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Light, Love, Hope

Light in the Darkness Surrounded by Love with Hope for those in need.

Meditation Monday

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We will begin today with Meditation Monday:  Breathing my way back into LIFE!

For the first time in perhaps a month or more, I feel like I have returned to planet Earth and can breathe freely, without worry, fear or anxiety.  I have, admittedly, allowed those feelings to take precedence lately.  I needed to find my way back to peace and calm where each breath I take isn’t for the sake of just keeping going but for living fully the life I was meant to live!  I had allowed outside forces to influence my thinking, the directions my feelings were heading – I was giving away all my power and all my energy to others.  Today I proclaim that I am leaving the land of Make-Believe and facing life on life’s terms once again.  I no longer live in the world of “if only” and “what if”.

For the first time in more than a decade I felt and achieved more responsibility than I have undertaken in, well, more than a decade.  I have shared some pieces of myself and will say again that I am medically retired due to severe Bipolar 1 and an inoperable – but benign – brain tumor located in a bit of a tricky spot in my head.  There are other medical conditions that have popped up over the years but these two are my primary “disablers”.  I have spent years learning about my medical issues and have focused much time listening to the message that, basically, my brain no longer functioned correctly and that my “use” to society had ended long ago.  I believed I no longer had anything to contribute and that sad-sack thinking only added to the depression and isolation I put myself through for a very long time.

Almost five years ago a long-time friend offered me an opportunity to volunteer with a Veteran Service Organization, the Ladies Auxiliary VFW.  I admit I was scared; what would these people think if they really knew what was going on inside my head?!  What I found was acceptance of whatever I could give and gratitude for giving of myself as I could and joy that I was part of the working team.  It didn’t matter if it was to show up monthly to help serve the fundraising dinner or even for a monthly meeting where I listened and observed but said very little.  I showed up, that’s what mattered.  I believe most of these women thought me very shy where had you asked anyone who’d known me years ago, they would mostly likely laugh and balk at the idea of Tamela being shy or quiet!  And yet that’s who I’d become, someone who led with fear and forgot to believe that not everyone was out to hurt or harm – or always deliver bad news.

In earlier posts I’ve mentioned “my Sandy”, the woman I credit with helping me learn to live life outside of fear, outside of isolation – to believe in goodness and gratitude and faith and love; to heal my wounds and move from living in yesterday to living in today.  To accept regret and sorrow, to forgive, to move on with the business of living life – to just be and let be.  For me, once I figured out where I might fit best in the auxiliary, I began to put my big toes into a couple of programs and found that old, rusty skills could still be of use and that any talent I once had might not have completely disappeared after all!  Over the last couple of years, as I feel comfortable growing, I have been given the chance to grow and learn and find my passion once again!  Do you know how much that means to someone who believed, truly believed, she had no more usefulness left in her??  I was flawed and broken, never to be repaired.  I have spoken of the various paths I’ve taken in this life of mine, none of which I regret – I am grateful to have arrived at today intact.  My latest passion has afforded me opportunity again and yes, I am grabbing the tail of the tiger and taking the ride of my life – at least the ride of THIS phase of my life!!  I did have to spend some time sorting things out this past year with Sandy but I have taken on a couple of big challenges and can only hope and pray I arrive at this time next year feeling the peace and calm I feel right now.

That’s not to say that from about the end of April to earlier this week my life, to me, seemed up-in-arms and a tad bit out of control – but it is at these times I must acknowledge the deficiencies of my brain and continue to forge ahead anyway, in spite of those issues.  I accept that it will be messy but I’ll get there; I’ll get the task assigned done.  It will most likely be a bumpy ride for those around me while I get done what needs doing but it will be done and at my own personal Type A, perfectionist level.  I knew – had even warned my husband – that I would most likely hit mania very hard and that it would be hard to stop me for some time to come, not till I felt all was done and that I had caught up with all that needed doing.  I know my “triggers” and responsibility is just one of them.  I hold myself at a standard that is beyond ridiculous sometimes but please know it’s me compensating for what I feel I lack on a regular basis.

