Light, Love, Hope

We have all encountered them in our lives. Either we’ve dealt with them at work, encountered them amongst our family and friends, or either ~gasps of horror~ we are one! We’re talking about emotional vampires.

You know the kind that never seems to have any thing good to talk about. They open their mouths to speak, and every negative thing imaginable finds its way out! It is as if it rises from the tips of their toes as a river of toxicity overflows out of their mouths!

I made a phone call today just to “check in” with a dear lady. I do love her so much, but she does not ever seem to have any thing good to talk about. Our conversations consists of:

I don’t know why she doesn’t lose some weight. She looks awful.

So and so had surgery. I bet they have their husband waiting on them hand and foot. They’ve always been lazy …

Can you believe he lets his 19 year old son sleep until 2 p.m.? He needs to get a job and be more responsible.

Yea, as if that will ever happen as HE isn’t responsible himself. He’s a grown man and has nothing because he doesn’t want to work either!

Don’t go to the store alone because someone might rape you and kill you.

(Yes, this comes out of her mouth frequently!)

Did I ever tell you back 30 years ago how my mother-in-law treated me? She was just awful to me …

Now tell me, if you encountered this EVERY time you picked up the phone to talk to them or saw them in person … would you be inclined to call often or visit frequently?

It’s draining. Plain and simple. It … is … draining!

I have tried to ask her about good, positive things in her life. I have tried to redirect her when she is in this negative frame of mind. With every negative she says, I will politely let her finish speaking, then I will think of something positive in the situation to focus on instead of joining in on the negatives with my comments.

One day, not too terribly long ago, I asked her if she could change her focus. It would make all of the difference in the world if she would simply focus on a positive every time a negative wanted to creep into her mind. Counter that negative thought with a positive. She just says:

Yea …

~long pause~

Anyway …

She, then, returns to the negative program already in progress.

It’s sad, really, for a person to constantly live in this state of mind.

Her husband has asked her if she can think of anything good to talk about. When they go off riding on back country roads, he says she sits in silence the majority of the time. When asked why, she says that he told her that if she didn’t have anything good to say to not say anything at all … so she took him up on it!

Now … stop laughing … this is serious business here! (Okay, laugh a little, but I promise you this really did happen!)

My point in this entire message today is to be careful what comes out of our mouths. We also need to guard our thoughts.

The enemy would like nothing better than to steal, kill, and destroy. That is his goal. All of those negative thoughts, he put them there. BUT, you do NOT have to focus on them. You can change your focus. It takes hard work, but it IS possible. How do I know? Because I was once like this. My case of the negatives wasn’t quite this severe, thank you God! But, I did not realize just how negative my thoughts and my conversation with others had gotten until one day another very dear friend of mine asked me if there was any good that happens during the course of the day because all I seemed to tell her about was the bad stuff.

Wow!

I hadn’t ever thought about it before. I know our friends are our sounding boards, and they are there to listen when we feel like no one else will. They are there to bounce things off of, and they listen as we rant and rave. We appreciate this so very much, but we should not always focus on this when we speak to them! They want to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly … but they appreciate hearing about the good more … don’t forget that important piece right there! They want to celebrate with you. They want to share in the happiness and the joy you are feeling. Allow them into that part of your life as well. I know when my friend pointed this out to me, I had to stop and deal with myself. I had to purposely strive to share more uplifting and encouraging things in my conversation. You know what happened? When I started doing that, I felt better! I smiled more! I laughed more! I seemed to love more, too! My friends and family got a chance to share in all things that make me happy, and we bonded even more than if I had a venting session with them!

I know things can’t always be sunshine and rainbows. There will be days where we feel less than enthused about greeting the day. There will be days that we’re challenged and feel like things are coming at us from every angle. It takes work to focus on the positives when the negatives so freely flow from us.

Retrain your thoughts!

You CAN do this. I am living proof!

Don’t be an emotional vampire. People will hate to see you coming or will dread answering your phone calls.

Hear me loud and clear on this, please. It is okay to confide in a friend. It is okay to vent as needed. It is okay to share ALL the ill feelings you have if it helps you to feel better. What I’ve found, though, is that the more you rehearse something, the worse you feel! The more energy you put into focusing on the negative, the less you will enjoy life!

Change your thoughts, and you change your world!

