Light, Love, Hope

When You Are Too Nice

I never thought it was possible to be “too nice” … until now.

I’m the girl that gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. I try to find the good in every body, and I give chance after chance after chance for a person to do the right thing and show me respect in return. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for someone to be nice to me just as I am nice to them, but the thing I’m learning is that not everyone plays by these rules. Instead, they seem to prey on nice people. When you are “too nice,” people view this as a weakness instead of one of the greatest strengths! It seems that the nicer you are, the more people want to take advantage of you.

I have been in numerous situations throughout my life where I give so much of myself, and instead of appreciating me, they use my niceness against me. They begin to push me to give more of myself and more to them. Pretty soon, they are trying to push me around. I am at fault because I allow it to a certain degree before I’ll finally get enough and put a stop to it.

I’ve worked with employers and supervisors that started out fine, but they soon realized that the more they asked of me, the more I’d willingly give. Then, instead of appreciating that I was a hard worker, they put more pressure on me and started asking things of me that they were not asking of other employees. I knew I was being paid to do a job, but resentment started building when I was carrying the workload of three people while slackers in the office bragged about how lazy they were to anyone that would listen. It seemed that the more efficient I was, the more work they threw at me. I didn’t get a “thank you” for a job well done, all I received was more work piled on me while the slackers continued to do what they do best; slack off. I worked there for many years, and finally I left because I was clearly being taken advantage of. You know what’s funny? When I left, they hired two more people to do the job that I was doing, so I was not exaggerating when I said I was doing the work of three people.

Recently, I had a situation where I was paying someone for a service. It started out great, but as time went by, this person started disrespecting me in the way that they would speak to me. It wasn’t the same type of situation as above, as I was not piling any work on them. They were willingly doing this service for my family, and they set their own schedule and their own price. I was as easy going as I could be, but apparently, I was “too nice” to the point that they thought they could disrespect me, talk down to me, etc. because that is what they started doing. It wasn’t a one time thing, either. It was something that happened every single time we had any interaction, whether it was in person or through text messages or private messages. It seemed that this person really thought they were the authority figure on everything (also known as a “know it all”). They came across in such a way that they really were talking down to me every chance they got. It is hard for me to understand why someone would do that to another. I could see if I went up against this person constantly, but I did not. If this person said they needed for us to get supplies, we went right away to get them. If the person said it would be best to do it this way, we did it that way. We were as cooperative as we could possibly be and listened to them as they were the expert in this field, and we, merely beginners. However, just because we were beginners did not mean that we did not deserve respect. We did, and we do. I felt this person lacked respect for me, though, and it was obvious in the way that they spoke to me as they did not speak to my husband this way. He was not able to be present for all of our exchanges, though, and so the disrespect continued to increase because they knew they were primarily dealing with me.

When this first started happening, I tried to reason it away in my mind. Maybe this person didn’t realize how they were coming across, or maybe they didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Then it happened again. Each time it happened, though, it was more obvious to me that they did intend every bit of the way it came across and how it sounded. They intended to let me know that they were the authority and they were in charge. The thing is, I was paying them, and the services were at my house. So, this person was on MY property disrespecting ME, and I was paying them to do so!

Yea, that did NOT sit well with me at all.

I thought things would get better if we just stopped texting and sending private messages, as you cannot tell a person’s true tone with words on a computer screen although they seemed argumentative in every single one of their messages to me. However, it was not any better when I’d speak to them in person.

This is where I struggle because we’re taught as Christians to turn the other cheek. We’re taught to rise above and treat people the way we would want to be treated. We’re taught to forgive, but in doing so, are you to continue to put yourself in the line of fire? Here is the problem I am having. If someone continues to do this to you, if every interaction with them is laced with disrespect toward you, or if someone is bullying you, are you to continue to accept this treatment? I do not think that God intends for us to continue in the line of fire all because we’re Christians and ultimately, “too nice” to the point that people take advantage of us. Yes, I can turn the other cheek … but exactly how many times must I turn it for them to slap the other cheek after they’ve already reddened this one? Yes, I can rise above the situation and treat the person as I’d want to be treated, but because I’m “too nice” again they view it as me being a push over because they continue to mistreat me and yet here I am not only allowing it but making it easier for them to show me more disrespect because I haven’t stood up to them! Instead, I’m almost enabling them by allowing the mistreatment by being super nice to them when that is actually the way I’d like to be treated by them … but it will never happen! And Yes, I can forgive, but again, forgiving does not mean that I have to allow this behavior to continue! Even as Christians, we have the right to be respected and to be treated with respect!

I’ve had people tell me that I lack boundaries, and that is why this type of thing occurs. No, I don’t think that is the problem because I can put boundaries in place with people and often do when they continue to treat me this way. I will either quit the job and move on to a much better place of employment where they treat me better and value me as an employee in an environment that is stress-free (thank God for that), or I will dismiss the person that was performing a service for me if I’m paying them well and doing everything they ask of me and yet they disrespect me and continue to treat me in this fashion. I can put boundaries in place, but my point in this is that if people would just respect you and show that respect, those boundaries would not be needed in the first place. Why, then, is it so hard for people to show respect to each other? It truly isn’t that hard to do. I understand that respect has to be earned. But, I have done nothing for the person to disrespect me. I have paid on time for their services, often tipping them as well. So, it’s not as if they aren’t getting paid and paid well, too, I might add. It isn’t that I’m working them too hard or expecting too much of them either, as they set their own time, hours, and duties pretty much. I don’t stand over them or ask more of them than is expected either.

Often times it seems as if people view “nice” people as weak individuals. Why is niceness perceived as a weakness? It is one of the biggest strengths a person has, and honestly the world would be a better place if we HAD more nice people around! It would be wonderful, though, if others would not take advantage of a nice person.

