Light, Love, Hope

Things That Ruin A Marriage

Shirley Intentional Marriage, Intentionally Focused, We Care Wednesdays 0

In October, we focused our entire 31 days on marriage tips to help build intimacy and a closer connection with your spouse.

Now I’d like to break down a few things that have the potential to ruin a marriage:

*Insecurities – If your spouse suffers from low self esteem, they will have plenty of insecurities. Which will lead us directly into the second item that I’d like to discuss which is …

*Jealousy – If the green eyed monster rears his ugly little head in your marriage or in your relationships, do your best to put him in his place! Show him the door! While a little bit of jealousy is a good thing because it shows that you do care about your spouse and want them to be yours and yours alone, too much jealousy can ruin a marriage! If you become possessive and are easily angered, squash the green eyed monster as fast as you can!

*Lack of Communication – If you can’t wait to call up your friend and tell them everything that is going on within your marriage yet you fail to talk that openly with your spouse, there is a huge problem! If you stone-wall and close your partner out of your heart and will not talk things out with them, nothing will ever be resolved! Don’t shut them out! Instead, take it to God first … pray about it … and then, take it to your spouse! While I’m sure your friends mean well and will offer support, the one you need to be speaking to about all of the problems in your marriage is not your friend but your spouse!

*Trust – If trust has been broken in your marriage, you will have a long road ahead of you. It takes a LOT of time to rebuild and regain trust once it has been lost. Do not lie or keep secrets from your spouse. Also, omitting details is deceitful and a form of betrayal. Be very careful here!

*Assumptions – This is where the lack of communication gets things all out of whack! If you aren’t talking to your spouse, it leaves you with nothing but your thoughts that have gone wild thinking the absolute worst! That is when the devil loves to place doubt and whisper lies in your ear. Pretty soon, you’re making assumptions, then you’re accusing, and no good will ever come of this!

*Pornography – Guard your eyes, your mind, and your heart. If you focus your attention and affections on your spouse, you wouldn’t have time nor the desire to look at such trash! “Be careful little eyes what you see …” It’s not just a cute little song, it’s the truth! You should only long for and desire your spouse! If you are lusting after any one else, you are sinning in your heart and mind against your spouse and against GOD! “Give us clean hands … give us pure hearts, oh Lord!” Again, not just a song, a plea we all need to make and then ensure that we guard what we look at … ask yourself if it’s honoring your spouse. Better yet, think of how you’d feel if your spouse were viewing such things in private while withholding their affections and intimacy from you! You wouldn’t like it one little bit, now would you?

*Flirting – This is where a lot of people don’t have a clear understanding of what flirting truly is. There’s plenty that fall into this category. However, just to be clear … if you stare or look more than a glance at someone, that can be viewed as flirting. If you touch someone playfully on the arm, that can be viewed as flirting. If you laugh and give all of your attention to someone other than your spouse, be careful because you’re on a slippery slope … and this is most definitely flirting!

*Not Having Clear Personal Boundaries – Now this is where we really need to focus! If you have clear personal boundaries, the above will NOT be an issue. You won’t be tempted to go to lunch with a coworker of the opposite sex … alone … to just talk … or laugh … or have a drink after work. This is when you need clear personal boundaries so you aren’t putting your arms around people you don’t know to have your picture taken at their request if you’re out in a group setting or not. If your spouse is within reach, insist that they are in the picture, too! Or simply say no and walk away if they aren’t … because you know in this day and age that your picture will show up on someone’s newsfeed on Facebook. How would your spouse feel if they stumbled upon your picture with another woman or another man? Innocent or not … do not give the appearance of evil.

The above are just a few things that ruin a marriage. What can you do? I’m glad you asked!

*The golden rule truly does still apply:

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

A lot of times people simply cannot see themselves until you mirror their actions and behaviors back to them. Then and only then will they have an “Ah ha moment” and begin to see the light and the error of their ways. Some times this is necessary to make them see themselves. I did just that recently, and it sent a very clear message to my spouse and opened his eyes.

*Focus on your spouse. If you’re tempted to look at someone else, turn to your spouse and focus on them, instead. If you’re tempted to think bad thoughts or lustful thoughts of another, turn your thoughts to those of your spouse and all the things you love and enjoy about them. Truth be told, if you were 100% committed to your spouse, this would NOT even be an issue!

*Keep the lines of communication open. Talk, talk, talk … and talk some more!! Do not share anything of an emotional nature exclusively with your friends or coworkers of the opposite sex. Go to your spouse with all things, especially things on an emotional level!