Now, if you’re dealing with an emotional vampire in your life that refuses to change … it is okay to put some distance between you. I’m not saying to cut them off completely. Lord knows I am thankful that my dear friend didn’t cut me off when I went in this direction. She was kind enough to gently bring this to my attention. I really had no idea how I sounded until she pointed it out. I am ever so grateful that she did. She brought it to light, and I could, then, change what I focused on and what I talked about.

If you’ve tried with your friends or family, and they will not change, then putting some distance is best. Maybe you’re completely unaffected by their negative conversations. If so, then this post is not for you. If, however, you feel drained after having a conversation with an individual, then you are dealing with an emotional vampire. Don’t feel guilty if you can only tolerate them in small doses. If you are soaring high above the clouds like the eagles when you call them only to feel like a deflated balloon at the end of the conversation, distance is best.

With all of that above, examine yourself, just as I had to do, and answer honestly … are you dealing with … or are you yourself … an emotional vampire?

Again … change your thoughts, and you change your world!

I have been reflecting on this thought today. It’s Spring Time here in the South. When everything seemed to lie dormant during the winter months, now we see beautiful green emerging on the trees. Bradford Pears are displaying their brilliant white colors against the bluest skies. Before too long, Dogwood Trees will start blooming and “Knock Out Roses” will burst forth with vibrant colors. Oh, I love this time of year.

As I walked around my yard this weekend and saw all of the little wild flowers popping through the earth in a variety of purple and yellow hues, I had to take a moment to thank God for allowing us to see the beauty of his creations.

It doesn’t stop there, though.

Standing next to a massive horse brushing her mane, I allow any and every care in the world to escape my thoughts at that moment in time as I soak in the greatness of our Almighty God. How wonderfully powerful He is to have created the smallest of the wild flowers to the monstrous horse standing before me.

I breathe in all of God’s goodness and exhale any stress that has ever tormented my mind and body.

There’s a lot of Spring Cleaning that goes on around this time of year also. People are trying to clear out the clutter and get everything polished up and looking so pretty for the new, warmer season.

Just as God brings life to all things that have appeared lifeless in the winter months, He can bring new life to YOU! Just as the flowers begin to bloom, so can YOU if you allow Him to work a wonder in your life. As the world engages in their Spring Cleaning in preparation of what is to come, so can YOU prepare your heart. He makes ALL things new … including me and you!

How do you handle when someone’s opinion differs from that of your own? Do you blow up and get angry, feeling as if they are refusing to see your side of things? Do you laugh it off and say, “To each their own?” Do you politely agree to disagree while maintaining the friendship?

We are all different people from different walks of life. There will be differences of opinions. I would actually be afraid if someone seemed to agree with everything that I said or did. I would wonder if they were genuine and true. It’s possible, I suppose, that people of like minds would agree on all things, but I feel it is highly unlikely.

I don’t claim to be an expert on relationships, religion, etc., but I do speak my truth. I write from the heart, and I welcome any and all feedback. I prefer it to be positive in nature, but it is okay if it is not as long as the person expressing their opinion is doing so in a respectful manner. I feel that I have seen that on this site, and I applaud you all for this. I appreciate that no one has really torn into me. It means a lot to me that people have been respectful, and we have been able to discuss our different points of view while still fostering community and friendship.

Thank you for respectfully agreeing to disagree.

I love you all!

And please … keep commenting as I LOVE each and every comment that comes in. I actually get so excited when I see comments waiting. I can’t get to them fast enough!

Thank you for taking the time to visit with us. You are always welcome here!

Much love,
Shirley

Light, Love, Hope

Dear Moms,

I know at times you grow weary with all of the diaper changes, feedings, and sleepless nights. I truly do understand. I was there, too! But, I have good news! This, too, shall pass!

Moms, your work is not going unnoticed at this point in time, although it may feel like it. You are working toward a greater goal. You will get there, and one day soon you will see a light at the end of the tunnel! It only gets better and better! I promise!

I absolutely love being a mother to two beautiful girls! My oldest daughter is 17 years old, while my youngest daughter is nine years old.

I’ve been through all of the late night feedings, blow out diaper changes, colic, and RSV (with my youngest being hospitalized with this at just two months old – very scary, I’ll have you know!).

I’ve been through teething, potty training, the biting stage my oldest daughter went through when she was in daycare (yikes!), to same day surgery with my oldest daughter when she had an accident on a slide at the playground.

