Light, Love, Hope

In our line of work, we can’t take the pain away from people when they lose a loved one.  What we can do is offer some form of comfort for them.  We try so hard to assist them with their funeral planning, providing videos of their loved ones as a lasting memorial, and printing programs for the service.  A lot of times people save those as little keepsakes.  Frankly, it is our job to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible on the actual day of the service.  Leading up to it, though, we offer a listening ear and shoulder to cry on.  We think of the little details so the families don’t have to.

Some families have everything already lined up in a pre-need, so the wishes of their loved one was made known prior to their passing.  It does make things flow a little better when this happens, as hard decisions do not have to be made.  The person already made those for their family.  It is easy when pre-planning is involved.  However, a lot of times, other people can’t fathom the thought of planning their own funeral.  That was ME prior to my employment here!

I’ll never forget my very own grandmother even going so far as to have her bronze foot marker ordered and installed at the cemetery!

I was just a little girl, having just lost her great-grandmother, strolling through the cemetery when I saw it.  My grandmother’s name … what?  How could this be?  She was alive and well … WHY was this stone there?!  Tears began to fill my eyes, and my grandmother realized what was happening.  She walked over and put her arms around me in an effort to comfort my little heart that broke when I saw her name in the cemetery.  She smiled and said I would understand “one day …” and although I didn’t believe her at that time, I do now!

There have been many times I’ve comforted people right in my very own office at work, too.  When they come to me, they think they are ready to take the final step in the process; ordering a grave headstone or foot stone.  I’ve sat there offering not just tissues to these families but hugs when they are falling apart in front of me.  I will be honest and admit that I’m so tender hearted that I’ve teared up with these families at times.  It would take an incredibly cold hearted person to remain unaffected in this line of work.  I’m not that person.  In fact, I think I’m better suited for this position since I do have compassion for people and want to help ease their pain in some way.

It is rare that you get the opportunity to comfort people while you work.  But that is what we’re here for more than anything else; providing comfort in the most difficult of times.

My boss walked over to my desk the other day to find my website open.  We weren’t particularly busy that day, so he didn’t mind me writing at all.  He was simply inquiring as to what the page was that I was on.  I hesitated a moment, then I admitted that it was my website.  Well … mine and Greg’s.  I corrected the words just as they escaped my lips, as Greg writes occasionally, too.  This sparked curiosity in my boss, and he probed a little bit more.  He wanted to know what our website was about and how I got started with it.

I could feel myself tense up a little as I prepared to answer him.

I felt like I was opening myself up and becoming so vulnerable at that very moment in time.

But I sighed to release the anxiety I was creating in myself for fear of his judgement … and I started to explain.

Our website came about several years ago due to Greg encouraging me to write again.  You see, I enjoyed writing poetry and words of love so many years ago that I’ve lost count.  I would pour myself into what I was writing, concerning myself not with whether I was actually any good or not but with simply getting the words out.

Then tragedy struck.

My sister was snatched away from my life in the worst possible way.  My world shattered and crashed around my feet on July 9, 2001.  I lost my best friend.  My lunch companion.  My link to childhood memories.  The one person I felt I could count on in this life.

And I lost a huge piece of myself the day she died.

My desire to write became nonexistent.  No words could be found.  I could barely breathe or go from one minute to the next; writing fell by the wayside.

Until …

Greg offered his assistance in providing this outlet for me.  A form of therapy, if you will, was presented with the ability for me to write out my thoughts and feelings as they came.

All of those thoughts swirled in my head, but instead, I gave the short version answer to my boss …

Light Love Hope was born out of such a heartbreaking situation, in an effort to help … even if it’s just one person.  It’s an outlet for my struggles and my triumphs, but it’s so much more than that.  It’s letting people know that they are not alone.   I write to provide hope to people that are struggling, and I try to encourage.

My boss was surprised, but he was so supportive.  It’s a form of a ministry, in a sense.  And I take great pride in “my baby.”  He actually encouraged me to keep writing!

So … here I am, trying desperately to catch up on the prompt words provided for the Write 31 Day Challenge!   🙂

Every single one of us has a longing in our hearts to belong.  Whether you claim to be a “loner” or feel you’re an outgoing person that is the life of the party, deep down within all of us is a desire to be accepted for who we are.

Walking into a room full of people that you don’t know is quite intimidating.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a party, or if you’re going into a restaurant.  You feel you will be judged, because sadly, you have been on the receiving end of this far too many times.  Yet, what if the people on the other side of those doors welcomed you with open arms?  They are certainly supposed to when you enter a church, but that hasn’t always been the case for me and my family.  Feeling welcomed and as if you belong should never be in question when you walk through the doors of a church, but often times, those very people in those pews will look at you with judgement in their eyes.  They won’t include you into their little groups no matter what, but then you know that isn’t the church for you.  And you move on.

My daughter – 14 years old and full of beauty, from her long hair to her smile that could light up a room – was afraid to walk into a room yesterday and asked me to go with her.  She’s some where between a woman and a child.  And at that moment, this child needed her mother to walk in with her and show her that the people weren’t scary after all.  Now, they weren’t over excited that we were there, and they didn’t greet us with a smile.  They really just looked at us as we glanced around at the baked goods on the table that they had for sale.  We were picking up food from a fundraiser and thought we’d sneak a peek at the goodies.  While it was just a small room with three little old ladies inside, it was intimidating to my daughter.  She didn’t know what to expect, and neither did I really.  But we went in anyway hoping for the best.  It wasn’t anything spectacular, but we picked out our goodies and left the building.  The people weren’t mean.  They weren’t overfriendly either.  But, I think she discovered that her fear was not justified.  The little old ladies weren’t a threat to her after all.

Honestly … in life, that is all you can do is hope for the best in every situation we’re faced with.  Face it.  Don’t fear it!

But if you want to have a sense of belonging, you should also work harder on including people into your circle.  It isn’t one sided, you know.   What I do when I go into a room like that now is make eye contact with the people and smile.  Hopefully they will smile back as we say hello and we both have a pleasant experience.  But if you walk into the room unwilling to make eye contact or speak … that doesn’t give the people in the room a nice warm feeling of you either.  It truly goes both ways.

When was the last time you included someone in your plans that you normally wouldn’t?  Have you invited people to attend a function with you or just come into the quiet of your home and enjoy a cup of coffee and good conversation?

I’m trying to teach my daughter to not fear the people she encounters, like in the room with the baked goods.  I’m also trying to teach her to include others and be welcoming, herself.  It feels good to be accepted, and it also feels good to invite others in.  Be that person.   In inviting, you also open yourself to rejection.  I know.  But that isn’t on you – all you can do is invite.  It is up to others if they actually take you up on it.