Today I can say that I feel relaxed.  I feel calm.  I feel at peace once again.  I am breathing at a comfortable rate again.  I survived another round of mania and know that instead of “misbehaving”, as I tend to call it, I handled myself well (for the most part kept the mania focused and task driven) and did what was necessary to get me through with little notice of others outside my personal circle who knew of my personal struggle.  What I remember was owning the “taking care of me” part and knowing that sometimes taking care of oneself means truly being that Persecutor in the Drama Triangle.  Thus you can understand my chuckle a few weeks ago when I opened my daily meditation book and the subject for the day was that life did not have to be difficult!  The closing meditation was, “Today, I will stop struggling so hard.  I will let go of my belief that life has to be hard.  I will replace it with a belief that I can walk this journey in ease and peace.  And sometimes, it can actually be fun.”  Translated for Tamela that means today I can breathe my way through life and not take everything so darn seriously!  I do not need to act as if everything I do in life is a competition with myself to do better than even I expect of me…and that’s a LOT!  Completing a project is a good thing but it is not a life or death thing.

And there will be let downs in life that you cannot prepare for no matter how prepared you believe yourself to be!  But for me, today, if I continue to slowly take that breath, a conscious breath, into me and slowly, consciously, release that breath – I have a chance of surviving till tomorrow and perhaps a few more days after that – without losing my faith in me, in my fellow man, in life in general!  It is when the full realization of the words, “God is large and in charge” come to me and scream the words I need to hear, “calm down, the world is NOT falling apart, HE has me and always will!,” that I find my strength to take that breath I forget to take sometimes, to take the next step that seems so very impossible and hard, to believe in goodness and grace and love and true care and concern; true friendship and intimacy.  I am discovering – hard-headed me that I am – that He does have my back (and many friends to boot!) that help remind me of the comfort of just breathing…of letting go and just breathing.  With each breath I feel myself fill once again with joy and laughter and peace and the ability to say, “I’m not in control…stop trying to control that which you have no control over!”

Today, there is nothing He and I can’t face together – it’s my job to remember what role I play…and I don’t run this planet nor its people!  I am only responsible for me, my actions, my behaviors.  I will focus on that and breathing today.

Ease on down the road, folks, ease on down the road.  This isn’t a rehearsal and there are no do-overs.  My job today is to breathe – and let He Above guide the rest of the path I’m to take!!!

Finding Freedom In Our Stories

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I love being a part of the (in)courage community.  At a time when I felt at my absolute lowest, these group of ladies stepped in and filled a large void in my life.  When I was hurting, they were there waiting to offer beautiful words of support to soothe my aching heart.   They were prayer warriors standing in the gap for me and my family.

As time marched on, I was given the opportunity to serve as an (in)courager!  I had a chance to give back to ladies around the globe.   This was huge for me to come full circle like this.   Now it was MY turn to love, support, encourage, and pray for precious ladies that became a part of the (in)courage community.

One thing this community has made clear from the very start is that everyone has a story, and everyone’s story matters!   It truly does.   I have found such freedom in being able to share my story, and just as we’ve tried to always do here at Light Love Hope, we want you to share your story as well!   We know that there are times that things just hurt, and to share your story would mean to touch that hurt once more.   We shy away from re-hashing the gory details because of the pain involved.  We have already experienced it one time, surely re-living it will only intensify the pain, we think.  However, there is an overwhelming amount of freedom that comes in sharing our stories.  It releases the hold that the pain of the past has on us.   Yes, we have to walk through the pain to get through the other side, but once you do this, guess what?  You are a survivor!   You have not only survived, but you’ve thrived!

When you once felt like all you had was a great, big mess, God has taken your mess and has made such a powerful message out of it.

Think of the impact that telling your story could have on others around you.  Maybe you have felt so alone in what you’ve had to endure on your journey, but you know what?  I’d be willing to bet that you’re NOT alone and that someone somewhere right this very minute needs to hear your story!   Telling your story, sharing all of the details, will release the hold it has on you, and it will also help someone that needs to hear that they’re not alone, you’ve felt this way, too, you’ve struggled, you’ve cried, you’ve  prayed, pleaded, begged, and have even gotten angry at times, but you’ve lived to tell about it … and they can, too!   If they only hold on a little longer, a little tighter.  If they only grab a hold of your hand, you’ll help them … even if all you can do is listen, pray with them, and pray for them.  That is something right there that is so very powerful!