*Do not put yourself into a situation where you will be tempted! If you find yourself there, quickly make your way to the nearest exit! It IS possible to resist temptation! Even Jesus was tempted in the bible, yet He did not give in! Ask yourself what Jesus would do … and ask yourself how your spouse would feel if they found out or consider how YOU would feel if your spouse was doing the same thing you’re considering doing or are currently doing! Ouch! If it would hurt you if your spouse was doing it, you KNOW what you’re doing without a doubt would most certainly hurt your spouse!

Think on that!

We want all marriages to thrive! God ordained your marriage. He put you two together. You committed yourself willingly “til death do us part.” Don’t take that lightly. Be intentional about your marriage! Focus on each other, and there won’t be time for any other to try to weasel their way into your lives!

***Most importantly*** Turn your eyes upon Jesus … get your heart right with God first … your spouse second, and your marriage will be successful.

All You Had To Do Was Stay

Shirley Food For Thought 0

There is a new CD out by Taylor Swift that we just purchased entitled 1989. This was a good year for me, as it was the year that I graduated from high school. I was a small town girl with big hopes and dreams going out into the cruel world. And it has been just that … cruel. My daughter is coming up on her 18th birthday, and pretty soon she, too, will be graduating from high school going out into the cruel world. The thought of it makes me sad … sad because she has grown up way too fast but also sad in that she will know too soon the sorrow and pain that come with growing up and leaving the nest. Whether it’s off to college or off to work, or a mixture of both, I know that I can no longer shelter her or protect her as I have tried so hard to do up to this point.

On Taylor’s new CD is a song called All You Had To Do Was Stay. It talks of a love gone wrong where the man said, “Goodbye.” Taylor reminds him in the lyrics of her song, “This is what you wanted …” and says repeatedly, “All you had to do was … stay.”

Why is it so hard to do just that? I’m not referring to my daughter going off to college or out into the work force – she has a bright future ahead of her, and I want her to spread her wings to fly! She has her whole life ahead of her, and I am very excited to see where her path will take her. I am speaking more of “love” … “romance” … all of that jazz. Why is it so hard for people to commit to each other in this day and age and STAY together? Why is the answer to always … leave? It also happens with friendships as well.

I have had my fair share of heartaches and pain in this life. I have had people come into my life and leave again. I have had people threaten to leave. I have had people pack their bags and head out the door. In the past, I have asked them to come back … I have even asked them not to leave when they went to attempt to leave once more after they had returned twice already. Now when the threat looms of someone abandoning me, I just simply say, “Oh … you’re leaving again …” and continue what I’m doing. Why get upset? If someone wants to leave me, LET THEM! There’s the door, sweetheart! Whether it’s my husband who has been struggling with his own demons after uncovering his secret life and addiction, or whether it’s friends that no longer wish to be around … go! There’s the door. I wish you all well on your path in life, even if I’m not a part of it.

This is me saying that I will no longer beg any one to stay in my life. Period. If you want to be a part of it, then stop doing things that strip away my sense of security, stability, and safety and that of my children. I don’t care who you are, threatening to leave or leaving is abandoning us … it is abandonment, plain and simple.

So go … once and for all … GO, if that is your wish!

Just remember … this is what you wanted … when all you had to do was … stay.

What gets me is that they, then, want to turn it around on you … YOU are now the bad guy. Why? Because you no longer crumble at the thought of them not being a part of your life. You have come to the realization that they truly don’t wish to be a part of your present or future, so you’ve accepted it and are waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Go ahead.

Lay it on me.

I’m ready.

BRING IT!

Can you deal with the consequences of your actions? You have taken a loyal and dedicated person who would have done anything for you and through your actions and the way you’ve mistreated them, they just don’t give a good gosh darn any more.

Are you proud of yourself?

Think before you speak of leaving … think before you reach for your bag and walk out the door just because you’re angry at the moment. Your anger and addictions are destroying our family.

Think before you take your friendship and go home. Especially at a time when you KNOW we need you the most.

This is not a revolving door … not to my house … not to my heart … and not to my children’s hearts either.

Stay and be a better husband, friend, whatever role you have in our lives … or leave and watch us thrive … because we will. With or without you. We will.

All Things Fall

Shirley Meditation Monday 0

As the cold winds blow through here in the South, we reflect on all things Fall.

From haunted houses to little ghosts and goblins that were wandering around neighborhoods Friday night, to hayrides, pumpkin patches and pumpkin carvings, to corn mazes and even SNOW … yep, that’s right! We had SNOW Saturday morning on the very first day of November. We could hardly believe it, but a cold front moved in on Friday night and come Saturday morning there was a mixture of rain and snow. The temperatures weren’t such where it would stick, but it was enough to get the little kiddos excited, wide eyed, and bouncing around in amazement as the pretty white stuff floated effortlessly to the ground where it quickly disappeared at our house.

