There is a new CD out by Taylor Swift that we just purchased entitled 1989.   This was a good year for me, as it was the year that I graduated from high school.  I was a small town girl with big hopes and dreams going out into the cruel world.  And it has been just that … cruel.  My daughter is coming up on her 18th birthday, and pretty soon she, too, will be graduating from high school going out into the cruel world.  The thought of it makes me sad … sad because she has grown up way too fast but also sad in that she will know too soon the sorrow and pain that come with growing up and leaving the nest.  Whether it’s off to college or off to work, or a mixture of both, I know that I can no longer shelter her or protect her as I have tried so hard to do up to this point.

On Taylor’s new CD is a song called All You Had To Do Was Stay.  It talks of a love gone wrong where the man said, “Goodbye.”  Taylor reminds him in the lyrics of her song, “This is what you wanted …” and says repeatedly, “All you had to do was … stay.”

Why is it so hard to do just that?  I’m not referring to my daughter going off to college or out into the work force – she has a bright future ahead of her, and I want her to spread her wings to fly!  She has her whole life ahead of her, and I am very excited to see where her path will take her.  I am speaking more of “love” … “romance” … all of that jazz.  Why is it so hard for people to commit to each other in this day and age and STAY together?  Why is the answer to always … leave?  It also happens with friendships as well.

I have had my fair share of heartaches and pain in this life.  I have had people come into my life and leave again.  I have had people threaten to leave.  I have had people pack their bags and head out the door.  In the past, I have asked them to come back … I have even asked them not to leave when they went to attempt to leave once more after they had returned twice already.  Now when the threat looms of someone abandoning me, I just simply say, “Oh … you’re leaving again …” and continue what I’m doing.  Why get upset?  If someone wants to leave me, LET THEM!  There’s the door, sweetheart!  Whether it’s my husband who has been struggling with his own demons after uncovering his secret life and addiction, or whether it’s friends that no longer wish to be around … go!  There’s the door.  I wish you all well on your path in life, even if I’m not a part of it.

This is me saying that I will no longer beg any one to stay in my life.  Period.  If you want to be a part of it, then stop doing things that strip away my sense of security, stability, and safety and that of my children.  I don’t care who you are, threatening to leave or leaving is abandoning us … it is abandonment, plain and simple.

So go … once and for all … GO, if that is your wish!

Just remember … this is what you wanted … when all you had to do was … stay.

What gets me is that they, then, want to turn it around on you … YOU are now the bad guy.   Why?  Because you no longer crumble at the thought of them not being a part of your life.  You have come to the realization that they truly don’t wish to be a part of your present or future, so you’ve accepted it and are waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Go ahead.

Lay it on me.

I’m ready.

BRING IT!

Can you deal with the consequences of your actions? You have taken a loyal and dedicated person who would have done anything for you and through your actions and the way you’ve mistreated them, they just don’t give a good gosh darn any more.

Are you proud of yourself?

Think before you speak of leaving … think before you reach for your bag and walk out the door just because you’re angry at the moment.   Your anger and addictions are destroying our family.

Think before you take your friendship and go home.  Especially at a time when you KNOW we need you the most.

This is not a revolving door … not to my house … not to my heart … and not to my children’s hearts either.

Stay and be a better husband, friend, whatever role you have in our lives … or leave and watch us thrive … because we will.  With or without you.  We will.