Light, Love, Hope

When times get tough, you often ask yourself how you will get through it.  How will you survive when you feel tossed around by the seas, feeling threatened by the large swells around your boat, and fearing that at any moment your boat will take on water and sink?!

That is one thing about life; it will challenge you.

If you feel your life is dull, just wait a minute and something will happen to shake things up.  It’s almost as unpredictable as the weather at times!

How I dealt with it recently was with a long weekend getaway with my youngest daughter and my best friend in the entire world.   Greg, my friend of 20 years, offered an escape for us, and we took it!  Not only did this allow us to escape the storms in our lives, it allowed us to just … be.

He whisked us away on a plane from South Carolina to Illinois.  Our goal was to be stress free and enjoy spending time with Greg and his precious aunt.

Ah, the simple life.

And it felt SOOOO GOOD!

We arrived on a Thursday, to find Greg had provided us with a superb and spacious apartment style hotel room for our weekend getaway.  He stocked the refrigerator before our arrival, and even provided mints for our pillows (which gave us a chuckle).

Knowing me as well as he does, he had everything planned out on all of the adventures we would take while we were there.  And pampering was on the agenda that weekend, too – yes, Lord!

He wined us (okay, so it was actually Coke Zero, Mountain Dew, and water), dined us (I’m still stuffed and need to lose a few pounds from our trip!), and made us feel like a queen and a little princess (have I mentioned the deep tissue massage yet?)!

He provided entertainment in the car, with Sirius XM available for my listening pleasure, to full on carpool karaoke!

We laughed and had the best time!

And we had dinner with his sweet aunt and game night!  That is one of our favorites, when we gather around the table to play game, after game, after game.  We laughed … we harassed each other when we got the answers wrong, and even made a running joke (Ben Affleck, eh, Greg? – inside joke).

We had such good time with wonderful friends that are more like family.  We are forever indebted to Greg, and thank him for the hospitality he offered to us on this trip.

Oh, and we entertained his coworkers with our “Southern Accent,” which I still to this day do not even remotely think I even HAVE an accent at all!

So how will you get through hard times?  By surrounding yourself with friends who love you and help lighten your load!

This summer, my oldest daughter had the opportunity to attend a musical event where multiple concerts are held throughout the day.  She has always loved attending these events, but this year was something special.  Not only did she attend, but she was part of the “staff” with an organization she feels so strongly about; Hope For The Day.

My daughter has long desired to help those in need, often times putting her own wellbeing aside to help her friends.  She’s struggled with her own issues in the past, and she feels that allows her to help those in need as well since she’s been right where they are and felt some of those same feelings.  She’s come out on the other side not just surviving but THRIVING!

Her mission, like others with Hope For The Day, is to let people know that it is okay NOT to be okay!

Mental Health Day was October 10, 2018.  It was announced on the radio as I was getting dressed for work that morning.  I paused for a moment to appreciate that mental health is in the news and that help is available for those who suffer.  I have family and friends that have gone through hell and back while dealing with a mental illness.  Back when we first started going through this in the late 70s and early 80s (yes, I’m that old), no one really knew much about it because it wasn’t talked about.  It was as if it was something to be shameful of if one did present with a mental illness.  But shame is not something that needs to be felt or shouldered as a burden when it is discovered that someone has a mental illness.

You wouldn’t shun someone if they were diabetic, so why shun someone with a mental illness?  You shouldn’t!

I do realize that people with an untreated mental illness will wreak havoc on everyone around them.  This happened in my very own family until my mother was officially diagnosed and put on the right medicine when I was a child.  It’s happened, sadly, all these years later now that my very own husband has been diagnosed as Bi-polar.  He’s on medicine now and receiving counseling weekly, so we’re hopeful, whereas before we were not exactly sure if we’d make it when things were spiraling out of control with him.  Having endured all that I did as a child watching my mother go through this and having many friends go through it, still nothing prepared me for having a spouse with it!  But, here we are, trying to make it through and stay together, if possible.  I’m not going to lie to you.  It has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with.  There is no escaping it when you’re a child born into it or a spouse of someone with it.  If it’s a friend, you can put distance between you once you see that nothing you say will make a difference anyway.  Try as you may, you simply cannot convince your friend to stay on the medicine the doctor has prescribed.  Been there, done that with about FOUR different friends.  I’ve actually asked myself, and my father, WHY must I endure this with family and friends, AND NOW MY HUSBAND?!  No answers are to be found, of course, but it doesn’t stop me from asking the question!

Here’s the thing.  There’s treatment for this condition – you don’t have to suffer alone.  You don’t have to put your family through hell, either.  What you do have to do is SEEK HELP!    Make the appointment!   Go see a doctor that specializes in the field.  They will diagnose you and treat you for this condition so that you can lead a normal life.  Your family will THANK you for it when you do!  When the medicine is in your system and you’re on an even keel … life will be wonderful once again!  It’s when you spiral up and down that it causes problems, so you just need something to even out the chemical imbalance in the brain.

And there’s no shame in it!!  NONE!

What you’re going through might inspire someone else when you finally seek help and receive treatment.  Others might be on the outside looking in and see themselves in what you’ve gone through.  And, when they see you living your life and no longer feeling helpless and hopeless, they will want to seek treatment, too!   You will inspire others to seek help and pursue treatment so they can live their best lives, too!

It’s okay NOT to be okay.  

What’s NOT okay is to continue to live in this and wreak havoc on your loved ones.

Please … get help.  And embrace life once you’re on the right path with counseling and medicines to treat the condition!

In our line of work, we can’t take the pain away from people when they lose a loved one.  What we can do is offer some form of comfort for them.  We try so hard to assist them with their funeral planning, providing videos of their loved ones as a lasting memorial, and printing programs for the service.  A lot of times people save those as little keepsakes.  Frankly, it is our job to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible on the actual day of the service.  Leading up to it, though, we offer a listening ear and shoulder to cry on.  We think of the little details so the families don’t have to.

Some families have everything already lined up in a pre-need, so the wishes of their loved one was made known prior to their passing.  It does make things flow a little better when this happens, as hard decisions do not have to be made.  The person already made those for their family.  It is easy when pre-planning is involved.  However, a lot of times, other people can’t fathom the thought of planning their own funeral.  That was ME prior to my employment here!

I’ll never forget my very own grandmother even going so far as to have her bronze foot marker ordered and installed at the cemetery!

I was just a little girl, having just lost her great-grandmother, strolling through the cemetery when I saw it.  My grandmother’s name … what?  How could this be?  She was alive and well … WHY was this stone there?!  Tears began to fill my eyes, and my grandmother realized what was happening.  She walked over and put her arms around me in an effort to comfort my little heart that broke when I saw her name in the cemetery.  She smiled and said I would understand “one day …” and although I didn’t believe her at that time, I do now!

There have been many times I’ve comforted people right in my very own office at work, too.  When they come to me, they think they are ready to take the final step in the process; ordering a grave headstone or foot stone.  I’ve sat there offering not just tissues to these families but hugs when they are falling apart in front of me.  I will be honest and admit that I’m so tender hearted that I’ve teared up with these families at times.  It would take an incredibly cold hearted person to remain unaffected in this line of work.  I’m not that person.  In fact, I think I’m better suited for this position since I do have compassion for people and want to help ease their pain in some way.

It is rare that you get the opportunity to comfort people while you work.  But that is what we’re here for more than anything else; providing comfort in the most difficult of times.