Halloween 2014 Zombies, Pirates, & Elvis … oh my!

Fall is such a beautiful time of year. People flock to the mountains in our area to catch the leaves changing to soak in the array of colors that decorate the mountains and forests. It is just breathtakingly beautiful. I especially enjoy the burgundy colors of the leaves. Those are my favorites. I was able to capture the first signs of Fall on the back of my horse as we rode through the forest on a trail recently.

All Things Fall — Burgundy, my favorite of all!

It is a great feeling to just take a deep breath in and allow the coolness in the air to coat your lungs, revitalizing and energizing you, if you let it.

As the trees shed their leaves, what things in your life can you let go of? As the seasons change, do you need to make a change within your heart and your life? Now is as good of time as any.

Consider how you’ve been feeling this year. Have you felt broken and beat down like so many have? Do you feel weary and just plain physically and emotionally drained? Friend, I’m here to tell you, there’s more to life than misery! God wants you to be happy. Things happen in our lives that threaten to steal every bit of joy in our hearts and lives. I know this firsthand that if a person in your life is not happy, if they are absolutely miserable with themselves, they will try to bring you down right along with them. It is completely true that misery loves company. Hold on a little longer, a little tighter, and on your darkest days know that God is right there with you.

As the leaves begin to fall … have you thought about where the path you’re on is leading you? Will you continue doing the same things over and over again hoping for a different result? Or will you make a decision today to just stop the madness? You can make a change in your life. Ask God to come alongside of you. Better yet, ask God to take the lead.

Where will the path you're on lead you

An Open Letter To Weary Moms Everywhere

Shirley My Story 2

Dear Moms,

I know at times you grow weary with all of the diaper changes, feedings, and sleepless nights. I truly do understand. I was there, too! But, I have good news! This, too, shall pass! Moms, your work is not going unnoticed at this point in time, although it may feel like it. You are working toward a greater goal. You will get there, and one day soon you will see a light at the end of the tunnel! It only gets better and better! I promise!

I absolutely love being a mother to two beautiful girls! My oldest daughter is 17 years old, while my youngest daughter is ten years old.

God's Not Dead Girls' Movie Night

I’ve been through all of the late night feedings, blow out diaper changes, colic, and RSV (with my youngest being hospitalized with this at just two months old – very scary, I’ll have you know!).

My Girls Then

I’ve been through teething, potty training, the biting stage my oldest daughter went through when she was in daycare (yikes!), to same day surgery when my oldest daughter when she had an accident on a slide at the playground. The same day surgery I mentioned with my oldest daughter on a slide at the playground.The child who went down before her hadn’t yet gotten up, but decided to do so right as my daughter approached the end of the slide! The top of the child’s head caught my daughter’s chin as she was sliding down to the end while the other child stood up! Believe me, ladies, this is NOT a phone call you want to receive! “There was an accident, and she’s bleeding …” That is ALL I heard before I threw the phone down and raced as fast as I could to the daycare to see my daughter’s tongue laying open. Off to the Ear, Nose, & Throat Specialist we went who said they could stitch it in their office without putting my daughter under, OR I could opt to do same day surgery which would be less traumatic. Um, the latter, PLEASE!! Even that was traumatic, though, as I went into the recovery room afterwards to see my precious little girl laying there with an IV in her little arm and tongue stitched up, still groggy from the surgery yet strong willed enough to insist the IV be taken out. It couldn’t be, of course, at that point in time, but she tried everything to get us to take it out. She cried, and we cried with her…finally realizing the biggest discomfort was the piece of tape they wrapped around her arm. Who would have thought something so simple would have been such a big source of pain? I was able to remove it, and she was finally able to rest.

Oh yes, ladies, I’ve seen a lot through the years with my girls.

My girls now

When I was pregnant with my youngest, we received a phone call from the school that my oldest daughter was playing on the playground when another accident happened! Oh dear! My poor daughter was, once again, just trying to have fun when it went in the wrong direction. She was playing on the monkey bars. She was proudly making her way across when she lost her grip and crashed to the ground…but not before her little mouth hit the top of another child’s head, knocking her two front teeth out! I cringe every time I think of this day. I was very much nine months pregnant and received the phone call. We rushed to her side and found her now toothless smile greeting us as we entered the office. This little girl was THRILLED at her new look. Her parents, not so much!! Check out the picture of my darling daughter holding her new sister, both showing their little gums as they smiled for the camera a few months after. I didn’t think her permanent teeth would ever come in, but thank God it was only her baby teeth that were knocked out by the accident!