If any readers out there have advice on how to be nice and yet not be taken advantage of, or how to remain nice and not be talked down to, I’d love to hear your thoughts. I’ve had people tell me to my face that I’m “too nice” and so, I read a book on the topic as well. It was more along the lines of learning to say “no” to people … that’s not my problem, though. I can say no. I read another book for Christians, but this one was more for setting boundaries and how it was okay for Christians to do so. However, boundaries aren’t the issue as I can set boundaries. The problem is when people view my niceness as a weakness, and I’m not sure what I’m doing to come across in this way to others.

I still say that if people would just have respect for others, there wouldn’t be an issue of the “nice” person asking where they went wrong for someone to mistreat them, talk down to them, etc. The nice person would not walk away feeling taken advantage of or as if they had little value in this world. They would not feel highly disrespected, either!

Respect … it’s not so hard to give to another! Yes, even to a person that is “too nice.”

The Art of Forgiveness

Shirley Food For Thought, God Is Close To The Broken Hearted 2

Yes … you read the title correctly. I decided to call it The Art of Forgiveness because it truly is an art. It’s not something you can haphazardly go after. It is something that takes time, determination, precision, and something that you continually have to work at … just like a piece of art. If you were a painter or a sculptor, you would not give up so easily with the wrong stroke of your paintbrush, nor would you destroy your creation by an error made during the process.

Let’s explore a little more in this regard, shall we?

Since I enjoy painting, I will imagine you sitting in an art class with your white, crisp canvas before you with all of the pretty colors on your palette. Oh, they are mixed just beautifully, darling. There are soft colors and vibrant ones waiting to leap onto your canvas to create your best masterpiece yet.

You lean forward as you carefully place the tip of the paintbrush onto the canvas in a sweeping motion. Within minutes, it comes to life with a beautiful scene taking shape right before your very eyes.

Now, some can freehand the image while others have to draw it onto the canvas beforehand to get it “just right.” Regardless, you sit with superb posture, leaning in then back again as you take in the sight before you. You hold your mouth in a way that shouts determination. You wrinkle your forehead slightly as you lean in once more. Then all of a sudden your paintbrush slips and paint splatters where you certainly did not intend for it to go. Oh no! Your masterpiece is surely ruined.

Or is it?

In frustration you stop and draw in the longest breath of your life. You hold it for a moment and then slowly release it as you contemplate how in the world you will ever fix this mess. You sit back slowly in your chair looking at the painting. When once you had such high hopes, now all you can see is the destructive mark made by the paintbrush when it slipped from your hand.

You have a variety of feelings coursing through you at this point. Frustration and anger mount as you fuss at yourself in your head for making that mistake. Oh, why did you have to be so careless, you scold … why couldn’t I have paid more attention? Why didn’t I try harder?

You glance at your neighbor’s painting to see them smiling as they delight in their piece, and yet, here you sit.

Then, you gather your composure and try to figure out how to make something beautiful out of this … Surely everyone will be able to look at this and see the error I made so why do I even bother? you ask yourself. And without blinking, the thoughts Because it’s my passion and it’s worth it in the end! rush in.

And so you pick up that paintbrush and begin again. You forgive yourself for the mistake you made, for the accident that happened, for something that was beyond your control at that moment in time … and you work hard at correcting it on your canvas. Where once you imagined a hammock, now you think of a way to fix the paint splatters and so you work toward placing a beautiful flowing tree blowing in the wind near the banks of the water … all of this slowly begins to take shape now on your canvas as you correct, as you forgive the mistake you made and make something beautiful out of it after all.

If you get in a place where you simply cannot imagine how you’ll fix THAT part of the painting, you can always call in the art teacher for surely they know the answer when you tried desperately to fix this on your own.

And you create your masterpiece after all.

How in the world does this tie in with the art of forgiveness? Well, my friend, I’m glad you asked.

We are only human, and in this life we are going to mess up. We are going to make mistakes. There will be people along the way that will hurt us, and we will hurt others, too, but certainly not on purpose. Things will happen that will injury us and will pierce the hearts of those we love dearly. We would never inflict pain upon a person intentionally, but in all of our humanness, it happens.

Just like you would not destroy the painting or punch a hole through the canvas just because you made a mistake, you most certainly wouldn’t end a friendship or a relationship when a person has wronged you. At the first sight of trouble, you wouldn’t pack up and leave the relationship, just as you wouldn’t trash the painting for a few splatters of paint. No, instead, you would try to salvage it. You would give it your all in trying to mend the relationship. If you’ve hurt someone, you would go to them and ask for forgiveness and hope that some day it would be granted to you … just as you would hope that someone that offends you or hurts you greatly would come to you and apologize asking for your forgiveness as well. You would take responsibility for you actions, even if that meant stopping to take a good, hard look at yourself in the mirror to see the error of your ways.

You might even wring your hands or run your fingers through your hair in desperation as you cry out …

And just like the teacher that stepped in when you had done all that you could possibly do, our God will do the same if we only ask Him. For some reason, the one that holds all of the answers seems to be the very last person that we turn to when we’re in trouble. We worry over situations and agonize over things for days. When we’ve tried everything humanly possible, then and only then do we go to the great Almighty … when we can do no more to fix the situation, we turn it over to Him. He will fix it all for us, if we only ask. Some times it might not be in the way that we would like, but it is His will and what He knows is best for His children.

Forgiveness takes a lot of soul searching, and you do grieve and hurt when someone wrongs you. When you are offended or injured by someone’s words or actions, it takes a lot to finally say okay … I’ve reached a place where I feel forgiveness is possible. You can look yourself in the mirror now and say I forgive you as you ease up on yourself for the mess you’ve made in this life. You turn to your family or friend, your spouse or your co-worker and say I’m sorry … please forgive me and you mean it with your whole heart. You own it, and you take responsibility for your actions. You no longer make excuses for now you’re striving to mend broken hearts. You pray over the people and you pray over the situation. You cry until you feel as if you cannot cry any more, and then you turn it over to God. He picks you up and holds you in His loving arms as He comforts as only He can …

And then, something magical happens.

Slowly, things feel better. Maybe just a little at first, but the hurt isn’t as intense any more. As more time passes, you can touch that part of you and it doesn’t send you wailing to the ground in a heap. You no longer tremble with fear of what has happened. You begin to forgive yourself for the part you played in the situation, and you begin to forgive the other person.