I read a quote a few weeks ago that touched me because it rings true!   I even put it on my Facebook page as a status update because I love things that make you think but also that encourages and helps you along this path.

When you can tell your story and it no longer hurts, you know you have healed.  ~Anonymous

There is such power in these words.  Yes, it hurts to tell your story initially, but in doing so, it is helping you to heal.  It encourages others struggling with the very same thing, and your story gives others hope!

When once your story was almost completely emotionally crippling to tell, you have walked the path, and on your journey you have armed yourself with faith, love, hope, and your greatest weapon has been prayers to your Almighty God above!   Now you can tell your story without the gripping pain in and through your heart, and in doing so, you find such sweet freedom from what once held you hostage.

All of the writers here at Light Love Hope and everyone at (in)courage stands behind you supporting you and holding you up as you find your brave courage to speak up and speak out as you share your story and find such incredible freedom!

Together we are finding freedom in our stories!

Read my story by clicking here.

Finding Freedom In Our Stories

Does anyone hold hands anymore?

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I thought about this after taking a walk tonight.  I am on a short holiday to a quaint little town called Galena in Illinois.  Walking down the main street in Galena is like stepping back in time with all the beautiful old architecture that still exists.  It is a great place for two people to spend a romantic weekend.

As I was out for an evening walking along the river I first ran into a middle aged couple.  The gentleman was walking along with his hands in his pockets, his head bent towards the ground with a scowl on this face that screamed, “What the heck am I doing here.”  His wife was walking about a yard behind him with a nice smile on her face and a bounce in her step.

The next couple I came upon was the complete opposite.  The gentleman was walking along with a pleasant smile.  His wife was walking next to him with her face buried in her phone.

All I could think about was how these two couples were missing out on what I would consider one of the most simple and romantic things to do together; hold hands.  It’s free.  I can be done anywhere.  And I would think it feels rather nice.  I say the last line that way as I am single and have not had the experience or chance to hold hands with anyone.

From the perspective of a lonely single person; couples really should hold hands more often.  I would love to be able to do that with someone.  I don’t have that opportunity, but those of you that have a significant other do.  So take it.  Enjoy it.  Treasure it as in all things nothing lasts forever and you may lose your chance.

~The Quiet Computer Guy

Exhale

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Five Minute Fridays begin a little earlier now for all the eager ones, like myself!   The prompt word is posted at 10 p.m. on Thursday nights to allow us to get a head start.  This week’s word is:  EXHALE

Ready?

Set?

GO!

Confusion and chaos has been our life for months on end now.   We have struggled, cried, prayed, begged, and pleaded with God, and each other.  Relying on our own strength has not gotten us very far at all.  It has never been more evident that our source of strength should come from God above … our strength should be in the Lord.

We have held our breath as we’ve tried to do this alone.  At times we have felt like we would surely die, the pain was so great.     We have been disillusioned, believing the lies of the devil.  He would like nothing more than to destroy our lives, our marriage, our family.   He whispers the most awful things, and we believe the king of lies, deceit and betrayal.  He wreaks havoc on us while throwing his head back laughing as evilness flows from his forked tongue.   We fall on our knees, face down, sobbing uncontrollably as he digs his pitch fork into our hearts.  Then God steps in front of us and shields us from a fatal blow to our hearts.  He extends His arms wide, like when He was on the cross, as He says, “These are MY children, and you will NOT hurt them any more!”   He stares the devil right in the eyes, and evilness has no choice but to slither back to where it came from.   Our Father has protected us once more, sheltering us with His love, shielding us with His strength, arming us with the power to go on.

And so, we do, as we slowly exhale all of the pain, the heartache, the overwhelming hurt that has been our companion for way too long now.   We exhale the sorrow, shedding the old ways we’ve been living and inhale His power, His strength, His love.  We feel His hand upon our lives even stronger now than before, and we know that we are going to be okay.

If God is for us, who could be against us?

STOP!

Exhale - Light Love Hope

Why do we hug?

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I came across this video today called “Why Do We Hug?”:

http://youtu.be/HfIh-8tt3Wo?t=3s

What it tries to accomplish is to explain with a scientific viewpoint why we hug. I think there are some things that should not try to be explained by science. This is one of them.  To me the video misses one important point about why we hug; it feels good!  I think there needs to be more hugging in the world.