We’ve had multiple tea parties through the years with both of my girls, played dress up, and had “silly time” while dancing around to music from a ballerina pop up jewelry box (my husband included,even dancing around with a tutu…that’s just what daddies do). An all time favorite memory of mine is last August right before school started back. We intended on making the most of the last little bit of summer that we had left. My youngest daughter and I had a tea party where we dressed up in almost matching attire. Ah, but the outfit surely was not complete without our heels and crowns. We were the Queen and the Princess at the Royal Palace having tea with our pinky fingers fully extended, of course. Oh, we had a great time that day! Thankfully, my oldest daughter captured this “Kodak moment.”
Choosing things that bring us joy!

Through the years with my oldest, we’ve gone through experimenting with makeup, the right age to start shaving your legs, and painting nails over and over again (I’m pretty sure we’re professionals now!). My youngest daughter has now reached the age to where she’s inquiring as to when she, too, can shave her legs. Oh, Heaven help us! She’s practicing applying makeup, too, putting on her mascara right alongside us. I don’t let her wear it out, usually, but it is funny watching her parade around after she’s “put on her face.”

My parents, who have always been such an active and important part of my daughters’ lives, have shared in these moments with them as well. They are so incredibly close to their grandparents, and it thrills my heart completely!

Halloween 2013

We’ve been through the whole right of passage of my oldest daughter getting her permit and driver’s license. THAT is a scary experience. Imagine your daughter (or son) years from now behind the wheel for the very first time while you sit beside her (or him). I promise your foot will go through the floorboard as you try to apply the brakes FOR them. Luckily we survived, and I have to say she is a very good driver now and is responsible behind the wheel. We have a while before we have to worry about that with my youngest daughter. Thank you, God!

pray

And now…with my oldest daughter, we are looking at colleges and shopping for prom dresses! She’s a Senior and this is a very important year in her life. She graduates in May of 2015. Oh my! How can this be?! We just ordered her cap, gown, and graduation invitations as well as her Senior portraits! It’s happening … faster than I’d like it to!

My youngest daughter is in fourth grade. I am perfectly fine with that as I do NOT want my children to grow up so fast and am actually thankful that they ARE so far apart in age right now! Time is just moving way too quickly for my liking. I truly find myself asking, “Where did the time go?!”

I’ve vowed not to be too clingy with my youngest daughter as my oldest daughter seeks her independence and self-identity apart from me. That is hard, ladies. Let me just tell you … that is so very hard!

But I’m getting a second chance here to do all of these fun, and scary, things again with my youngest daughter. Yes, I get to experiment with hair and makeup with her, too! I get to watch her get all dolled up with sparkly earrings and lacy dresses, just for her to strip it all off and go straight to her jeans, cowgirl boots, tee-shirt, and hat as she goes outside to get her horse ready to ride.

horses

I get to watch her in this in-between-stage right now. She still likes to use her imagination to play, and she loves to imitate what she sees in a movie. She had a bow and arrow like the character in Brave, and now she pretends she’s in The Hunger Games. I love how she puts her heart and soul into her play, too.

And then, there is her very serious side as she’s making ten her own. She’s growing, she’s learning, she’s exploring, and she is becoming her own person with her unique personality. She makes me smile so wide and melts my heart as I watch her in action. She is also very serious when it comes to her ponies, Petunia & Trigger! She is the best little cowgirl around, too!

horses4

Right now she still wants to cuddle with me. Pretty soon she will slip into the “don’t show affection in front of my friend’s, Mom” mode. Oh Lordy, help me when that happens. But, for now, I am enjoying every single moment when she wants to come sit next to me, cuddle with me, and share a blanket with me as we snuggle in to watch a movie. It is rare that I have these moments with my 17 year old, but when I do, I still treasure them! It means the world to me to be able to spend time with my girls and to know that they actually want to spend time with ME, too!!

Teal

I am very proud of both of my girls! I will share more with you about my journey with these two Girly Girls and Tom Boys in future posts.

For now, I’ll leave you with these words:

Brace yourself, ladies! The best is yet to come! Hold on tight and enjoy the ride!

Although It’s Hard, It’s Possible

Jackie Food For Thought, Inspiration 0

It’s true when they say you never know what you’ve got til it’s gone. I know that from experience. I recently lost my best friend Daisy because her and her family moved back to their home of Paraguay, and this is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. We’ve been friends for seven years. She knows me better than most people do, and she’s the one I always turn to when I need someone to talk to.