It takes time … but hearts can be mended. Forgiveness can be sought and granted. Lives that once felt shattered can be put back together.

Do you have someone in your life right now that you know you’ve offended and would like to make things right with? Think on this and consider reaching out to them. Think of your part and examine yourself. Pray about it and ask God to help mend broken hearts and put you two back together, if at all possible. Then look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and forgive yourself. Now reach out to this person and also ask for forgiveness. Humble yourself before them whether it’s in an email or a hand written letter … but preferably in person, if possible, where it will have the most impact. Pour your heart out to them and see what happens. Know going into this that you cannot control another person … you can only control yourself. Be willing to accept that they may not be in the same place as you are right now, and so forgiveness may not be as easy for them as it seems to be for you at this moment in time. Realize that you may have to offer your sincerest apologizes and feel the person still harden their hearts as you turn to walk away … but know that you’ve done your part. They will think back on the situation, and they will think of your apology in the days to come. You will make an impact in their life.

If someone comes to you in this same way, if you don’t feel ready just yet to let go of the offense, then you have that right to carry it with you. But, ask yourself how it is helping you or the situation to hold on tight to this? Wouldn’t you feel better if you forgave the person? Wouldn’t it make life easier if you vowed to begin again with them? I’m not saying to wipe the slate clean and pretend nothing ever happened or forget and go blindly back into the same situation. No, but what I am asking you to do is to pray about the situation and consider the times you have messed up and have sought forgiveness. You would want the person to forgive you and offer you another chance. Or, even if you two didn’t remain the best of friends or continue on in the relationship, wouldn’t it help to know that you two forgave each other and could go on peacefully in the world after having that forgiveness granted?

Prayerfully consider the art of forgiveness and see how it improves your life. Holding on to bitterness, resentment, and anger does nothing to hurt or injure that person … but it hurts you in the end. It imprisons you. Release yourself from this prison and consider the art of forgiveness today … extend it to anyone who may have offended or hurt you in the past, even if that person was yourself. If you’re holding on to regrets, consider forgiving yourself today.

The Art of Forgiveness

Stand Or Sit?

Gregory Thompson Food For Thought 5

What do you do when you know something is wrong? What do you do when you see or witness something that you know in your heart just should not be ? What in creation can we do? What does God expect of us when we see something happening or about to happen and we have the power to stop it? Do we stand by silent, or do we stand and voice ourselves? Do we stop what we know to be wrong, or do we sit silently and as the years go by yearn for what might have, could have, should have been or what we might, could, and should have done? Do we stand and fight for what is right, or do we sit out of fear of losing that which we hold most dear? Do we get involved and stop what we know to be wrong, or do we sit and spend year after year having regrets for not taking action?

I try to live my life without regret. I try (the key word in that statement is try), I try very hard to do what I would consider “the right thing.” I do have one regret, and that is what spawned this posting. The time when I could have stood up, had my voice be heard, stopped something I knew down to my toes was wrong … I didn’t. Instead, I was a coward, and I stayed put, not muttering a word. Yes, I said coward. That is what I was – plain and simple, a coward.

I have faced my own mortality on more then one occasion, looked death in the face and said, “Let’s dance, you and I.” I have stood up to prominent physicians, at the risk of not only my job but reputation. Why this one time … this ONE time in my life when I could have stopped something that i knew was wrong on every level … why did I sit on my hands and let the universe go out of balance?

My ancestors called out to me and urged me to have the courage to do what my heart told me was the right thing, regardless of the potential personal loss. To this day, it is my one regret. It was a mistake I feel everyday of my life.

I look back with tear filled eyes, saying, “If only” … if only I had the courage … if only I had the strength … this one time!

There are times in our lives that we have to make a choice. The right thing may bring personal hardship, loss and emotional pain. The easy road is just that, the easy way out. But is the lingering pain of regret worse? For me, it is.

The saying around now-a-days is “YOLO” meaning You Only Live Once. A very wise and caring person once wrote to me and said, “We are not guaranteed another day.” Life is short. You shouldn’t spend it with regret or plural … regrets. Live it to the fullest, let yourself be loved by those who have it to give to you. Discard those who would use you or take you for granted.

If only you have the strength, if only.

When that time comes in life when a choice is to be made, what will you do? Will you look down the easy path, or will you draw your sword and charge down that path of hardship because your heart says, “That’s the way to go!”?

If I could go back in time and correct a mistake I made, I would do so without hesitation. Ah, but alas, we cannot go back, only forward.

Learn from yesterday, plan for tomorrow, and live for today.

I live with my regret and touch it daily. I pay for it with tears and a shattered heart. If I have learned anything from my yesterday, I will not be sitting down anymore. No, not any more. I have my feet firmly planted in the ground. I don’t know what the path in front of me will bring. I only know that I haven’t fought this hard to be IN this life to stay sitting any longer. So I say, “Look out world, the wolf is off the chain.”

I may have regrets but realize there is nothing I can do about the past. However, please know that I am not letting it govern me. I am proud of all of my scars. They prove that I have fought and fought hard, which is something that I will continue to do.

So, to life I say, “Bring it! I’m up off the ground and will never go down again!”

And so to the question, “Stand or sit?” I now say to life’s challenges, “Let’s dance … you and I.”

The right way is not always the popular and easy way. Standing for right when it is unpopular is a true test of moral character– Margaret Chase Smith

Bloom

Shirley Five Minute Fridays 12

We’re gearing up for Friday, y’all! Write your little hearts out for five whole minutes without worrying about getting it “just right.” Don’t worry about perfection. Just let those fingers fly!

Ready?

Set?

GO!

There is a saying that goes a little something like this, “Bloom where you are planted.” What, exactly, does that mean? Let’s explore, shall we?

Thinking back, I was uncomfortable in my own skin for way too long. Circumstances and things of the past influenced my overwhelming feelings of low self esteem. I was lacking self confidence, and I was full of insecurities.