Go out and hug someone. Do it often.  A hug is one of the best free gifts you can give.

(( hug ))

~The Quiet Computer Guy

We Care Wednesday: The Compliment

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I get picked on quite a bit at times. There is a certain person that shall remain nameless that loves to pick on me. Lately it has been at work because of the length my hair. What I find interesting is that it is very easy for someone to come up with a snide remark without having a clue as to what is going on.

I used to wear my hair long. It was the whole hard rock band thing. Plus I have been given the gift of nice hair. When I let it grow out it waves and curls naturally in addition to being thick and soft. But for the past ten years I have kept it shoulder length or shorter. As it has now gone several inches below my shoulders I am wearing it in a ponytail due to the heat of summer. This is what I am getting ribbed about at work. Mainly from the other guys that have less hair than I do at my advanced age.

What no one asked it why I all of a sudden changed and let it grow very long. I have a very special reason for doing this. As I have been told over and over my whole life that I have great hair, I wanted to do something with this gift I was given. My reason for letting it all hang out is that I am going to donate my hair to Locks of Love: www.locksoflove.org.

If you have never heard of them, they provide hair prosthetics to disadvantaged children under the age of 21 that are suffering hair loss from any type of disease or medical treatment. I went through the whole hair loss with my mom when she went through chemotherapy ten years ago before she passed away from the side effects of cancer treatments. And I lost my sister less than a year ago; again to cancer. If I can give this small token to help a child feel a little better about themselves while they fight for their health, then it will bring much joy to my heart.

Today’s RAK is something very simple; a compliment. Compliments are so easy to give. If I notice on of the women at work have changed their hair style I compliment them on it. A small compliment can bring someone a smile and make a difference in their day.

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The Trap of The World Wide Web

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I am sure that we will all agree that a lot of good comes from the World Wide Web.  Friendships are formed between people who are miles and miles away.   The internet is able to connect us to people in places of the country that we’d otherwise never be able to visit, yet now we are able to communicate with these wonderful people any time of the day or night.  They are right there within our reach every time we turn on our computer, smartphones, or tablets.   I have met so many wonderful people online, and we have remained friends for going on 20 years now.  Seriously!   I have friends in Arizona, Oklahoma, Alabama, Georgia, Illinois, Michigan, Canada, Alaska, New Zealand, and Australia just to name a few places a little further on the map than I.   These friendships have brought me so much joy and happiness through the years, and I treasure and cherish each person that has taken the time to get to know me and my family.

The internet has a wealth of information available as well.  If you have a research paper due or need to know this or that, the internet brings all of the information to you with just a few clicks.

There is even counseling available online.  If you’d rather not speak to someone in person or feel you need assistance right away, someone is there waiting to respond once you reach out.  While I haven’t personally explored this avenue, with my time at (in)courage, I have been made aware of services offered through E-counseling.

When used the right way, the internet is a wonderful tool to bring delightful messages right to your inbox every single day.   What an amazing feeling it is to open your email in the morning to find messages awaiting.  Do you smile as wide as I do when you hear from your family and friends?   I actually get disappointed if there isn’t a personal email waiting for me.  I enjoy forwarded jokes, cartoons, and inspirational messages, but nothing beats a personal email packed full of details of the other person’s life!  Just knowing that they took the time to share all of this with me … it just warms my heart and brings a smile to my face.  I love when people share with me, and it makes me feel so much closer to them!

Unfortunately, there are bad things that come from the internet as well.  With a few clicks of the mouse, even the youngest child can stumble upon pornographic material.  It doesn’t even have to be by visiting an x-rated website either.  They can just innocently enter in a word in the search engine and have a bunch of garbage come up.   This material is lurking in corners of the internet that we would never even dream about (I was just told that it’s on YouTube as well – oh my gosh!), and it’s so readily available (I still haven’t recovered from the shock yet!).   This type of thing has wreaked havoc in people’s lives.   There are people that search for this type of material for their viewing pleasure.  They become addicted and obsessed with it, and it ruins marriages!   The habit is hidden from their spouses, but once they stumble upon it in the history or various other ways that the secretive online activity is discovered, hurt and betrayal is sure to be felt by the wounded spouse as more lies and deceit are uncovered.

