world with a chip on their shoulders all the time.  Now, I’m not talking about someone who just had something bad happen to them where I’m expecting them to just be overjoyed with what just took place.  We’re all human, and we will all react the way we choose to react.  What I’m referring to is a spouse that is constantly in a bad mood morning, noon, and night.  No matter what, nothing is good enough or pleasing enough for them.  (Note:  I am not referring to my marriage, but one of my friends is going through this right this very minute!)

It’s difficult to sit by and watch this happening.  You offer support and encouragement, yet you hear day after day of this going on.

What I want to bring to light is that in this situation – as in all situations – the choice is YOURS on how you react or respond.  It’s up to you to decide if you are going to wallow in this hatred that you seem to carry around with you spewing harsh, accusatory words, OR if you’re going to be a ray of sunshine in someone’s life.

For me, I want to be that ray of sunshine.

I want others to look at me and smile because I’ve smiled at them!  I desire for my smile to be contagious enough that it goes immediately to their faces, too!

Honestly, I do not want people to remember me as a nag.  I don’t want people to look back at their time with me and think how much I brought them down.  Also, I don’t want to be the reason someone else ends up having a portion of their day ruined … all because of how I’ve lashed out at them or chose to behave.

When my feet hit the floor in the mornings, I want to greet the day with happiness inside my soul.  I want those around me to greet me with a smile and a hug, the same way I want to greet them.  Realizing not everyone is a morning person, no deep conversation is needed before coffee (or for me, warm lemon and honey water).  Just smile.  Hug.  Exchange pleasant “Good Mornings,” and let that be it until after a shower or after you feel awake enough to carry on a pleasant conversation.

What I’ve observed with my friend’s spouse is constant criticism, having their character attacked, and even accusing them of things the spouse has made up in their own minds.

STOP IT!

Just stop.

That’s what I want to say to them.

Life is too short for all of that, and in the end, it will torment you if you continue to choose to live your life this way.

There’s an argument about which takes more energy – being hateful or being a joy.  Truly, it doesn’t matter which takes more energy – think of which is more pleasant to be around.  A grouch, huffing and puffing throwing a temper tantrum?  Or a smiling face that beams with joy from the inside out?  I’ll take the latter of the two, thank you!

If someone around me starts to bring me down by their behavior and the way they choose to carry themselves, I’ll attempt to turn the situation around.  If it fails, however, I will quickly remove myself from that situation and the sour puss.  I’ll be polite about it, but I will choose NOT to allow that person to affect my mood or steal my joy!  Plain and simple!

The choice is yours – which one will you choose today?

 

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