My heart was crushed when she told me she was moving back, but I’m not going to talk about the sad times. Instead, I’m going to talk about how happy she made me.

Each time we’d go out to dinner, we’d always get lost in a fit of seemingly uncontrollable laughter. She was the first person I’d ever play my new songs for, and that’s because I valued her opinion so greatly. Daisy is the type of person you never get sick of talking to. She’s such a selfless person who seems to never be able to put herself before others, and I’ve experienced that for myself.

Daisy was, and still is, the first person I go to for advice on boys, or style, or whenever I’m feeling alone. She never fails to say what I need to hear. Sure long distance relationships of any kind are hard, but they’re do-able. I know that she and I have a strong enough bond to stay friends even though there’s hundreds of thousands of miles between us.

When The Path Leads You Home

Shirley 31 Day Challenge, When Couples Walk Together 0

When the path leads you home, after all of these years together and you have lived with your spouse “til death do us part …” what legacy will you leave behind?

This is a sad chapter for me to write on. It is sad because this is the last chapter and last day in this series, but it is so much more than that. It goes deeper in that this chapter talks of when you get to the end of your life and you go on home to be with the Lord. It is sad for me to think of leaving my children behind. It is sad to think of me leaving my spouse or having my spouse leave me to go on home. It is sad as I sit and write this thinking of my parents who have been together close to 50 years and how they have shared everything together all of this time. One day they will be forced to walk alone in life unless the Lord calls them both home at the same time.

I think of my grandmother who lost her husband and how lonely she was when she was forced to face life alone without him after he passed away. She lived on several years after his passing, 12 years to be exact, but she loved him and missed him so. She was so incredibly lonely. While their marriage was not perfect and while they had their share of strife, they found a way to work it out and stay together. They were best friends, and they did everything together. They enjoyed retirement years together, and then one day, he fell ill all of a sudden and was rushed to the hospital by ambulance where it was later discovered by the hospital staff that he had an aneurysm. They operated, but he developed more bleeds in the brain. There wasn’t anything more the staff could do, and pretty soon a decision had to be made as to whether to discontinue the life support. This was a decision that my grandma did not want to make, and so she called in her three children for them to make the decision together. My dad did not want any part in this, and so he allowed my grandma and his brother and sister to make this decision while he prayed for a miracle. Sadly, my granddaddy passed away a short time after they took him off of life support. Through all of this, though, my grandmother did not leave my grandfather’s side. She said she had been with him all of these years, she was not going to leave him now. And so she stayed as long as she possibly could … until she was forced to leave the cold hospital room … without her life companion.

When we are fighting and fussing with each other, do we stop to think that all of our days are numbered? None of us know if we will see tomorrow. We don’t know if we’ll be one of the lucky ones that live well into our 80s like my grandmother did, or if we’ll be called home at an early age. We hope we have a long life ahead of us and that God will allow us to be here to see our children grow up, graduate, go to college, get married, and start a family of their own. We pray that God will allow us more time to be with our families, our children, our grandchildren, and to one day hopefully see our great grandchildren. But, none of us are promised the gift of another day.

Lay your foundation early on in your marriage. Commit yourselves to each other and to making it work! Giving up is not an option. Staying together no matter what comes your way should be your top priority. Love like Jesus – for we love because He first loved us!

Leave a beautiful legacy behind for your children to talk about long after you’re gone. Give them something to boast about with their children as they talk of how they witnessed the love you two shared and how you two did special things for each other. Let them be a witness to you walking hand in hand and heart to heart into your golden years together as best friends, partners in life, and life long companions. Let them be a witness to your living happily ever after.

If you have been on the fence during this 31 day series and not sure what direction you should take with your marriage, we hope that this series has been an encouragement to you to keep fighting the good fight. Hold on a little longer, a little tighter, and pray for your spouse and your marriage. Pray together, and ask God to help you in your marriage. When things look bleak, remember … all things are possible with God!

What are some things that you have held inside of your heart all of this time and just haven’t spoken to your spouse? What are some things that you’ve had on your heart that you really need to say? Won’t you take the time today to let your spouse hear those words not only from your lips but from your heart? Share them today while you still have the chance. Write it all down if you are better with the written word than speaking them verbally, but it is important that you say what you need to say now while you still have the chance!

We hope you have been encouraged through this 31 day series. It has helped me, personally, and I feel it has helped my marriage. This series came at just the right time when we were struggling. I can see God’s hand in this and how He is working miracles in my marriage. He can do this with yours as well, if you only allow Him to.

Thank you so much for joining us! May God be with you all and help strengthen your marriage and draw you closer to each other as you walk together with Him.