I’ve known about Jesus from a very early age, and I had asked him into my heart and life early on as well. It wasn’t until I was much older in my adult walk that I came to really realize and appreciate what having this relationship with Jesus was about and what it truly meant to be a Child of The King!

For so long I sought other people’s approval. I wanted to “fit in” when the truth of the matter is that I was not like everyone else. I think that added to my insecurities in my younger days; however, I’ve come to appreciate the fact that I am different as I’ve grown older and wiser (or so I’d like to think). Now I don’t concern myself with fitting in or agonize as to whether people will like me. I don’t try to be just like them because I recognize our differences and respect them, knowing full well that God made each of us in our own unique fashion because each of us brings something valuable to the table. No, we may not be like Suzie Q, but that’s okay because God wants us to be exactly who WE are and who He created us to be. He wants us to recognize the beautiful people that we are, how He made us with His very hands, taking His time to form every detail of our being. He smiled looking at his beautiful creation, why then do we stare almost in hatred at ourselves when we look in the mirror?

Bloom where you are planted … to me, that means to appreciate where you are today. You may have faced many trials and tribulations along the way. You may have had situations arise in your life that threatened your sanity, your well being. But know this. God can take the most horrible situation and turn it into something good to be used for His honor and His glory. Bloom where you are planted … watch the tiny little rose bud (that’s you in your younger days wrapped tightly in the bud with insecurities and lacking confidence) slowly begin to open up (that’s you as you’ve grown and matured in life) and transform itself into this bright, vibrantly colored rose displaying all of its wonder and grace (that’s you now, sweet one … we all recognize it but you!). Bloom dear one, as God intended you to be. Recognize your beauty in the present day, appreciate your transformation and know that God has great plans for you … bloom, darlings. Bloom …

STOP!

1Flowers

Be Thoughtful

Gregory Johnson Food For Thought, We Care Wednesdays 0

Do you practice being thoughtful of others? Merriam-Webster defines thoughtful in three ways. The one I want to talk about today is this; “showing concern for the needs of feelings of other people” or their full definition: “given to or chosen or made with heedful anticipation of the needs and wants of others <a kind and thoughtful friend>.”

In today’s world it is so very easy to get wrapped up in our own lives that we can lose sight of what is going on with those family and friends that are an important part of our life. There is a wonderful book that I am re-reading to gain some more insight as to how I can be a better person towards others; Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” There is a singular concept that is talked about throughout the book that really hits home with me; we all need to feel important. This doesn’t mean we all have to have a big ego, it just means we all need to know that someone thinks of us and cares about us. I try very hard to live my life within this philosophy and to treat people with kindness, compassion and respect for their feelings.

Being thoughtful towards others is not difficult. It could be just remembering a special day in someone’s life and letting them know that you do remember. It could be stepping aside in a long line at the supermarket to let someone go ahead of you when they have a few items and you have a cart full. It is as easy as holding a door open for someone. All of these things can be considered being thoughtful towards another. Just doing a small thoughtful gesture for someone can brighten someone’s day.

Take a moment today and think of those you care about. What is some thoughtful gesture you could do for them today?

Be thoughtful!

This was supposed to be a part of the We Care Wednesdays segment. Yesterday, Tamela shared an important message regarding the need for everyone to feel loved. Gregory’s message complements it and goes hand in hand with the message that everyone needs to feel important! Therefore, we thought we would share these two back-to-back … We Care Wednesdays and now Thoughtful Thursdays. 🙂 We hope you enjoyed! ~Shirley

We All Deserve Love!

Tamela Hyatt Jasmann Food For Thought, We Care Wednesdays 4

I have been thinking lately about my upbringing and the parents who raised me. My father was gone most of the time deployed out at sea somewhere and so it was my mother who primarily raised me. I honestly do not know what it was about me that bothered my mother so but I just didn’t fit into her “ideal” of womanhood (neither size, personality, behavior). I was labeled by my early teens as the “trouble maker” and the one who always talked back. I didn’t see myself as a trouble maker nor did I see myself as someone who had the nerve to talk back to a mother such as mine! But that is how she viewed me and, in the end, it left me feeling unloved and unlovable because my own mother found fault with me, I was imperfect. I had this message so deeply ingrained in me that it took years to truly overcome those messages of old and move into a bright, happy, secure-in-self-love future.

It’s just so sad that some walk this earth feeling as if no one has ever loved them, truly loved them. They have lived existences I cannot recognize and wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Some live in their heads unable to see and feel the love available to them; some just won’t open their eyes to what’s so plainly in from of them. For whatever reason, it seems to me that it’s easier to deny love than it is to accept love. Have we become people who choose to question love instead of openly welcoming it? Have we all somewhere along the lines received the message that we are all defective and not loveable – not deserving of freeing, soul-lifting love??

I was told for many years that my “picker was broken” – meaning that I always chose men who were either not emotionally available or that wanted to use me all the time pretending they loved me – when I was just meeting a need of theirs until they found someone new to use and abuse. I had so little faith and belief in myself that I subjected myself to bad love. I did not know the extent to which I’d taken in the words of my youth, “You are not loveable.” I believed no one would ever love me or truly want me forever in their hearts and the men I dated all seemed to bear out this one simple self-fulfilling prophecy. You see, that’s what it was, a self-fulfilling prophecy. When I took in the messages and words of my youth, I took them in completely and truly felt and believed that I didn’t deserve to take up space or breathe air or receive love because I’d been labeled “bad” and that’s just who I was…bad. “Bad” people don’t deserve love. While love may have been staring me in the face – I’d deny it just to make sure I maintained that “I wasn’t loveable” message. In adulthood, I did not “own” the fact that I could define myself any way I wanted; instead I slipped into the old messages and managed my life in a way so that no one, truly, ever had the chance to try to love me.

