How self-aware are you?  I mean, really?

If someone walked up to you and asked this question, how would you respond:

“What is your greatest strength and greatest weakness?”

We’re not talking job interview answers.  Dig deeper than that.

Be honest with yourself, and answer the question.

I’ll go first.

I think my greatest strength is the love, care, concern, and compassion I have for others.  It isn’t just contained to the human race either.  All of these wonderful strengths extend to animals as well.  Whether it’s my 15 hand-high horse or my two pound Teacup Yorkie, my love is real, true, and deep.

There.  That was easy enough.  Now comes the hard part!

It’s so easy to talk about the good things about ourselves, but what about our weaknesses?  That’s a hard one because no one wants to admit that we’re weak in an area, and the last thing we want to do is reveal this weakness to others.

Yet, I have come to realize that my greatest weakness is the amount of time I invest in people who abuse the love I have in my heart for them.  For some strange reason, I don’t give up too easily on people.  Others would run screaming in the opposite direction any time drama starts to happen; drama that they know the individuals are creating themselves.  It is like a vaccum and sucks people in at first as they don’t realize what’s happening, and a small part of them wants to save or fix the person doing all of this.  We believe in our hearts that these people are better than the behavior they are exhibiting, and we think that our love will save them.  However, it soon becomes clear that we cannot save them from themselves!

In reality, I am no one’s savior.  I realize that I can love them through every drama filled moment, reeling them back in each time, and yet it will happen again, and again, and again. It isn’t so much that I’m “allowing” it to happen, though.  Sadly, people will often view it as such.   However, when you find out they are sick, as in a real diagnosis has been handed down, you still hang in there trying to help.  It’s harder to distance yourself when the person is a spouse and you have children together.  Maybe that will make people view it in the light that it should have been viewed in all along.

For me, my self-awareness brings my strengths and weaknesses together.  One leads directly into the other.  I care.  I love.  I extend compassion and concern.  And I and my feelings get trampled on by lies, deceit, and betrayal that goes along with their diagnosis.  It’s NOT fair to me or the children.

So yes, I am completely aware and yet find myself unable to stop the cycle.  I care, therefore I am stuck.  Yet, with each time this happens, a little bit of madness creeps in until one day, I will be able to take all the bricks that have been thrown at me to build a wall around my heart where that person is concerned.  And Lord help them when that day comes.