For all posts in this 31 day series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

When The Path Looks Impossible

Shirley 31 Day Challenge, When Couples Walk Together 10

When troubles seem to be all around you, when the path looks impossible in your marriage … call on Jesus. All things are possible with Him!

Jesus replied, “What is impossible with men is possible with God.”

Luke 18:27

Nothing is sadder than when a couple decides to throw in the towel. When you have years invested in this marriage, yet the troubles seem to be too much … the “d” word is uttered, and there seems to be no turning back now. But, there can be! Divorce does not solve the problem. Instead, if there are children involved, it further complicates matters. Children are forced to live with continued chaos in their lives by being shuffled around from home to home for visitation. It is especially hard on children and parents that have such a deep bond together to be apart for any length of time, especially if the children are young at the time the parents call it quits.

It is so sad to me to hear of couples that are giving up the good fight. Yes, life is hard. Yes, marriage can be extremely difficult at times because you are two completely different human beings with different personalities, different unique qualities and you’re living under one roof trying to make this thing work. And it can … but it requires work on both parts! One simply cannot carry the weight of the marriage, it takes two people working together to be the best that they can be for each other. Marriage is worth it! Your children are worth it! You CAN live happily ever after!

Divorce does not solve anything. If there are issues that have come up in your marriage, if there are things from the past that are haunting you … divorce will not make all of these things go away. If you give up, nothing will be resolved. If you have pain from things in your past, running from them and divorcing your spouse will not solve it because you will not have dealt with those things that pain you greatly. Instead, you will carry these unresolved issues into your next relationship. It won’t be any better!

I have actually talked couples out of divorcing before. I have had several couples that have come to me with trouble in their marriage looking for someone to give them permission to let go of their spouse. What they get from me, instead, is to cling tighter to your spouse and to your marriage! It is worth saving! If there is any way possible, make it work! If there are children involved, especially … you and your children deserve the “happily ever after.” It doesn’t just have to be for fairy tales that you read or movies that you watch. You can have your very own happily ever after! My husband and I have seen some rough times in our marriage, but we are still holding on tighter than ever. Neither of us wants to lose the other. We do not want to give up on our family, and so we cling to each other and uphold our marriage vows. When things seem impossible for us, we know that all things are possible with God! He is our strength when we are weak. He fights for us.. He shields and protects, and He gives us the will to continue on.

With God ALL things are possible … ALL things … even the chance to live happily ever after with your spouse.

Join us tomorrow for the final day in this series … When The Path Leads You Home.

For all posts in this series thus far, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

When Troubles Loom Large

Shirley 31 Day Challenge, When Couples Walk Together 0

The enemy would like nothing more than to destroy your marriage. Do you realize that he waits in the wings to steal, kill, and destroy? He would like nothing more than to throw his wicked head back and laugh with his forked tongue wagging as you and your spouse spiral downhill faster than the speed of light.

When troubles loom large, know that our God is bigger than any attack from the devil.

He IS! Our God is greater than any trouble the devil can throw your way. As mean, ugly, and scary as he is, our God is bigger, stronger, and has more power! When you and your spouse get into trouble in your marriage, ask God to step in and fight for you. You do not have to fight this battle alone. God is right there ready, willing, and able to step in – all you have to do is ask Him to do so.

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

Psalm 9:9

The LORD is my light and my salvation — whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life — of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 27:1

There will be wolves in sheep’s clothing. There will be those slicked tongued individuals that will slide into your life and wreak havoc in your marriage. They will try everything to weasel in between you and your spouse. Do not allow this to happen.

Do you know why your marriage is under attack? Because nothing comes closer to God’s love for the church than the love spouses are to have for each other. Your marriage has been ordained by God above!

In times of trouble, put on the full armor of God. Ephesians 6:10-17 speaks volumes on how to do just that. As Cindi and Hugh put it in their book:

We are to put on the belt of truth, the breast plate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit — all that we might stand firm.

Stand and fight for your marriages, ladies and gentlemen. Do NOT let the enemy win here. Guard your hearts, your minds, your body and soul against the devil and the attacks that he launches at you. He will try to make you doubt that your spouse loves you. He will try to make you unsure of where you stand with them. He will put all kinds of thoughts into your head of things that are NOT true, yet he will be so convincing and before you know it, you will be in a fit of rage believing all of the lies that he has told you. Do not give into temptation. Just when you are trying to be strong, he will put a person before you that will tempt you and try you. Do not allow your lustful nature to take over. Do not sin against yourself, your God, or your spouse! Do what is right and do not give in to temptation or sin. Do not give into lust. Uphold your marriage vows!