For someone to carry the message that you aren’t right for this world, you didn’t deserve to be here, just exist but don’t be noticed, don’t draw attention to oneself – it’s hard moving into the adult years believing that you have a future or that there is goodness and grace down the road, if you are only patient. It’s hard to believe that anything you do is of value or has worth – because if it comes from someone who is worthless, how can their work be worthwhile? I lived the belief that I was unlovable and thus fulfilled my own prophecy by not finding true love till later in life – after I had found my own self-love and discovered that what I’d been told growing up was just a bunch of bunk!

Inside each and every one of us lays a seed, a spark of belief that if nurtured can result in true self-love and when we realize this, we begin the walk away from falsehoods put in our heads at a time when we knew no better. Some of us need to seek professionals to lead us to new thoughts and beliefs – sustainable thoughts and beliefs. Others need to walk the path of self-discovery on their own – uncovering as they are ready the truths that are part of their lives. Some of those truths aren’t so pretty and our tendency is to run instead of confronting them. But hang in there, every obstacle you’ve overcome in your life and every obstacle you will face in life IS NOT insurmountable! Especially when those obstacles are self-created in your own head and not based in the truth of who you truly are!

I beg of you, do not ever allow anyone but yourself to define who you are, what you stand for, what you believe in, what you deserve. God did not create us to live in fear and pain and the knowledge that we aren’t good enough. We are all good enough and deserve to be loved as we want to be loved. It’s worth holding out until you find that unconditional love you may not have yet received in your life – your OWN unconditional love. Until or unless you love yourself fully, take care of you fully, allow yourself to be loved fully – until you stop fighting the messages in your head – you will live in the place of fear and the sad knowledge that you “don’t deserve love.” We ALL deserve love; some are just harder to love than others!

Today I let others have their opinion of me because trying to change another’s mind is seriously not my task to do today. Today my job is to find self-love, self-acceptance and to be ready and open for the next person I can love and who will love me in return. Today my choice is to not live with old messages that want entrance into my brain to repeat all the negative stuff doled out in my youth. Today I live in the present and deal with what’s in front of me; the rest is up to God and His “staff” of angels. Today it’s my job to trust in the process and that I am being led to my highest good. Today I know I am lovable, not just because I exist but because I know now true love, lasting love, lifetime love. I could not have achieved this place had I not let go of the belief that I was, heart and soul, unlovable.

WE ARE ALL LOVEABLE! Know that. Feel that. Think on that. Breathe that in. It is truth.

We all deserve love!

Part of my own self-love today is recognizing when someone wants to feed me false information about myself – I no longer live on what others think of me. Who I am, what I am today is based on my beliefs today and not of the past. No one can define me but myself and this person, me – today – is lovable and deserving of love. Seek love. Seek the peace that love provides. I keep in mind today that my God is a forgiving God and if God is capable of forgiving me, He’s more than capable of forgiving you and taking away the negative thoughts you’ve carried for too long. Try to give the negativity to God and live a life of belief and love. You can’t live in grace until you’ve released you inner demons.

Love Yourself God's Creation

Stop Looking In The Rear View Mirror!

Shirley Food For Thought 4

We are our own worst critic. I’m sure there are times you’ve beat yourself up over things in the past; things that we do not possess the power to change! The past is done and over with. There’s no sense in looking in the rear view mirror of your life. Sure, everyone makes mistakes. It’s important to learn the lessons in life from those mistakes so that we improve upon the person that we are and improve our lives so we don’t go down that path again. If you feel something you’ve done is a mistake that you wish you could un-do, the reality is that you can’t. However, you can learn from those mistakes. Take the positives from that situation, even if the only positive is that you are sure you never want to do THAT again so you don’t!

It’s okay to look in the rear view mirror at the memories that bless our hearts, but if you’re looking back wishing you could change the past or wishing you didn’t do this or that … stop! This is fruitless. It will not accomplish anything but making you feel worse about the situation. Stop re-living those events of the past that torment your soul. Instead, look ahead at the bright future before you.

YOU have choices today … YOU do not have to live like you did in the past. If you struggle with skeletons in your closet, let them out now so they no longer haunt you in the future. Make peace with your past so it does not poison the present or affect your future in a negative way. Release yourself from the bondage found by living in the past with regrets. Take back your power – the power to change things in the present moment!

Love yourself – despite your many flaws because no one is perfect! Accept your life as it is today, even with mistakes of the past as they have helped form and mold you into the person you are today!

Stop looking in the rear view mirror at the mistakes of the past! Stop beating yourself up about things of the past that you cannot change. Forgive yourself for all the things that have filled you with regret. Release them into the universe. Feel yourself being freed from those things so you can move on to brighter days.

You cannot change the past, but you can forge ahead determined not to make the same mistakes again. You can live a better, more positive life full of love and happiness.

YES, YOU CAN!

Begin today by no longer looking back in the rear view mirror of your life. You’re not going in that direction – look ahead to brighter days. Appreciate today and where you are in this moment. Be determined to be the absolute best that you can be. Strive for greatness. You DO have it in you! You CAN accomplish great things.

Put your game face on, and let’s do this! Begin today! Right this very moment. You have a bright future ahead of you, and you CAN live happily ever after!

Stop Looking In The Rear View Mirror

Our Visit To “Pretty Place”

Shirley Inspiration, Traveling 26

You may have heard people talking this week about how there was going to be a Super Moon on Saturday night. My family and I went in search of the Super Moon on the side of a mountain with a spectacular view. We visited “Pretty Place” Chapel at the YMCA Camp in Greenville, South Carolina.

Our story began a year ago when we took a chance and ventured out on a day trip to the Greenville area. Being the planner that I am, I packed a full day’s worth of sightseeing and picture taking of waterfalls in the area. I read about “Pretty Place,” but I had never seen it for myself so I just “had” to do that while in the area. It was the same night that a Super Moon was to appear last year as well.

We made our way around the mountain last year with visions of what it would look like when we arrived. We hadn’t checked the weather forecast, and even if we had, it was so high up that the weather is so unpredictable at that level. We took a chance anyway. Once we reached the top, there it sat in all of it’s glory; “Pretty Place!”