The child who went down before her hadn’t yet stood up, but decided to do so right as my daughter approached the end of the slide! The top of the child’s head caught my daughter’s chin as she was sliding down to the end while the other child stood up! Believe me, ladies, this is NOT a phone call you want to receive!

“There was an accident, and she’s bleeding …”

Read more of An Open Letter To Weary Moms Everywhere on the City Moms Blog: http://citymomsblog.com/columbiasc/an-open-letter-to-weary-moms-everywhere/

I have felt this topic pulling at my heart over the last week.  It is a message that we all need to hear, and yet it is a sensitive subject, too.

Today I would like to talk about forgiveness!

Now, please hear me out.  Don’t cross your arms and stick your nose in the air refusing to allow anything else that I say speak to your heart.

I know there have been people in this life that have wronged you.  They have hurt you deeply.  Some have mistreated you and disrespected you.  I do understand as I have been on the receiving end of this treatment as well.  It hurts, and we vow that we will stand up for ourselves.  We say that we will never allow this sort of thing to happen again, and we proceed with building huge concrete walls around our hearts so that no one can get to us again.   Because of the damage they’ve done to your heart, you’ve hardened it now and refuse to let anyone in.

Consider this:

All bitterness, anger, and wrath, insult and slander must be removed from you, along with all wickedness.  And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.  Ephesians 4:31-32 HCSB

That is a tall order, but it is something that we are required to do.   I did not say it would be easy, but it is possible.

Oh I know … believe me, I hear you loud and clear.  Someone has wronged you, hurt you or your family members even.  They have done the unspeakable, perhaps.   You sit there asking yourself and staring at the screen right now asking, “How can I possibly forgive them for THIS?”!   Or you’re saying, “Shirley, you just don’t KNOW what they’ve done to me!”  No, I don’t know all of the details, but I do know this.  God will help you forgive if you ask Him to.

No where in here am I saying that the offense done to you is okay.  No where am I saying that what they did was right by any means.  I’m not excusing or condoning their behavior or mistreatment in any way, shape, or form.

When I speak of forgiveness, it’s from my own experience.  Having an unforgiving heart and an unforgiving spirit does nothing to the person that you’re holding the grudge against.  They are going on with their lives not giving your hurt feelings or wounded heart a second thought.  You, on the other hand, are torn up inside by all of this.  You have trouble sleeping because those thoughts are there when you lay down at night.  They are with  you throughout the day whether you’re at work or at play.  It torments you, and it sours your heart and outlook on life.  You fixate on the injustice.  You play it over and over again in your mind.

What good is any of this doing?   Dear one, you are only hurting yourself!

I am not asking you to forget what has happened.  I am not even suggesting that you become the best of friends with this person.  All I am saying is that having an unforgiving heart will imprison YOU!

Forgiveness is never an easy task.  It is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do if your heart has been injured!

By not forgiving, by not letting wrongs go, we aren’t getting back at anyone.  We are merely punishing ourselves by barricading our own hearts. ~Jim Cymbala

How can you forgive when the offense is so great?  With the help of God above!

That is the only way that you will ever overcome these feelings of bitterness, resentment, and hatred.   Ask God to remove all of this, including the animosity you are feeling toward this person.  If you allow Him to, God will help you overcome and ultimately forgive so that this does not continue to consume you.

There are friendships right now on the rocks.  Something happened, someone did this or that, someone misunderstood, someone felt pushed to “talk it out” when the other had nothing further to say, etc.  There are also families torn apart by refusing to forgive their brother or sister, even mothers and daughters refusing to offer forgiveness, as well as fathers and sons.  There are relationships being ripped to shreds all because people will not forgive one another.

Who suffers more?  The person that harbors unforgiveness in their heart?  Or the person that has gone on with their lives and has let go of ill feelings?    It’s painfully obvious here who is imprisoned.   You don’t have to live like this any more.  Ask God to help you.   I promise you that He will.

Hear me loud and clear on this one.  You do not have to continue to associate with people that have wronged you.  It is okay to have boundaries in your life.  I am not suggesting that you forgive and forget, carrying on with this person in the same fashion, allowing them the opportunity to do this again to you.  No, I am suggesting that YOU are the one that barricaded your own heart due to their offense.  You are suffering greatly and would benefit from letting God work a miracle in your heart by releasing the bitterness, resentment, and hatred that you have been carrying around for way too long.  Release it and you release yourself as the prisoner that you’ve held hostage for so long.