Knock that little man with the pitchfork off of your shoulder. You know the one … he whispers destruction in your ear. He is the father of lies, deceit and betrayal. Do NOT fall for any of this. Do not allow yourself to be lured into believing the lies and focusing on the negatives that he forces into your mind all hours of the day and night. Do not give into temptation! Instead, do as the scriptures tell us and focus on those things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.

Protect your marriages. Honor your spouse and uphold your marriage vows. When times get tough, God can and will fight for you. Welcome Him into your marriages, allow Him to protect and shelter as only He can. Your marriage is worth fighting for, and God is just the one to do it. He can and will defeat the enemy.

Join us tomorrow for … When The Path Looks Impossible.

For all posts in this series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

Having A Mission

Shirley 31 Day Challenge, When Couples Walk Together 0

Have you considered having a mission in your marriage? What do people think of when you and your spouse come to mind? How is your marriage impacting the lives of others around you?

We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10

It is true that you may be the only Jesus that some people see in their lives. There may be lost souls that do not know Jesus and have never been told how they can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You and your spouse can tell them. Your actions can speak volumes in motivating others to want what you have and ask how to obtain it … and it’s simple really. They can see how Jesus is working in your lives, your hearts, and your marriage and want that same thing for themselves!

There are those around you that are watching you and your spouse. From friends, family members, your very own children, and people in public … your actions are being watched even if you don’t think so at that moment in time. People pick up on how you and your spouse are toward each other. They watch how you interact together, and even when you aren’t speaking with words, your body language speaks volumes.

Maybe your mission is to model how a marriage should be. Maybe you will be a role model for a young couple that sees the love between you and your spouse and wonder how you keep the fires burning after all of these years together. You just might be their inspiration to hold on a little tighter and to try a little harder in their own marriages. You truly never know the impact you can have on someone else’s life, but I can guarantee you that God brought you and your spouse together for a very special reason with having a mission in mind.

Perhaps you and your spouse are on a mission to feed the homeless or to adopt the orphaned. Maybe you and your spouse are on a mission to help women who have been abused or who are struggling to find their sense of self worth after years of being beat down. Or perhaps you are supposed to open your home to teenagers so they will have an alternative place to go besides partying, drinking, and experimenting with drugs and sexual activity. I know for us, we welcome my daughter’s teenage friends and purposely have an open door policy for them to feel free to come over to hang out so they’ll have a home away from home. We want them to know that they are always welcome here. This can be their safe haven and a place to come when everyone else is “partying.” If they don’t want to give in to peer pressure, they have other options and can remove themselves from that situation and come to our house instead.

One of the bible verses that I cling to is:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

Believe this because it is true! God had a very special mission in mind when He brought you and your spouse together.

Join us tomorrow for … When Troubles Loom Large.

For all posts in this series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

Remodeling the “Temple”

Shirley 31 Day Challenge, When Couples Walk Together 0

You probably knew this one was coming, didn’t you? With getting our relationships in shape and our spiritual walk with God, have you given any thought to remodeling the “temple?” Your body is the temple of God. We have to take care of it!

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

When you asked your spouse out on your very first date, how did you look? Did you labor over your appearance before picking her up? I bet you did! I can imagine you showering, shaving, and possibly getting your hair cut, or at the very least brushing it so that not a single hair was out of place. I imagine that you picked out your finest attire, polished your shoes, and sprayed your best smelling cologne on. You wanted to do everything within your power so that she would notice you. The same goes for your mate. I know that I made sure I looked irresistible prior to him arriving at my door.

As time goes by in relationships and marriages, we don’t take as good of care of ourselves as we once did. As we age, we find unwanted pounds gather around our waistlines. We have to work harder at resisting the temptation of sweets. We have to discipline ourselves in what we eat and drink. A basket of fries is not our friend, ladies. Can I get an Amen on that one? We have to lay off of the fast food and eat healthier foods. Likewise, men can’t guzzle the beer either or else they’ll have a nice beer gut!

We truly do have to take care of ourselves.

My husband and I have exercised together in the past. My children like to get in on this as well, especially when I throw in a Gilad workout video. Gilad will kick your butt with his moves! He used to be on Fit TV on satellite, and I recorded so many of his shows to have to work out to later. Then we went to working out with Leslie Sansone doing Walk Away The Pounds in our living room. This is something low impact that we can do together as a family. My husband and children join in, and we laugh and do the moves together. Now, though, we get exercise by walking our horses around the yard. That sounds odd, I know, but now that we are losing daylight as the days are shorter here in the mist of Fall, my daughters will still want to ride their horses. If they aren’t comfortable riding alone, we will put a lead rope on them and walk in front of the horses while our daughters are on the horse. They get to enjoy the ride and feel of the horse while we enjoy getting a little bit of exercise as we walk together around our property leading the horses. It makes a difference just doing this little bit of exercise together in the evening.