Once out of the vehicle, and still very much in awe, we walked slowly to the chapel that stood before us. As if showing reverence, we bowed our heads as we entered the structure. There were pews like a regular church, only this was open on the sides, unlike a regular church structure. At the very end stood a magnificent wooden cross.

Pretty Place2

The weather started to quickly change just as the sun was setting, but we waited still with others who had gathered that evening to catch a glimpse of the Super Moon. As we waited, we met a gentleman and his girlfriend. They were a friendly couple, and we struck up a conversation about our cameras. He shared his camera with me and how it worked, and immediately I fell in love with it and knew I HAD to have one just like it. He provided the name and where to get a good deal, and that very week I set off in search of a camera just like his for my very own!

Disappointment set in as we realized that storms were rolling in. Just at the time we had hoped to see the Super Moon, we saw clouds and fog rising instead. Then the rain started pouring down, and we were forced to vacate “Pretty Place” and make our way down the mountain. We couldn’t be too upset, though, for we spent the evening with some mighty fine people. They lived in the area and had attempted to photograph the Super Moon three times already without any luck. However, they did take some pictures prior to our arrival, and they said they would email those to us since our pictures only captured the rising clouds and fog behind the cross. Sure enough, the next week, our new found friends emailed pictures, and we connected on Facebook! That night, we certainly did make two new and precious friends!

Pretty Place

We went to “Pretty Place” expecting to see something spectacular, when what actually happened is that we ended up feeling it instead. We felt the sacredness of the chapel, the strong connection to God at that elevation, and our hearts were humbled.

We made new friends that night, and they weren’t just friends in passing. No, they have proved to be true as THIS year when we heard of the dates of the Super Moon, we sent them a Facebook message asking if they were going to try for the fourth time to capture the Super Moon at “Pretty Place.” Sure enough, they were planning on trying again, and they said, “See you there!” That was all it took, and a road trip was on!

All week long I looked forward to this event, and I made sure to pack my camera with an extra battery “just in case.” My oldest daughter is really getting into photography now, too, so she had her camera ready as well! Then, we set out Saturday for our adventure.

As we arrived, the same feelings enveloped us as we made our way to the chapel. Sure enough, our friends were there waiting with their camera in hand. He, wearing his cowboy hat, with her seated just a little ways from him knitting. These people just make me smile. They are the nicest people, and who would have ever thought a friendship could have been formed like this! It has been, though, and we couldn’t be happier!

They greeted us as they saw us enter the chapel to walk down to take our seats. The gentleman said they almost had given up on us due to how close it was to the time for the moon rise. We explained about our long travel to reach our destination, but we were determined to be there for this Super Moon. He, then, said that pictures would be up to me that night as his batteries were dead. I reached into my bag and produced an extra battery for him to use, since we now have the same camera, and his face lit up! He thanked me for “saving the day!” And within a few minutes, as we waited with our friends and several others that had gathered, the Super Moon made it’s presence known. It was subtle at first, slowly rising faintly in the sky, to which I wanted to squeal with delight when I saw it before our friends did! Then this beautiful moon, in all of it’s brilliant colors, rose higher in the sky and appeared closer as it positioned itself perfectly in the sky. We were in awe! How absolutely marvelous it was to see the Super Moon in all of it’s glory at “Pretty Place” surrounded by our family and friends! How reassuring to know that our Father in Heaven made ALL of this with His strong and mighty hands, and yet gently formed us, every detail of us, even knowing how many hairs we have on our heads … there are no words!

The Super Moon

In the distance you could hear all of the wondrous sounds of nature as if the creatures were celebrating alongside us and praising God by raising their voices as well. We sat quietly listening, allowing it to calm us and speak to our very souls.

Pretty Place1

Then …

The ranger came to advise us that they needed to shut the gates, so we would all have to vacate the premises. Ah, but it was so very beautiful while it lasted, and our friends were successful on their fourth trip to “Pretty Place” and were able to finally capture the Super Moon! We were thrilled that we were able to do so on our second trip!

We took one more glance, one more picture …

Pretty Place

We followed our friends down the side of the mountain, and halfway down, they turned off to a place called Bald Rock. They messaged us, and soon we turned around and joined them. We thought “Pretty Place” was breathtakingly beautiful, and it is … but standing on top of Bald Rock looking out at the vastness of the sky and the depth below us with this giant spotlight of a moon above us … it was absolutely amazing! My youngest daughter was so taken with Bald Rock, she said it was as if she was walking on the moon for the rock had “craters” that you could imagine being like those on the moon. We decided to lay on this massive rock and just “be” … be one with nature, be one under the beautiful sky with our family and friends, be one with God! What a wonderful feeling to just “be” surrounded by such beauty and such love from God.

We had a wonderful evening and could not wait to share “Pretty Place” with you! If you are ever in the Greenville, South Carolina area, whether it’s on a night of the Super Moon or not, please be sure to check this jewel out! Be prepared and forewarned as it will take your breath away! Pictures do not do this place justice!

Pretty Place3

I will lift up my eyes to the hills … Psalm 121:1

Belong

Shirley Five Minute Fridays, God Is Close To The Broken Hearted, Inspiration 4

The Five Minute Friday prompt word is: Belong

Ready to write for five whole minutes without regard to getting it just right? I am! (Which takes a lot since I’m a perfectionist at heart – Eeeek!)

Set? (Come on, set your timers!)

Go! (Let it rip, girlfriend!)

There’s nothing we want more than to belong – in a group, to be accepted, loved for who you are, to have a sense of belonging, to be among friends, to belong to someone special. It’s a longing deep within our being to belong. Why is it so difficult then?

There are times we feel ostracized. We feel left out in the cold. We feel as if every one else has a place on the face of the earth but us. We feel that everyone serves a purpose, has a calling, other’s lives are intertwined and yet there we are floating through time alone.

Why can’t we fit in? Better yet, why would we WANT to? We were made to be uniquely different from everyone else, and yet, we all want community. We want to fit in, to be included. We don’t want to spend the rest of our lives looking in on other people’s lives and the fun they’re having. We don’t want to wish for that special someone or that best friend that everyone seems to have but us.