The internet is a valuable tool, and a lot of good things can come from the internet or the world wide web. However, be careful little eyes what you see. Evil lurks in corners of the internet as well.   Don’t fall for the trap of the world wide web!  Once it lures you in, it’s hard to get untangled from the sticky little web of lies, deceit, and betrayal!

Another of the bad things lurking on the internet are people who are not what they claim to be or who misrepresent themselves.   There are sick people on the internet that prey on young people.  I have had to speak to my oldest daughter in previous years about this very thing.  She was so young and innocent that she just could not grasp the dangers of the internet.  She wants to see the good in people at all times and can’t imagine any one ever doing anything bad.   She has a heart of pure gold, and she cares for people.   I have been so afraid of her “meeting” people that would draw her in and then later she’d learn that they weren’t who they said they were after all.   I can’t caution her enough on this even still at her age now.

There are other dangers such as getting close to emotional vampires who you honestly try to save with all of your might only to find that you did not possess that kind of power.  Sure, this type of thing often happens in real life with people face-to-face, but it can and does happen via the internet as people reach out to talk to others that they don’t have to see every single day of their lives.  They feel a special connection and special bond so much that they pour their hearts and souls out over emails and chats.   Beautiful friendships have been formed through things such as this, but really bad situations have resulted as well.  Take a suicidal person that is clinging to you with all of their might, yet you’re not trained in this area to help them.  They won’t talk to anyone else, and you are their life line at that moment in time.  You do everything you can, and yet you aren’t sure if they are safe or if they will try to harm themselves when you are forced to turn off the computer after spending hours trying to reason with them.   Or, what about the cutter that is not really trying to kill themselves, but they just hurt so badly that they harm themselves in this way to release some of the emotional pain they are feeling?   How do you know the difference?   You worry, fret, pray, and cry over all of this, and then eventually even the most positive and upbeat person can end up being grabbed a hold of and pulled down with them much like the drowning person that you’re trying so desperately to save.  You swim with all of your might holding on to them as tightly as you can, yet with them in a panic with their arms around your neck, they push you further down until both of you end up hitting bottom.

Affairs get started online.   The emotional connection I spoke of earlier, well, that can be a great thing … or it can be a curse.   If you start thinking the grass is greener on the other side with a person that you are so connected with, someone who you may feel more connected to even more so than your spouse … you’re in trouble!

There are dating sites which are supposed to be used for singles to find someone to go out with.   However, how many married men and women lurk on those sites looking for an extra marital affair?   The same can be said for Facebook and other social media sites, though, if you are using them in the wrong way.  I’ve heard of people getting on there and reconnecting with their past loves from their high school or college days.

How about the bullying that goes on from people hiding behind the computer screen?  They feel braver typing words on a screen, and they blast people left and right.   However, cyber bullying is very real and very much punishable!   Use Facebook and other social media channels responsibly!

The point in this post is to enjoy the internet but please be so very careful with your usage so as to avoid the trap of the world wide web!    If you’re using it for good things such as connecting with like minded women with sites such as (in)courage, Good Morning Girls, Women Living Well, or Time Warped Wife, that is wonderful!   If you’re using it to visit blogs such as this which offer inspiration and encouragement, that is incredible, and we hope you’ll visit often!   If you’re looking up bible verses and all things good and honorable, more power to you!   Just be careful not to fall into the trap of the world wide web in viewing pornographic material, engaging in cyber sex, entertaining affairs of any kind, bullying others or any other negative and damaging thing that could come from the internet.  Use it for GOOD, as it was intended.

You may think that no one will ever know what you look up when you’re wasting time online.  Ah, that’s where you’re wrong.  Someone does know other than you … and that person is GOD!  He sees all, and He knows your every thought … even the not so pretty ones that you’d love to hide from Him.  It’s just not possible, for He knows every little thing, your sins that you think are hidden, your lustful thoughts, the things you think you’re doing in private where no one will know … He’s there … He’s a witness to all of your activities – good or bad – honorable or sinful – respectful or lacking in morals and values.

Just as you’ve heard people say to find the good in each day, find the good on the internet!  Focus on all of the good things that you can find online, and stay away from the bad!   Don’t get caught in the trap of the world wide web!

 

Have you ever thought of yourself as being special?