What are ways that you can incorporate exercise or eating better into your lives? Ask your spouse to join you on this part of the journey, whether you’re trying to eat healthier or if you’re looking to begin an exercise routine, why not do it together? It will make a difference, and you’re more likely to stick with it if you do it together! You have an accountability partner right their in your spouse! It can work. Give it some thought and then put it into action!

Join us tomorrow for … Having A Mission.

For all posts in this series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

Pursuing Personal Growth

Shirley 31 Day Challenge, When Couples Walk Together 0

It’s important to grow together spiritually, but one simply cannot rush their spouse or try to make them into something that they aren’t. Each person has to be pursuing personal growth themselves at their own pace. My walk will not look like my husband’s walk, and that is okay. If we are both seeking to grow spiritually as individuals, we will end up meeting and coming alongside each other on our journey toward personal growth and a spiritual relationship with God.

We have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may … please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.

Colossians 1:9-10 NASB

My husband has just recently told me that he feels he needs to read the bible more. He feels this very strongly and is beginning to go deeper with his relationship with God. Up to this point, we have read, studied, and even prayed separately, with the exception of blessing the meal before we eat as a family. Not wishing to intrude, I have just presented that if he would like, we can start reading the bible together as well as praying together. He hesitated initially, but then he seemed to like the idea. So, we are going to begin tonight in doing just that.

In the past, we have each been involved in small groups at church. He was in a men’s small group while I was in a women’s small group. We met once a week, and it seemed to be what we needed at that season in our lives. At another point, though, when we first started going to this one church in particular, we went together to a couple’s small group. We have enjoyed both aspects involved in these small groups that we were a part of.

We have also gone out with other couples to enjoy each other’s company, but you have to be careful here. The reason I say that is because if you and this other couple are not on the same page spiritually, one could cause the other to stumble along the way. It is true in that it matters who you associate with because while you could help bring someone up, they have the potential to bring you down, too. That is something that you do not need individually or as a couple. Guard your hearts, minds, and your marriages!

Another way that we have grown together as well as individually is by reading books. My husband and I are big into “self help” type books. We enjoy reading relationship books, thus the reason we chose this particular book to write as our #write31days series for the month of October. But, we also enjoy reading books to help each of us on our personal journey toward greatness! We strive to improve and continue growing.

What are some ways that you can grow together and as individuals?

Join us tomorrow for … Remodeling the “Temple.”

For all posts in this series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

Respecting Each Other’s Uniqueness

Shirley 31 Day Challenge, When Couples Walk Together 0

It’s wonderful when a married couple are similar in their ways. However, it can be quite difficult when your differences come out. Yet, respecting each other’s uniqueness is what is required for a happy marriage.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

My husband and I are a lot alike in a lot of ways. We do have some very different qualities that make us who we are as unique individuals as well. Together, we feel that we complement each other nicely.

I am the accountant of the family, and I believe in saving! My husband, on the other hand, cannot be let loose with the debit card! He jokingly says that if there is money to be spent, he’s going to spend it! That is why I guard that debit card and keep it in my possession! I am not being controlling by doing that. Instead, I am being realistic. I know that he isn’t going to be as good with money as I am, and so the card stays with me. In this way, though, we realize his weakness with spending money and my strong point in saving it! We balance each other out nicely. I’d hate to think of what it would look like if we both were burning up that debit card, so it’s a good thing that we’re different in this unique way.

There are other ways that we are different that doesn’t cause us problems but instead enhances our relationship. But, when both of us are in the same “take charge” mode, we can have problems. If we are both Type A personalities, we will lock horns at some point or another. Thankfully, we aren’t always like this. We do have our moments, though, where we are both extremely strong willed individuals that want what we want right when we want it. That can spell … conflict … if we aren’t careful. It is at times like these that one has to give a little more than the other to make it work, or one has to be a little bit more patient and forgiving than the other for us not to rub each other the wrong way. It can be a balancing act at times. You truly have to work together with the big goal in mind, and that is of living happily ever after and making the marriage work!

Two are better than one … just as it says in the bible:

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

How can you start appreciating, respecting, and celebrating your uniqueness in your marriage?

Next up … Pursuing Personal Growth.

For all posts in this series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

«‹ 49 50 51 52 ›»

Light, Love, Hope

Light in the Darkness Surrounded by Love with Hope for those in need.