We want to be fulfilled … to fill a place in someone’s heart so that they feel that they belong as well.

And then it happens. Two people that are floating through time feeling the exact same thing at the same time but thinking they are alone in their thoughts. Yet, finally one speaks, and the other says, “Me, too!” and instantly a bond begins to form and they belong! The day they have been waiting on has arrived, and they have a sense of belonging like they never have before.

Because they do!

Now they belong to each other.

STOP!

Angel

The Words of A Friend

Shirley Food For Thought, Inspiration 18

We all need to talk things out at times, and who better than with a valued and treasured friend, right? Well, not so fast.

Our family has been going through an ordeal for the past two months, and it has been so very hard at times to find any sunshine when the storms were raging in our lives. There are times that I get quiet, and people mistake my quietness with anger. In reality, I am quiet because I am hurting deeply. There is a big difference!

Often times, I internalize things rarely speaking of what is causing so much pain in my life. When I do venture out of my shell and confide in people, it helps to have a friend that will build me up instead of tearing me down.

Within the past two months, I have encountered friends that have done a variety of things when I have dared to bare my soul to them regarding our struggles. There’s the one friend that doesn’t know what to say or do, so they just say that they are sorry and begin sending care packages to let me know that they are thinking of us and that they care about me and my family. They are available to talk when needed, and they will try to keep their opinions to themselves if it is not something that will help me heal. They do not lie to me, don’t mistake what I’m saying here. They will give an honest opinion if it will help the healing process. They will not just agree with me or say things that support me in my thinking. They listen to the entire situation (because I can’t just tell one thing, I have to tell you every little detail so you can get a clear picture of what has taken place so you will be equipped with all of the knowledge about the situation before you feel compelled to give any advice or speak in any way for or against what has happened).

There are others that say they care about me, and I honestly believe that they do, but they are harsher in their words and judgment of the situation. Granted, the situation may have involved a repeat offender in my life, in their eyes. They view the situation differently, and I respect their different perspectives on the situation. I truly do. However, they do not have to live with the consequences of what they tell me to do when this goes against what my heart is saying to do. They think they can very easily rationalize their advice and reasons that they are talking against giving someone another chance when, in their eyes, the offender has already had too many chances through the years which haven’t been taken seriously by the repeat offender. I understand their point of view. BUT … my heart is saying to give it yet one more try … give this person one more chance … give them the benefit of the doubt because in my heart of hearts, I truly believe that people CAN change if they want to! I believe this person, this “repeat offender” honestly wants to change now. I do! And I have faith that they will.

This week I have had two different people tell me things that hurt me deeply in regards to this situation. (I know it doesn’t help that I’m being so vague about what happened and what, exactly, the situation is that I’m referring to but I’m doing so in an effort to protect privacy and also because it hurts … deeply! Thank you for understanding.) One openly speaks out every chance they get, often talking over me when I’m trying to explain things, because they just do not want me getting hurt further. I understand that, but what this person is saying … every single time we talk … IS HURTING ME, TOO! If you feel worse after talking to someone or reading their emails, that should be an indication right there that you should no longer confide in this person. When you call or email a friend looking for support and what you get back in return is venom toward the person in the situation, that is a clue right there that this individual should not be the one that you go to for emotional support with the situation at hand.

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. Proverbs 27:9

The words of a friend: Do they build you up or tear you down?

I would like to offer several things to consider when someone comes to you with a problem or a situation that is troubling them or hurting them deeply:

1. Listen to them. Honestly push aside any ill feelings that you may have toward the people IN the situation, as hard as that may be at times, and actively LISTEN to what the person is saying to you. Don’t sit there anticipating your next opportunity to interrupt them with your harsh words. Instead, allow them to speak – to talk as much as they need to about the situation. Listening involves TWO ears. Your mouth should not be engaged at this point at all if you are actively listening to your friend or family member.

2. Consider if they are actually asking for advice or if they simply need a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold. Maybe all they really want at that point in time is to vent, get it off of their chest, or to release it into the universe having chosen you for the vehicle in which to do this. Maybe that is all that is required for them to feel better at that point. Once it’s out of their minds and into the universe, they may feel completely relieved from the stress and anxiety so that nothing further is needed at that point in time. You simply helped them by listening and allowing them to get it out!

3. If they ARE seeking advice, be gentle with your words! What do you hope to accomplish here? If you know the person is coming to you for advice on what to do, then please proceed with caution and be as gentle and as tender as you can with your words. Remember, their hearts are already hurting and are so fragile. What you say and how you say it could shatter them.

4. Before you open your mouth, ask yourself if your words will help or harm them in any way. Will it help build them up in this situation or will it tear them down?

5. Put yourself in their shoes BEFORE you tell them straight off the cuff some quick response that is “sure” to end all of their troubles. For example, if someone is having marital issues, don’t just say, “Kick the bum out.” No, think about if this was YOUR marriage. It’s so easy to say things like this when we’re not the ones that are left with the broken lives. Think about that before you spout off harsh words. Would it not be better to ask the person if they honestly love their spouse? And if so, are they willing to do whatever it takes to work things out? If they can’t imagine their lives without their mates, why encourage them to end the marriage or the relationship when their heart wants to hold on? I’ll take it a step further here and ask you to put yourself in the shoes of the person that you just so quickly were ready to dismiss. What if your spouse or your mate went to someone else for advice and THEY were told such things that you just spoke to your friend in their time of crisis? How would you feel to know that someone said not to give YOU another chance or to kick YOU to the curb or that YOU were not worth it. See what I mean? That wouldn’t feel too good, now would it?