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We can be our own worst enemies at times. We criticize ourselves for doing this or that. We beat ourselves up over things that are truly not that important. I know this as I do this to myself all the time.

What we don’t think about is that God gave each of us certain special talents. You may be saying right now, well I don’t have any special talents. But I bet you do.

I have spent part of my life as a teacher. My college degree is in history and education. I have not taught what I truly love which is history, but I have still gotten to teach for many years. I love teaching. It is one of my special talents. I just seem to have a knack for it. As such, I have been an adjunct professor at our local community college for the past fifteen years teaching web design and development. Never in a million years would I have guessed I would be teaching this subject, but God made all the pieces fall together so that I could still engage in one of the things I love; teaching.

As a teacher, I see so many different sides to the students I meet each semester. I look at each of them differently and try to find the best method for them to learn the material. I know that each of my students have special talents all their own. As a teacher, I believe it is my job to help foster those talents to help make them into a better person.

I would like you to think about what makes you special. For me, I know my limitations and I know what I am good at.   I am a good teacher.   I can cook very well. I am a fairly accomplished musician. Though I am a very quiet person in a small group setting, I have no problem getting up and speaking in front of large groups. These are some of the special talents God has given me.  Sit down and think about the things you love to do and what you do very well. Those are your talents

When you see that someone you know has a certain ability encourage them. So many times I see and hear people get put down for doing something they are good at. I have a friend who had experienced that in their lives. It has gotten to a point where they don’t have confidence in themselves in those special things God gave them. This person has one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard. They are also a very gifted writer. I try to encourage them in those and other aspects of their life because I see what an amazing gift God has given them.

If you haven’t already, sit and think about what gifts God has given you. It can be something very simple as a knack for doing something; but that is still a gift. Encourage yourself and others to engage in those talents that make each of us special.

~The Quiet Computer Guy

A question of …faith

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Faith

What is it?
Some folks would say “Faith is the belief in a higher power” Well I’m not so sure. Faith to me is the belief in the human spirit the human soul so to speak, I was raised a Roman Catholic and as a kid growing up. I attended church every Sunday, even was an alter boy. Events of my adult life brought me not only to question my faith but the church as well. Being raised by a Roman Catholic father and a Native American mother. I had the benefits of both worlds and both cultures. I saw the hypocrisy of the catholic churches. Where people strived to advance themselves through the hierarchy of the church administration. I saw the love of family and community of my Native family. The phrase “its not what you have but what you have to give” was a oft used phrase in my childhood home. Losing my mother at the age of 12 left my native teaching undone and had to rely on “extended family” to fill in the pieces of the puzzle of that part of my heritage. Losing my father at 20, a man that was more then just a father to me but also my best friend. That lose started my journey of education. I’ve spent many hours sitting in classroom learning philosophy and theology and many other “ologies” What i took out of all that learning was that the human spirit the belief in the love of another. The faith you place in the hands of another. Is where the strength of mankind lies. You can call “it: what you will God, Jehovah, Buddha, Allah. The theme is all the same.

To whom do we turn to when life throws a curve ball at us, knocks us down. Do we turn to God in our times of need. Is it then when we are at our weakest that we turn our faces and voices to the heavens? In some of my darkest hours of life. Times that I had deep feelings that I was not going to see my next birthday. It was the power of love from those that cared for me that fed me strength. That gave me the jolt of energy to fight back. In my work as a Respiratory Therapist and Nurse Practitioner over the years, i have seen things that many people would never wish to see. I favorite saying of mine is “there are things you can not unsee” I have sat at the bedside of very young children and seen the wonderment in there eyes even as they face an illness of injury that they may not survive. Through that I have watched parents, brothers, sisters even hospital staff showing the love and strength that (to me) was a catalyst in the recovery.