Tear down those walls that you’ve built up.  Remove the barricades around your heart.  By forgiving, you release yourself!

Will you prayerfully consider making a list of people that you are harboring ill feelings toward?  Will you ask God to help you in this area?   If you need someone to pray with you, I will be glad to pray with you.   Just please don’t carry this around with you another day.

We are guest posting on a friend’s blog today about all things Mom (her link to this post is here at Sidetracked Sarah). I used this picture previously during a Moms4Moms Movement day, and now here is the post that ties the two together:

Recently I participated with the Moms4Moms movement on Facebook. This day was set aside for bloggers in our area to come together in agreement that Moms need support. Period! Whether you are a mom that works outside of the home, or whether you’re a stay-at-home-mom, support and encouragement are always needed and are definitely welcome on both sides! The same is needed for breast feeding vs. bottle feeding moms, and those that chose co-sleeping or those that did not. The list goes on and on, but the whole point behind this day was to honor Moms everywhere by simply offering support, encouragement, and love to other mothers!

I know … I know! Everyone has an opinion on all of these topics and more. That’s all well and good as we are all free to choose what works and what is best for OUR family. Let’s focus more on loving and less on tearing other people’s choices down. What works for one simply may not work for others. But, it works beautifully in their family, and that is what matters most! The family is thriving, and they are happy. Ultimately, that is the goal of every mother!

Consider the following if you’re ever tempted to judge how another mother chooses to parent. Think of the struggling single mother going through a divorce that she did not want but is forced to face. Think of this mom having to leave her beautiful baby girl in the care of others while she worked long days to support her little one. While her heart and soul longed to be with her precious baby, it just was not in the cards for her as she had to work to put food on the table and to keep a roof over her little one’s head. This mother doesn’t need blank stares or for you to look down your nose at her. What she truly needs is an understanding heart and someone that will give her a much needed hug every now and then. She tries so hard to keep it together every single day never allowing herself to focus too long at the situation because in doing so, she would crumble. Instead, she chooses to move forward, doing the best that she can for her little girl. Although she’s worn out at the end of the day, she eagerly leaves her job, rushes to the daycare center where she is greeted by a warm smile and huge hug from her baby girl. She takes her home and they spend so much quality time together in the evenings and on weekends, and then as the work week begins, she is forced to do it all over again.

Consider the following, too, on the other side. Think of the stay-at-home-mom that is judged for being lazy and doing nothing all day. What you don’t see going on behind her four walls are the endless hours that her baby cries because he has colic. What you don’t see are the sleepless nights, the days she struggles to make it through all alone caring for her little one every minute of the day. Consider all of the diapers that she changes during the course of the day. Consider all of the feedings, the many times she is spit up on, and yet again another seemingly endless cycle rocking the little baby, trying to console the little one by doing everything in her power, yet nothing seems to work. Is that “doing nothing all day?” Is that “being lazy?” Certainly not!

Now think of the mother that so desperately wanted to breast feed, but she was unable to do so. Her milk supply just wasn’t sufficient, and she was forced to bottle feed. Oh, before you judge and rant about how “breast is best,” have you considered the possibility that she wanted to, yet couldn’t?

There are plenty of ways that mothers tear into each other on a daily basis. There are plenty of reasons NOT to as well. No matter which side of the argument you’re on in the above mentioned scenarios, I’m sure we can all agree that Mothers need love, support, and encouragement. Who better to do this than other Mothers?

There is so much judgment in the world today. We feel bad enough about ourselves as it is without the world tearing us down. Don’t add to it by ripping each other to shreds. Join hands with the mother on the other side of your choices and stand as a united front. We are all Mothers! And that is our greatest “Super power!”

Let’s encourage each other more!  Please also visit Holley Gerth for her weekly “link up” on Wednesdays where tons of encouragement is shared!

There are several verses in the Bible that remind us that there is such power in the tongue. A few of those are as follows:

Matthew 12:36-37 ESV
I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Proverbs 21:23 ESV
Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Proverbs 18:21 ESV
Death and life are in the power of the tongue …

Recently, my family and I have witnessed people tearing others down with their words as well as others who used their words to, instead, build others up. Which type of person would you like to be around? Which type of person are YOU?More