6. Think of the consequences of the advice that you’re giving. I touched on it above, but if your advice to a hurting spouse is to end the marriage, consider the consequences such as children that are involved that will ultimately be hurt in all of this. Think of their little lives that will be crushed when their parents get a divorce. Think of the tears that they will cry when Mommy and Daddy aren’t together any more. I know you can’t stay together for the kids, and in some cases, it is necessary to part ways. But, why not encourage them to try every thing humanly possible to work on the marriage? Why not be sure that they have exhausted EVERY effort and gone down every avenue toward reconciliation? Think of all of the family members involved that would have their lives completely shattered by your advice to “end it all because it’s not worth it …” maybe that’s where you’re wrong. Because people are ALWAYS worth it. Families are worth it. Children are worth it. Husbands and wives are worth it. Marriage is worth it! And love … as sweet and as painful as it can be at times all rolled into one … love is still worth it!

7. Brainstorm with the person. Ask what they have tried that didn’t seem to work. Then offer suggestions that will help them. If they would like to reconcile in their marriage, give them positive tips of encouragement and support to HELP them achieve this. I realize that both parties have to be willing, and it takes both people in the marriage working on it for it to work and for it to LAST. Your job can be to help them think of things that they haven’t yet tried that would help them. If they’ve tried something one way, suggest approaching it a different way so that it has the result that their hearts are hoping for.

8. Realize that it is ultimately their decision, and your job is not to place blame on either party in the situation. It is to love and care for people … PERIOD. We don’t need your judgmental comments. What we really need are friends that come alongside of us at this very difficult time to love on us and let us know that they care about us. Don’t get angry when your harsh words turn the person away from ever telling you anything ever again because of what they got back when they did try to confide in you and ended up in more pain than when they first started talking to you about it. Respect their relationship or marriage and offer words of encouragement and support, not hateful words of doom and gloom over something so sacred and near and dear to their hearts.

Be there for your friends, yes. Guard their hearts carefully from the world and from you, too, if necessary. Your job is to show them love, care for them, support them, and encourage them. Be truthful with them and speak honesty, but be gentle and kind when you do. There is so much power in the tongue – you can build people up and tear them down in the same sentence. Choose your words carefully. Some times there really is not a need to interject “But …” after someone pours their heart out to you. That’s something we can all keep in mind.

Be the encourager. Be the supporter. Be the one that speaks words of loving kindness. Be the friend that builds others up. Guard their hearts so that you aren’t the one tearing them and their relationships down.

We Care Wednesday: Share Their Pain

Gregory Johnson Food For Thought 3

Each of us, throughout our lifetimes, will experience some sort of tragedy. Though the years may pass, the memories and the pain of those events linger on with us; sometimes it can be felt as strong now as it was back then. There is no getting past the influence of this type of major life event. Many people live with those feelings inside and never share the hurt and pain that comes back during the anniversary of that time.

I have heard many people tell others to just get over it. Bury those feelings. What is past is past. I find that to be rather inconsiderate and a bit cruel. Instead of “trying” to help someone get through an emotionally difficult time should we not try to help them by sharing their pain?

Most people I know have no idea what to say to someone during a time like this. What they don’t realize is that the best thing they can do is to say nothing, but do something. Be there for those you know that are hurting. Spend a little time with them. Tell them you are thinking of them. Let them know that you share their pain and you will be there for them if they need support. Give them a hug. Let them decide what they need from you to help them through those dark times. Just be there for them.

Be someone’s angel.

Take Action Tuesday

Shirley Food For Thought, Take Action Tuesday 12

Today I’d like to call each of our readers to action in what I’m calling Take Action Tuesdays. What I’m asking is in line with the Random Act of Kindness (RAK) that Gregory, aka The Quiet Computer Guy, mentions on Wednesdays. Now instead of merely suggesting that you do a RAK, I’m insisting that you take action in some way today to show love and kindness to others. As Greg has mentioned in previous posts he has shared on Wednesdays, it doesn’t have to be anything big – simply opening the door for someone or holding it open for the next person to go through is a small gesture that could brighten someone’s day. Or, what about smiling intently at someone that looks as if they’re having a really bad day. Just smile and let that smile linger to pierce their heart and leave a lasting impression on them the rest of the day. Saying something nice to someone can go a long way, too. If you see someone that looks as if they are struggling, give them a genuine compliment from your heart to theirs.

The point today is just to take action on this Tuesday. Do something for someone without any thought of being repaid in any way, shape, or form. Do it just because it’s in your heart to do for others. Do it with the intention of brightening up someone else’s day.

If you have someone that you have been thinking of that you haven’t reached out to in a while, do it today. Let them know you’re thinking of them. You don’t have to have a lengthy conversation with them, just a simple “Thinking of you” will do. If you’d like to go into more detail, then by all means, do!

As I think about the “good ole days,” I recall the times when I’d take a letter out of the mailbox and allow my fingers to feel the different textures of the paper while visualizing the person sitting at their desk writing as carefully as they could to leave a lasting impression with their penmanship. It felt good to receive a hand written letter back then. Now with texts and emails, it’s rare to get a hand written letter. How about taking the time to write to someone today? Go ahead, you know you can find some paper and a pen … now use it! Pour yourself into what you’re writing, and imagine how your words will leap off of the page and touch the heart of the recipient!

If there is someone that you may have wronged in the past that you need to ask forgiveness of, why not take action now toward a possible reconciliation? You may not have control of how the other person will perceive your apology or the intentions behind such, but what you do have control of is yourself and how you can reach out to them at this time. All you can do is apologize and ask for forgiveness, and it will be up to the other person if they will grant this forgiveness. If you sincerely apologize and mean it with your whole heart, hopefully the other person will feel it and will give your apology serious thought. It is our hope that they will accept your apology and the relationship can be mended. It may not be exactly like it was before whatever took place to cause the falling out between you, but it simply won’t get any better if you refuse to address it. Take action and reach out to ask for forgiveness.

We want to encourage you to take some form of action today toward a better life, a better you, a better bond in your relationships. If your prayer life hasn’t been what it should have been all of this time, take action by being intentional with your prayers and reaching out to God. Don’t just go to Him when you’re in trouble. He’s there and wants you to seek Him even when the sun is shining brightly in your life.

Take Action Tuesday is brought to you by the Encouragement Team at Light Love Hope.

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Light, Love, Hope

Light in the Darkness Surrounded by Love with Hope for those in need.