Faith, Faith in the love of another. I believe you can not have love without faith. You can however have faith without love. Many people will hide behind faith and use that as a way to attempt to absolve themselves of wrong doing by going to church. The faith, the absolution is not in a building. It’s within the hearts of those we love and that love us. It’s their “faith” in us that will carry us through. God, Allah or Jehovah resides within each of us. Lakotah people call him “Wakan Tanka” which means “Great Spirit”. Those teachings were passed on for generations of “community first”, family above all. Never betraying that faith put in by another. The feeling of a loved one gazing at you, the feeling of the hand of a child in yours. Their “faith” in you that you will protect and guide them. As I continue forward in life. Feeling indebted to those in my life that gave my strength to over come. Knowing I am expected to so the same for them in their times of need. If I don’t then I betray the faith they have in me. I don’t turn to the heavens to ask for strength. I turn inward. I turn the the spirit that dwells within me. Asking for strength, wisdom and guidance. Faith…faith in the love that is a gift. Faith in those that love you. They will hold you when you are weakest. They will fight the battle you may be too weak to fight. As I was told many years ago by my own spirit guide (yes I do have one) “Believe in me, for I believe in you” Faith is not in a book, a building or on a Internet web page. It resides deep with each of us. Feel it, touch it listen to it. It speaks to all of us. “Believe in me, for I believe in you”

Five Minute Friday: Lost (and alone)

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I have a very personal relationship with this feeling. I find myself feeling lost quite often. I look around seeing many people with someone in their life and I can only wonder what that feels like. You see I have spent the better part of my life alone.   It is easy to feel lost when you are alone. You wonder of your purpose in life. You wonder if you are making a difference. At times you wonder if anyone even notices you.

I have come to find peace and my place in life by being grateful for the things God has given me. There are many things that give me joy and I turn to those during times when I feel lost and alone.   These are gifts that God has given me to help me through these times.

You are never lost and alone because God is always with you if you let him into your heart.

Lost

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There was once a time I felt safe and secure in your love.   When I used to get lost in your eyes, I’m getting lost now in wondering who you are.  For years we’ve lived this wonderful life on the outside appearing to be the most perfect couple, and everyone commented about how much you love me and how perfect our little family was.   Now I’m left wondering if after the dust has settled if we’ll even be a family at all.

I try to be a good person and do the right thing.  I’ve prayed and asked for guidance from God, and for months now I’ve heard:  “Be still …” and so I have.   As I stand in the mist of the storm raging around me, I’m getting knocked around and knocked down.   Yet each time, I get back up and try again.   Each blow that comes leaves me breathless and weak, yet through my tears, I whisper my love for you and what has been lost and know that it can be found again in each other if that is what we truly want.

I feel surrounded by lies, deceit and betrayal, and I don’t know how to get out of this pit.   I run to the far side and scream wondering if anyone hears me, can anyone come rescue me now?   No one answers, and so I run to the opposite end and cry, reaching up with all of my might for someone to hold on to in order to pull me out of this pit of depression that I’ve been living in.

And then as I fall to my knees, crumbling to the ground, as I lay there sobbing, my Jesus wipes away my tears and picks me up into His strong arms to carry me out of the darkness and into the light.  His light.   I don’t have to feel lost any more.  He has found me.   He has rescued me.   When lies fall all around me, He is truth.   When I feel unloved, He wraps me in His unconditional love.

For once I was lost, but now I’m found.

 

 

Sometimes I think God has a great sense of humor

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This may be kind of an odd topic for a post but I have been thinking about this lately.  I was going to share a recent story but as I was writing another came to mind which I would like to share. And yes, I laughed about it; a lot. The story…

It wasn’t until I was in my thirties that my mother decided to let a little tidbit about me and my sister out (many years after my parents’ divorce). My dad is very cheap. He could be the photo for the definition of “frugal” in the dictionary. But he also has dreams of having special things just like anyone else. He had always wanted a boat, but I came along instead. So no boat. Several years later, he wanted a color TV. Instead, my sister came along. So no color TV. So you can say I was supposed to be a boat and my sister was supposed to be a color TV.

A few years into his retirement, dad got his boat. It was a very nice pontoon boat. He invited a number of his friends for the christening of the boat; my sister was there too. I didn’t get invited. In fact I didn’t know he had a boat until several months later. The plan for the day was to go out to the middle of the lake and have a nice relaxing cookout on the boat. My sister was kind of enough to tell me what happened.

Everyone boarded the boat and dad did well at getting the boat headed out to the middle of the lake. He picked a nice spot where he intended to anchor the boat. He went and grabbed the anchor and tossed it into the water. Just as he let go of the anchor he realized that the anchor was not attached to a rope to hold the boat in place.  I was told the look on his face was priceless.

I still get a chuckle out of this as I was supposed be his first boat.

~”the Boat”

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